Supernanny tonight - 3 yr old BF

[wittyusername]

Saw an ad for Supernanny tonight, one of the children is 3 and has up to ten feeds per day. Let's see if Supernanny sees this as a "problem" .

oh, don't know - it has just been a bit of a struggle though, and was having to supplement for a while. I think sometimes reading the literature just gets depressing as it doesn't seem to relate to my reality.

Sorry, veered right off topic.

I could smack Bloody Super Nanny, to wean a 3 year old in 2 days flat and to try to make her go to sleep by her self alone in her own room for the first time ever is, in my opinion, cruelty!

Why not reduce it down to two feeds a day, morning and bedtime, why the all or nothing response?

Why not stay with her until she goes to sleep, then use gradual withdrawal to help her learn to go to sleep alone, instead of being so brutal.

I hate these fucking "tough love" programs, it's awful, that poor little girl, she must be so confused and unsettled. I wonder if Super Nanny ever thinks about the long term effects of her "quick fix" solutions?

Having said that there seems to have been virtually no structure or discipline in the house, but this is going from one extreme to another!

my ds was bf until he was 3.5 yo - i have no idea what the problem this family is having relates to (will commnet more when i have seen the programme) but bf to this age is still hugely benefical to parents and child.

bf should not have a negative impact on behaviour, IF it has, you can bet you bottom dollar the issue is with other things and NOT the bf per se.

ds was only feeding once in the morning and once before bed at 3.5 - he dropped his feeds gradually throughout his bf experience, he never had to be pushed to start or stop.

this is how self-weaning is supposed to work. it is not nice forcing a child off the breast so suddenly. if an absolute must, then feeds should be dropped gradully not stopped in one go.

There is no discipline in this house, its shocking. The parents shout and swear at the children, and of course the kids swear and shout back at the parents.

Breastfeeding is not the issue here, it's to total lack of control that the parents have over themselves and thier children.

My 5 year old has a bedtime and a morning feed, her 2 year old sister has maybe a couple more with the odd night feed when teething etc, there was no need to force that little girl off the breast and into her own bed all at one go.

I agree greenmonkies, there were serious issues in that family but the cold turkey approach was just so sad to see. That poor little girl. DD had issues about going to sleep on her own in her own bed but it took us weeks to get from A to B.

It's just so frustrating that these programs always see breastfeeding an older child as a problem that needs to be fixed, a bad habit that needs to be broken.

And interesting that a program that has made it clear that breastfeeding is only ok for little babies is sponsored by Cow & Gate baby "foods".

The bad habit that needed to be broken was the mother was sitting on her backside all day breastfeeding and thus ignoring her other 2 children which is cruel. The girl was using breastfeeding to keep mummy all to herself, the two older boys were obviously being seriously neglected so acting accordingly.

The other program had exactly the same problem except the woman involved was also being paid to childmind the other children she was neglecting

I don't have a problem with extended breastfeeding but I do have a problem with older children suffering neglect whilst it happens. You don't cease to become a mother to older children when you breastfeed,their needs are just as important as a breastfeeding child. If you can't mother all your children properly whilst extended breastfeeding clearly it's time to stop as it was in this case.

i haven't seen the programme, but could someone tell me whether this woman had bf the 2 boys to that age too ?

i only caught the last few minutes on ch 4 + 1, any ideas whether i can watch it on catch up tv on virgin ?

Yes, MilaMae, I completely agree, but they could have reduced the number of feeds, instead of stopping cold turkey.

mila - there are lots of different ways of neglecting a child, of course bf should not be one of them. some mothers don't bf, but they still manage to ignore their children.
bf is clearly not the problem in this household, it is the anger issues of the parents (i caught the lasr few minutes when the parents ended up in anger therapy).

as i said earlier, if the girl was "using" her mother in this way, which i doubt, the problem would still come down to lack of rules and boundaries in that house, not bf per se. it is very cruel to "cold turkey" a bf child.

Is anyone really upset about seeing the wee boy being slapped by his mum

yes, rosycheeks, the slapping was horrible too, and a symptom of the anger and self-control issues that the family have.

I agree re the cold turkey(I had to put my hands over my ears) but I wonder if they came to the conclusion it was the best way forward for whatever reason. They brought in the professionals re the anger management so were clearly consulting with whatever professionals needed to be involved.

There were several problems anger being one and the breast feeding another. It was the fact the mother just ignored the other two to breastfeed throughout the day that made it a problem. I agree any mother can neglect but she was actively neglecting her sons whilst breast feeding. They needed her she ignored them. The girl did not need 10 feeds a day but they needed some attention and parenting from their mum.

the slapping is appalling, but what shocks me is that people do not see forced weaning off the breast as being as shocking as a slap on the face.

my paedetrician cousin (who should know better) gave her excl. bf baby to her mother for a week, so that she could wean her off the breast. now a 3 month old is different to a 3 year old, but believe you me if a 3 year old express themselves well verbally, they would tell you how it feels to be taken off their mother's breast in one single blow.

bf for people like myself and ds who chose to do it for longer than average (only 1% of children in this country are bf for 2 years or longer) is not just about drinking milk, it is an enormous physical and emotional bond between mother and child.

so YES to me forced weaning is the same as a slap on the face.

There were 2 other children to consider,it couldn't continue. What about their bond or do they just not matter?

To be ignored continually like that would be like being slapped in the face too.

I'm sure they would have continued with a nightime feed instead of continually through the day if it was an option. Nighttime was clearly a major issue too.

I dunno, the programme came on while I had the sound muted as I was on the phone (had been watching the show before it) and I didn't know what it was. I glanced up and saw a scene of a mother baring her breast and putting a child to it and something about the way it was presented made me feel uncomfortable.

I didn't even know it was Supernanny, or what age the chid was or anything, but I KNEW from that 2-second shot that it was being shown as something undesirable and a little weird, sinister even.

I thought if I'd had the sound on I would have been saying "but listen to the music, it's EVIL".

I only saw the slap.
Grrr.

i'm just watching this back and I am at the ferocity of the slap.

I thought they were going to focus on it a bit more than they did.

I felt so sorry for the wee girl when they showed her those pictures of the sun/moon, then just the moon and then nothing. I couldn't believe they were going to wean her so suddenly.

I wonder if some of the mothers subsequent behaviour was as a result of her hormones crashing down after stopping almost cold turkey. (It doesn't excuse the slap, but it may be an explanation)

This programme will, of course, just reinforce the general belief that bf a 3yo is a problem.

I think the problem is that until you have a baby and experience that mother / child bond you will rarely look at things in the same way. I am a Nanny and my Ds is 19wks old. I was always of the mind set that 'My baby will be in a routine, it's fine if he cries a bit, If I can't breast feed then formula is fine'. It's amazing how my views have changed and how intense my feelings for my son are. Personally I wouldn't want to be bf 10 times a day when he's 3 but I can't guarantee that I won't be. I do think the cold turkey approach was a bit harsh but I guess if SN only has a week to 'prove her point' then that's how it had to be.

At first I felt sorry for the parents but then when their language deteriorated I changed my mind. I think if my son called me a fing b**d I'd probably be tempted to slap him but I think I'd look hard and fast at where he learnt that language from first! The whole seat belt fiasco was .

Only saw a bit as the reception was terrible but I was a bit to see the big red NAUGHTY arrow - didn't really see the context but I assume that was for the naughty step?
As for the ridiculously quick weaning, yes that seemed quite horrible.

about the exbf/cosleeping stopping rapidly, don't forget the context though...she wasn't weaned abruptly into a pit of seething chaos and left to find her own way in the world was she? the girl was weaned into a supported family with both parents finally beginning to be able to offer her other emotional sustenance/bonds.

thing that made me was...if it's a 6 minute car ride to the shops WHY are you taking the car on a warm and sunny day without appropriate seat belts etc? give the noisy sods souls a shopping cart to help pull and go and get some exercise. sure they may play up, but it won't deafen you and they won't end up like that dreadful pizza on the windscreen advert...

ach, the girl was fine with quick weaning