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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Had quite a sad conversation today...

35 replies

OracleInaCoracle · 01/07/2008 21:38

with a friend from college. she is 22 and has a 4yo daughter, tried to bf but found it very difficult so gave up after 2d. was worried that dd wasnt getting any milk and "formula was just as good".

we were having a casual conversation about weaning and general feeding of our children, and i told her that bm alters according to the needs of your baby etc, etc and she kept asking me lots of questions. in the end i pointed her to BMA and hunkers blog (and mn of course) she said that if she'd known this then she would have persevered. she had no idea that bm was so much better for both of them and the mw's sort of assumed that she would ff, so she did for an "easy" life.

before i get flamed here, i will state that i also ff, i tried to bf but was too tired and ill. i just cant help but wonder how many women don't actually make the informed decisions that they think they do when deciding how to feed their lo's, and that such a shame.

OP posts:

thelittlestbadger · 01/07/2008 21:47

I certainly didn't. I knew BM was better but didn't realise how much worse FF was and wasn't really in a state to do that research after DD was born. I now really wish I had, and feel very strongly that I will try v.hard to feed another baby and will properly fight to do so instead of letting MWs/HVs fob me off when I'm tired, uncomfortable and miserable.

K999 · 01/07/2008 21:47

Hi Lissie. I suspect this kind of scenario is quite common. It's like anything in life - the more support and encouragement you have the greater the results!

I bf and ff.....and to be honest I dont regret ff. It was the correct choice for me and my family. I know that bf is best but imo formula is not poison.

Hope you are well!! Still planning to move here soon??

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 01/07/2008 21:50

ohgod k999, def not poison! (nice to see you btw) but i think a lot of women make decisions based on half facts. and thats a shame. (not moving up there now btw, got house down here)

thelittlestbadger, i think thats a v common scenario.

OP posts:

K999 · 01/07/2008 21:53

that's a shame....was looking forward to that glass of wine!!

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 01/07/2008 21:54

me too! how are you btw?

OP posts:

K999 · 01/07/2008 21:56

good - am loving working!! (how long that will last I dont know!!)

Moving house in the summer.....am off for two weeks soon so hopefully will be able to catch a few hours on MN!!

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 01/07/2008 21:57

OP posts:

sabire · 01/07/2008 23:11

I didn't have a CLUE when I had my first. I wanted to bf because I thought it'd be a nice experience, and it was (eventually!). I still saw bottlefeeding as a completely normal part of being a mum though - it was just one of those things that EVERYONE did at some point.

Now I understand more about the subtlety and complexity of breastfeeding and am shocked that I was so ignorant - that I was allowed to be so ignorant! Why didn't anyone tell me?

And the more I've learned about formula - how it's made and marketed, the more antipathy I've felt towards it. My younger two have never had artificial milk. I think the companies who make it are guilty of manipulative, unethical behaviour in relation to their marketing in this country and abroad, and wouldn't buy their products unless I absolutely had no choice.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/07/2008 23:18

lissie - there was a 16 year old girl on my post-natal ward who wanted to b/feed and had some good support from her mum to do it. The mw's seemed really irritated by it though, and that she was finding it quite hard.

At one point a mw said (in earshot of the mother) "I don't know why she's bothering - most teenagers aren't able to b/feed anyway". This girls mother went absolutely BERSERK! Quite right too.

But, it seems like a pretty common attitude wrt to younger mothers.

Wisknit · 02/07/2008 09:05

in the area I live in most people don't realise BM is better. If they've been told they don't really accept the research. There is a liot of 'well I was ff/weaned at 6 weeks and I'm fine'.
In fact the girl accross from me did just that her little girl last year.
In some more deprived areas it is a very hard attitude to get through.

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 02/07/2008 09:45

it makes me very cross. surely the younger mothers are exactly the people that should be educated about bf and its benefits? i have a few friends who are quite a bit younger than me and had their children either in their late teens or early 20's and it seems to be a common thread that it was assumed that they would ff and they werent educated at ALL about bfing. therefore it seemed like the easier option at the time. a lot of myths fly about and arent challenged because the mw's ticked the ff box as soon as they saw their ages.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2008 12:46

I agree - the thing to aim for is for people to make their decisions based on accurate information. K999, you say you don't regret ff as it was the best thing at the time - exactly! Even knowing what you do now, you would still make that choice, it is just so sad when people say "well if I'd known that..."
It's very hard to get the balance right between makign sure someone hs the correct info and "preaching".
I used to go to a bf support group, very full of middle class, late 20s/early 30s women in stable relationships - also included a girl who was about 17, just finishing her A-levels, who, because of her age stuck out like a sore thumb. Why is more not being done to encourage bf to younger women? Why does it seem that you get help and encouragement only if you ask for it - which usually means you have at least decided to give it a try? I am not talking about pestering people who have decided to ff, but more the people who have never even considered bf as an option.

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 02/07/2008 13:01

thats it exactly. we should be trying to challenge the myths and the perceptions surrounding bf.

OP posts:

scorpio1 · 02/07/2008 13:04

it was just assumed when i had ds1 and ds2 (i was 17 & 19) that i would FF.

this time with dd(im 23) i tried (and still am BF-ing at 10 weeks) and when the HV came roound Millie started crying for a feed, the HV said 'if you get her bottle ready i can just do my forms'

She got put RIGHT in her place!

Original poster

OracleInaCoracle · 02/07/2008 13:07

good for you scorpio. thats exactly what Im talking about. there are good reasons for choosing to ff, but to ff without being in possession of all the facts just seems a bit sad. more people would bf if they knew all the facts, i honestly believe that.

OP posts:

misdee · 02/07/2008 13:13

good for you scorpio!

i tried to breastfeed dd1+2 and gavfe up after a few weeks, i knew formula was available, and will say i probably didnt try hard enough looking back, and was looking for an easy answer in a strange way. i had a lot of problems with dd1 not gaining weight, and was pressured to top up, and once that started it was a slippery slope downwards.

i was 25 when i had dd3, and bfed her for two years. this time i am closer to 30, but 'still young' according to so so many people, but will take bfeeding day by day again and see where i get to this time. the first two pregnancies i didnt have the wealth of knowledge of mumsnet or the www in general. for the forst 6months of dd2 life i was without the internet completly.

yorkshirepudding · 02/07/2008 13:19

Message withdrawn

SparklyGothKat · 02/07/2008 13:30

I was 18 when I had Ds1, I wanted to BF and luckily I had a very good midwife, who helped me latch him on (I had a CS) unfortunely his blood sugars dropped very low and he was taken to SCBU where they tube fed him formula. But I was able to BF still and I fed him till he was 6 months.

With dd1 she was premature at 31 weeks and I expressed my milk for her, unfortunely with Dd1 she was very demanding and I gave up BF at 6 weeks

Dd2 was also premature and I wasn't going to BF, I expressed my milk while in SCBU, and one day the nurse said to me 'Why don't you try and feed her? You have so much milk it would be a shame to not try' I latched her on and she fed for 6 months.

With Callum (also premature) I expressed my milk, and started BF as soon as he was ready. He did have formula the first few day while my milk came in, but he was exclusive BF till 3 months when he was failing to gain weight and dropped off the chart. He had a topup bottle at night, and gained weight. he is 9 months now and still BF and sometimes has a bottle of formula if needed.

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2008 13:31

yp that's so sad, and I don't understand why it happened? What was the benefit to them? Less support required? But then surely they'd try that with all mothers? Or is it that they assumed you wouldn't argue?
What's in it for hospitals to do this - is it simply lack of time or are other things going on?

yorkshirepudding · 02/07/2008 13:37

Message withdrawn

StealthPolarBear · 02/07/2008 13:38

No, exactly - no need to dwell on it, but to be rightfully angry that you were treated like that...

yorkshirepudding · 02/07/2008 13:40

Message withdrawn

4madboys · 02/07/2008 13:55

i had ds1 when i was just 20, i was 19 when i got preg, and i bfed him, i think i just figured i would give it a go and was very lucky that i had a friend at uni who had bfed (she just weaned her son at 14mths when mine was born) also i went to a mother and toddler group at the university, LOTS of the wives of lecturers went etc and i met two mums there who bfed, we all have VERY demanding fussy babies, we were all bfeeding and knackered etc, we kept each other sane in those early month and are still friends now nearly nine years later

we went on to have second babies and in one case third babies at the same time and all bfed together again.

this time with ds4 i did try for 9 wks and having bfed the others till they were three yrs i assumed i would do it again but it didnt work out and he is now formula fed, the only one of the boys to have had formula.

part of me feels sad that i couldnt work out the feeding but tbh the bottle feeding is going well, he is a happy content little boy and i was going mad before.

IF we ever have another i will start out bfeeding and hope to bfeed like i did the first three, but if it doesnt work out then i know there is an alternative, and at least i am making an educated choice.

hunkermunker · 02/07/2008 14:09

Thank you, Lissie.

I really do think more women are becoming more aware of the issues. It's not as simple as "breast is best" - a slogan I loathe for its simplistic smuggery above almost all else.

mackattack · 02/07/2008 14:20

Hi after reading the post's this is a really interesting debate. My baby is nearly 7mth and BF. (won't take a bottle) I wanted to breast feed however I truly feel that why a lot of people give up is because the advice that is given sets people up to give up (not in all case just how I feel) I went to a breast feeding class put on by the NHS (although I had to pay for it) I felt even stronger about breast feeding when I came out of the class and was all set to go, I know the science etc etc. However looking back that class was did not cover anything like what it should have done. The reason I say this is because they don't tell you how hard it is, how regular your baby might need feeding, how when you think you have got it, they get distracted and maybe go on strike, and the emotions of it. It's a wonderful thing bf and a lot of people find it easy but there are a lot of people who don't and if women knew what to expect in the first place then maybe there expectations would be met when things are not beautiful. I.e leaky boobs, low milk supply, demand feeding, routine feeding. I have been thinking about this quite a lot and reading and listening a lot to others but if we told people the truth that it's a commitment then maybe we would have not so many people giving up. Sorry to rant this is just my opinion. I might be totally barking up the wrong tree

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