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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Has anyone won round a family that were uncomfortable with the whole breastfeeding thing?

63 replies

MrsTittleMouse · 20/08/2008 12:47

I've posted a bit about this on my AIBU "postnatal" thread. I thought that I might be able to get some more practical help here though.

Short background - I come from a family that has very few babies and even less BFing. Only other BFer in the family did it for a short while for the good of the baby, but didn't seem very comfortable with it and seemed relieved to stop even though she didn't have practical problems - so no peer support.

Last time I BF DD1 for 10 months. My parents were fine (they're quite open about bodies and stuff generally) but my extended family and the ILs were obviously very uncomfortable about BFing and assumed that I would want to feed "in private" in a very embarrassed way. So with a very greedy DD1 I ended up feeding in bedrooms on my own whenever we visited anyone, and for Christmas etc. Which I found very lonely and to be honest I felt like a bit of an outcast doing something very shameful.

I'm now due to deliver again soon and I want to give BFing a good go again. I don't want to make a big issue over this if I can, but the thought of being banished for 10 months like last time makes my heart sink. Has anyone ever gently managed to win around their family? I BF in public with no problems, even though I was a bit shy at first, because I taught myself in front of a mirror to be very discrete - in fact sometimes people didn't even realise that I was feeding.

OP posts:
chefswife · 22/08/2008 07:12

before i left England, i think i saw a report that the government was trying to pass a law that women who BF in public after baby is 6months old would be charged with indecent exposure. anything new on this?

tiktok · 22/08/2008 09:59

chefswife - eek, NOOOOOO!!! That was not the case at all!

The story was that the government were planning on introducing a law to protect women from harrassment for breastfeeding. So it would become illegal to ask a woman to stop breastfeeding for any reason.

The '6 month' thing came about because the initial reports of the proposed law indicated that this protection from harrassment would only exist to age 6 mths. Since then, it has become clear that any law will not stop at 6 mths.

harpsichordcarrier · 22/08/2008 10:00

breastfeeding is not indecent exposure how ludicrous a suggestion is that

chefswife · 25/08/2008 02:01

i thought it was ludicrous as well but hey, you never know what kinda crazy laws the government will pass sometimes. good to hear that it is not going to be the case.

gameboy · 25/08/2008 02:53

You have my sympathies Mrs TM as my inlaws were EXACTLY like this, and it made me so miserable AND created divided loyalties for DH - I was hugely disappointed that he didn't back me up more .

I had ALL the comments about starving DS, not knowing how much he's getting, it being easier to FF etc, along with MIL's insistance that of course she 'couldn't' BF, as she just 'didn't have any milk' (i.e. didn't even try...)

I brazened it out, but was also left in the living room alone if I was feeding, or was expected to leave the dining room table.

However I remember a particularly smug moment when I casually asked FIL what a newspaper headline was all about - it was along the lines of "BF babies much less likely to suffer asthma".

I have to confess I bitchily said, "ah, that's interesting. Well, hopefully that means DS won't suffer that. DH's asthma causes him a few problems doesn't it...?"

AnnVan · 25/08/2008 05:38

Hi I'm coming at this SORT OF from the other side. I'm bang alongside BF, and pg with first child. I plan to BF. However, when My sister had her daughter, what I found uncomfortable, was that she'd just haul her boobs out. I didn't have a problem with bef in front of us, but could she maybe have been a little discreet. This was in front o our brother as well. I think it's because she made such a huge deal out o it, always going 'you want this don't you cherub as she hsuled her norks out. YEs BF in ront o me, that's fine. But please be a LITTLE discreet at least??

moondog · 25/08/2008 06:39

Ann, noonoe has to look.
I note on other thread you are waiting for your baby to arrive. i promise you, what seems weird before they come is perfectly normalafterwards.

BouncingTurtle · 25/08/2008 07:18

AnnVann - believe me once you've waved your fanjo at God knows how many midwives/doctors etc., and then stripped off naked when you get too hot in the delivery room, you lose quite a bit of body modesty
Congrats and good luck, btw!

AnnVan · 25/08/2008 07:48

I suppose maybe I should clarify that it wasn't her bfing in front of us that was the problem. It was the WAY she did it. SHe advertised. It all had to be done with much show, and a running commentary. If she'd just done it in a matterr of fact way, and got on with it, I think that would have been fine. It was the smarmy showing off, and the running commentary that was the problem.

Ireckon I will probably bf in front of family, no way I will be getting up and trekking upstairs every time baby is hungry. But I won't make a west end production of every feed like my sister did.

AnnVan · 25/08/2008 07:49

Oh and PMSL at bf not being 'natural' hilarious!

moondog · 25/08/2008 07:59

Well I didn't do the 'West End' prduction either but I did plenty of banging on about the pilitical and sociological implications of it to all near parties for a while!

Ann, often women do it because they feelreally proud of themselves and with goodreason.It's afantasticfeeling to know your body made a baby and can feed it too for moths and months. Sheer magic.

It's the thing i am most proud of in the whole wide world.

AnnVan · 25/08/2008 08:31

Lol Moondog. I guess me and my sis are just very different people. She's always been very in your face with everything, whereas I've always been a more restrained person.

I have to say I find the idea of familys not accepting bf as so alien. My mum bf'd us, except for my sister (not by choice, nurses bottle fed sis straight after birth, and she never would take to bf after that ) Whole amily just thinks of bf as the normal thing to do, unless you have problems which mean you have to ff.

Pinkglow · 28/08/2008 16:02

I went through a stage of not wanting to breastfeed but my DH was quite strongly all for it. In order to get him on my side a bit more I asked him how he would feel if we were around his parents house and I wanted to breastfeed and his dad was sitting there.

He just said 'my dad wont have a problem with it and if he does ill say something to him'

My mum went through similar when she breastfeed all four of us, she said that at the time (about 25 years ago) everyone was going for ff and she was the only one in the estate who was breast feeding, she said she got all kinds of comments including 'oh your poor husband I bet he doesnt like you doing that'

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