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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Bit upset that SIL let my DS taste formula

66 replies

StefkaSnowAngel · 26/12/2008 21:22

I am posting this here in the hope that someone out there might understand why I feel upset by this.

I had a hellish start to breast feeding, it was very painful for the first three months and I came very close to giving up. I made it through and breast feeding is very important to me.

My SIL mix feeds which is totally her choice, I don't have an issue with it, it is just not for me. We have been staying with them and this morning she told me that my DS had been drinking her DD's formula while I was out of the room.

I feel really upset by this. Logically I know it doesn't matter that much - apparently he threw it away after tasting it anyway. I just don't feel good about it. I didn't want him to have formula ever. It also feels a little disrespectful. I would never let her DD have something that she had never had before without checking it was ok with her mother first.

OP posts:
franch · 26/12/2008 21:23

I'd feel upset too Stefka. How old is your DS?

TotalChaos · 26/12/2008 21:23

How very odd of your SIL (assuming your DS is not of an age to have wandered across room and stuck a bottle in his mouth!).

LadyMuck · 26/12/2008 21:24

How old is your ds? Was he given formula or he simply pick up someone else's drink?

SimpleAsABC · 26/12/2008 21:25

I think your SIL should respect your choices, this shows blatant disregard for them... IF she knows how strongly you feel about it.

Does she?

Additionally, you don't say how old your lo is. Could they have picked it up when she wasn't looking?

Not much help, but just somethings to consider.

thisisyesterday · 26/12/2008 21:25

i would be upset too. how old is ds?
i feel very strongly about giving formula (and ds1 had formula, so I am not anti it at all) but I would be very cross if anyone let my child have something without asking me if it was ok, and in particular formula milk.

littleducks · 26/12/2008 21:26

How old is he, if he is at the age that he is grabbing things and eating them i think that it is just something you have to accept as next time it could be dirt or mud and you will grow accustomed to it, eventually as you can only snatch things away so fast

if sil offered it to him it is a very different story obv

ramonaquimby · 26/12/2008 21:26

well maybe your ds just picked up the bottle and took a taste? Not the end of the world I don't think.

fishie · 26/12/2008 21:28

maybe he just picked it up out of curiosity. he's unlikely to be asking for it now anyway!

i think there is something primal and instinctive for mothers and other people giving their babies anything, i have witnessed it over xmas with my sil, her 7mo and any food at all offered by family members. i was the same and neither of us are unreasonable people.

Original poster
StefkaSnowAngel · 26/12/2008 21:29

He's 14 months so I am being a bit too sensitive as he will have just picked the cup up himself so it's not like she fed it to him. She was wathing him though and I wouldn't have let her DD take something from my DS if it as something she hadn't eaten before if you know what I mean. He'd never had it and she knows that.

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Grendle · 26/12/2008 21:30

I'd be upset too . How old is he? If he's on solids then in terms of his gut formula is 'just another food'. I'd still be upset, though...

fishie · 26/12/2008 21:30

stefka i think you just don't trust her. nothing wrong with that. she did tell you though, so not entirely foul poisoner

Original poster
StefkaSnowAngel · 26/12/2008 21:31

Maybe it is that primal thing too. I get the feeling SIL doesn't like a lot of the choices I make. I got a bit of a lecture on dicipline during the same conversation where she told me about the milk (she thinks I need to start hitting DS on the hand when he does things I don't want him do to - I do not want to do this!)

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LittleJingleBellas · 26/12/2008 21:32

She sounds extremely rude and disrespectful and dare I say it, a bit passive aggressive.

I would assume that anyone who had never fed their baby formula by the age of 14 months, did not want their baby to have it. I don't understand why she would think it's OK to let the child have it. Unless she was v. apologetic and explained that he grabbed it before she could stop him, I'd be quite miffed actually.

thisisyesterday · 26/12/2008 21:34

agree with LJB. sounds like she was making a point about the formula.
would make me really angry

AbricotsSecs · 26/12/2008 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
StefkaSnowAngel · 26/12/2008 21:36

Not at all sorry, she never is. I guess I was thinking the way you do bellas - that she would have known I didn't want him to have it. It's something I feel strongly about and I worked really hard to make sure I could breast feed him.

OP posts:
LittleJingleBellas · 26/12/2008 21:36

She wants you to start hitting a 14 month old?

She sounds like a cow!

loveingigglypiggly · 26/12/2008 21:37

I felt the same over chocolate! There are always going to be people, especially family offering things and making commnets about your choices etc. I think its all path of the course.

CantSleepWontSleep · 26/12/2008 21:39

I was going to say that I'd be furious, as it would have compromised his 'virgin gut', but I was assuming that he was a lot younger than he is, and not yet on solids.
I'd prob be a bit cross, more that she felt the need to tell me, but if he's that old and took it himself then I don't think that she can be held responsible for him trying it.

WewishyouaBUMPERLICIOUS · 26/12/2008 21:39

I can kind of understand how you feel Stefka, I remember what a tough time you had. I think a few months ago I would have felt the same, even though it's hard to explain why though. I too had a pretty shit start to breastfeeding.

However DD is now 18 months and whatever she eats or drinks I'm just grateful if it isn't sudocreme or toothpaste! So I don't think I would be too bothered now. It seems bad now, but I mean this is the most non patronising way possible, in a few months time it won't matter. I do understand though.

Original poster
StefkaSnowAngel · 26/12/2008 21:40

Yeah that shocked me too. She's not hitting her DD hard (her DD is the same age btw) but I still don't like it. DH said she started to do it in front of him and he knew she was trying to make a point and he just had to leave the room because he didn't want to discuss it with her. She also shouted at my DS at one point. He was trying to get into her cupboards but I was right there moving him away every time he tried so he wouldn't have got in and it pissed me off that she shouted at him.

OP posts:
WewishyouaBUMPERLICIOUS · 26/12/2008 21:41

Oh, I just read the bit about hitting.

I'd tell her to fark off! It's one thing smacking your own child but to then lecture someone else on their parental skills is just not on.

franch · 26/12/2008 21:44

I would be seriously pissed off by ALL the incidents you describe Stefka!! All you can do is stand your ground and stick to your way of parenting. When she starts to force her methods onto you and your DS, it's time to have a polite and friendly but assertive word ...

nula · 26/12/2008 21:45

WOuld have really upset me. REALLY. And I am relaxed about most things.

I too struggled with bf and was very proud of persevering and not giving anythingelse at all till baby was 6m.

I fact he never ever got formula even after that.

It would really have upset me back then. Now he is much older things like that don't hold such significance but I trully sympathise.

Original poster
StefkaSnowAngel · 26/12/2008 21:47

I do need to put it in perspective, something about it just hurt me though. He's my boy, it was my choice and it mattered to me. I guess it made me feel like my choices were not respected and don't matter and part of me feels like I didn't protect my son in a way. That sounds totally over the top I know and that is not what I think logically, it's just something I feel if that makes sense. I will feel better about it all in a day or so I am sure and you are so right about the rubbish that they put in their mouths! DS eats all kind of scary things these days!!

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