I was really sad to see this

[stroppyknickers]

Today we went to a paediatric appointment (so lots of families in waiting room) and the woman next to me was wearing a weird black shroud type thing. Then, she plucked a baby from under it - it was to cover up the fact she was breastfeeding.

There are many reasons why a woman might not feel comfortable feeding in public without covering up. Not everyone is as confident as you are, stroppy.

I would have used something like that if I had needed to; I am very large of nork and it made discreet feeding very difficult. I didn't have an issue with it, but I can see quite easily that other women might.

There is no need to feel sad; the woman who is feeding obviously doesn't and it's her feelings which are important when it comes to feeding her own baby, not yours.

Does it really matter what she used though? She chose to cover up and found a way that suits her. I don't know why this is sad?I covered up even at home in front visitors or even DP, there was no way in the world anyone was seeing my rolls of baby fat! And if there was a purpose built designer covery up thingy I probably would have bought it as I bought everything I saw that was baby related

I agree with thisismynewname. She was breastfeeding her baby in public and she still makes people feel sad because of the way that she does it?

The way that you breastfeed is right for you, it doesn't mean that it is right for everyone else!

OK - I agree to disagree. I can feel this getting unpleasant, and really don't need to get into that.

Good for her for breastfeeding.

P.S I think this might kick off.

But it doesn't matter whether you disagree, stroppy. She was feeding her baby in a way which she was comfortable with ... what's to be sad about?

Rather that than feel so intimidated or self-conscious that she felt she couldn't breast-feed at all, surely?

P.P.S I'm thinking of getting me one of them there breastfeeding ponchos actually.

Stroppy,

I understand completely what you mean, I am always a bit sad when I see someone hiding behind one of these things. To me it takes away one of the "plus" point of bf, in so much as you don't need special equipment for it. I feel that it is sad that any woman feels self conscious and insecure enough to feel she has to hide herself (and her baby) whilst bf, it is natural, it is what boobs are for, and the answer to those who are worried that others may be shocked or offended by the sight of a mother nursing a baby/child is actually for the sensitive person to look away, not for the mother to have to cover up.

Perhaps we nursing mothers should carry muslins or blankets to offer said over sensitive people, so that they can huddle in an embarressed blob under the blanket instead of the nursing mother?

Monkies

(who is neither a flasher nor obessively discrete, just gets on with it with minimal fuss!)

I'm too self-conscious to wear a bikini greenmonkies - am I a disappointment to you too?

GreenMonkies - thankyou for being more verbally literate than me!
WWB - It's not this one woman, it's the general weirdness that other people seem to have about breastfeeding that makes people feel they should cover up to this degree.
This is... - bikinis/ breastfeeding, vague link. Wd certainly be easier to breastfeed in than wearing a tent!

Stroppy - see numerous comments on thread re: not wanting to show off large norks/baby fat. Some people are happy and confident in their bodies, others are not - hence me mentioning bikinis.

NOt surprised you couldn't make the link though, you seem incapable of putting yourself in others shoes.

I don't think the OP was being critical of the bf lady, and I'm a little surprised so few people can empathise with her POV.

Most of us are happy to display some body parts but not others. Unfortunately breasts often fall into the category of "I'd rather not have these parts of mine in public view". Unfortunate, because this often extrapolates to others thinking "I wish you wouldn't show your breasts".

And the pressure to "be discreet" continues.

I feel a little sad that our culture isn't as blase about breasts as it is about hands or ears. It would make feeding a baby much easier.

If a formula feeding mother felt the need to cover up her baby and her bottle rather than just feed openly, I'd feel sorry for her, and I would wish she didn't feel the need to hide too.

I feel it's just sad that we live in a society where there is even a question of whether breasts should be covered when feeding a baby.

This is - sorry that you feel the need/ ability to be anonymously rude. Based on my one posted opinion, you can make a reasoned character assessment? I'm a grown up, having a debate, not being rude about or to anyone. Let's not continue this.

I think what I'm trying to say is this;

I don't feel the need to wear gloves, as my hands are useful, not remotely embarrassing, and far easier employed when unencumbered with garments.
No-one has ever criticised me for having my hands on display, or shot me a drty look, or made me feel self-concous about them. They are hands, and they are useful.

I wish the same rules applied to breasts.

I made my assessment based on this statement:

"No-one should feel uncomfortable breastfeeding with kids and families around."

It does show an inability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. You have no idea if/why she felt uncomfortable with displaying more of herself and you demonstrate no willingness to try to understand.

I used a muslin/blanket when in public. I don't show my tits to the world, in a bikini or topless. I prefer to keep them for me or any partner. Doesn't matter if feeding, they are my boobs, nothing to do with anyone else. I dont show my belly off either

Why is that sad??

Also for me, feeding was a private thing, I didn't need or want the world to share it with me

My "i" button is not workng properly. I can spell, honestly.

put em away vlc no-one wants to see

minority - I don't think the OP thinks you are sad.

I can understand why you, and also I on occasion, want to be discreet, and that is entirely personal choice.

The 'sad' refers to the pressure to do this. If boobs were generally considered as unremarkable as hands, it would never occur to us to be so private about them.

I don't think offence is intended, or judgement implied.

Stroppy, my point really is that, whether you, I or anyone else feels it necessary or not, something like this can be very enabling for some women.

We can't know this particular woman's reasons for wanting to cover up so it's pointless to speculate on that, but I do know from experience that it's not necessarily society's prejudices which makes women feel self-conscious about their bodies or about breastfeeding in public.

My norks were 48KK when I was feeding; I would defy anyone to try and be discreet or uninhibited whilst a baby was grappling with those! I chose to cover up with a scarf, and I was perfectly happy with that. I find it confusing that something as simple as a cover-up, which enabled me and others to feed without feeling self-conscious, causes such annoyance in other people.

What would have been the alternative for me - giving a bottle of formula every time I went out? It wasn't going to happen. But if I hadn't been able to cover myself up, maybe I wouldn't have had any choice.

Better to breastfeed in a way which suits the mother than not at all, don't you think? Regardless of her reason for doing so.

what, no-one?

but they're so cool.

She was probably just self-conscious. I know I was and always used a muslin cloth over my shoulder when in public. I just was not confident with bf though.

I am always impressed with women who are so confident with bf. I just hated it when not at home, felt nervous, wanted to get DS to latch on as quickly as possible, and dreaded the thought someone would get a glimpse of a nipple! (!)

Once sorted and baby feeding, no probs. Just could not relax though. My own issues, and I really should just not have cared.

Poor woman. I just think well done her for finding a solution she's happy with.

wigwam, I agree to a point, but you imply that discretion is a goal. Why so?

that is what I lament.

I feel no annoyance towards any mother, bf of ff, cape, muslin or bare breasted, but it does feel to me that people frequently expect discretion (or complete invisibilty) from me as a bf mother sometimes.

And I comply a lot. [weak]

And am therefore complicit.

Greenmonkies, yes, it is what boobs are for etc.... and my own issues of insecurity in public were nothing to do with someone seeing me breastfeeding, but had everything to do with my own feelings about my boobs- be they 'milk containers' or not(!)
I have always hated my 'bee stings', and I wish I could have just got on with it.
I probably would have breastfed one hell of a lot longer than 4mths, and 2mths, respectively.

So, the fact there is stuff out there like that is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. (I know this thread is not about me(!), but I can see it from this woman's point of view, 'tis all.....)