did you breastfeed or bottlefeed?

[threeangels]

Hi Everyone. I was just wondering if you can share with me if you chose to breast or bottlefeed when you had your baby. I am planning to take an orientation tour tomorrow at a well known birthing center where I live. I know midwives are quite popular in other areas. Here in the US there not widely used. I really want my labor as natural as possible this time. I think a midwife would be a wonderful experience compared to the hospital routine.

My problem is that this center really promotes breastfeeding. They have their own lactating classes and consultants with a 90 some % rate of breastfeeding moms when they leave the birthing center to go home. I never breastfed my other 3 and allthough so many have told me it is a personal decisions that doesnt always feel right for some people. I just feel a little guilty and don't know what to say when they ask me if I'm planning to nurse. I just don't have the desire to. I hope that doesnt sound selfish. I know they will probally try and talk me into it by telling me all the positive things about it (which they are right).

Sometimes I feel like the only one who has never breastfed. Hope you all can share with me the choice you made after giving birth. I would love to feel better about my decision not to. Thanks

threeangels - I would say that health professionals give their advice to fit in with the average person, ie this is usually someone who does want to breastfeed. Most women do want to but give up for a variety of reasons. The very fact that they feel guilt at all means that they aren't doing something they feel they should have been doing. It seems that you are a bit amibivalent about this. You say you feel "a little guilty" and that you know that "they are right". So... what are your true feelings (sorry to delve) ... does the idea of it seem really awful? If you feel happy with bottlefeeding then fine, but I sense that you are not 100% happy with this choice either...

As others have said you can always try to nurse and give it up if you really don't like it. You don't even need to make your mind up now. Wait till the birth and see how you feel and how your baby takes to it. You might find it is extremely easy (it can be) and to give up straight away would mean you put yourself to a lot of work when you can have the milk there literally on tap. A bit like walking to work when you have a perfectly functioning car sitting in the garage!

However I sense you don't even want to try and it is not for me to ask personal questions as to why you don't like the idea of it. Good luck with the baby anyway - when are you due?

SoupDragon - you say "Don't you think there's more than nutrition involved in giving your baby the best?" Yes but that is precisely what pro-breastfeeders say ... breastfeeding itself provides a lot more than nutrition ie comfort and immunological protection. A lot of people here mentioned lack of allergies but this isn't the only protection that breastfeeding provides - there is protection from stomach upsets, ear infections, diabetes, heart disease ....

... also benefits to mother with ovarian and breast cancer...

but I don't wnat to sound like an advert....

If a mother really feels that breastfeeding is going to make her very unhappy then its probably not a wise choice for her. However in many cases when a woman is trying to breastfeed and is very unhappy it is usually that there is something wrong with the breastfeeding which could be remedied which is different from saying that breastfeeding itself is wrong.

There are other very personal reasons why some women can't see themsleves breastfeeding.... no idea about 3angels here

As a doula I have recently witnessed a mother of 4 - labouring number 5... saying that for this one.... she would give BF a go (last four were bottlefed)... everyone was VERY surprised (including her husband).... and she liked it.
I have no idea what made her change her mind - but it was a lovely sight!

I breast fed my ds until 3 weeks before his first birthday. I loved it BUT all mothers should have the choice. I know some of my friends tried it and hated it. Every body to their own, do what you what to do and don't be pressurised by any one. Good luck.

SO sorry I havent been able to get back to the thread sooner. So many new comments too.

For all here who said maybe I could at least try it. Maybe that would be a good idea. I honestly did try with my 3rd when I was home from the hospital. I never planned on it while in the hospital. It just came to me to try after getting home in my own environment. It didnt seem to go right. So I gave up and I said to myself that I would just stick with bottles. At the time bottlefeeding seemed easier to me.

The reason I have been made to feel guilty in the past is because even after I stated during my pregnancy my intentions were to bottlefeed I was told over and over several times about the breastfeeding. Even after I made my wishes clear and it was noted in my chart. I realize doctors are there to make you aware of breastfeeding (which i feel is great) but they should not pressure you after you stated already what your plans were. I mean I feel it fine to ask if you are still planning to breastfeed but not keep bugging you to breastfeed. I know not all doctors do this but I have had this happen to me in 2 of my past pregnancies.

Maybe i am just a little on the embarrassed side when it comes to it. Don't ask me why but i would feel mortified breastfeeding infront of my mother covered up or not. Were always together and even more after I have a baby. I could never do it infront of my kids even covered up around them. I don't always want to be in the bedroom and I don't want to always be expressing for bottles either.

Oxoxocube - Beleive it or not I just told my mom 2 hrs ago. I sent her a card with a nice message. She called me when she got home. She was shocked but was thrilled in 5 minutes after talking. Alot different then i thought the conversation would be like.

My dh has to get on line for a little bit so i will be back later or tomorrow to add more. It's so hard to get caught up when your off line for a good while.

Batters - no offence taken at all. I have to say though that I am well aware that my colleagues do not all think the same as me. In fact though, the problem is usually that midwives are not supportive enough as already said, when there are problems. Mothers are often pressurised into giving their baby a bottle because of supposed poor weight gain or low blood sugars etc.
I know your friend did not get support for mixed feeding in hospital but to be honest I would have tried to persuade her against it in the first few weeks of establishing feeding. Introducing bottles so soon usually condemns you to not producing enough milk to be able to maintain feeding for any length of time. However - if I had a mum who, despite advice, wanted to do that I would say carry on. Some breastmilk is better than no milk.
The women who have the real problems are the ones who truly wanted to breastfeed but were given inadequate help and advice fron professionals and family lacking any real knowledge.

threeangels - are you saying you tried breastfeeding when you got home after having bottlefed at hospital? I ask because I think I'm right in saying that this is very difficult to do - once a baby has got used to the sucking action needed for a bottle it is very difficult for him to adjust to a bf action - if you want to bf I think it is best to do it right from the start. Is there a bf counsellor or someone who knows more than I do to clarify this?

Yes you are right. Some babies will adapt to the breast with no problems but many babies do not recognise what to do with the breast when they have 'learned' to bottle feed. It is for this reason that breastfed babies are not offerred teats or dummies in babyfriendly hospitals.

Eulalia, you've completely missed my point when I said "Don't you think there's more than nutrition involved in giving your baby the best?"

I breastfed for over a year each time but I have no doubts that some of my bottle feeding friends were better mothers than I was

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SoupDragon - oh sorry. Don't put yourself down though

I found breastfeeding ds1 hard going as he was a feisty little chap and used to tug at me and fight the whole process - most embarassing in front of people - we ended us mixing bottle and breast and I stopped feeding him myself at 7 months. DS2 seems to like it better and is more placid to feed so I'm actually enjoying it tthis time around - he's only a week old though so things may change - I also feel that it is important to get them used to a bottle either expressed or some formula so that they are not completely dependant on the mother. We have already given ds2 the odd bottle top up to get an extra hour or so out of him in the night!

I remember envying the bottle feeing mums first time around as their babies seemed to settle easier and pt of weight more quickly -but I'm glad I persisted - even the not having to get out of bed to prepare the bottle is a bonus.

Each to their own I say - dont be pressured - it's your baby.

mears I had to introduce mixed feeding early with both my boys (ds1 as he would only feed on the right hand side and honestly it was so sore I was going to die and ds2 as he was ftt- turned out he had an umbilical infection but that wasn't picked up until 6 weeks).

There are ways to do it to maximise continued feeding success. In both cases I fed first on the breast- even if it was only for a really short time and then topped up with the bottle. Once the problems had died down I cut back on bottles util both boys were back tp exclusive breastfeeding. I fed ds for 13 months (yep right side only), and ds2 is now approaching 14 months and is showing no signs of giving up (ds1 weaned himself at 13 months). The professionals were very down on my mixed feeding with ds1- and encouraged more and more bottles with ds2, but without it I simply couldn't have managed to continue bfeeding.

meant to say in both cases I was desperate to get rid of the bottles and back to exclusive breast- mianly becuase i hate sterilising bottles. I love breastfeeding as I don't have to be organised or lug bottles around with me.

threeangels, I respect your right to choose how to feed your baby, but am really bothered by your comment: "I could never do it infront of my kids even covered up around them." because it helps to transmit the embarrassment you obviously 'inherited' from your mum ("Don't ask me why but i would feel mortified breastfeeding infront of my mother covered up or not." I'm due in 4 weeks and dd has been asking me about feeding her new sister (she sees lots of other mums using either bottles or breastfeeding) and I've explained that the baby will have my milk & she can have her milk in her bottle at bedtime (she still remembers breastfeeding as we only dropped the last feed at just under 2, in the mornings when we were having a cuddle in bed). I'm keen for dd to see breastfeeding as a normal activity, and a choice for her when she grows up so she won't be embarrassed by what bits of her body are for. please don't take this the wrong way it's meant in good faith.

sorry, that winky smiley was completely inappropriate!

I did both with my second child, I have never had a plentiful supply of breastmilk and loved to breastfeed but had to supplement. I was lucky to have a child who adapted well to both. I would have a bottle by my side towards the end of the period of time when the breastmilk was running dry and then immediately offered her the bottle when she was getting frustrated at my breast.
In the end, she fell into a pattern where she bottle fed all day and breastfed all evening and through the night, she also preferred to breastfeed if she was feeling a little unwell,I believe it was more for comfort.
Don't feel guilty though, the issue is that you are feeding your child when it's hungry, not how you are feeding, make a choice and feel proud of it, don't listen to criticism and enjoy being a mum threeangels!

Hello bundle - Thanks for posting. After I posted that statement I felt a little odd after reading it but I couldnt really take it back after the fact. I think I am more embarrassed to breastfeed infront of my 13 yr old ds. As far as I know he has never been around anyone who chose to breastfeed. I'm sure he knows what it is it's just that he has never seen me nurse with any of my other children and it's never been an issue in our home. As far as my 10 yr old I probally would be ok with her. When I said mortified I just took it to the extreme (not really meaning it in those terms) just came out like that. Sometimes we tend to exaggerate at times. I do appreciate your posting.

Kathsmj - thanks for the post.

I do understand your feelings about embarrassment - i was quite a militant b/feeder but sometimes felt a bit bashful in the park or if I was alone in public. I breastfed in front of my then ten year old stepdaughter all the time. Fortunately she'd seen her mother b/f her other siblings so totally took in her stride. It is possible to feed discreetly and, if you start in hospital to get your supply 'primed' you don't have to do when your ds comes to visit intitially. You can do it when he's at school, during the night, and first thing in the morning before he's up. I mixed fed from the beginning as my supply was slow to arrive (but then had many days when all I did was breastfeed because it was more convenient) so you could either feed expressed milk from a bottle or give the odd bottle of formula if you felt you were making your son embarrassed. I hoped that seeing breastfeeding would be more likely to make my stepdaughter breastfeed any children she might have in the future and prevent her from being embarrassed too. Breastfeeding can be flexible and even if I gave a bottle during the day sometimes (for example, sometimes I really wanted to wear a summer dress so didn't breastfeed - selfish eh ) I could still feed last thing at night and early in the morning.

I believe that even a little breastmilk - and particularly the colostrum that comes in early - is beneficial for your baby, even if you don't feel you can continue for long.

Aloha - You gave me something to think about.

threeangels, thanks for your reply - you're so gracious . I felt a bit embarrassed feeding dd in front of my dad (me & sister were both bottlefed, v common in the 60's in the UK) but overcame this as like aloha I'm a bit of a militant breastfeeder. my main positive memories of breastfeeding are the convenience & intimacy I enjoyed with dd - bottles were a pain when we eventually got round to them - and felt very pleased with myself that my body could do something so clever! but don't do anything you don't feel comfy with

Bundle - my dad was one of the few people I felt uncomfortable feeding in front of. I'm the only girl, 2 elder brothers, all 60's bottle fed babies...

Threeangels, would your son be horribly embarrassed if you talked to him about the possibility of breastfeeding beforehand? I know a little how you feel. When bf-ing by first, I always went off in private somewhere as I did not want to "flaunt myself" in front of anyone! With DS2, I was more confident and practised in discretion so it was less obvious.

I was never a militant breastfeeder My only militant tendancy is my belief that everyone should give it a go, it doesn't matter if it doesn't work out for whatever reason.

Good luck!

Funny enough, almost the only person I feel embarrassed to feed in front of is my mother -- because she has terrible ideas about personal boundaries. When I was about 6yo and started to want privacy about nudity & toileting my mother used to harangue me about how I shouldn't be ashamed, should want to flaunt my body (she used to walk around nude), etc. She made me lift my shirt when I was 11 or 12 yo because she was curious how big my boobs were getting. It's still a kind of power-control thing between us, whether I get even slightly nuddy in front of her. But she is one of just 3 adults I've actually expressed milk in front of (now, expressing milk in front of other people, that is weird!).

The other awkward one was my 77yo grandfather... Then I realised that at his age, having lived & travelled around the world, he's seen everything before, anyway!!

My FIL was the one I was worried feeding in front of. The first few times we had that total eye to eye contact during a conversation. As time went by he got very relaxed and would ofetn say 'that wean needs a top-up' meaning that baby needs breast fed now

I wasn' too botheredabout bf-ing in front of my FIL, but he found it a bit unnerving to start with and used to take long walks down to the bottom on the garden whenever I mentioned it was nearly time for a feed Once or twice he came back a bit 'early' and suddenly 'realised' he hadn't weeded a tiny patch next to the shed or whatever and disappeared for another 10 mins! when ds arrived however it was tipping it down with rain the first time I needed to bf so the excuse was gone so he completely immsersed himsel with a crossword. After a couple of days of this I think he finally got used to it and was fine! Pity really cos we had a really weed free garden for nearly a year