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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Losing the will to continue with bf

33 replies

Blue2020 · 21/04/2025 17:44

I want to start by saying I really want this to work out, but I need a point where I stop.

We are 7 days into breastfeeding and it’s incredibly painful. I have seen multiple midwives and talked to friends who have said variations from ‘it shouldn’t be painful’ through to ‘the first x days are and then it stopped’ to ‘the first 10 seconds are and then it’s not’.

The pain is like a chomping sensation whenever DD sucks, I’m assuming it’s her gums biting into the areola/nipples. The pain goes through me every single suck she does and I can’t think about anything else.

DD had a tongue tie, which has just been cut today on day 7. I also got some advice about positioning again today. Feeding in the hospital just after the cut was also fairly painless however DD was fairly sleepy. So I thought great I could manage with that level- just a slight discomfort but no pain. I even went for lunch just after and fed her and ate my own lunch at the same time! Something I thought just wasn’t possible.

I have cracked nipples, bit bloody with skin coming off.

I just fed her again now 3hrs later and it’s like I’m back to square 1 with the pain. It was just as bad as before, chomping feeling where I can’t focus on anything but the pain and waiting for the pain. I guess I know my nipples are already damaged so there’s a healing process, but I’m wondering if it will get better or if my nipples just won’t improve and it could just be that I will feel pain throughout. It does feel like positioning can improve it, but I can’t see what I’m doing different compared to in the hospital that’s making it worse. Unless it’s just that it’s hours later and my nipples are sore again.

Did anyone else have incredibly painful bf sessions, and then it went to pain free eventually? I need hope, or to face reality and quit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blue2020 · 22/04/2025 02:00

Depressedbarbie · 21/04/2025 17:54

Honestly. Ignore people who say it shouldn't hurt. For some lucky people, if they get the position right, it doesn't hurt. For me, I had all the support going, and it still blimmin hurt!! It depends on the mums nipple shape, and the baby's mouth shape. Yes it's a good idea to get support to ensure your positioning is optimal, but for me the only thing that helped was her getting bigger basically. I was stubborn and pushed through, and also expressed milk to bottle feed to give things a rest.

My nipples are more on the flat side, or button shaped when cold/shower. So DD has been drawing them out which I guess also adds to the sore nipples and changes to the shape.

Yes I should remember that as the weeks go on she will get better at it too. She is pretty good already and everyone who has seen has said how good or textbook she is, even with a tongue tie.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blue2020 · 22/04/2025 02:30

Newbie887 · 21/04/2025 17:56

My first was like this, I hated breastfeeding it was so incredibly painful. I pumped when my nipples were too sore to give them a break. I used lanolin cream to help them heal. It semi worked. The bfing never really got comfortable and with all the faff of pumping and also the fact I couldnt face it sometimes and gave formula I ended up drying up at 5 months and formula feeding full time after then.

My next two babies were bf until 2 years old, so I think it wasn’t my inability to find a suitable position etc with the first, I just think he must have had a powerful suck or a mouth that was shaped in a way that it was painful.

for what it’s worth, my first has been super healthy, bright, no issues with weight (very tall and lean). His siblings have asthma, are always sick with bronchilitus, are fussier with foods and don’t eat as varied a diet as him etc etc. basically all the things you are told EBFing will help were the other way around for us! It was the same for me (formula) and my brother (bf) - he was the sick child lol. So don’t feel guilty is you end up on formula. It’s really not the end of the world.

Thanks. Yes I think she has a powerful suck. I sometimes struggle to delatch her.

I will move to pumping/formula if we cannot get this to work. I’m just hoping it improves over the next week or so. DD is my second baby, but first time breastfeeding. With DS he was early, tube fed, with other factors that meant we never got bf started. I exclusively pumped, and then moved him to formula once I reached rock bottom with supply/pain issues and really hating it all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blue2020 · 22/04/2025 02:37

Remy87 · 21/04/2025 18:01

Is it your nipples that are sore or feeding itself? I am 12 weeks in and remember thinking around 2 weeks in that I didn’t want to continue but I am glad I did. If nipples are sore really recommend the silver nipple cups (I got koala ones off amazon) if feeding itself get the latch checked by a lactation consultant. There’s always free support - ask your midwife where to go - that helped me. Frustrating when people say it I know but it did click for me!

I would say both. My nipples are sore, cracked and bloody. However it’s the actual feeding process, the sucking/chomping specifically that’s painful. It doesn’t hurt once’s she’s stopped, it’s the actual feed that hurts the whole time she’s sucking. It’s like DD is biting me with her gums each time, biting the nipple/areola/milk ducts? so the pain goes through me with each suck. It could be a combination with my nipples being pulled/stretched too though. During the tongue tie assessment she said DD couldn’t move her tongue out or fully up so she wasn’t surprised that I could feel her gums.

I have the silver cups, and medela shells to catch let down too. I alternative between the two.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blue2020 · 22/04/2025 02:39

Birchtree1 · 21/04/2025 18:48

I feel for you and am very sorry!
My first had a tongue tie and it was agony with bleeding ripples. I remember digging my toes into the carpet crying when feeding him!
It got lots better after tongue tie was snipped and lots of skin on skin. But it definitely wasn't a walk in the park for the first 4 weeks! But we managed it and successfully for 12 months which was recommended as both parents have allergies. Also....much easier with my second baby....and I was terrified!
Lansinoh cream in lashings after every feed is your friend!
But also....look after yourself and make sure you are okay! Sometimes breastfeeding doesn't work! With me I was just pig headed!
Good luck!

Yes that’s how I would describe it. I’m hoping it improves a bit over the next few days. I do know I need to work on the positioning/latch as well though.

It’s good to hear that it improved for you. I’m willing to try, I will stop though if it keeps getting too much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blue2020 · 22/04/2025 02:43

Dairymilkisminging · 21/04/2025 18:13

Have you checked for thrush? I get this exact sensation when we have thrush.

No I haven’t, I will look into it

OP posts:
Eggsboxedandmelting · 22/04/2025 16:20

Nipple shields have helped dd's nipples to heal. One scabbed and fine already. Second one crusty!! Dgc is feeding fine using the shields. Took to them immediately.. She has gone for the second tube of the cream.

Remy87 · 22/04/2025 21:28

Blue2020 · 22/04/2025 02:37

I would say both. My nipples are sore, cracked and bloody. However it’s the actual feeding process, the sucking/chomping specifically that’s painful. It doesn’t hurt once’s she’s stopped, it’s the actual feed that hurts the whole time she’s sucking. It’s like DD is biting me with her gums each time, biting the nipple/areola/milk ducts? so the pain goes through me with each suck. It could be a combination with my nipples being pulled/stretched too though. During the tongue tie assessment she said DD couldn’t move her tongue out or fully up so she wasn’t surprised that I could feel her gums.

I have the silver cups, and medela shells to catch let down too. I alternative between the two.

Show quote history

Bless you I feel for you. I had a period of it being really painful throughout feeding on one boob - I think we had a lazy latch on that one and once I corrected it did eventually stop. I really don’t think it should be painful so if you try everything you have to do what’s right for you. But I did manage to push through!

Original poster
Blue2020 · 23/04/2025 08:40

Remy87 · 22/04/2025 21:28

Bless you I feel for you. I had a period of it being really painful throughout feeding on one boob - I think we had a lazy latch on that one and once I corrected it did eventually stop. I really don’t think it should be painful so if you try everything you have to do what’s right for you. But I did manage to push through!

Show quote history

I do think the latch is sometimes not great, my nipples are also more like button/cones so the baby has to initially draw them out each time. I had one feed where there was no pain at all, but most times it’s somewhere in the middle. I think rather than using the tongue she’s used to using her gums to suck. So her tongue tie is now cut/divided but I think she might be used to feeding a certain way? That’s my best guess with the chomping sensation plus my nipples/areolas already being sore. I’m hoping it improves soon.

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