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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

feel such a bloody failure.

72 replies

ruty · 24/06/2008 21:03

I haven't felt this low in a long time. Baby started breastfeeding so beautifully in hospital, everything went so well for first week, then as some of you might know she started to get very sleepy and midwife suggested we go to doc. He suggested i feed her expressed milk in a bottle every 3 hours to check she was getting enough, so out came the express machine. then gradually she seemed to show a preference for the bottle, over a period of about 2 weeks, and her willingness to go to the breast got less. I've posted here before, and I've rung LLL counsellor twice - first time got a nice lady but didn;t really know what to suggest except lots of skin to skin, second time got quite a bored lady who didn't really know what to suggest. Tried breastfeeding network endlessly and no reply. Tried a breastfeeding bus, nice lady, said she was confused by my baby, my latch ok but she just didn't want to latch on. Breastfeeding clinic at local hospital closed for 3 weeks.

I feel totally alone. Baby just now cried for half an hour, fighting me at the breast, after feeding at 6pm for 4 mins on the breast. I just gave her a bottle of expressed milk which she glugged down. I have cried so much today, i feel so rejected by her and miss the breastfeeding so much. I breastfed my son for nearly 3 years and my baby is 6 weeks and she won't breastfeed.
Don't know if anyone can help, but please if you have any ideas, please let me know.

OP posts:
Original poster
ruty · 24/06/2008 21:59

had an epidural too Aitch, for c section, but she wasn't excessively sleepy until we got home. i don't know.

OP posts:
Aitch · 24/06/2008 22:03

nor was dd in hosp, funnily enough, it was after.

i remember she slept and i couldn't wake her when we got home and i thought the absolute worst (it was christmas sodding day) and phoned the doc and he said 'it'll be the top-ups, she's full for the first time' and i said 'but the sleeping is WHY we gave her the top-ups!' honestly, sometimes i think they think all they have to do is say it out loud and we'll turn all amnesiac about the actual reasoning involved.

Turniphead1 · 24/06/2008 22:04

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
ruty · 24/06/2008 22:17

LOL [blackly] Aitch about doctors.
Oh Turniphead, feel so hopeless today, i really hope it isn't too late. may even go to London to see Geraldine if i have to..

OP posts:
Aitch · 24/06/2008 22:19

feel hopeless today, ruty, wallow in it tonight and call Geraldine and try to feel perkier tomorrow.

Original poster
ruty · 24/06/2008 22:29

will do.

OP posts:
Aitch · 24/06/2008 22:44

don't forget the second bit.

thumbwitch · 24/06/2008 22:44

Ruty, just wanted to offer sympathy and support - my DS had a tongue-tie that only the lactation consultant picked up on, despite me asking everyone to check (DH has one and it can be hereditary) - and only the lactation consultant was any use at helping me to get DS breastfeeding properly. We had to bf lying down tummy to tummy with DS in slightly arched-back position - this helped us both to relax and gave me more ability to aim the nip into his mouth. Had his tongue-tie snipped at ~2 weeks because he was feeding for up to 2 hours at a time, stopping for 2hours and then starting again. Tongue-tie snip really helped.

I know you started off ok so your DD should be able to remember how to do it - and I know this might not sound like the most helpful thing at this time when you are so upset - but if you can relax about it, your DD will be less inclined to fight you. She will be picking up on your anxiety about bf'ing, which might contribute to her unwillingness to stay on the breast.

HTH - I know how upsetting it is when you can't seem to give your baby what you know is best for it.
Hugs

winestein · 24/06/2008 22:48

Hope you get sorted soon Ruty. I'm sure it must be Tiktok O Clock soon

FWIW Hulababy linked some time ago to evidence about epidural and subsequent breastfeeding.

Aitch.. you know, I just think they are all different (I didn't call myself Winestein for nuffink!). I was in hospital for 8 days after having DS, trying to get him to latch and using the technique you described - I cup fed him a tiny amount to make hime less "angry" (with hunger) and then tried to breastfeed him but he never latched. I'm pretty sure I know where I went wrong - apart from anyting else I didn't know about Mumsnet and that is where you are going to find the strangth Ruty

winestein · 24/06/2008 22:49

erm, 'scuse the typo's...

PeachyWontLieToYou · 24/06/2008 22:53

Ruty no extra advice but just wanted to send you and hope it all gets better soon.

Please dont feel like a failure, all you can do is your best for lo, and its glaringly obvious from all the effort you are putting in that you are doing that.

Aitch · 24/06/2008 22:54

i know, i wish i'd seen MN then too. but in a way if was already suffering from too much advice by then...

winestein · 24/06/2008 22:55

I know exactly what you mean Aitch

Original poster
ruty · 24/06/2008 22:59

[may a wallow a bit tomorrow Aitch too]
Thumbwitch only reason i think it is not tongue tie is she latched on so well at first..
Winestein if MN can help me solve this one i'm getting a ' I heart Mumsnet' tattoo...
[you lot already helping of course]

OP posts:
Original poster
ruty · 24/06/2008 22:59

thanks peachy.

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thisisyesterday · 24/06/2008 23:02

oh ruty, I really, really feel for you.
I (like aitch) gave up with ds1 after going through the exact same thing and I do still regret not doing more, although dp and my mum say there was nothing more I could do, bah.

anyway, I hope someone with better advice than me will come on soon anthat may help:

express a little so milk is there when you latch baby on

take a bath together, pop her on your tummy and let her work up to the breast and she may well latch on by herself

as much skin to skin as you can possibly do, and feed every time she looks like she'll take it

try feeding her when she is a bit sleepy (I had my last few successful feeds with ds1 this way)

winestein · 24/06/2008 23:04

I'm going to hold you to that, Ruty...

IorekByrnison · 24/06/2008 23:54

So sorry you're going through this ruty. It is just the worst feeling in the world.

Have you thought about trying nipple shields at all? I know they are not always recommended and can be problematic but I wonder if it could be a way of getting her back to the breast with something more like a bottle teat to attach to. (We had all sorts of latch problems at the beginning and this was the only way I was able to feed dd for quite a while. Dropped the shields at 10 weeks or so and still going at 2.9 years.) Might be worth a try if all else fails.

Hope you get some good advice and help from a counsellor tomorrow. Good luck.

CountessDracula · 24/06/2008 23:56

Sorry I can't help but all I can say is I wish you all the best ((()))
How mad clinic is shut
could you go to another place?

AnyFuleKno · 25/06/2008 00:12

Just wanted to show my support for you, I know this must be difficult.

Have you tried popping her on when she's half asleep (like a dream feed) - she would be less likely to resist then perhaps?

How about swaddling to minimise the struggle at the breast?

Sorry if this isn't much help x

AnyFuleKno · 25/06/2008 00:15

forgot to mention, the 'feeding a small amount from a cup first' technique that Aitch mentioned worked brilliantly for me when my dd would struggle at the breast. Used to express about 10ml and give it to her in a cup to calm her then latch her on when she'd relaxed a bit.

Original poster
ruty · 25/06/2008 00:16

must admit a massiva verucca on my foot putting me of bathing with babe [don't want her warty too] Will try to get foot sock thing tomorrow..
Sorr you had that experience too thisisyesterday -blimey, never knew how hard this could be.
Iorek those nipple shields look so cumbersome i can't imagine how they would fit over my little nips! maybe i was looking at the wrong thing [sink plungers or something]Encouraging they worked for you though.
Don't know any other clinics CD. Certainly not round here anywhere.
The sleepiness really bad today. going to take her to bed now as she really can't be roused much. tried her on the breast she was so sleepy i'm afraid i just got a little bit down her with a bottle.

OP posts:
Original poster
ruty · 25/06/2008 00:18

AFK she keeps her mouth clampled shut when asleep or half asleep! the 6 am short feed seems to work because she is sleepy though...
May try the cup, worried about her choking..

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orangehead · 25/06/2008 00:25

Just wanted to add you are not a failure you sound like a concerned mother who is trying to do best for your baby, unfortunely sometimes things happen but that doesnt mean you a failure. I always found the nct bf counsellors are good. Hope you ok and hope you get things back on track but if things dont please dont beat yourself up about it (I know easier said than done)

AnyFuleKno · 25/06/2008 00:28

She shouldn't choke - if you just tip the cup slightly she should 'lap' the milk from the rim of the cup. If not you can just tip a tiny amount at a time - keep her sat fairly upright.

Good luck with whatever you try x