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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

bf - have i done my last feed?

30 replies

ilovetochatupsanta · 09/12/2008 21:05

my dd is 17 months and normaly feeds twice a day, 6am and 8pm. lately, once or twice a week in the morning after i changed her nappy she has run to the stairgate and said down, cereal, so i have taken her down for breakfast and she has missed the feed and just had the nightime feed.
last night me and dp went out and left dd with her gps for the 2nd time ever, gps put her to bed after a beaker of milk and she slept through. (1st night ever without bf). this morning she ran to go down and asked for cereal so she missed another feed.
it's now 9pm, dp has bathed her and taken her downstairs for milk from a beaker and i am hiding on the computer hoping he can get her to bed.
i think if she sees me she may want milk.
part of me wants to go and offer a feed just for the closeness but part of me wants to take this opportunity to call it a day.
17 months is more than i ever intended to do, i find it quite draining, dd stands on me and swings her legs about while feeding and is never still and is teething with her molars so been gnawing a bit too.
don't know whether to hide or go down, be or

OP posts:
lovelymama · 09/12/2008 22:13

I admire you so much for keeping going with the BF for so long. It's lovely that you and DD have enjoyed it and it's obvious from your words that it has been a brilliant bonding time for you. I don't want to tell you what to do - it sounds like you're ready to call it a day but something that has been a brilliant part of your live for 17 months is something that must be so hard to stop - I found it so emotional when I gave up after only 6 months. I guess if you do chose now to give up, you can find another method of bonding with DD which may give you both equal satisfaction.....and doesn't involve you getting sore nipples from a teething toddler!

Good luck with your decision making!

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 09/12/2008 22:35

she is fast asleep with no bf since yesterday morning and i went in and gave her a kiss goodnight, i feel sad but relieved.
tomorrow hopefully she will just want to go straight down as i know if she asked for a feed i couldn't say no.
we have fun all day together but she is an active little girl and it was one of our only quiet times together when she would snuggle up for 10 minutes,

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lovelymama · 10/12/2008 13:32

oh sweetie, i just had tears burning my eyes....hope all turns out well. the nice thing about your situation is that your dd has made the decision for herself that she's ready to stop bf now - it's not like you're trying to stop. if she asks for bf then go a head and give it to her and i'm sure she'll stop completely soon enough.

Maria2007 · 10/12/2008 15:28

I also have tears in my eyes reading this... it sounds like this has happened in quite a smooth, natural way, and it sounds as if what's happening is the right choice for you and your girl, at the moment... It must be such a bittersweet feeling. I am bf my boy (who is only 4 months) & I find it- already- a very emotional experience, particularly thinking about when/how to stop...

Let us know how it goes, and lots of hugs...

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 10/12/2008 16:03

last night i sat downstairs with dp and he said "i liked giving dd her milk tonight" and i just started crying my eyes out, i feel so sad, milk was my job,
this morning she wandered towards our room after nappy change but then i said "do you want cereal" and she said "yes down creeal", she wouldn't drink any milk from her beaker though so i gave her a yoghurt mid morning and cheese with her lunch.
i really think it's over and i'm crying again.
dd grew up and she was more ready than me

OP posts:
Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 10/12/2008 16:04

tmi but my boobs are bursting full now, what do i do?

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Maria2007 · 10/12/2008 16:05

Oh I'm crying too now reading this .... Oh honey, this is one of the hardest parts of parenthood, I mean separation, it goes on and on and on from day one, we constantly need to separate a bit from our little ones (and not just with breastfeeding)...

RhinestoneReindeerHerder · 10/12/2008 16:07

Whenever you stop it's emotional - we stopped in similar way to you when DS was just coming up for 2 yrs, I wanted to stop but also felt .

For the feeling full feeling - try just hand expressing a tiny amount in the shower to take the pressure off. Things should settle down fairly quickly.

You've done a fab job

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 10/12/2008 16:09

i expressed a teeny bit last night in the bath so i didn't pop but didn't want to express much as i would produce more.
how long does it take to stop leaking, will save a fortune on breastpads.

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RhinestoneReindeerHerder · 10/12/2008 16:18

I think a tiny bit of expressing is fine, obv if you were pumping 8oz at a time your body would be a bit confused. Re the leaking, not sure, I was 4 months pg at the time so my supply had already dropped and I didn't really leak. Hope you can ditch the breastpads soon.

mamijacacalys · 10/12/2008 16:21

Boobs will be fine in a day or so....
bf for 17mo is amazing - you have a complete right to be glad to want your body back but I agree that there are many mixed emotions
Both mine self-weaned in this way, DD was 14 mo and DD was 20 mo

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 10/12/2008 16:50

i'm glad you are saying she has self weaned, i felt that because i went out monday night and she was with my mom i had slightly forced the issue. and i haven't offered any since but she hasn't asked and i've done never offer never refuse for ages.
how much cows milk should she drink, she isn't a big drinker.

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mamijacacalys · 10/12/2008 16:58

HV advised me that as long as they have a good balanced diet with plenty of dairy products shouldn't worry too much if they don't drink a lot of milk. Both mine were/are good eaters, and partic like cereal with milk for brekkie and yoghurts or custard based puddings. So I didn't worry too much and they are now 6 and 2 and both generally very healthy.

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 10/12/2008 18:34

thanks and thanks for all your kind words

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Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 12/12/2008 22:32

oh god, dd went downstairs after her bath and i left dp to give her a beaker of milk, when i went down she ran to me and said mommy up so i icked her up and she tugged at me and said milk, i tried to ignore it but she kept saying it. i offered her her beaker and she said no, wanted milk. in the end i said milk all gone and she burst into tears, so did i. dp said oh don't you start aswell. can't believe how shit that made me feel.
he left us to it and i just walked round holding dd and kissing her and telling her i love her and we were both crying.
then i sat on the settee with her and she pulled a pillow over to feed. there was nothing in the world i wanted to do more then than bf her but i said all gone and gave her her beaker again.
she drank the lot and asked for more. she drank another half beaker and said big girl.
i have just put her to bed and then went downstairs and sobbed my heart out.
i feel like it's the first time i have let her down, the first time i said no and upset her, i feel like shit.
dp came in saw me crying, tidied up and said you did well now i am going for a shower, he didn't even hug me.
i'm going to bed.

OP posts:
RinkyDinkyPinky · 12/12/2008 22:35

Ahh, you needed a hug from your DP; well here's one from me instead!

soremummy · 12/12/2008 22:39

what a nice dp you have im feeding my 19mth old as i type but i do / did want to stop but will wait till she does it herself. what a wonderful thing you have done for your dd be proud

QueenFeeUntoUsAChildIsBorn · 12/12/2008 22:50

I had exactly the same feelings when my DD and DS weaned. They were 14 and 16 months respectively and your story could have been me writing it is so similar. I think it felt to me like I was letting go of my baby I found it especially hard with my DS who I thought was going to be my last. You will feel better in a few days when you realise that without you she wouldn't be doing any of the big grown up things she is doing now (drinking from a cup, going to bed alone, eating solids) and trust me they still need you as much as ever. They stop asking for milk from you and then the cuddles get easier because you don't feel bad as you are no longer having to say no.
My DD is now 4 and my heart goes out to you as I remember the feeling as clear as if it was yesterday. Bf is such a close thing but that bond won't be broken.
Well done and keep your chin up x

mawbroon · 12/12/2008 23:05

Hi iloveto. I haven't actually done weaning yet as my ds hasn't shown any signs of wanting to stop at all! (he's 3)

But I was wondering if you had considered doing never offer never refuse?

Basically, it does what it says on the tin and lets the child decide rather than going cold turkey.

It could be the answer if you are undecided, which it kind of sounds like you might be...

mawbroon · 12/12/2008 23:06

oh, ignore me. I see you have been doing it for a while.

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 13/12/2008 15:49

thanks, dd is fine this morning and didn't ask for bf thank goodness and i'm glad i didn't bf last night even though i wanted to because i do want my body back and i don't really want to carry on as she is a handful and i had started to dislike it a bit and i want to stop before i really dread doing it iyswim.
have done never offer never refuse and sh dropped to 2 feeds herself by doing that. lately she was dropping the morning one some days anyway and when she went mon night and tues morn without a bf i thought it was as good a time as ever.
mawbroon, i think it's brilliant you have done it so long!
queen, it's nice to hear you felt the same, i do feel like i'm losing my baby and hope i still get cuddles, it's so hard to say no to your baby when you could say yes, it seems unnatural in a way to say no. how long did your 2 keep asking for it?
i hope she isn't my last child but if she is i'll be proud i fed her for so long, longer than i ever intended.

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skidaddle · 13/12/2008 16:15

Oh god you've made me cry too ilove! I am also starting to think about weaning (DS is 1 tomorrow) but I am so torn. Want my body back but also love feeding him and he loves it too. As everyone else has said you should be so proud of yourself for getting to 17 months and it is wonderful that your DD had made this decision for herself. I hope your DP is being a bit nicer to you now, here is a virtual hug for you in case he's not!(((virtual hug)))

mawbroon · 13/12/2008 16:52

I am childminding full time just now and DH works as well.

Our house is mostly ok. It has to be, if I got inspected and the house was disgusting, then I would get in trouble for it. This is my motivation. Otherwise, the house would be really quite a mess I think because I really don't like tidying and cleaning.

We start our evening tidy up as soon as we have finished eating. One of us gets ds ready for bed while the other one loads the dishwasher and tidies up the kitchen.

We then tidy away all the toys/books and hoover round. I then look out towels for the next days mindees, clean the toilet/sink if it needs it and hang up the washing that was shoved in the machine in the morning.

Although I am home all day, I don't get a chance to do any housework other than tidying up dishes etc as I go along. So by the end of the day, the house is like a bomb hit it!!

We are usually done by 8pm so DH and I still have a couple of hours together before bedtime.

I think basically the answer is that you just have to be constantly at it, a little bit every day.

it makes the day easier to face if you start with a tidy house.

mawbroon · 13/12/2008 16:54

PMSL wrong thread!! Sorry

Original poster
ilovetochatupsanta · 13/12/2008 18:19

skidaddle, i have loved feeding her too, it's been our special time when she would lie and hold my finger as a baby and look at me, lately she has been standing up on my lap and swinging he feet in the air while feeding so getting harder but funnier.
dp has been lovely, got a surprise day off and we have been out all together, he apologised about last night, he was very upset himself apparently but didn't want to make things worse so got out of the way which made it worse for me but he thought it would make it better. anyway it is now sorted and i got the hugs i so wanted.
just hope tonight goes better.

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