Had quite a sad conversation today...

[OracleInaCoracle]

with a friend from college. she is 22 and has a 4yo daughter, tried to bf but found it very difficult so gave up after 2d. was worried that dd wasnt getting any milk and "formula was just as good".

we were having a casual conversation about weaning and general feeding of our children, and i told her that bm alters according to the needs of your baby etc, etc and she kept asking me lots of questions. in the end i pointed her to BMA and hunkers blog (and mn of course) she said that if she'd known this then she would have persevered. she had no idea that bm was so much better for both of them and the mw's sort of assumed that she would ff, so she did for an "easy" life.

before i get flamed here, i will state that i also ff, i tried to bf but was too tired and ill. i just cant help but wonder how many women don't actually make the informed decisions that they think they do when deciding how to feed their lo's, and that such a shame.

I agree mackattack. I went to an NHS BF class and felt the same. However there was NOTHING which said babies are likely to BF more than formula, nothing about how to deal with cracked nipples (except check latch which was invariably fine just bloody painful and bleeding); how to deal properly with engorgement i.e. feed more.. and DH was not allowed to attend because we were talking about breasts, despite the fact he had been to an AN class the week before and watched a VERY graphic labour video. Sorry to shout, just still angry!

i went to a bf workshop before ds was born and while at the time i thought it was v informative, now i realise that a lot of information was left out. they focused on latch, benefit to mum (weight loss) and the benefits to baby's immune system which are all very important factors, however an awful lot of information was left out regarding bf in public, weight gain in bf babies and just how versatile bf can be. if id known then what i know now, i would have persevered.

"cept check latch which was invariably fine just bloody painful and bleeding"

Was it a bf counsellor or a mw that said your latch was fine - even though you were bleeding?

I've never heard any bf counsellor 'ok' a latch where the mothers nipples were bleeding.

I agree that there is just not enough information around on breastfeeding. Alot of people dont use the internet/forums so dont have that support.

I am still breastfeeding my DD and I am a young(ish) mum (20 when I had DD, 21 now). BUT I didnt have any support for it. The MW in hospitals were useless and I was ignored the whole time I was there, will all aspects, not just BF (thats a whole other story). If I wasnt so strong minded and determined to do it, I wouldn't have lasted this long (DD now 6months).

I have lots of friends with babies and I think its sad that I am the only one breastfeeding. I know a couple of people who did it for a week or 2, but thats it. I am not saying that people are bad for FF, as I am now giving the odd bottle now. But its sad that I am in the minority by BF.

My MIL has always been pro FF and keeps telling me that if I am tired etc (which I am) I should switch to formula as its easier???? WHY?? I do both and find breatfeeding SOOOO much easier! They only reason why I am giving the odd bottle is for weight gain and a bit of sleep.

i think when people refer to ff as easier they forget that actually you have to wash, steralise and make up the bottles. still feed in the night and have to carry the bottles around with you in a cool container.

far easier to just whip out your nork imho. and once bf is established it does get easier. i believe that part of the reason so many women struggle at the beginning is down to poor care (understaffed overworked mw's etc, but thats another thread) and the fact that few women saw their mothers bf.

Agree lissie

I have both ff and bf - god bf tons easier - in then ight so much better, leads to dh not being tired (fab as he is a nightmare when tired). often i have met a mate in town and can just spend day out - what would i do if ff? Also i have fab norks (34c now was 34a wahooo)

no bloody you do bottles no you do it etc

I was lucky though, my MW's really helped, they even came 3 times in one day (day 3) to help me with latch at each feed - i rng them when baby cried and up they popped. Other MW helped me with lying down and feeding on day 2....great MW's here.

Also i dont have to buy milk and that saves alot - money, hassle of remembering, running out (live miles from ff shop and cannot drive)

Sabire, the latch was checked by two different midwives one of whom said that I would toughen up in a couple of days and everyone went through it. The other said I could always FF (from a hospital which claimed to be very pro-bf). By the time I got some sensible advice from a midwife who was actually prepared to spend more than two minutes with me, DD was a week old and had already been given some formula out of desperation.

A Danish friend told me that in Denmark obstetric units which are usually midwife led, do NOT STOCK FORMULA for 2 main reasons: temptation when young mum is miserable is removed and also, and imo, more importantly the message is conveyed: you CAN do this! And guess what: apart form the most dire of circumstances, mums can. Apparently if somebody particularly wants formula, they have to supply it themsevles.
This seems like such a good idea to me but maybe too simple....

My mum was told in the sixties (oops, giving my age away ) on day 1 after having me, that "she did not have enough mild". It is sad to think how little things have moved on.

I am obviously a slow typer, missed all recent messages, but so totally agree: nobody tells you how hard it can be, particularly to start. I went through a phase of being really p off whenever I read/heard how "lovely" and "special" it is to BF.
Hopefully with hindsight it will be..