woman at work called me 'bitty'

[timewaster]

Was upset this morning when talking to a couple of women at work. Both of them have bf their babies and I was saying that I would like to slowly start to wean ds off the breast, but wanted to do it gradually so as not to traumatise ds (or myself either!)
One of the women, an older one started saying 'bitty' and said that I should just stop feeding him full stop, refuse the breast and 'just stop it'. She implied that I was feeding him for my own benefit and not his, that he didn't need breast milk anymore, had his own antibodies and only women in 3rd world countries should bf their babies for longer than a few months.
I tried to talk about the emotional element of bf and was given a look, and told to give him a cup of cow's milk.
I know it is nothing new, read similar threads on here before, but really upset me and made me feel like I am weird stupid woman doing something shameful.
Dh said to me this evening that I should just have told her to feck off. I am too nice for my own good!
ds is 11 months old! Still a baby!

I had a similar conversation with a woman at work and when I said the WHO recommends bfeeding till age 2, she said "oh that's just because women in 3rd world countries can't afford cow's milk so it would be tactless to tell them to give it to their babies."

Some people are so mind-bogglingly stupid they are not worth talking to.

I lie Port&lenmons' approach . But that's not to say there's not a lot of truth in elasticwoman's comment.

Well done on getting so far

I mentioned the WHO recommendations aswell, and received similar comments to elastic woman. Was told that the WHO recommendations are based on a study of "only 100 women in the 3rd world" and therefore not applicable in the UK.
It is so ironic as I am a nurse and work in NHS and yet have had very limited support to be able to express at work and been told that I can't be excused from nights while I am bf and just need to "sort my baby out so that he doesn't want milk at night as he doesn't need it".
These 2 factors are part of the reason that I am beginning to wean ds, as it is getting stressful trying to juggle.
It makes my blood boil when I am told to leave ds to cry at night.

Spidermama -

"You could look at her sympathetically if she does it again and say, softly and sincerely, 'Oh dear. Have I touched a nerve?'"

Will be using that if am ever in the OP's situation!

OP there is no use trying to reason with someone who is so ignorant. Just retort by insulting the stupid old wagon - or alternatively choose to take offence at her nastiness.

timewaster & for you. Shocking that anyone in the nhs can speak to you like that.
How old is ds? Have you complained to anyone?
If it helps I was a stubborn cow and expressed in car parks etc as my work was road based. In a quite short period of time though my boobs adapted to when I was able to directly feed dd and I am still feeding at 2.4

yes Jackstini, I have expressed in some odd places - including the fluids store (room full of cardboard boxes), in the prayer room, the doctor's seminar room and the staff loos (yuck) and in an office while 2 of the sisters sat at their pcs and did their paperwork. (my boobs got performance anxiety that time though and only got a couple of mls! )
Still seem to be making enough to feed him when I'm at home though.

By the way does anyone know if the comment about the WHO studies is true (that it is based on a sample of 100 mums and babies) it sounds like bollox to me but am too tired today to look it up.

timewaster - I assume as a nurse you are part of a trades union, and in that case, this could be something your union works on

• getting a safe, easily-accessible means of expressing and storing milk
• allowing time off in work time to do this
• engendering a supportive attitude among employers and colleagues

There may already be a policy in place.

The WHO stuff is based on a thorough overview of many studies looking at breastfeeding and infant health in settings all over the world - you can check out the work of Kramer and Kakuma, or the Cochrane database. I can't imagine where the idea of 100 babies in the 3rd world came from - someone's head?

wot you wrote in brackets is bollox. Lots of research in lots of countries, developed and lesser developed have shown that babies and children and mothers continue to benefit as long as feeding continues.

Unfortunately, there is not enough data past 2 yrs old to make rubost claims beyond 2 yrs.

one reply I have seen before on here is
"Oh - I never expected you to have unresolved issues around breastfeeding. I wonder what caused that"

followd by the most patronising smile you can manage

i know it's trite to say this but i'd think 'oh fuck of you silly bitch'

god, some people are just wankers.

Piratecat, yours is the most appealing answer!
But I think that tiktok is right - need to address the whole workplace attitude really as it should be an embarrasment to us all.
The senior nurse is back next week from a years maternity leave, she is lovely and I intend to speak to her about how difficult I have found it since I got back and only managed to continue bf because I am part time and was pretty keen to bf ds to at least a year.

that quote about the WHO research was apparently from one of the women's HVs!!
I suppose I don't like to start arguing about the benefits of what I'm doing etc.. because worry that people would percieve it as criticism of their decision to formula feed and try not to offend. (although everyone I work with claims it wasn't a decision... they didn't have enough milk for dcs)
As I said I can be too bloody nice (or too wimpy) for my own good.

But he's still only little . What the f* is she talking about?

I fed my last until he was 4.5. Why does it matter to anyone else what you do?

Ormiron - some people think bf is old fashioned and only done by those who can't afford "proper" milk. Old attitudes die hard.

What I can't understand is why some people accept that human milk contains antibodies against disease, and yet STILL associate it with poverty, subjugation of women etc. They are not ignorant of the facts but continue to be duped by the most successful marketing story of the 20th century.

sorry - Ormirian.

It was mentioned that as my ds was a boy he would not self wean as 'boys love breasts'
I think the whole idea that he enjoys it (and me too) and is not just seeking nutrients is a big issue to some people. Find this whole avenue of thought totally ridiculous so did not mention it previously but I think that is one of the reasons she got so judgemental Ormirian.

timewaster sorry that you have to put up with silly old bints like that at work. perhaps their boobs are all shrivelled?
Can i ask you not to fall into the same trap of making a judgement re
"although everyone I work with claims it wasn't a decision...they didn't have enough milk for dcs " -can i please just say as a mum who tried to breastfeed (unsuccessfully due to lo's medical condition and my boobs "performance anxiety" ) please don't judge people who can't/don't/won't breastfeed. what mums need is support amongst and for each other. not judgeyness (!)

apologies

So now we've established that women can be "judged" for bf, and also for not bf, can we realise that whatever you do, some one will love to criticise you for it, and often try to get their criticism in first, before you criticise them for not doing it. Applies to practically everything legal, not just bf.

Thanks tw!
If that old bag makes another comment about your bfing,and really annoys you, how about you
narrowing your eyes assessingly, level them at her boobs and say
"Ah,yes but I don't have your problem. Mine are symmetrical"

"everyone I work with claims it wasn't a decision...they didn't have enough milk for dcs"

Jamescagney, as you can see, timewaster was talking about claims she has heard out of the mouths of people she works with. Not making judgements about anyone else who clicks on her thread on a messageboard.

please don't make something personal when no such intention was presented. I don't want this to sound like a criticism and I can understand how difficult it may be to read when someone wanted bf to work out and it didn't. But sometimes it is worth taking a step back and reflect on what has actually been said before posting.

it is just that women like timewaster are looking for a place to vent and hopefully support for her decision and the anonymity of the web can help her do that as it can be so hard to find similar confidence and support irl.

well said elastic woman. Am not going to post anymore, as don't want to commit any more horrible judgy crimes.
Thanks for responses everyone, have been helpful. I feel more relaxed about the whole thing.

(although everyone I work with claims it wasn't a decision... they didn't have enough milk for dcs)
kiskidee, tw put a sceptical face after the comment is a judgement, non?
I agree that it is a good idea to reflect before posting
as you were!