My baby prefers bottle feeding over breastfeeding. How do I get him to breastfeed again?

[wildagape]

My twins are 17 weeks old and are breastfed and bottle fed. I would eventually like to tandem feed them but currently I either feed them one at a time or my husband will bottle feed one while I breastfeed the other (and we'll swap around next feed). One boy is very good at latching, relaxes when I put him on his side to feed and enjoys breastfeeding. My other boy has always been difficult to breastfeed - I can never seem to catch him before he gets frantic with hunger. If he can't find my nipple fast enough he'll scream and he hates being put on his side. I have to be tactically & quick about getting him to latch otherwise it goes form 0 to 100 very fast. Sometimes the only way to get him to calm down enough to latch is to bounce on an exercise ball, which isn't convenient when I'm out and about. Even when he's relaxed and I offer him the breast he gets worked up and starts screaming. I've tried different breastfeeding positions and timing his feeds but he always seems to be worked up.
Last week I thought we'd had a breakthrough because he was latching and feeding really well but this week he's been refusing to breastfeed and prefers the bottle. Even with all my tricks I can't get him to latch and he gets very stressed. Both babies have had days where they've not wanted to latch but it's not normally lasted longer than a day or two.
I really want to keep breastfeeding him but it's so frustrating and stressful for both of us. I have been so angry at points this last week because he won't latch. I hate that I get mad at him and I know he can sense it. I need to stay calm, I know & I'm ashamed that I get so angry and stressed.
Does anyone have any advice on how to get him to prefer breastfeeding over bottle feeding and how to get him to like breastfeeding?
I'm going to try a couple of things this week such as:
• Lots of skin to skin while he's relaxed
• Stop offering the breast for a week or so
• Hold the bottle horizontal while feeding to create a slower flow
• Remain calm and have endless amounts of patience

It makes me sad that I create stress for him when I want feeding to relax him...

Any advice please!!!

Nipple shields with my fussy twin worked wonders! Got her to latch and then we gradually removed as she became stronger and needed less support.

Why create misery for both of you? Let him bottle feed. It doesn’t mean that you love him less. Pump when it’s his turn to breastfeed and give him expressed milk if pumping works for you.

Has he been checked properly for a tongue tie?

I would recommend Breastfeeding Twins & Triplets UK Facebook group, it's run by very knowledgeable people and you will get advice from others who've been in the same situation. They can also put you in touch with specialist support.

Can I ask why you want him to breastfeed so much at this point? What do you feel are the benefits to him. He’s 4 months old. In another 6 or seven weeks you’re going to want to start solids. What does the long term plan look like? Will they be needing to use a bottle later on as you return to work? I agree with a previous poster that it seems like a lot of work. If he’s happy and getting the nutrients he needs I’d perhaps let him get on with it.
If you really want to try then I don’t think I’d recommend stopping offering the breast for any length of time. I had similar with my youngest but the opposite way round. A week with no bottle lead to her refusing to take one ever again.

I've been trying this too! Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't

I don't understand why you're making it a problem when it really doesn't need to be. If he prefers the bottle then let him have it.

To maintain breastfeeding alongside bottlefeeding I had to switch to preemie baby ultra slow flow teats. And never change them. My milk supply is so low that anything else was just too different. So that might be worth a try.

However, I do second the other posters suggesting to think about the long term plan. My baby was always getting most of her nutrition from formula as I have unfixable low supply. I kept breastfeeding up because I suffer from multiple autoimmune conditions (asthma psoriasis etc) and enjoyed the calming and relationship benefits.

I now have a 2.5 year old who still loves her "beebees" long after bottles left our lives. I used to think breastfeeding a toddler was weird. Now I've no idea how to stop. I sort of wish I'd not tried to keep going when she went on a 2 week nursing strike after starting nursery at 1...!!

No, he doesn't have a tongue tie. The only issue is latching, once he's latched he's fine.

Thank you, I'll check it out!

It's something I've always wanted to do with all my babies. Just a preference. I find it easier than bottle feeding sometimes. It's good for bonding and it's also easier to get him to fall asleep with (drinks himself to sleep).
I find bottle feeding and lot of faff - particularly when I have lots of milk in my boobs he can just drink. When he does latch, it goes really well. It's just getting him latched that's the problem...I also want to make it easier on my husband during the nights. I would be helpful if I could just handle the feeds at night (tandem feed) rather than having him scream while a bottle of milk it getting warmed up etc

I'd rather breastfeed. If he never goes back to it, then that's that. But I'd like to try to get him back on the breast and make it a good experience for him.

No need to justify your reasons for wanting to breastfeed. The advice on mumsnet around infant feeding can be really poor.
The 2 suggestions on here re nipple shields and slow flow bottles are both decent suggestions you can try. Shields can be difficult to get rid of and make the preference to teats even stronger though so would consider a last resort.
make sure you’re doing pace feeding on the bottle so your baby is really having to work for the milk rather than letting it pour in to his mouth.
You could also try expressing for a minute until the milk is flowing so he doesn’t get frustrated waiting for your let down.
join the breastfeeding twins and triplets Facebook group for advice!!

I'll maybe try slower flowing teats!
The long term plan is the breastfeed for a year. Once they start solids I'd like to breastfeed alongside. Ideally I'd like to tandem feed. I don't plan on going back to work.

Extremely disappointing to see a mum who really wants to breastfeed being told to just switch to bottle, no wonder breastfeeding rates are so low! OP you deserve support to continue if that’s what you want to do.

Can I suggest:
Hand expressing before you try and latch him so the milk is already flowing when he gets on (appreciate difficult when he’s hungry)
Breast compressions as soon as he latches so he gets the nice fast milk flow
Religiously paced feeding from the bottle with an ultra slow flow teat, also keeping the teat empty for the first 20-30 seconds so the bottle replicates how the breast behaves

Does he struggle to get on the breast? If so could the flipple technique help him get a deep latch to make it easier for him

Thank you for your advice and the kind message.
I used nipple shields for about 8 weeks aftwr they were born so I'll give them a go again and I'll definitely look into slower flowing teats.
Can you explain pace feeding to me? I think I know what it is but just want to see if I'm thinking of the same thing

Bottle feeding is the path of least resistance for babies. They don't have to work as hard for it. Persistence with bf'ing, if your preference is to bf, is key.

Have a watch of this video

it’s basically sitting baby in an upright position with the bottle parallel to the floor rather than having it on top of baby. Slows the flow down and more effort involved. The teat should never be full of milk.

Fellow twin mum here. Hope you're doing OK and hanging in there:) My son was also like this as a baby - preferred the bottle over breast as I think he got the milk more quickly with less effort (which makes sense seeing his personality develop as a child!!)... so like others have suggested, slow flowing teats could work. Is pumping an option or do you prefer the closeness of bfing?

If its an option for you, could you consider a lactation consultant for an hour to come and check the latch/offer feeding tips?

Sorry I haven't RTFT so apols if I'm missing anything but are you 100% sure he doesn't have a tongue tie- our son did have one and he would cry from hunger as soon as he was put down in the cot because he wasn't getting enough. Not sure if this is an issue for your little guy or not but worth ruling out.

Twin mum life ain't easy especially at that age so hope you're doing OK! X

Thank you! For a second I thought I was being unreasonable for wanting to try to get him back on the breast!
I'll try the things you suggested. How long should I express before trying to latch him? About 10 seconds or so? I normally express a bit before latching him but maybe I'm not doing it for ling enough? And breast expressions are just pushing on your boob right? I'll try pace feeding but it's hard to do during the night as my husband and I are so so tired so we just want him to finish eating asap so we can all go back to sleep lol (my husband feeds him during the night and I feed his brother).
The main problem is getting him to latch. He just gets upset when I put him on his side & he can't seem to find my nipple fast enough. It's now at the point where he turns his face away and doesn't want my nipple anywhere near his mouth. It's hard to get him calm and his mouth close enough to latch. Even when my nipple or the shield is in his mouth he doesn't suckle, he just cries - this has only been a problem this last week though.

i don’t have twins so didn’t have the exact same situation, but when dd ever showed bottle preference we focussed on only bf until she was back to normal. If you initially needed to give an ounce/couple of oz to settle him then move him to the breast try that, then gradually reduce the bottle amount. Also 100% recommend rigid pace feeding. Good luck xx

I've been pumping breastmilk and giving it to him in a bottle since birth. And I'd prefer to breastfeed him rather than pump milk and give it to him.
My health visitor has checked him and didn't say anything about a tongue tie so I'm fairly sure he doesn't have one. No one has outright said he doesn't though.
It's hard work! I've been trying all these tips for the last week and the times I've managed to get him to latch, he's hardly drank from me at all - about 10 seconds max. So weird. I have a lot of milk so it's not like I have a slow flow.
I think it's something to do with being on his side that he doesn't like.
Did you get your twins to go back to the breast or did they prefer the bottle?

I've tried feeding him a bit from the bottle before trying breastfeeding but he just gets worked uo every time I offer him the breast :(
Going to keep trying but it's hard work! I have to catch him at just the right moment x

I found breastfeeding much, much easier long term. I know many women get to 4-5 months and quit but thank god I persevered. It made weaning so, so easy. It kept us out of hospital when she had hand foot and mouth and refused all drinks and food for 5 days. It's an absolute gift for travel. Also amazing for teething and for calming down a young toddler.

Each woman has a choice and you should do whatever you want. I have nothing against formula, i just found BF long term to be easier.

But I found this kind of comments when I was struggling in the early days myself very condescending. She wants to breastfeed, she wants advice on it, not to flippantly be told to give up.

Tbh I would not trust the midwife or health visitor's view re tounge tie. You mention different positions, is there one that seems to work best? I've heard sometimes babies benefit from seeing an osteopath as they can have tight neck muscles from the birth or position in the womb.

Keep going with the breastfeeding, and try not to get discouraged. It's not easy sometimes.

If he hates being on his side then try the position where he is tucked under your arm with legs behind your so that the breast is in front of his face.