Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

What are your funny experiences of bfing?

57 replies

CharCharGabor · 04/01/2009 14:54

My dad bought me some art materials for Christmas and I thought I might do some funny caricatures about bfing. For my own amusement you understand What have your funny experiences been? TIA

OP posts:
BlueSapphire77 · 04/01/2009 15:00

Forgetting breast pads once when went out shopping, DS started wailing like a banshee.. milk spurting out all over the place.. i looked like i'd gone for a wet t-shirt competition and it was summer as well so no coat to put over the mess
How embarrassing!

whingeomatic · 04/01/2009 15:03

when dd was 4wks old I popped in to the office to see my boss.

Predictably she needed feeding so my boss said I could use the office next door (which happened to belong to one of the companies v senior managers who is a complete git...)

DD decided to pull off my breast part-way through resulting in a mega-spurt across the git's desk with a particularly comprehensive spray over his prize photo of himself & Nelson Mandela!!

Just about got cleaned up in time for his return from lunch (although part of me would have liked to see his face when he saw Mr Mandela's milkbeard )

Still makes me chuckle now [saddo emoticon]

pagwatch · 04/01/2009 15:08

I was breast feeding at the Oval when England were playing South Africa. Everyone when crazy when we took a wicket and as the crowd went up my DS1 would clamp down on my nipple.
So of course Devon Malcolm took the record for taking 10 wickets in a days play
ouch.

I was in the main stand and a lovely guy took pity on me and overheated babe so we were moved down on to the outfield. Bloody brilliant.

Klaw · 04/01/2009 15:12

rolling over in bed and seeing this arc of milk going over my then dh who was sleeping. He sat bolt upright asking WTF was that?

makes me snigger

not a funny tale but one that always makes me smile: a week before going into labour I fell and sustained a greenstick fracture of my wrist, so an emCS was not ideal and bf was the one thing I seemed to be able to do right. Of course getting bf established was a bit tricky with one arm in plaster. And so, a few months down the line I was pleased to be able to get up out of armchair and go and answer the door with ds still firmly latched and suckling. I am always chuffed to remember that

thumbwitch · 04/01/2009 15:16

my favourite one was when DS would suddenly unlatch and a fine stream of milk would aim directly up his nose/ in his eye/ in his ear (if he turned his head). The up his nose one was best because of the look on his face!

BlueSapphire77 · 04/01/2009 15:21

TW that made me LOL cos i remember that too, didn't want to say nothing in case anyone thought i was a bad mum but i used to laugh my socks off at the look on his face.. He got his own back on me later though..biting nipples HURTS

Notquitegrownup · 04/01/2009 15:21

lol Pagwatch!

The final image of my story is probably amusing, but I still wince at the memory, so maybe not . . .

DS1 fed almost constantly. After 6 weeks of being an almost total housebound dairy, I risked a walk over the common near our house, which homes lots of (usually very passive) horses. After an hour or so, in lovely sunshine, I sat down in the middle of nowhere to feed, to be approached a few seconds later by a small white horse, looking inquisitively at ds1. Dh, helpfully, reassures me that we will be fine and says "Shoo" in a halfhearted way.

Apparently horses like the smell of breast milk! This creature starts rolling its eyes at me, and licking its lips as I struggle to my feet with ds1 still latched on (no way was I risking showing it my boob) Five more horses approach gazing at me hungrily! DH faffs about saying "Shoo" some more.

I flee, ds1 still attached (and very probably still feeding) with the strings of that bloody impossible Wilkinet sling trailing behind me, as six horses follow on behind . . .

Oh the joys!

Original poster
CharCharGabor · 04/01/2009 15:39

I have been loling at all of these, thanks One of mine is DD's current addiction to having me eat her toes while she feeds. It's quite a contortion There's was also the time when DD was tiny that I was struggling to latch her on. DP came to help me out and just as he got close a massive stream of milk hit the couch behind him. His incredulous 'Was that you!' made me pmsl

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 04/01/2009 15:51

I couldn't BF DS1 so I expressed for him for 18 months. One day I was just finishing double pumping when the doorbell went, so I quickly took the machine off, leaving my 6" nipples still poking through the expressing bra holes. I wrapped my cardigan round myself and answered the door to the postman. When he handed me the parcel my grip on the cardgan slipped, exposing peephole nips to the postman I have no idea which of us was more embarrassed

PinkPoinsettias · 04/01/2009 15:55

i was in soft play once when ds was about 5/6 months old.

i was feeding him and running around after almost 2 year old dd as well.

ds chose the moment i was running past the only dad in the building to unlatch and have a little look around, leaving my boobs uncovered about 3 feet from the poor mans face

funny thing is i don't think the guy even registered what had happened... just goes to show people don't see what they don't expect to see!

PinkPoinsettias · 04/01/2009 16:00

boob obviously... haven't yet mastered the art of feeding from oth sides simultaneously... although with tandam feeding a possibility next month it may be a reality soon enough!

Original poster
CharCharGabor · 04/01/2009 18:52

Lol at both of you These are great, thanks everyone.

OP posts:
twoboots · 04/01/2009 19:10

breastfeeding at stonehenge, an american(?canadian) tourist asked my permission to take a photo as "it looked quaint"

Grendle · 04/01/2009 19:44

Feeding ds from him on top of my shoulder leaning over me head down. Because he was 2 and wanted to.

Having ds aged maybe 6 months pop off my boob in Caffe Nero to look around and seeing a jet of milk shoot up another customers back leaving those tell-tale white drips .

Expressing in a toilet on an intercity train whilst on a business trip and coming out to find someone looking at me quizically. They'd been able to hear the pump, but I guess didn't know what it was!

Answering the door to the postman and forgetting completely I had one boob totally on show.

MrsWalton · 04/01/2009 19:44

When dd was about 4 wks old and i was still in a lot of pain from b'feding. I had severely cracked nipples (and mastitus(sp?) but refused to give up.

I was sitting in the kitchen early one morning and saw something strange on the kitchen floor,...OMG.... it was the top of my nipple! It must have come clean off when i had been 'airing' them to try to aid with the healing.

In an absolute panic i pulled open my nightie to check, and although red raw, they were still intact. On closer inspection the foreign object on the floor was in fact a ...branflake.

thumbwitch · 04/01/2009 19:51

pmsl at MrsWalton - your nips must be HUGE if you confused a branflake with one!!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 04/01/2009 19:59

Walking around in 40 degree heat (Gibraltar in August)when my milk had just come in with wilted cabbage leaves plastered to my V sore exposed boobs and dh arriving home (from shopping) to OMG what IS that smell ( sauted cooked cabbage a la breast)

Am LOL at the picture of the squirts yep looking forward to that again

BlueSapphire77 · 04/01/2009 19:59

OMG lol i would have shat myself if that had of been me, thinking bits n bobs have fell off can't be funny

MrsWalton · 04/01/2009 20:13

thumbwitch...ok it could have been half a branflake

blue... really, i was pretty horrified at the time. It only became a funny story when i told a friend and she reacted a bit like thumbwitch. She still thinks its hilarious!!

But she had her fourth dc last week. She is only just home from hospital.

I think should text her and ask how her 'branflakes' are.

Original poster
CharCharGabor · 04/01/2009 20:42

pmsl at all of this, particularly the branflake!

OP posts:
BlueSapphire77 · 04/01/2009 20:53

Question on everyones lips is, would you have tried to get it reattached lol

Pacific · 04/01/2009 20:56

I had a small guest house when my kids were little. I used non-disposable cotton breast pads which I would bung in with any load of laundry needing done.

One day I was flapping out the sheets to make a bed in a guest bedroom and out flew a couple of breastpads. I picked them up and laid them on the dressing table until I finished making the bed. Of course I promptly forgot about them.

Next day when I went into the room, the guests had carefully placed their coffee cups on my breastpads........they thought they were coasters!

Original poster
CharCharGabor · 04/01/2009 23:41

Oh god pacific that is fabulous. Did you mention it to them?

OP posts:
TaurielTest · 05/01/2009 11:49

When it got colder I cut up a t shirt giving it a big below-boob scoop neck so that I could wear it under another top and then bf without exposing my tummy and back to the elements. Worked fine until the day I was in a coffee shop, forgot i had it on, DP had taken DS to get the drinks, it was warm - so I took off my jumper and sat there for several minutes like some sort of porno milkmaid until DP returned with a look of horror...

aurorec · 05/01/2009 12:03

Porno milkmaid....... That is superb!