Losing the will to continue with bf

[Blue2020]

I want to start by saying I really want this to work out, but I need a point where I stop.

We are 7 days into breastfeeding and it’s incredibly painful. I have seen multiple midwives and talked to friends who have said variations from ‘it shouldn’t be painful’ through to ‘the first x days are and then it stopped’ to ‘the first 10 seconds are and then it’s not’.

The pain is like a chomping sensation whenever DD sucks, I’m assuming it’s her gums biting into the areola/nipples. The pain goes through me every single suck she does and I can’t think about anything else.

DD had a tongue tie, which has just been cut today on day 7. I also got some advice about positioning again today. Feeding in the hospital just after the cut was also fairly painless however DD was fairly sleepy. So I thought great I could manage with that level- just a slight discomfort but no pain. I even went for lunch just after and fed her and ate my own lunch at the same time! Something I thought just wasn’t possible.

I have cracked nipples, bit bloody with skin coming off.

I just fed her again now 3hrs later and it’s like I’m back to square 1 with the pain. It was just as bad as before, chomping feeling where I can’t focus on anything but the pain and waiting for the pain. I guess I know my nipples are already damaged so there’s a healing process, but I’m wondering if it will get better or if my nipples just won’t improve and it could just be that I will feel pain throughout. It does feel like positioning can improve it, but I can’t see what I’m doing different compared to in the hospital that’s making it worse. Unless it’s just that it’s hours later and my nipples are sore again.

Did anyone else have incredibly painful bf sessions, and then it went to pain free eventually? I need hope, or to face reality and quit.

Try nipple shields; rugby ball hold and lansinoh to help heal your nipples
feeding shouldn’t hurt. If the tongue tie has been snipped then could be positioning
once it clicks for everyone it can be brilliant
for now, take each feed as it comes - you don’t need to quit now
congrats on your new born 💐

My dd is also a week into bf. I got her some nipple shields
. She was close to quitting.. One nipple is fully healed and the other on the way. Also using nipple cream. The £10 on from supermarkets.

My first baby it hurt for 1-2 weeks but then gradually didn’t hurt at all. I loved breastfeeding by week 4 and never had the same issues with baby 2. It IS a weird feeling and can be uncomfortable for a short while (mine hurt every time I had let down like shooting pain). But it’s up to you. From my experience I would continue and it’s likely to get easier but honestly you do what you need to :)

It was horrendous at the start, it did get a lot better. It was a long time ago but pushing more of my boob into DS mouth helped as did lansinoh by the bucketful. Sympathies though it was agony for a while.

You can stop if you want to or mix feed and give your nips a break.

Honestly. Ignore people who say it shouldn't hurt. For some lucky people, if they get the position right, it doesn't hurt. For me, I had all the support going, and it still blimmin hurt!! It depends on the mums nipple shape, and the baby's mouth shape. Yes it's a good idea to get support to ensure your positioning is optimal, but for me the only thing that helped was her getting bigger basically. I was stubborn and pushed through, and also expressed milk to bottle feed to give things a rest.

My first was like this, I hated breastfeeding it was so incredibly painful. I pumped when my nipples were too sore to give them a break. I used lanolin cream to help them heal. It semi worked. The bfing never really got comfortable and with all the faff of pumping and also the fact I couldnt face it sometimes and gave formula I ended up drying up at 5 months and formula feeding full time after then.

My next two babies were bf until 2 years old, so I think it wasn’t my inability to find a suitable position etc with the first, I just think he must have had a powerful suck or a mouth that was shaped in a way that it was painful.

for what it’s worth, my first has been super healthy, bright, no issues with weight (very tall and lean). His siblings have asthma, are always sick with bronchilitus, are fussier with foods and don’t eat as varied a diet as him etc etc. basically all the things you are told EBFing will help were the other way around for us! It was the same for me (formula) and my brother (bf) - he was the sick child lol. So don’t feel guilty is you end up on formula. It’s really not the end of the world.

Is it your nipples that are sore or feeding itself? I am 12 weeks in and remember thinking around 2 weeks in that I didn’t want to continue but I am glad I did. If nipples are sore really recommend the silver nipple cups (I got koala ones off amazon) if feeding itself get the latch checked by a lactation consultant. There’s always free support - ask your midwife where to go - that helped me. Frustrating when people say it I know but it did click for me!

Honestly, I just stopped at that stage. I remember looking at DS beginning to stir and starting to sob because I didn’t want the pain of feeding him. At that point, I switched to formula. I could have battled through for a few more weeks but it was making me hate DS and it wasn’t worth it to me. Make whatever decision is best for you and your baby.

Have you checked for thrush? I get this exact sensation when we have thrush.

I had horrendous pain breastfeeding with all 3 of my children initially and none had tongue ties and all had good positioning and attachment.

DC1 I breastfed for 12 weeks, it never got any better and I finally packed it in then. I saw sooo many professionals and nobody was able to explain why it was so painful, or why my nipples were so shredded. I tried shields and my baby would just suck my nipple through the holes and I'd just get blisters in the pattern of the shield holes. Then after awhile my baby would completely refuse to breastfeed with them anyway. I was much happier bottle feeding and in hindsight wish I had moved to that earlier.

DC2 and DC3 it gradually started to improve about 3-4 weeks in and I was pain free by about 6 weeks both times. Therefore I was pleased to have stuck it out both times. I breastfed DC2 for 10 months and I'm now 6 months in with DC3 with no sign of stopping anytime soon.

When I had this it was the latch, I had to really focus on getting baby latched correctly (rugby hold and waiting for big wide mouth before stuffing as much breast in as I could) unlatching if she slipped off a bit etc. It took a day or so for my nipples to heal so it was painful for a couple more days once I worked out the latch, but after that no pain ever again so very much worth pushing through

Lanisoh saved my nipples!

Very painful at the get go, good latch but she just fed so often they got sore. Absolutely slathered them in Lanisoh after every feed and it was ok within a couple of days and pain free.

My experience, I appreciate it will be different for others.

I feel for you and am very sorry!
My first had a tongue tie and it was agony with bleeding ripples. I remember digging my toes into the carpet crying when feeding him!
It got lots better after tongue tie was snipped and lots of skin on skin. But it definitely wasn't a walk in the park for the first 4 weeks! But we managed it and successfully for 12 months which was recommended as both parents have allergies. Also....much easier with my second baby....and I was terrified!
Lansinoh cream in lashings after every feed is your friend!
But also....look after yourself and make sure you are okay! Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work! With me I was just pig headed!
Good luck!

I lasted a week and give up. Id had a bad c section, struggling already, then struggled with bf - sore nipples, not getting enough milk etc. don't feel guilty if it's best for you do it, baby is fine on formula. It was the best decision for us at the time and I don't have any regrets. My next baby I'll give it a go again. No other advice though sorry!

Your nipples need to heal, try moist wound healing with Multimam compresses, put them in the fridge for more relief, or get silver cups. This is probably what’s causing the pain now, as they have been damaged while your dd’s latch was bad due to the tt. See a lactation consultant for advice if you can rather than a midwife or PHN or gp. Well done on getting this far with bf with so much pain and the tt 👏

Bless you, it absolutely shouldn't hurt like that. I've just had my third baby and fed the first 2 with no problems, this one absolutely broke my nipples in the first week and the pain was unbearable, just as you described. I cried throughout every feed because of the pain and I'm usually quite good with pain!

Firstly I started using nipple shields for every feed to protect my (cracked, bleeding) nipples. I was recommended silver nipple shields as well as they're meant to heal them quickly but didn't bother as they were fairly expensive. I did use Lansinoh nipple cream which helped though. With the shields on baby fed for longer as the flow was slower, but it was pain free so much better. After 2-3 days I'd healed and could feed without the shields, but this time was really careful to latch properly. You can find pictures online of how to position baby and once latched properly, it honestly shouldn't hurt.

Hopefully you'll heal up soon and manage to latch with no pain. If it's daunting, maybe see if there's a breastfeeding clinic nearby to go to for in-person help.

Finally (sorry it's so long) I'm a huge advocate for breastfeeding BUT if it's affecting your happiness, mental health or how much you're enjoying your time with your precious new baby, would fully recommend switching to formula. You could always do it as a temporary measure till you're not physically in pain and then start breastfeeding again - it is possible though potentially harder to start again once stopped.

Hope it all goes well, and you can start relaxing and enjoying things a bit more soon. It will get better x

Try nipple shields and THIS WILL PASS. I’ve never heard of it hurting someone with a 1 month old, for example. It will get better and better as your baby’s mouth grows and latch improves. Watch as many YouTube vids on how to get a good latch as possible. But for now, nipple shields to let you heal.

Definitely nipple shields. I used the avent ones but there are other brands. I used lansinoh and also jelonet dressing for moist healing. It comes in a sheet which I cut into small pieces and held in place with a breast pad (buy from the pharmacist). I also pumped for a few days to give them time to heal. I remember vividly the shock of ds vomiting up blood stained milk from my cracked nipples. He is 18 now and vegetarian 😄

Some pain is ‘normal’ but not the type you describe - it sounds like she’s not latched deep enough. The kind of pain that’s more ‘normal’ at the start is more of a Chinese burn feeling for the first minute or so of a feed.

Check that she's everting the lower lip.

Ds was a fucker for tucking it in and it felt exactly as you describe. If i pulled it out it was fine.

I had a horrendous time and finally gave up at 5 weeks when everything hurt so badly I couldn't cuddle my baby. Turns out I had thrush on both sides and vasospasm (which basically meant everything hurt ALL the time whether feeding or not). Mine was an atypical colour presentation and in the COVID era of not being seen by a GP in person it wasn't picked up with the over the phone questions. I eventually demanded a F2F appointment. I regret not trying again once the thrush healed, but they gave me a cream, told me I couldn't feed (or pump) while using it and left me to switch to formula.

I would get checked for thrush as a first port of call!

Look up the flipple technique OP. It helped my get DS to latch more deeply.

One thing that helped me is as they are about to latch on, if they’re ever crying for the milk, try to catch them when their mouth is wide open then quickly latch them on, shoving your nipple in deep and pointing to the roof of their mouth. It’s not the official advice exactly but worked for me.

I could have wrote this ready my 1st and current baby.

Sometimes they don't cut the TT deep enough so it needs doing a 2nd or 3rd time.

Even though I bf my 1st to 2.5 years, I've really struggled to get a deep latch this time. I've found a fab website from an American laction consultant and she explained how to latch and how to get the wide open mouth. My son wasn't opening his mouth wide enough, now I've worked on getting his mouth to open I'm finally pain-free.
https://www.nourishedyoung.com/blog/what-to-do-when-your-baby-won-t-open-wide-before-latching

The midwife suggested this today, pushing my nipple and boob into her mouth, and also angling my nipple up as I push it into her open mouth. I keep accidentally lifting her onto my boob too so I do need to practice. I do think I can improve the positioning, at least attempt to.

I am getting used to putting the cream on a bit more now. I alternate between wearing medela shells to catch some let down and also allow my nipples time not touching the bra, and then silver cups to try healing them too.