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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Why the pressure to give up breastfeeding?

52 replies

Gangle · 26/01/2009 22:14

I'm sure this has been asked a million times but why do people, even other mums, make you feel like you should have stop breastfeeding after around 6 months? DS is 10 months and still going strong. He never took to the bottle and seems to get so much enjoyment from feeding, plus I love the cuddles - it's pretty much the only time I get to sit down all day. We're (almost) down to only one night feed (have read about teeth rot so trying to stop him nipping all night) but otherwise happy for it to continue for as long he wants really. Other people just look horrified when they find out you're breastfeeding s baby with teeth!

OP posts:

Maria2007 · 27/01/2009 16:03

Chandellina, very true, it definitely goes both ways. When I started giving my boy a bottle of formula a day (and at times more than that) I got a lot of pressure from BF purists about this (I have to say, on MN too)... the thing is, pressure of this kind- on such a sensitive, personal topic- is really unwelcome & creates a kind of awkwardness, where it becomes hard to openly discuss one's choices, difficulties, wishes etc.

Bubbaluv · 27/01/2009 16:08

My experience was like yours Chandellina. Are you in London? Seems to me from previous threads that London (particularly the more affluent areas) really bucks the trend re attitudes to bf.

Maria2007 · 27/01/2009 16:17

yeah, london probably does...

goingnowherefast · 27/01/2009 16:23

My DD is almost 9 months and after an awful experience for the first few months we are still bfing, it got easier at around 4 months I think. I was pressured to stop from the word go, because people thought I was being a martyr trying to carry on through all my problems.
Now DD is this old I get a lot of comments, even from my NCT group who have stopped apart from one who is still bfing morning and night. MIL asked if I was going to wean her at a year, I said no probably not.. she didn't say anything, so I mentioned about the health benefits of feeding an older baby but I'm not sure if she believed me!

SweetEm · 27/01/2009 16:23

I agree with Maria2007 - why do people assume you'll give up (or pressurise you to give up) just when breastfeeding gets so easy? We're still going at 10mths, but it is fairly common round here.

Maria2007 · 27/01/2009 16:26

I particularly hate the question 'how is the breastfeeding going', when it comes from people who I know for a fact are basically against bf at 6 months & after. Would they be asking 'how is the bottlefeeding going'? I always have the feeling they expect me to say 'oh, yes, I've started to cut down on the breastfeeding'

OMaLittle · 27/01/2009 16:33

it's the fact that it's always couched in negativity that gets me: 'you're not still breastfeeding, are you?'

Horton · 27/01/2009 17:13

I stopped at 14 months (only one DD) when my baby self-weaned and although I sort of wanted to stop in some ways, I was also sad to see it go. Before I had her, when I was pregnant, a childless friend said to me (about another friend) "She's STILL feeding X at 18 months. Are you going to do that?" and my immediate reaction was "NO, of course not!"

But actually, once I'd done it for a bit, I really couldn't see a reason to stop. It was really only that DD just didn't need it or want it any more. I'd absolutely do the same for another child. Also, I wanted to get pregnant again (hasn't worked yet, unfortunately), otherwise I might have persisted a bit more than I did. She never bit me or anything like that (can totally see why that puts some people off!) so there was really no reason to stop apart from to go along with what she wanted.

Horton · 27/01/2009 17:14

And I hated all the negative questions, which started practically at birth (yes, in-laws, I'm looking at you). It is really sad that people feel the need to undermine a happy and mutually beneficial thing in this way.

FairyLightsForever · 27/01/2009 22:41

My XMIL started asking when I was giving up BF when DD was 5 months old. She then asked almost every time we saw her until DD was nearly 1, when she finally accepted that I would be continuing until DD was at least 2. DD is now approaching 22 months and the last time I saw her she said "So you'll be giving up BF soon then..."
I have decided that I'm just not going to feed in front of her anymore in the hopes that she'll just assume we've stopped. I hope we can keep going until DD self weans, we've come this far...

Caz10 · 27/01/2009 22:50

I was so recently - only have one friend who bf, she stopped at 8mths when she went back to a job with long/akward hrs, but I always viewed her as a "supporter". I am still feeding dd at 13mths and hope that she self weans. We were discussing a 3rd friend, and I relayed a story where 3rd friend's dh had said that he thought the bf-ing had mainly been for his wife's benefit ([hmmm]) after 12mths. I expected the 1st friend to join in me in the general twat/plonker remarks after that but she said "well it really is all about the woman at that age isn't it?"
I was so upset I didn't say anything - she was my last rl bf support other than dh and even she thinks I am a weirdo!
I am ashamed to say I try to avoid feeding in public now

bubbleymummy · 28/01/2009 09:04

Caz- I got that comment too - from my HV!! In her expert opinion mums who fed babies past a year were just doing it for themselves. Sigh...it will take a while to change people's opinions I think - one at a time ladies! We'll get there!

wastingmyeducation · 28/01/2009 09:15

That's what the Baby Whisperer says, which may be where they get it from.

tittybangbang · 28/01/2009 13:31

Well - even if that was the case, why the bloody hell shouldn't we have some reward for all the hard (and painful) work we put in at the beginning!

Seriously though - do they think babies of this age don't want to breastfeed any more?

notcitrus · 28/01/2009 13:37

I think part of it is that 'wean' means two things, to introduce solid food, but also to stop breastfeeding ie 'wean off the breast'. So when you're told to wean at 6 months, people think they're supposed to cut down on the breastfeeding.

Don't know how long I'll bf for - A is 19 weeks and 98% breastfed, and thriving, but I'm not particularly crazy about bf and would be nice not to have to do it so often. I'll keep going to at least 6 months - just had my MMR so want to get those antibodies into him! - but probably cut down a bit then. Or maybe not - the day-by-day approach has got me this far, so we'll see.

williamsmummy · 28/01/2009 13:40

formula is such hard work.
well, for me , as I hate washing up.

its easy to comfort a child with a nice warm booby.

I fed first for 12 months,
second 13 months
third for 18 months
fourth for 2 1/2 years.

the early months are draining, and would be if I was bottle feeding.
infants are hard work.

just think of all the money i have saved!!!

shame my boobs are droopy now.....................

ignore all advice , except those you agree with.
stick to what suits you, the baby years are swift and short.

soon they will be hungry teens eating you out of house and home!!

Balthamos · 29/01/2009 00:13

Willamsmummy, I totally agree with you about how easy it is to comfort a child with some nice breast milk. I often wonder how I would comfort her without it.

I also wonder what kind of mother I would be if I wasn't/hadn't bf. I don't mean that I would have been a bad mother - so please don't anyone read that in a negative light - I just think I would have been a very different mother in that I would have put DD to sleep differently (and I?m sure I would have had more sleep?), I would have comforted her differently, I don't think we would have co-slept etc etc. Lots of thing would have been different.

It is super sad that people don't 'get' extended bfing. I think what astrophe said is true, quite a few people are threatened by extended bfing, which is really sad. And quite a few people see it as something sexualised which is tragic. So, as a result, it makes them uncomfortable and they want us to stop.

mawbroon · 29/01/2009 09:42

I often wonder that too Balthamos.

Over the years, I have found nothing that can't be cured for ds with a breastfeed.

Oh, except the time he was howling for no apparent reason and nothing was calming him down. Then I found a nappy nippa inside his nappy which must have been rather sore on his boyhood.

CherryChoc · 29/01/2009 14:19

I get really angry at the "Bitty" thing. But then I find most of the Little Britain sketches show poor understanding and bad taste - my DP thinks it is hilarious.

I went to NCT classes which included a breastfeeding workshop, there were 7 of us in the class and although all of us intended to breastfeed, only me and one other are exclusively breastfeeding still at 4 months.

Ouch mawbroon!

rollercoaster1 · 29/01/2009 19:52

if I had a pound for every time I have been asked how much longer Im going to BF my 4 MO,id be a wealthy woman! He is my first baby and I knew I wanted to BF but totally appreciate its a very personal thing. If it hadnt worked out for me, Id have been fine putting him on formula. As it happens I love it and hes thriving but everyone I meet - friends, family, aunts cousins, all mums themselves keep saying "you should give him a bottle, at least you'd know how much hes getting" or" shouldnt you be weaning him soon, he looks hungry" or " he'll be getting teeth soon, better get him on a bottle quick". Im in no rush to put him on a bottle but Im feeling more and more pressure. So I wake 3 or 4 times a night and demand feed - thats my choice - Im sleep deprived! Not them!! Luckily I have 2 BF friends who are keeping me sane and a very supportive DH.

wastingmyeducation · 30/01/2009 08:43

You stick with it rollercoaster1, I was up loads in the night when DS was that age, but it got so much easier.

Sweetie34 · 30/01/2009 08:56

Hi gangle and Others,

I breastfed my DD until she was over 2yrs 4 months old. i too got the comments taht she was too old and was treated like it was disgusting. I ignored everryone and continued to do what was best for myseld and teh baby.

The only reason I eventually gave up was that I got pregnant again and wanted to ensure she was happy to be off the boob before the new one came along. She still likes to stroke me for comfort, and that to me is a healthy connection.

Ignore everyone else - each to their own!!

kathryn2804 · 30/01/2009 09:14

My OH actually mentioned that his friend had read somewhere that some women get a sort of orgasm feeling when they feed, and asked whether that was why I was still breastfeeding past 1 yr when I had originally said 6 mths!!

I was a mite narked by that remark!

Why do women give up just as it becomes easier? I was talking to a friend who breastfed until 7 mths and she said she didn't really enjoy it at all and found it all a hassle and couldn't understand why I had said I enjoyed feeding. I was quite surprised at this, and then thought about it and realised that I hadn't really started to enjoy breastfeeding until babies were about 6 mths! And she had missed out on that stage all together, what a shame for her!

Bubbaluv · 30/01/2009 11:13

Kathryn, I hated that feeling - certainly was more of a negative for me than a positive. Can't imagine women actually continue feeding becuase they are getting their jollies out of it! I wonder if your OH's friend got the wrong end of the stick re what he read?

ChairmumMiaow · 30/01/2009 13:17

DS and another baby from our group both have a really nasty virus. The other baby is eating nothing (FF since 10mo), but DS has about 20 small feeds a day...

12mo DS dropped some feeds at xmas, and for a while I was happy to not be feeding in the day. He picked them back up though (andstopped the biting!).

We have been ignored while feeding at groups since about 9mo but after getting some new mums at baby group, one in particular who has switched to formula at 3mo, afaict, because she thinks she 'should' so I now make a point of offering him a feed there (after his snacks) so people can see how normal it is. now i just need to start conversations while I'm doing it so they can't ignore me :-)

I just hope I'll give someone else the courage to keep going :-)

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