did you breastfeed or bottlefeed?

[threeangels]

Hi Everyone. I was just wondering if you can share with me if you chose to breast or bottlefeed when you had your baby. I am planning to take an orientation tour tomorrow at a well known birthing center where I live. I know midwives are quite popular in other areas. Here in the US there not widely used. I really want my labor as natural as possible this time. I think a midwife would be a wonderful experience compared to the hospital routine.

My problem is that this center really promotes breastfeeding. They have their own lactating classes and consultants with a 90 some % rate of breastfeeding moms when they leave the birthing center to go home. I never breastfed my other 3 and allthough so many have told me it is a personal decisions that doesnt always feel right for some people. I just feel a little guilty and don't know what to say when they ask me if I'm planning to nurse. I just don't have the desire to. I hope that doesnt sound selfish. I know they will probally try and talk me into it by telling me all the positive things about it (which they are right).

Sometimes I feel like the only one who has never breastfed. Hope you all can share with me the choice you made after giving birth. I would love to feel better about my decision not to. Thanks

Hi Threeangels ... It really annoys me the way pro-breastfeeding people manage to make the bottle feeders of the world feel guilty. It is a bit like the argument that all women can manage a VBAC ... and that all women should want to ...
I believe the facts state that 'breast is best' and that is probably right but in the end if the mother is in possession of the facts surrounding the issue then it is down to her to decide - and no-one should make her feel guilty about it.
I breastfed my DS for six weeks and for various reasons I had to give up ... I found very little support in books and was made to feel by others that I was endangering my son's health ... Absolute rubbish - he is one of the healthiest three year olds I know with not one sign of any allergies (despite family history) and the healthiest appetite of all of his friends. AND I was only able to bond with him once I stopped B/F. Don't get me wrong, I am not pro bottle ... In fact I am still very sad that I stopped B/F so early and wish it could have been different ... I am just PRO CHOICE!!!
No one should make you feel bad Threeangels ... you have to do what you think is right for you and your baby.
If you were a first time mum I would probably say to you to 'give it a go, you never know you might like it ...' but you have had 3 children and you have been around the block before and I think you should tell anyone who questions you that ... just do what you think is best...don't let others upset you!!!!!!
Love Ghosty

Wholeheartedly agree with Ghosty. Breastfed DS for four months but it was the worst time of our lives. Got no support whatsoever but persevered because of the allergies thing. Eventually had to stop and things just got better from there on. Don't let anyone pressure you - do what you want. It's your baby, your family, your life. I would certainly think twice about it if I were to be lucky enough to have another baby.

Good luck whatever you decide.

I'm pro choice too. Having said that, I fed DS1 for 12 months and DS2 for about 15months and it was wonderful. No bottles to heat up, no sterilising, no remembering to take milk out with me, no faffing about in the night - I could even feed whilst asleep

But... the first 2 weeks with both were painful. With DS1 I really struggled to establish breastfeeding but I do feel smug that I managed it despite a midwife telling me he wa too big to feed exclusively by myself.

I loved breastfeeding but I have friends for whom it was the worst thing in the world and a contributing factor to PND. Certainly for them. breastfeeding was not best fo the mother and baby partnership.

If you've never tried it, I'd say why not give breastfeeding a go for a month or two? It's easy enough to stop if it's not for you. Who knows, you may take to it like a duck to water.

Whatever you decide, there's more to mothering than feeding a baby. It's more important that the baby is fed and happy and the mother is also happy than the baby being breastfed at all costs.

Agree with Ghosty 100% I ended up expressing for 10 weeks (with incresingly diminishing returns) because although I had difficulties with breastfeeding I felt an overwhelming pressure to give DD breast milk. That period was one of the ost exhausting of my life and in retropect any good I did her with the breastmilk was probably counteracted by the stress it caused for me, If there is a DB2 I might still express but only for a couple of weeks just to give that "good start". I actually found bottle feeding to have huge benefits that are rarely publicised by the pro-breast lobby: it meant DH could do some night feeds and in fact he eventually took over the "night shift" completely on Friday and Saturday nights until she started sleeping through. I also think she was easier to put down to sleep without the breast attachment and has always been a good sleeper and now at 11 months eats like a horse and has shown no signs of allergies despite dh family history. I think most people will respect your wealth of experience as a mother and I hope you don't get as much negativity as you fear.

Surely it isn't a case of either or? No-one ever seems to mention that mixed feeding is possible, whereas I'm sure a lot of people who give up on breastfeeding would keep on doing it for longer if it didn't have to be exclusive.

Me too, me too!! Nice to see plenty of pro choice people out there. I really wanted to breast feed and tried so hard to make it work, finally resorted to bottle feeding after about 3 weeks.
It is one thing having all of the reasons for and against made clear to you and offering practical support, but it seems that too many midwives and health visitors can take their convictions to such extremes that it can become a real problem. My team of midwives were so pro breast feeding that I ended up feeling totally hounded by them when they saw I was struggling. They would march daily into my house and up the stairs, ignoring my dh syaing that I would be down in a minute. They had no qualms in just grabbing my breasts and thrusting my dd?s face into them! I felt totally violated and just a faulty milk machine that they had come round to give a prod and a kick to get working! Not one seemed to care about my emotional wellbeing, they failed to notice that I was giving myself a hard enough time about it and didn?t need daily reminders of all the benefits etc. I was so distraught that all my usual confidence and ability to stand up for myself had vanished.To sum up, I was left feeling a failure and patronised even bullied into continuing much longer than was good for me. By the time my dh begged me to stop, I was getting to the point where I resented having my baby at all and was very depressed. Like Ghosty, I wished it could have been different but it has turned out fine - an allergy free (fingers crossed) healthy happy and bright little girl.
Please just do what feels right for you and if I were you I wouldn?t worry about it too much beforehand as it is so hard to know how you will manage and feel once your baby has arrived. I would stay open minded and non commital, read up on the facts and try to avoid the guilt traps about the pros and cons. Do what is right for you.
For my next child (fingers crossed) I will still give bf a go but will be far less hard on myself if it fails again and definitely not allow the midwives to push me around. I know one girl who used to hide her bottles away when her midwive and health visitor came round to see her ds!!
I know not all midwives and health visitors are so blinkered and even those who dealt with me probably believed that they had our best interests at heart, but it should be far less pressured, surely.
Good Luck - you will be fine!

threeangls - are you interested in hearing about bfing? Or are you after reassurance that it is fine to bottlefeed?

threeangels - out of interest, do you know how 'usual' it is to breast feed in the United States - although I lived there for a year it was well before I had my own baby so I wasn't particularly conscious of the issue but now I look back I am aware that there seemed very little support or promotion of breast feeding - certainly I can't recall ever seeing anyone b/feeding. In the UK (where I live anyway) there is lots of support for b/feeding and it is very much the case that 'breast is best'.

In my case - I mix fed, mostly breast for 8 months but also gave one bottle of formula a day.

Good luck whatever YOU choose to do.

Thank you everyone for your wonderful advice. It really helps me a great deal.

Hi forest - I feel quite content with the bottlefeeding. In my mind I know bottlefeeding in just fine and because I have done it already 3 times before I feel it's the right choice. It's just that doctors make me feel like I'm not giving my child the best start at life. Like I'm begrudging my baby of something. It really gets to me.

I think when they ask me how I will be feeding I'll have to be very firm with my answer. I think some doctors/midwives still think (even after 3 children) that you don't know what your doing when it comes to taking care of a baby. I guess their most likely just trying to help. I'll let you all know what happens today. Thanks again

Hi Lindy - I think breastfeeding seems to be a widley used way here. But I think bottlefeeding is also. Most women I know personally did breastfeed for some amount of time with their baby. I really dont know which one is used more.

No-one else can make anybody else feel guilty about their chosen feeding method. The information regarding breast and bottle feeding is all out there. The is absolutely no argument that the best milk for babies is breastmilk. However, many women choose not to breast feed. That is their CHOICE and therefore guilt does not come into it.

As a midwife I do get sick and tired of hearing the words 'women are being made to feel guilty if they chooses to bottle feed' by midwives and other health professionals.

As a midwife I much prefer women to say I don't want to breastfeed than skiddle around pretending that they want to do it, only to change to bottle the minute they get home.

I have to say threeangels that many women have chosen to bottlefeed without knowing any information about the choice they are making. That is why there is an emphasis on giving women information. I have known women who have bottlefed previous children then thought they would give breastfeeding a try and have found they have loved it. I have also known women who have given it a try and absolutely hated it. They have been honest to say they hated it and I admire them for that. The only comment I would make is that if you don't try, you don't truly know.

If you have read the information, don't want to give B/F a go, then state that clearly. I had this discussion with a friend of mine having her 3rd baby. She said she knew that breastfeeding was best but she had absolutely no desire to do it. She did not suffer from guilt one iota. I admired her stance.

We no longer ask feeding intention prior to delivery. Babies are placed skin-to-skin with their mothers as soon as possible after delivery. If the baby starts looking to be fed we ask then whether they want a hand to breastfeed. Those who are unsure might give it a bash. Others say 'no way' and a bottle is given without any hassle. The reason this happens is that many women have said that they stated an intention to bottle feed prior to delivery then felt they could not change their intention once the baby was here. The breastfeeding rates have actually increased since we stopped asking prior to delivery.

Good luck with whatever you choose threeangels.

Threeangels - I never breastfed either of mine. I tried with ds but had real problems and as JayTree says of her experience I also had midwives grabbing hold of me, which made me feel like a piece of meat! I decided that bottle feeding was the way to go and felt much better with this decision. With dd (now 14 months) I didn't attempt to breastfeed and, like Mears says, the attitude of the midwives seemed so much different this time. They did not make me feel in the slightest bit guilty and could see that bottlefeeding was what made me happiest. You know what they say about a happy mother makes a happy baby (supposedly!), so I wouldn't beat yourself up about it.

I'm prochoice too. However I had the opposite experience people are relating here.

In hospital and out the midwives were just not interested if you found breastfeeding difficult straight away. I got constantly pestered into giving my ds a bottle (especially in the early hours of the morning when dh wasn't there to back me up). In the end they did 3 separate heel blood tests to try to "prove" to me that ds wasn't getting enough calories and "needed" a bottle only to find that actually his blood sugar levels were fine each time.

It took me 2 days before I managed to persuade them to get me a breastfeeding counsellor and fortunately she was superb.

In the end, I breastfed for 8 months (and I was gutted when I stopped, but ds just decided one day he wasn't interested and went cold-turkey on me. I kept trying to persuade him for over a week (expressing to keep up my supply) but to no avail). I just keep thinking that if I hadn't been so downright stubborn and determined to succeed at breastfeeding that I'd have given up trying to fight the midwives every step of the way. Even typing this almost 2 years on I still feel very upset and emotional about the lack of support I received.

3angels said:

"It's just that doctors make me feel like I'm not giving my child the best start at life."

But you aren't giving them the best start in life, threeangels - I mean, of course I don't know everything about you, but I doubt very much that artifical milk would be better than your real human milk. Breast is best except in unusual circumstances. It doesn't sound like yours are unusual circumstances. You can't blame the doctors for making sure you are well informed. You can't blame them if they tell you that in their best professional opinion that bottlefeeding is inferior.

" Like I'm begrudging my baby of something."

I doubt that's what your doctors think, but you shouldn't be surprised if they communicate some disapproval.

Nutritionally speaking, breast is best but (IMHO)it's not best for the baby if the mother hates or is depressed by breastfeeding or resents having to feed her baby herself.

Don't you think there's more than nutrition involved in giving your baby the best? I've never got the pro-breastfeeding people I've discussed this with before to see this

Not getting shirty, honest Anyway, I'm off back to The Yurt...

Why don't you want to do it? Why not consider giving it a try? You may well like it and it is better for your baby.

lol, aloha! sounds like "green eggs and ham!"

but that's not actually a bad analogy, you never know, three(soontobefour)angels, you may really take to it.

You're right about the mother's state of mind, SoupDragon -- that's why I said "unusual circumstances". I don't know 3angels' circumstances; maybe it would do her head in to try to feed. However, most people who don't breastfeed don't have any big hangups, they simply don't fancy it.

I too am v. much pro choice. You shouldn't be forced into anything or feel guilty, although I can't stop myself from feeling a bit wary after stopping.
I breastfed / mix fed dd (now almost 4) for about 3 months and felt miserable all the time. Couldn't concentrate, was tired and found it painful. We had a thrush infection at 6 weeks and a breast infection a week later, so started to mix feed at abt 8 weeks.

DS is now nearly 8 weeks old & I stopped b/f-ing completely. Again there was the thrush and even after that had been cured my breasts kept feeling painful and I was miserable again. He's had about a month of b/f and I spent abt 3 weeks gradually stopping (although it went faster than expected. The milk just stopped coming). Once I noticed it made me feel miserable again I decided to stop, even though making bottles is a lot more work, especially at night. Like others said before, a happy mum makes a happy baby.

Having said that, it makes me a bit sad that stopping went so fast this time, especially since ds now suffers from obstipation, which I hope will go quickly (any tips, anyone?)
What I mean to say, threeangels, is don't let anyone talk you into doing anything you do not want. I know plenty of people who never got b/fed and who have grown up very healthy and happy people with good relationships with their mothers (only got 1 week of b/f myself, no problems at all, healthwise or otherwise). Don't worry too much. You'll be fine.

Threeangels, I only breast fed my first for about a month, having sworn my kids would be b/fed. I just found it so painful, too overwhelming and ( dare I say it) a disappointing experience. I tried again with my second and LOVED it. Unfortunately, only fed her for 5 months but with current baby #3, I am still feeding, albeit only last thing at night now, and he is 16 months. I am really loathe to give it up as it feels so nice and special and ds is happy too.

I'm not trying to say you automatically should breast feed, only that if you give it a go, you may find, like me, that with this baby, you just love it!! Very best of luck to you anyway, whatever you decide. Oh and BTW, how did you tell your mum about your latest pregnancy in the end?

I tried to breastfeed 4 times and bombed out each time - combination of elective caesarians and poor supply - felt bad about it at the time each time but at least the alternative was available!

Lindy asked how usual it is to breastfeed in the US. My experience is 20 years ago, but it wasn't then, as much as anything because most women went home after a couple of days (well, I say most women, the caesarian rate while I was in was 75%, eek! But it was a NY teaching hosp that specialised in neonatal problems) and while I know loads of mums here grumble and complain about home visits by midwives and HVs, over there you are on your own the minute you leave the hospital. They say "call us if you have problems" but you don't.

The hospital nurses were far less clued up about breastfeeding than here and in my hospital there was ONE 4-bedded "rooming-in" room - that meant you were allowed to have the baby by your bed from around 9am-5pm. Otherwise it was brought to you at scheduled times. How good for breast-feeding could that be?

Threeangels, have things changed? Your birthing centre sounds a lot different from the hospital I was in, but from what I've seen on "A Baby Story" on satellite TV everything is still very mechanised and regimented in a lot of places. Anyway, I agree with the others, you do what you want, and if you stick to your guns can't they give you an injection or something that stops the milk even coming in? (Much less uncomfortable for you!)

bf for a year - but it was a bloody nightmare establishing it. I really wanted to do it, but came very close to giving in. I was desperate for "permission" to stop, there seems to be such a big guilt trip linked to bf and I think that is wrong. In the end a midwife, realising ds was losing lots of weight, said to put him on the bottle. That same night, as I was waiting for a bottle to cool down, I put ds on the boob just to try and stop him screaming - and he finally got the hang of it. Things got easier from that point on, but this was nearly two weeks in. So yes, it worked for me eventually, but those first two weeks were horrendous. I think everyone should be supported in their choice, whether it be breast or bottle. A new baby is enough to cope with, without having to deal with inflicted guilt trips.