Breastfeeding vs. Formula vs. Expressed Breastmilk

[JamTartLover]

Hi all,

I'm a mum of an 8 week old and really struggling with how I am feeling about the feeding options.

After a difficult birth with a couple of hospital admissions initially, I wasn't able to establish breastfeeding early on (the midwives were really busy so weren't able to provide support, the hospital furniture isn't ergonomic for breastfeeding comfortably etc.)

I expressed breastmilk and gave formula or the first few weeks but recently (within the last couple of weeks), I have been trying to breastfeed. I have been going to support groups and working with community midwives to help establish breastfeeding but I don't know whether it's working for me and my baby.

I don't know whether it's normal for her stage of development but she is constantly feeding, ie. I will feed her for about 10-15 mins, she will fall asleep, I will put her down and then 10 mins later, she will be hungry again. I know that she could be going through a growth spurt but I feel like all I am doing is breastfeeding and I'm really struggling with it.

I enjoyed expressing milk and giving it to her that way, and I have a good schedule to ensure my milk supply doesn't drop.

Yesterday, I gave my baby formula and felt relief that I didn't have to breastfeed. My husband fed and burped her and I just felt a weight lifted off my shoulders.

I feel like I am giving up early on but I also want to enjoy my baby whilst she is young. I'm not against formula in any way but there is so much emphasis on breastfeeding (which i understand the benefits of and that it can't be replicated) which I feel is adding to the guilt of not being able to do it.

I would like to understand whether anyone else had the same issues and whether anyone else felt the same way if you wanted to breastfeed but couldn't for whatever reason?

Both my DCs were formula fed and they are both now in their 30s and have hardly ever been ill.
There is a lot of pressure on new mothers to breast feed but it isn’t for everyone, for all kinds of reasons, and formula is absolutely fine.

It sounds like you’ve had a bumpy start, but things will get better!
dont beat yourself up about BF/FF just do what works, you can combi feed too, I did this with both of mine after ebf for a short while, as do many others, the main things are colostrum which is done, the baby being fed and satisfied, and the home being a happy and nurturing environment for you all - congratulations on the new baby and good luck

I think I'm struggling with the pressure to breastfeed! I wish there wasnt so much pressure!

Thank you!

How long did you EBF for?

Completely get where you are and how you’re feeling. We had a rough NICU start and I had to express and top up with formula for a good few months. The hard truth is baby is stimulating your supply by feeding so regularly. A pump, even a really good hospital one, can’t get as much milk out as a baby. It’s totally fine to decide it’s too much and stop but someone told me to only quit on a good day and that stayed with me and meant we breastfed for 3y4m in the end. I’m so proof that I was able to persevere but completely appreciate not everyone can/ wants to. V happy to talk by DM if it would help you. Whatever you decide to do, do it without guilt. I lived with so much guilt after “failing” with my eldest when, as you’ve said, nobody sets us up for success with breastfeeding. If you want to do it and it’s not easy, only sheer pigheadedness will get you through. Feel for you so much

When you say pressure, where is that coming from? I suspect it's coming from you and in which case you need to go easy on yourself! (and frankly, if it's coming from anyone else, tell them to sod off!).

Breastfeeding is tiring and frankly hard work in the early weeks. Pumping even more so! If you want to continue then know that it will start to get easier as your baby gets older, but if you want to switch to formula then you absolutely should! Or do a mixture. Essentially, do what works for you!

There's pressure around most things to do with parenting! But yes, BF in particular. My best advice is to try and ignore the 'noise' and do what YOU feel is best for you and your gorgeous little bubba - you'll get judged for your decisions whatever you do, so you do you x

If enjoying your baby means formula feeding then formula feed. It isn't worth it if you are miserable and not enjoying your baby.

No reason why you can't continue to combine all those methods (if it suits you) or move fully to whatever method you prefer. I combination fed from day 2 to eight months. I wasn't willing to pump, I needed a time off every day when I didn't have to be responsible for feeding. Equally, breastfeeding can be very convenient on the go, especially once babies get to about 12 weeks and feed much more efficiently.

I read somewhere once, bottle fed or breast fed, by the time they are three, they are all eating chicken nuggets anyway 😂
Do what’s best for you. Both of mine were bottle fed, and are healthy, robust and rarely unwell. I got help with the feeding and could get some sleep x

@JamTartLover- I EBF my first die about 6 weeks I think (she’s 17 nearly so awhile ago now lol!) and combi fed til she was about 3.5 months. Mt second was EBF for 3 ish weeks and combo for about 10 weeks … I had something I now know is DMER which made me feel crappy BF but that was just me … IMO the most important art is colostrum if you can or at least some bf and you’ve already ticked that box so be proud, do what works for you and your baby x

Thats amazing!

I will DM you!

Yeah, I did some self reflection after writing this post (which was really cathartic) and realised that the pressure is coming from me.

I know that there is a push to breastfeed from health care professionals, in the same way that they would push healthy lifestyle changes, I.e. exercise, healthy eating etc.

I definitely need to go easier on myself!

Thanks for your response!

I did think about this, as there is so much judgement around different things like screen time, food choices, childcare options, working options. You can't get everything right and I would rather just focus on happiness rather than being perfect.

Thanks for your response!

Its so true, and I think this is what I realised when I felt the relief of just using a bottle rather than forcing myself to do something I wasnt enjoying.

I'm really grateful that there are options other than just breastfeeding!

Thanks for your response!

I am hoping that it gets easier as they get older!

Thanks for your response!

This is so true!

I was looking around today and I couldn't tell who has been breastfed, formula fed, combi fed and realised that it feels like a bigger deal than it is!

I could tell who was genuinely happy and who wasn't and I realised that all I want is to be happy!

Thanks for your response!

I was thinking to myself that I am proud that I have managed until 8 weeks!

I gave her colostrum when she was born.

How interesting, I have never heard of DMER although I do feel slightly nauseous when I pump/BF but I think this is more hormonal as I had quite bad morning sickness until the end of my pregnancy.

Thanks for your response!

You do exactly what you feel is best for you!

There is absolutely no right or wrong, if it’s working for you and baby it’s working regardless of how it’s done.

I was very forceful with baby #1 if I could breast feed amazing if not it was fine. I managed minimal breastfeeding for 12 weeks a little bit of expressed and a lot of formula. She went full formula after 12 weeks.

Baby #2 latched on and I dragged her off after hours of sucking each HH cup dry. I still mixed with formula but when I was mainly breastfeeding she would cluster feed for hours. One day I was trapped for 8 hours solid of her falling asleep after a bit of feed and screaming 10 mins later. She was fully formula fed by I think 6 months.

Baby #3 for personal reasons she had minimal breastfeeding feeding or breast milk, she was 100% formula fed by I think week 3.

Breast fed babies don’t fill as easily as formula fed as the milk is not as heavy which is why they always seem hungrier. Cluster feeding is also very very common especially during periods of growth.

There is no right or wrong way, a good midwife will encourage you to do what’s right for you, if you and baby are happy then your doing a great job.

I feel really reassured that it is normal to be stuck for hours feeding, I thought there was something wrong with me!

Really interesting to hear the different feeding options you used for your children!

Thanks for your response!

Yes the constant feeding is normal; in the beginning they do this to increase supply - the more you feed the more milk you will produce. everytime you offer formula, you remove the stimulus for milk production which undermines the milk production. So if you really want to bf, there has to be acceptance that it’s hard and not always enjoyable, feels relentless etc (sorry); if not, that’s also fine. I’d say some short gaps of 15 mins etc are normal but you should start to see longer stretches though it’s not linear. Maybe get your latch/position etc checked?

My baby is 9 weeks old and breastfeeding has been so difficult, but in the last few days I feel like it’s getting better.

My baby went through a cluster feeding stage between weeks 4-9 where she fed on me all day, everyday (she was just doing that every evening before). It was absolutely awful and I barely made it. For example, just to go to the toilet, I would have to feed her, run for a wee, then pick her up to feed her again because she’d be screaming by the time I got back to her. The feeding was so constant and I’m still in shock from it.

It has become better and she’ll go 1-2hrs between feeds now, and 2-3hrs at night after 1am. My supply now feels more steady and it’s like I know when my breasts need emptying, instead of always feeling drained and empty.

It’s so incredibly hard though. Sometimes my partner gave her a bottle of formula when I was overwhelmed (I should’ve pumped but I felt too exhausted). I’ve also given her a bottle of formula myself once or twice when I’ve been at my wits ends- I just wanted to do anything to make her full and give my aching body a chance. I also needed a break from anything touching my breasts. I haven’t managed to create a pumped stock of milk because up until now she’s just always been on me.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I just wanted to sympathise with how hard it is. When I was in the depths of it I couldn’t find anyone who had a similar experience of such prolonged and frequent feeding, it made me feel so alone…and it still does because I’m barely out of it myself.

My first baby was formula fed and I don’t see any harm in formula or combi feeding. You must look after yourself and your mental health, ultimately do what’s best for you because that’s what’s best for the baby too.

10-15 mins is not really long enough, you learn early on, with help that you have to keep them awake. The advice I was given was tho strip them down to a nappy so they didn’t get too comfortable. If they are cosy and warm they drop off to sleep easily. It’s so much quicker and easier to feed from a bottle and it can be difficult to swop over.
They will cluster feed, luckily DS was an evening cluster feeder so I would have an evening meal and then settle down in bed for the evening and feed on and off until 9ish. I learnt about twilight feeds early on, waking up your baby before you settled down for the night and topping them up. This usually gave me 4 decent hours of sleep then I’d feed for 40-60mins from 4am and we’d sleep until 8 or 9. Doing a twilight feed didn’t always work but by the time I returned to work when DS was 6mnths he was sleeping from 12-6.

Don’t be frightened of waking them up, but also remember that they don’t have a huge capacity. You can swop sides but there are so many differing views on supply. Twenty years ago the advice was to feed from one side for 4 hrs ( not continuously) then swop. I used an elasticated bracelet on my wrist so I knew which side.

A lot of people I know who breastfed found, like me, that their baby favoured one side over another. Perfectly ok because although you do become engorged eventually your boobs start to just produce on demand and as feeding patterns change your body adapts.

Initially, because DS was in NiCU and was tube fed I just pumped and was producing loads of milk but once breast feeding was as established I found that my body responded to the baby far better than the pump. I suspect if you just pump then your body responds to the pump. It may be taking your body a little time to respond to the very different action of a baby feeding.

If you are keen to breast feed exclusively, you may need to just cancel everything, stock up on convenience food, and basically become a milk machine for a week or so. Ignore the phone and the doorbell, find a few box sets on TV, drink plenty of fluids and just relax.

When you look back you don’t remember the ups and downs of breast feeding. The panic when mastitis hits or the initial worry that they aren’t getting enough milk. If they are putting on weight they are fine. Breastfeeding tends to make them slow to gain weight early on but they make up for it later on.

The other weird thing is that your boobs are on high alert to a hungry babies cries. I remember being in mothercare with my DS and niece. There was a baby howling and I muttered to my niece that it was starving. She asked how I could tell, I told her that it was making my boobs hurt ( let down sensation).

Finally breastfeeding is difficult, even when it’s easy. I always found the let down painful but after 5-10mins the feeling disappeared. If you only feed for short bursts it’s always going to feel unpleasant. And finally if it’s causing distress for either of you then you have not failed if you have to go back to formula.

I fed DS until he was nearly 2. I just found it easier than prepping bottles and it meant I didn’t need to lug around a bag full of stuff. It’s always on tap and if they need a top up in the middle of the night you don’t need to get out of bed. In fact we co-slept ( 6’ bed) after 6 months. DS would just helped himself and I dozed. He liked to smuggle up to one of us at night. I used to sneak out of bed if DS was being a limp it and he would snuggle up to DH. I suspect DH did the same. He co slept with us until he was 4, and I think we missed it more than him when he went into his own room.

Don’t hesitate to finish breastfeeding if it is impacting your physical and mental health. It’s not worth it. You matter too. Don’t feel guilty and no need to justify yourself.

My DC1 never latched and I couldn’t express enough. I spent 5 months being miserable and up at night trying to pump. Really wish i hadn’t. With DC1 I didn’t even try to breastfeed, just expressed some colostrum which I could still hardly get out, for the first feed.

Look after yourself as well.

I'm glad yo hear that it's normal to frequently feed!

Ill definitely get some advice on the latch!

Thanks for your response!