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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Musings about reasons why people stop breastfeeding earlier than they want to

56 replies

Wallace · 15/11/2008 20:01

I find it quite sad that I often meet mothers who would have liked to carry on bf for longer, but "had" to stop because of one reason or other - these reasons usually being ones that had they had proper support and advice, they could have conitinued bf.

Among my friends I have someone who stopped because her baby fed so often (she didn't realise this was normal) and someone who had mastitis so "had to stop"

I was speaking to someone the other day whose dd dropped a pound after being born, she got worried and started to give her bottles The baby began to gain so she said she regrettfully had to stop bf. She was very sad about it, but said she had to do what was right for the baby not herself

OP posts:
OldBea · 15/11/2008 20:06

It is sad. There is a lot of misinformation out there.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/11/2008 20:07

You do make a fair point. I think part of the problem is pregnant women are given a certain amount of positive spin on breastfeeding....how natural/easy/convenient it is. But no-one actually says:

(1) It's hard work
(2) You AND the baby have to learn how to do it, with little or no practical help most of the time
(3) The general populus will consider you somewhat of a freak if you do succeed and a failure if you don't.

I think there's a great value in quietly asking questions of new mums (I mean other mums who are breastfeeding doing so) so they have a chance to say 'I'm struggling, help me' if they need to.

One of my friend says quite often she'd have quit breastfeeding really early if she hadn't been able to ask me what she sees are really dumb questions (esp. when the first big growth spurt hit) or she hit the production plateau when her breasts felt emptier than before because they'd optimised the amount of milk. I'm happy to have helped her, but I also know at least twelve other friends who have just quit because they didn't know anyone at the time who was breastfeeding (I didn't when I started but I'm just bloody minded and decided I was going to get the hang of it!)

aurorec · 15/11/2008 20:07

My cousin had mastitis right after her milk came and 'had to stop' too.
I Bfed DD till she self-weaned at 14 months (she's now 2.8)and just before DS was born 2 months ago, my mother told me 'surely you won't be able to nurse as long as you did the 1st time? It will be too exhausting'. Sigh.

My sister stopped nursing at 2 months because all her friends told her the bottle was fantastic- you could put your baby on a schedule and they sleep through the night as well.... Mind you she wasn't very motivated to BF in the 1st place. My SIL was though, and despite her daughter being OVER 100% in weight at 5 months, she introduced a night FF top-up because her PEDIATRICIAN father told her BM wasn't nutritious enough after 4 months.

Original poster
Wallace · 15/11/2008 20:11

btw meant to mention that my second and third examples are third time mothers. Happily the first is succesfully feeding dc2

That's a good point wmmmc

OP posts:
bythepowerofgreyskull · 15/11/2008 20:12

the main thing that makes me feel sad is if ladies stop - because DH/DP has told them how much they feel they want to feed the baby. I can understand all sorts of reasons for stopping, BF'ing can be a nightmare when you are tired and hormonal stopping does sometimes seem like the only option. But the whole helping to make the DH/DP feel better just doesn't do it for me.

LuckySalem · 15/11/2008 20:13

I stopped because I didn't feel a connection with DD and it felt wierd and yucky. I think it was due to a traumatic birth experience and first 48 hours in hospital.

I wish I'd carried on - would have saved a lot of money and I think created a better bond with DD now but I couldn't physically do it, it made me feel ill sometimes as she didn't feel like mine.

I also had problems in that I could only get her to feed from my left hand side, my right didn't seem to produce enough.
Also I hated that I could only be out for 2 hours at a time as I couldn't bring myself to feed in public - my boobs were too big to hide easily.

mousehole · 15/11/2008 20:22

This reply has been withdrawn

withdrawn at poster's request

whomovedmychocolate · 15/11/2008 20:22

bytherpowerofgreyskull - and on a related point you really do need a supportive DH/DP. DH constantly tells me how well I'm doing and how proud he is of me for breastfeeding the little rascals through all their ups and downs and whenever they are sick he brings me a cup of tea while I'm feeding and whispers in my ear: 'they hardly ever get sick because you do this.'

Original poster
Wallace · 15/11/2008 20:26

That is a shame mousehole. I'm definitely not knocking anyone for reasons that made them give up. It just seems sad for people that could have carried on if they had known xyz.

OP posts:
mousehole · 15/11/2008 20:45

This reply has been withdrawn

withdrawn at poster's request

Cryptoprocta · 15/11/2008 20:46

I'm still excl-bf'ing at 16 weeks, no intention of stopping. My thoughts were that if you feel you can't do it in front of people, the loneliness would probably drive you to the bottle.

chequersandchess · 15/11/2008 20:49

I wonder how many people actually do really want to stop though, and feel as though they have to give a reason why they "had to stop", rather than just stating that they didn't want to do it any longer.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/11/2008 20:50

mousehole - it sounds like you had a really hard time, I'm sorry to hear about that. It's amazing in the circumstances you got to 12 weeks and I hope you are proud of what you did because in spite of your physical difficulties you still did better than most mums do.

expatinscotland · 15/11/2008 20:51

dd2 was easy peasy to feed.

ds chewed my nipples to shreds.

and there is no RL help out here. zero except midwife visits. no drop in clinics, advisors, etc.

i am battling PND as it is, but knowing i'd have to figure it all out alone with NO RL support, it was too much for me, i have two other young children, one with SN.

my DH also has dyspraxia and so a lot of stuff is mine to do alone.

we moved DS onto bottles when he was about 3 days old.

one of the side effects of the ADs i need to stay sane is that i have a hard time surfacing from sleep.

i'm also on labetalol for hypertension, am still anaemic, have very separated long abdominal muscles and my back is in a lot of pain and am trying to get over a 2nd degree tear/ventouse delivery of what was for me a very large baby.

EllieG · 15/11/2008 20:52

OP made me sad. That all happened to me - bad advice, baby didn't gain weight and was advised very strongly (one might say slightly bullied) into ff. Could never keep up supply after and had no confidence in it. But she is a happy an healthy 6 month old, and so I have let it go now.

expatinscotland · 15/11/2008 20:53

i let it go, too, Ellie.

i was gutted first time it didn't work out.

this time, really, it's a battle just to keep my head above water.

mousehole · 15/11/2008 20:57

This reply has been withdrawn

withdrawn at poster's request

EllieG · 15/11/2008 20:59

Eventually you do have to stop worrying about don't you? Esp if you have PND - it becomes just another stick to beat self with, and god knows, you don't need any more of them.

You sound like you are doing great job of parenting, breasts or no breasts. My Mum said to me after couldn't bf that there is a lot more to being a Mum than feeding, and she was right.

expatinscotland · 15/11/2008 21:02

true. for me, the real struggle is to get well again.

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/11/2008 21:08

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Stefka · 15/11/2008 21:08

I had such an awful time at the start - used to sob through the feeds they were so painful and then in between I was just distressed because I knew another painful feed was coming up. I was terrified that my DS would wake up. I was determined to stick at it. Took three months to get it sorted out. I was lucky though as my region is very pro BF and I had decent support. I think it is really sad when people give up who want to breast feed because they didn't get the support that they needed.

DS is still feeding and he is almost 13 months now. His first word was boob

Stefka · 15/11/2008 21:10

Realise my post made no sense! I meant it's sad that people who want to breastfeed give up because they don't get the support they need. Do you think I have had too much wine tonight!?

smellyeli · 15/11/2008 21:15

Oh expat, sending big hugs to you, sorry - I know it's a bit off the OP's topic, but I just read your posts and really feel for you - BF'ing or not, you sound like you're doing a great job just keeping going. It sounds like you are working really hard for your family and I'm sure it will all pay off.

expatinscotland · 15/11/2008 21:20

thanks, smelly!

we'll get there in the end.

sweetkitty · 15/11/2008 21:25

The one I hear the most is
"I wasn't making enough milk for him/her so had to switch to bottles"

I think in this country the skills and normality of BFing have in most part been lost. We are in a culture where FF is the norm and most people have never seen a baby being BF and have not grown up with it so don't know what is normal with BFing. In other countries you would have mothers, aunts, cousins all having or still BFing so would have the support around you probably 24/7. The previous generation were told babies should be on a 4 hours schedule, FF was as good as BM, only poor women BF, breasts have been overly sexualised and are seen as a mens playthings rather than to feed babies. One woman who seen me BFing recently said she has wanted to try it but her husband wouldn't have like it