Please help - my DD feeds continuously day and night, only stopping to sleep

[bean612]

She's only a week old so maybe I'm getting anxious too early, but at the moment I'm barely surviving on 1-2 hours' sleep a night and so tired I'm permanently shaky and keep hallucinating. She will cluster feed for hours, then sleep for two or three hours, but I'm so worried about when she'll wake up and want to start feeding again that I'm too wired to sleep myself, so even when she's asleep, I'm not. I feel as though she must never be getting enough food if she won't stop feeding. Would bottlefeeding her formula instead help? I know I "should" continue breastfeeding but also believe that her having a sane mummy is more important than hanging on to ideals. I've suffered from depression before and can feel it looming again now...

bean, what your daughter is doing is absolutely normal.
she has a tiny tummy and needs to feed little and often. her frequent feeding is also letting your body know that you need to make lots of milk and will help with establishing breastfeeding. the more she feeds, the more milk you make.

it is hard, very hard, in the early days, but it does settle down. I promise you.
I know it's hard but do try and at least lie and rest while she sleeps, even if you can't drop off.

trust me, she is getting enough food. she just has to feed this way because that's just what newborns do!
bottlefeeding formula is in no way guaranteed to change any of this. you could easily swap and find that she is exactly the same and then you might regret giving up BF, which in turn could precipitate depression.

do you have a dp/dh at home at the moment? on pat leave? or other familky/friends to help out? it's really important that you rest well. forget everything except looking after yourself and baby, and accept any help offered!

Congratulations on your lo

I think in the very early days this feeding pattern is normal,she will be getting enough milk.It will get better as she gets bigger.All they do is eat sleep and poo...rarely with more than 2-3 hours between feeds at this stage.

I found that keeping a large bottle of water and some snacks near at hand helped combat the dizziness/shakes.

Do you have anyone who can give you a break for a little bit?.

I would speak to your MW about your concerns.It is a big shock having your first baby and does take some adjusting to.We have all been thereIt gets better eventually.Hugs Wrinkly xx

Don't feel pressured to carry on breastfeeding if you feel you can't, you have given your little one a great start already.

Gosh you sound knackered my sympathies. This is going to go on till she's calibrated your milk supply. You need calories and fluids. I suggest hot chocolate in a thermos and some good books/crap telly. Set yourself up on the sofa or in bed and don't move except to go to the loo. You are doing great!

DD did this for ten straight days and I had liver failure at the time so was not exactly a happy bunny anyway, so I do understand how crushing the exhaustion can be.

One thing that might help is feeding her lying down - don't worry if you fall asleep either.

It does pass.

Please do ask for help from anyone around you though, you don't have to go through this alone.

Congratulation btw!

I do have a DH at home who is being great, supportive of me and also putting her in a sling - the only way she will sleep apart from on me for short stretches - for a couple of hours a day to give me a break. Maybe I should just let her sleep on me at night and try and doze rather than trying to get proper sleep. I'm just worried about how many days/weeks I can keep up that kind of pattern without going completely mad. I know it's impossible to say, really, but is there any way of knowing when things might start to get better? Although it's only early days I am completely obsessed and can think of nothing else - I'm sure just accepting this is how things will be for a while would help, but I haven't managed to do that yet. The lack of daylight and hours and hours spent on the sofa/in bed just feeding, feeding, feeding make me feel as though this is how life will be forever. Sorry to sound so melodramatic - I'm ashamed, really, to be coping so badly. I thought I'd be better at this.

First of all, this is totally normal. Many of them do this in the early days, and my middle one did this all day and night for ages. So please do not panic or worry! Bottlefeeding her formula will make no difference at all and actually might be more difficult for you, because what we are talking about here is the maturity of her liver rather than anything else (a GP chum explained it to me once but I have forgotten the exact science).

Secondly, even if you didn't feed her for even as long as five or six hours now and then, because you were exhausted, she would be pretty much fine physically if she was a full term baby, so don't be scared of going to sleep yourself in case she needs you. She would just cry a bit, that's all. Babies are tough as old boots.

Thirdly it would be a bit odd if you weren't a bit depressed considering you have had so little sleep. So don't fret about this either because it doesn't mean a thing, and it does not mean a fully fledged depression bout is around the corner.

You've got three choices at the moment, as I see it. The first option is to put the baby in a crib right by your bed and just sleepily reach across to get her when she cries, and feed her sitting up or lying down, but trying not to nod off yourself. This is the most officially sanctioned route. People call it 'co-sleeping' I believe.

The second option is to let her sleep in your bed with you, making sure she doesn't get too hot or smothered by anything. There is professional advice about how to do this as safely as possible, which you should check out first. This approach is what I tend to do. I just yank a boob out and let them get on with it themselves while I doze.

Finally your last option is to express some milk and get someone to give her a bottle of your milk while you catch up with sleep. My DH used to do a six hour stint on Friday nights this way so I got at least one night's proper sleep each week. This is also officially sanctioned.

The more you try to sleep when she sleeps, the less awful it will be for you, but a bit factor here is the sheer number of interruptions to your sleep and the disruption to your own sleep cycle, which is why you are feeling wobbly and shaky.

Everything will feel better in a few weeks, I promise you.

bean how you're feeling is normal too I reckon! I Know I felt like that. looking back it seems like such a short time that they'r elike that, but when you're in the middle of it it does feel like you're going to be there forever.

I will admit now that my ds fed 2 hourly until he was about 9 months old! BUT, and this is a big BUT, it was a lot easier by then,.
they learn to feed more effectively, and the hour long feeds become 5 or 10 mins. you get used to feeding and rolling over to go back to sleep immediately, and you figure out ways of getting more sleep (ie, going to bed a lot earlier lol)

honestly, it will get easier. what I found helped was sometimes saying ok, I will carry on for the next 48 hours, then re-evaluate.
usually by then I was happy enough to carry on for another 48 hours... and so on.

Is she falling asleep onthe breast?? I found that dd was using me for comfort rather than hunger, as time goes on you will start to notice when she is getting tired and full up so you can remove her from the breast before she falls asleep. Having said that, i lasted 3 months doing full time breast feeding and was completely miserable the whole time. With ds I didnt breastfeed at all, but wish i had tried. Sorry, i'm waffling on, just do what makes you feel best, dont let people judge you.

Also both nipples are badly cracked - one is missing top layer of skin (sorry, tmi!) around the side so the constant feeding is painful as well as draining. I'm using lansinoh cream and nipple shields which seem to help, but this is generally adding to the despair. MW says she is latching on fine, though (she watched me feed) so it's not a question of a bad latch, just the nipples getting used to it, I guess.

the other thing to consider with formula is (and I have done formula, and breast, so seen both sides)
if your baby is still waking every 2-3 hours for feeds then bottle feeding at night can be a real pain.
baby wakes up and then literally screams until bottle is ready.
you end up absolutely wide awake, instead of just a bit dozy and it makes the whole thing last longer.

that's my experience anyway! it isn't always easier

PS I would add that the twilight zone feeling is also totally normal, and will probably last for 6-12 weeks, when things will have got a lot better. Also setting up a lovely comfy chair in the sitting room surrounded by pillows, books, mags, drinks and snacks helps get you comfortable and makes breastfeeding a lot more enjoyable in the early days.

bean,m have you seen a breastfeeding counsellor?
MW's can be great, but they don't have a huge amount of training on BF. so it's dfef worth getting someone in to check on latch.

also, has she been checked for tongue tie? both of mine looked as though they were latching on fine, but tongue tie meant I was in agony

Have you tried a dummy? She may just need the comfort.

Pop her in a sling, wrap up warm and get some fresh air and a very large chocolate cake in a posh coffee shop! The motion of the walk will get her to sleep, your love the cake and the fresh air will really refresh you. Go with the flow with the feeding, and don't assume she is crying for food all the time. Try swadling her and sleep when she does.

PPS Really make sure your nipples get lots of air and consider expressing the odd feed to let them recover a bit at some point - mastitis is really not funny, and can usually be avoided with good breast care. NCT can give advice on all this.

thisisyesterday has a good point there - if the top layer of skin has gone I would be very surprised it there wasn't a latching problem.

I really would consider ringing the NCT Breastfeeding Line - 0300 330 0771, open 8am to 10pm every day.

Techpep, I do wonder if she is comfort feeding sometimes rather than really being hungry - sometimes she makes out she wants feeding (rooting etc) but if you put her in the sling she will drop off. Also she does fall asleep on the breast quite often, but the trouble is she wakes up as soon as you take her off and immediately cries to be fed again. VirginBoffinMum, she will ONLY sleep in bed with me, usually literally on me - her crib is not an option (believe me, I've tried!), so that's what we're doing at the moment. Occasionally I can persuade her to sleep next to me as long as some part of me is touching her, but usually the only way is feed her, wait till she falls asleep, roll her onto her back on my lap, and try and sleep propped up against the pillows until she wakes up for the next feed 1-2 hours later.

but remember that the more she feeds the more she is stimulating your milk supply. this is really important so early on, and it WILL calm down, I promise you.

i personally wouldn't be trying to put her off feeding or trying to distract her. she knows when she is hungry and hey, comfort is just as important right?

You have my sympathies - bf can be so hard at the beginning. If it helps, I could've written your exact post when DS2 was born and it does gradually get better. I have spent hours crying over bf and asked for help so many times - on here and in RL. I never thought it would get easier but DS2 is nearly 7 months old now and I have to say bf is now a doddle. I am so, so glad I persevered.

I would say take it a day at a time. Tell yourself you will bf until the end of the day and then reconsider your options. I used to say, "right, that's it, I'm giving up!" so many times and then do one more feed, and then another and kept going that way.

I agree with earlier posters. Do nothing but bf, eat nice calorific treats, watch Jeremy Kyle/Tricia/Bargain Hunt/Cash in the Attic, get your DH to go to the shops and bring you copies of Heat, Closer, OK, etc etc and enjoy it as much as you can.

I know that FF can seem really, really attractive esp in the early days but I PROMISE YOU that in a few months time, you will find it so much easier and certainly a lot easier than ff with all the sterilising, dragging bottles/formula/flasks of hot water around with you.

Goldilocks, she doesn't seem to like swaddling, unfortunately - we have tried. She just cries and fights her way out of the blanket. VBM, is it okay to express this early? I thought you were meant to wait four weeks before trying to feed from a bottle (whether expressed milk or formula). I will try the NCT Breastfeeding line, thank you. And thanks to everyone for the messages - this is really helping.

No wonder you're knackered then. Sounds like birthshock on her part - out of the warm mummy into the cold!!

You could be slightly mean and pop her in the crib regardless of whether she protests or not, maybe even with a dummy. My middle one liked that - he was terribly restless when tiny. I have been known to use earplugs as well!!

Swaddling her up a bit might help as well - it doesn't really matter how you do this, just make her feel cossetted up firmly in a little blanket.

If you are really beside yourself with tiredness then expressing milk to be given by other people via bottles is probably a good start then, if she is comfort feeding. But purist breastfeeders will advise you to leave this until 6 weeks or so.

it is ok to express this early, but you shouldn't be missing feeds.
so, when dh is giving baby her bottle, you really need to be making sure you are expressing then to make up for the missed feed.

and therein lies the problem, because ytou want to be sleeping

tryharder is right though, it's short term pain for long term gain.
it's so hard in the first few weeks, but after a while it's just a breeze and it is SO much easier than bottlefeeding in so many ways.

x post!

If your nipples are suffering you may find you have to express at some point anyway.

I have expressed from about a week with no problems, but I was one of those people who produce lots of milk anyway - almost too much.

just top reiterate ... SHE WILL CALM DOWN ...promise

mine did this for first three weeks, then got much better

just get some earplugs and sleep WHENEVER she does. Sod the housework etc...

go to bed at 7pm and sleep as often as you can.

IF she si doing it in a couple of weeks I would consider using a dummy for a limited period (ensuring not for more than about 10 mins at a go to make sure your milk supply doesnt calm down)

But remember she will have cluster feeding days and is really important that you let her as you supply will dry up

ps - a bit of hastle now is far better than making sodding bottles at 4am for the next 12 months!

i had this with both dd's. totally normal. at 2 weeks i introduced the smallest dummy i could find and that was a BIG help.

another trick i learnt is that they wake up when you try to put them down partly because their bed is cold. before i started a feed i filled a hot water bottle with warm water and put it in her cot to warm it. then when i tranferred her, i kept my hand on her head until she was lying down and very slowly removed it. keep hot water bottle on your feet until next feed. it should stay warm enough for a couple before you have to refill.

every day gets a little better. you don't notice at first, but when you look back to a few days before you realise that it is.

i noticed that it was very definitely better at 6 weeks.

she WILL start to go longer between feeds. for me the crucial point is 2 weeks which is when i felt it was reasonable to introduce a dummy. no-one told me that date, that was just what i felt was a good time. i'm sure someone else will say differently.

another thing that really helped me was feed the baby and then get your dh to be on duty. go and have a nice hot, long bath with a small glass of wine. spritzer if you prefer. just makes you feel a little human.

Thisisyesterday is right, you have to express at feed times or near feed times to stop your boobs getting like footballs and to keep the supply properly regulated. But I am not convinced the world will end if you leave 4 hours between sessions and give your daughter a bottle every 1-2, as long as you are producing quite well. But ask the experts.