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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Help!! I am trying to wean ds2 of breast, He is crying and refusing bottle. feel ready to give in.

73 replies

champs · 15/02/2005 16:52

Ho all. I am pg and have been advised to stop bf as I am sick and v. tired. Ds is 1 and a half so is ok to stop bf. The thing is as some of you may remember (i went on enough about it)
he doesn't take bottle, I tried a cup and a soft spout. He has taken a couple since I started to wean yesturday but he is now crying for so long I feel horrid. I am going to cry too. I feel v.bad but i dont enjoy bf as am pg and nipples are tender.
I need help!!!!
I still gave breast last night as I dont want to cut him off completely.

OP posts:
Original poster
champs · 15/02/2005 21:45

ty kwickath, I just feel so mean even tho I kno he doesn't need it he is using it for comfort alot. He also will drink juice and water from cup, but not milk.

hmo2--- ds1 was totaly different, he stopped at about 8mths and didn't look back, He had no probs taking a bottle either, I'm wonderirng if the fact he had a dummy was something to do with it. maybe it got him used to teat and also comforted him. ds2 doesn't have a dummy as it took us ages to wean ds1 from his.

ty emkana, I had some wonderful advice from KMS(hi!!) who also gave me a link to a health site which put my mind at rest as to if I was harming unborn baby by feeding as doc said it needed all the nutrients that ds2 was getting. I just feel so tired and sick and have been off work for 6weeks due to it and I feel drained when I feed. I am sick alot and think ds2 wont be getting enough nutrients neither the baby. I didn't mind feeding him whilst pg after reading article but just feel so ill. I am gonna give it this week and next as dh is off work on hols so have support. If he really doesn't get to grips with it I may leave it for a while.

morningpaper--- I am dreading the nights, am not cutting them out right now, will do so later this week or maybe next week.

ty hunkermunker--- haven't heard of book will look out for it as it sounds interesting. never offer and never refuse? how do they stop if you keep giving it? not being funny btw, am honestly asking cos dont understand. thanks for congrats!!

thanks for congrats motherinferior!! how are you?

gwenick--- did he just stop wanting it? dont even mention housework, i've just about managed to cook!!!!

SP--- has he dropped any other feeds?? I too want to know how never refusing works

np hercules ty for input.

OP posts:
Gwenick · 15/02/2005 21:49

PArt of the reason is because of allergies, excema and asthma.

It's strange because all the reading I've done on the subject states that's the benifit newborns get from being BF.......that's why they say even if you only manage to feed for a short time you're still giving the baby a good start in life.

And my opinion on the 2yrs thing is exactly that - my opinion.

Gwenick · 15/02/2005 21:53

oh and I also think that all of the emphasis on 'less infections', 'fewer allergies', 'greatly lowers the risk of asthma' etc etc can be quite misleading.

I was BF - and suffered from Asthma as a baby, and am very allergic to cats.

My brother was bottlefed - is still slightly asthmatic, but has never had any allergies.

My DS1 was BF until 14 months (never touched any other milk before then) and has seasonal asthma, and is ill quite frequently,

DS2 was bottlefed and has been to the Dr.s 2 times since he was born.

And I know I'm not the only case of BF babies being prone to illness too - I'm not saying that the information is 'wrong' - as studies do show it LOWERS the risks of these things, however, most of the information given to mothers indicates that it's like a magic formula (perhaps the wrong word but you know what I mean) which will stop those things happening.

Gwenick · 15/02/2005 21:54

champs - he stopped some of them entirely on his own, I wouldn't offer at the times he normally had it and for several of the feeds it was almost like he'd 'forgotten' that he had them. The others I cut out. Housework...........well that gets done in little spurts now and again LOL

Original poster
champs · 15/02/2005 22:01

lol, very little in my case
ds1 is crying again now. I hugged him as he came to me but it just breaks my heart especially as he is saying there, and touching my top. dh has him now..... I am close to just giving him some he hasn't had any all day so it is still good isn't it? Or will I be doing it wong and making it harder? arggggg I dont know

OP posts:
Gwenick · 15/02/2005 22:04

any chance you could cut out all/most of the day ones and still give him perhaps a morning and night time one (ie when he first gets up and just before he sleeps?) and then cut those out? Or do you really need to stop mow?

bobbybob · 15/02/2005 22:04

Gwenick: So all the research is misleading because you personally are allergic to cats and your ds is ill a lot?

Gwenick · 15/02/2005 22:09

bobbybob - please read what I said - I clearly stated that the reserach is NOT wrong, but that the information parents are given is often misleading...........as a first time mum who BF her DS1 for 14 months I was quite shocked and upset to discover that he was very prone to chest infections, and then later to find he has seasonal asthma - it was only much later (after DS2 was born) that I discovered that BF only helped to REDUCE the risk, not to get rid of it.

And I know I wasn't the only one - a dear friend of mine who had a DD just before my DS1 was born was distraught that her exclusively BF baby was allergic to cows milk and wheat as well as having dreadful exczema (sp). Again it was only later she realised that her BF would only have helped to reduce the risk not to eliminate.

I think it's another case of health professional RIGHTLY saying Breast is Best (I don't disgaree wtih that at all) and saying how wonderufl it is, but frequently missing out about cracked nipples, difficulty latching on, mastitis, very demanding and also the fact that while it of COURSE best for baby it doesn't mean that your child isn't going to be ill.

HunkerMunker · 15/02/2005 22:10

Champs, the never offer, never refuse thing is what's often quoted in baby-led weaning from the breast, but in practice...I think it can be 'never offer, never refuse, but do your damndest to distract them from wanting it!'

Can you do as others have said and give a morning and evening feed and try to distract him the rest of the day. To make him go cold turkey will be very hard for him, and who knows, in a couple of days/weeks it may all settle down and he might be down to one feed at night? I think by stopping him entirely immediately, you will make for one very unhappy little boy and a whole pile of stress you don't need, but I may be totally wrong. Just remember that he's been breastfed for his whole life - he doesn't know any different. It's a huge part of his relationship with you.

I know it's hard though, hun. Going through a different issue with DS at the mo - he's thumping me and pushing me as he feeds (lovingly...!). It's hard work, this breastfeeding lark, isn't it?!!

HunkerMunker · 15/02/2005 22:12

But anyone who thinks that breastfeeding will keep their child totally healthy forever is mental. And what if you hadn't been breastfed or breastfed your DS?

I was bottlefed from 14 weeks. I have eczema, allergies to various foods, an appalling immune system and am the least 'healthy' of my siblings (who were breastfed to 8 months and a year). So I 'prove' the research - lol!

Gwenick · 15/02/2005 22:17

hunker - I'm not saying that we thought our children would be totally health free - but when out of 7 in our group only one was bottlefed and he was the only one that didn't really have anything wrong with him in his first year it was very offputting for us. We were all first time mums, all of us the first amongst our peers to have babies so had no-one else to 'fall back' on.

We'd all attended diffrent antenatal classes (some of them NCT ones) where we told about the wonderful benifits of breastfeeding, but none of us where prepared for that fact that it wans't an easy ride, that our babies could still have allergies, asthma or as many infections as their Bottlefed peers. And 4yrs ago there wasn't half as much information available on line as there is today.

Gwenick · 15/02/2005 22:19

oh and I also don't like people who twist my words to make it seem like I'm saying the research is wrong. I merely stated MY opinion on the matter and stressed that fact..................

dinny · 15/02/2005 22:20

lol, hunker, my ds really hits me hard as he feeds at the moment. roughly thumps/pushes his arm across my chest! v possessive, I always think, don't you?

Original poster
champs · 15/02/2005 22:30

gwenick-- I am still feeding at night so not cold turkey. feels like it tho when he's crying!!

hunker-- ahh baby led weaning, that might explain it.

OP posts:
Original poster
champs · 15/02/2005 22:35

dinny and hunker--- how odd!! sounds like they're trying to get boob away from you, not realising it cant come off. ds sometimes tries to get uo to watch tv ar move off somewhere with boob in his mouth!!

OP posts:
HunkerMunker · 15/02/2005 22:40

No, DS is happily munching away still, he's just really strong and enthusiastic in his affections! Think it may have something to do with him having a bottle when I'm at work (do one day and one evening a week) - I notice he loops his arms round my boob and pulls down like he might with a bottle sometimes!

Gwenick, I wasn't having a go, hun, honest!

HunkerMunker · 15/02/2005 22:41

Dinny, didn't read your post properly - yes, very possessive! He pats my boobs when we're out if he wants milk and I'm not very forthcoming offering it!

Original poster
champs · 15/02/2005 22:47

lol, ds does that and even tries to pull up my top. when I'm slow. also he has a way of wanting boob out in open as it were, when I'm in public I try to hide it and he pulls up my top up or pushes the blanket/coat I've used to hide!!

OP posts:
HunkerMunker · 15/02/2005 22:50

Yep, DS is a fresh-air to boob feeder too. He's yet to need to twiddle the other nipple while he's feeding - hope he never does!

But he does pull away to inspect my nipple, stroke it gently with one finger (very briefly in an interested and puzzled kind of way), giggle, then latch back on again with a 'yum' sound. Makes me laugh and laugh (quietly - don't want to encourage him!).

SofiaAmes · 15/02/2005 22:51

Oh you poor thing. I've been there! I had to stop bfing my ds when he was 15 months as I was a few months pregnant with dd and it was killing me. Not only was it super painful, but I had terrible sickness and couldn't keep down enough food to keep up the energy to keep up the bfing. I had already introduced a sippee cup for meals and never gave ds a bottle. And had taken him down to only 2 feeds a day (before bed and in morning). I went cold turkey overnight and stopped the bfing. The secret was getting dh to put ds to bed and get him up in the morning for the next 10 days or so. I made myself scarce during those periods. Since ds didn't associate dh with bfing, his urges didn't seem to get triggered and we got relatively little crying. By the end of the 10 days he had completely forgotten about the bfing and didn't even remember when dd was born (7 months later). good luck.

Original poster
champs · 15/02/2005 22:54

lol, are you sure we dont have the same baby mine does that too!! getting abit sad again now as i did intend to feed him till he weaned himself before I got pg.

thanks sofia, did he sleep thru the night?

OP posts:
HunkerMunker · 15/02/2005 22:55

If we do have the same baby, can you go and settle him - he's just woken up crying and DH isn't having much luck!

Original poster
champs · 15/02/2005 22:56

lol, that proves it then mine is still sleeping after crying to sleep prob dreaming what a horrid mummy I am.

OP posts:
mears · 15/02/2005 22:57

champs - could anyone look after him for you during the day? My sister had a real problem getting her DD2 off the breast and onto solids at 9 months. I took her for 2 days and my sister just came at night and fed her before she went to bed. I got up to her during the night and by the second day she was eating finger foods because she was hungry. She also settled well at night. Just breaking her routine helped my sister wean her from the breast.

HunkerMunker · 15/02/2005 22:59

I'm sure he isn't Champs. I'm sure he's dreaming nice things about his new brother or sister

DH is doing better with DS - he's better at settling him at night because his boobs don't work

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