Conflicted on breastfeeding

[SRH]

We recently had our first baby (14 days old). His entry into the world was “traumatic” even though it was a successful planned c-section. I was absolutely terrified of theatre and am finding it difficult to move on from the experience. The only thing that went “well” for me on his birth day was the fact my colostrum came in and I was able to breastfeed. After about a week/10 days of breastfeeding however, my left nipple was incredibly sore and bleeding so clearly something wasn’t right. Since then I have been expressing milk and husband has been feeding by bottle. I think I would like to get back to breastfeeding but don’t know if it’s the right thing for us. Bottle feeding is convenient in that you can measure exactly how much baby is getting and you don’t need to worry about winging out a boob in public etc. My husband isn’t mad keen on continuing breastfeeding as he feels the expressing is going well and enjoys feeding baby by bottle. I’m feeling so conflicted about the whole thing and would like to know others’ experiences. I’ve been very anxious since baby was born and this is yet another issue that I’ve honed in on. I am seeing my GP re the anxiety side of things. Thanks all x

💜 sending hugs OP. Has your baby fed from your breast again since you've been expressing? If not, then that's where I'd start if you want to return to feeding directly from your breast, as then you'll be able to work out if it will still be sore, baby will latch, etc. what do you feel you want to do?

Expressing is time consuming and feeding becomes easier the more you do it. Breastfeeding hurts initially, I know they say it doesn't but it did for me and everyone I know who did it but it stops hurting. Can you do both? Breastfeed and express for when you go out and about until you're comfortable feeding in public and the latch is established. Also you can pump and father can feed at night. I'm 24 days in and still hurts a bit when feeding but way improved from what it was.

Breast is best so it’s great that you’re managing to persevere. I found feeding directly from the breast miles easier than expressing as expressing is more than double the work. Breastfeeding is also a great method of comfort and bonding which I liked. Could you get some help from your local infant feeding team or a lactation consultant to check the latch and see if that’s what’s causing you pain. I do agree with others that I did find it painful at first but this went after a few weeks and I was very glad I’d carried on.

I’d disregard what your husband says to be honest, this is about you and your feeding journey not his enjoyment.

Breastfeeding hurt for me first time but eventually I didn’t feel a thing.
Have you been to a lactation cafe milk in your local area? Ran by midwives, I know a lot of people find them useful to check latch and that baby is not tongue tied etc. They will
have lots of tips for you to make it easier. I would go to one of these before you make a final decision.

Sorry to hear about your tricky start, but congratulations on your baby!!

If you think you want to continue breastfeeding then I would strongly recommend getting advice from a lactation consultant if you can afford it. They are going to be best placed to help you. You can find one here lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

If you would like to stop with expressing, and switch to formula, that's fine and you don't need internet strangers or anyone else to give e you permission (although I know it can feel like you do!!). I would still recommend finding out how to do this safy so you don't end up with a blocked duct/mastitis.

Good luck 🙂

I remember spending the first 3 weeks with bleeding nipples and having a shooting pain run down my arm every time the baby latched on. When he'd not latched correctly and had to relatch it was AWFUL! But I persevered and after that it was fine, no more pain. I would keep going if you feel you can. If it's going to make you miserable then stick to the expressing for as long as possible but I promise the pain is not forever and I never had it again with my other babies.

I probably should add that I was on my own so not having anyone to help with feeds and bottles made me persevere. That all seemed like such a faff! That and I'm stubborn. The midwives assumed I wouldn't breast feed as I was a young mum and used to lecture me how breast is best at every opportunity even though I kept telling them I was planning to breast feed!

Hugs OP. The first few weeks are tough. I had a rough start with breastfeeding, had really painful sore nipples and mastitis twice. I really wanted to give it a good go though as I heard it gets easier after the first few months. I’m so so so glad I did! My baby is now 4 and a half months and is exclusively breastfed and it is so convenient for us. No need to sterilise bottles, buy and pack formula in advance - I can just feed her anyway at anytime!
What saved me (and lots of other of my mum friends) was silver nipple shields. I wore them constantly when I wasn’t feeding for the first couple of months and they healed my nipples completely.
I occasionally pump and bottle feed (mostly so baby continues to be used to bottle if I need to go out so my husband can feed her) but it’s much more of a faff.
There should also be breasfeeding professionals that can help you in your area (your health visitor should be able to point you in the right direction) to make sure your latch is correct etc. good luck!

Congratulations on your baby and sorry to hear it was a difficult start.

My first stopped breastfeeding at 3 months due to undiagnosed tongue tie I suspect so I pumped and bottle fed - breast milk and formula till 10months, then just formula, my second is still breastfeeding at 21 months after a tongue tie snip at 5 days old. Both times breastfeeding was excruciating for the first 2-3weeks and I don't think it was because of the tounge tie. After that my nipples seemed to desensitise and it was mainly fine. There are pros and cons to both, breast feeding is easy, cheap, convenient and great for baby. Pumping is hard and time consuming, I remember many nights getting ready for bed and then remembering I had to pump for 20-30 mins and wanting to cry, but also I don't regret it, I'm glad I did it because that's what I wanted to do for my baby. Bottle feeding is also easy and convenient in other ways - can share the nights, can leave baby for longer but also bottles you need to wash and sterilise them, make formula, carry around "stuff" to make formula or keep it cool depending on how you prep it, there is more work and a financial cost. There is no right or wrong, do what feels best for you and baby will be happy either way.

Also you can do both e.g couple of bottles of formula per day and breast feeding the rest of the time or any combination that works of breast, pumping, formula and bottles, it doesn't have to be one or the other. Good luck!

Do what you need to do. My first was bf for 6 weeks before I had to go back to work and I couldn't get enough milk expressed.

It hurt and I felt like shit because I wasn't able to bf successfully. But she is alive and mostly healthy.

The second one was bf until his first teeth started coming through. He is also alive and mostly healthy.

Yes in an ideal world they would be bf until they are at least a year but sometimes that is not possible. Don't eat yourself up because someone else's perfect isn't happening.

We’ve heard different things from different people about confusing baby with teat and nipple. But a lactation consultant told us today it is possible to switch between both if you manage to pace feed so I’m crossing fingers it will be OK xx

It will be ok, you are doing brilliantly. You could also try nipple shields (apologies if this has already been suggested!). Congratulations on your lovely baby!

Oh I’m sorry you had a difficult start and it’s a shame your dh isn’t being more supportive, it’s all well and good him enjoying feeding the baby, but presumably he plans to go back to work and you’ll be left trying to hold the baby, sterilise bottles and express, when you could’ve just stuck them on your boob.

it’s your body and if you want to breastfeed you should breastfeed and dh needs to support you in that, not think about what he likes. but you can always express the odd bottle or supplement with some formula if he really wants to or if you’re nervous in public as well. (And obviously if you want to just express or just formula both are ok too!)

if youre feeling anxious and struggling with latch, it’s definitely a good idea to chat to a supportive gp or midwife who may be able to signpost you to some support. I second nipple shields too. you’ve done great getting any breastmilk at all in the baby though especially after a difficult start, well done and congratulations

Congratulations on 2 weeks of breast milk.

I had really painful feeding at the beginning and had little one assessed privately for tongue tie. As soon as this was cut, the pain was gone. So I would recommend getting latch and tongue checked out. Go to an experienced IBCLC.

Breastfeeding and the fourth trimester by Lucy Weber was a really good book to read in those early days. It's broken down by chapter and has lots of easily digestible information.

Breast milk isn't like formula, the milk will change over time to meet baby's needs and amount doesn't need to increase.

Personally, I wouldn't have wanted to be tied to a schedule of pumping. After those first couple of months where your supply is building and regulating it becomes much easier. But you have to get through those first hard couple of months.
I also love the face that the feedback of baby feeding at the breast changes the composition of the milk, you would potentially lose some the benefit of this with exclusively pumping.

Talk to someone independent, experienced who can help you work through the issues you are facing. It is your choice, and there is nothing wrong with whatever you decide is best for you.

if you do combi feed use bottles at different times and express when you're botfle.feeding otherwise your supply will be affected
DD couldn't latch properly for t the first for weeks so I used nipple shields, then after a few months I weaned her off and fed without

meant to explain that the shields protect. Your nipples

It hurt for me too, I remember crying from the pain, but that was only right at the beginning and I ended up breastfeeding happily for three years. Breastfeeding is amazing for bonding, comfort and emotional regulation for babies, it isn't just nutrition, so if you can do it and want to then it sounds worth trying. I found a let down pump an easy way to build up a supply for occasional bottles but honestly my husband mostly just helped in different ways (e.g. him doing the night changes while I did the feeds worked for us).

I felt like you with one of mine.
Then I remembered it was my baby, and I could make decisions
I breastfed twice a day for months. The rest I gave formula. It worked for me because I didn't feel under pressure to be the sole source of nutrition- I felt my body had let me down during my c section (of course it hadnt!) and I couldn't cope with the feeling.
Ps it's ok to be struggling to move on from the caesarean. In time it will fade in significance ❤️

We’ve received so much conflicting advice on switching between bottle and nipple - ideally we’d like to combi feed so I’m not tied to every single feed for months but some health care professionals say we will confuse him and I don’t want to harm him by using both nipple and teat. xx

Thank you so much all for your replies. It’s really helpful to know I’m not the only one who has experienced this and that for some of you, your breastfeeding journeys became way more successful after the first couple of weeks. We have booked a lactation consultant for Tuesday so I’m hoping this empowers me to continue and get back some confidence xx

No one will know or care how your baby was fed in a few years time. Go easy on yourself and if bottle feeding suits your circumstances, then do that with no guilt.

I combination fed my baby from day 2 to eight months. Do what works for you and your family (and if YOU want to breastfeed directly some, most or all of the time - do it!).

I know my DP was a bit disappointed when I didn’t want to bottle feed as it was a nice bonding moment for him when DD was tiny. But in my baby blues state the bottle made me feel threatened and angry and I put my foot down.

I’m glad I did because it was the right decision for me and made me happy. I spent almost a year growing my DD and I haven’t (and don’t expect to) put my own needs first at any other time till she leaves home. DP found lots of other ways to build a beautiful connection with DD, mainly singing and rocking her while I got the occasional 45 minute sleep at 3am 😭

My point is, put your own feelings first here. You will do a great job feeding your baby with whichever you decide.

Btw, almost all my other mum friends mixed breast and formula from day 1 because doctors seem to push that approach where I live. Their babies stopped BFing anywhere from 3 months to 18m so I don’t think it’s that easy to predict or worth worrying over.

If you need any help in the meantime before your appointment, you can call the national breastfeeding helpline. They have advisors 24/7 and they have all bf babies so have experience.
Phone number is 0300 100 0212.
Good luck 🍀

Personally I found combi-feeding the worst of all worlds as you still need to pump even if you’re giving formula to protect your supply, and then there’s the faff of washing and sterilising everything.

That said it is entirely possible to successfully combi-feed and switch between boob and bottle if you’re strict about paced feeding (bottle preference usually stems from not mimicking milk flow from the breast so when they are breastfed they find it harder work). I found the book Mixed Up by Lucy Ruddle an absolute godsend when trying to navigate combi feeding with my first, it became my bible and helped massively in being able to transition back to exclusively breastfeeding.