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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfed 3mo Hen Do Help!

41 replies

SuzyQ88 · 23/01/2025 14:57

Hi All,
I have a hen do in 2 weeks and my 3 and a half month old won’t take a bottle.
what do I do? I don’t want to cancel going.
i am trying to coax her onto a bottle in every way recommended!
DH is nervous about having her all day as am I if she won’t feed for 12 hours. I suggested he follows me around for the day (a day in London) but he wasn’t keen on that idea!
Should I just go and let him deal with it? Should I cancel (I’ve already paid a significant amount of money)? Go for half a day?
He hates dealing with her when she’s upset so any attempt at feeding her on a bottle from him or settling her and it doesn’t work he gives her straight back to me. Should I be harsher with him, and be like, you need to learn!
I’ll add that I feel I really need a break and a day out away from a baby and a toddler!
Help Mummas!

OP posts:
Hildabaggins · 23/01/2025 14:58

Why won’t he come to London? That’s what my DH and I would have done in that situation.

Original poster
SuzyQ88 · 23/01/2025 15:01

We have a 3 year old also, so he feels unfair to drag him around too

OP posts:
PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 23/01/2025 15:05

I’d spend the next two weeks encouraging her and him to take the bottle and if not cancel. Your baby can’t be left to cope for a whole day and DH baby and toddler can’t follow you around.

Rowen32 · 23/01/2025 15:06

I think if she won't take the bottle in two weeks time you may cancel..you can't leave her hungry and upset for that long really

DreadPirateRobots · 23/01/2025 15:06

I'd keep trying to encourage the baby to take the bottle (or rather, getting someone else to encourage baby; they won't put up with this bottle shit if they can smell you right there) but if you can't crack it before you leave then I wouldn't go, tbh.

PercyFone · 23/01/2025 15:14

At 3 months, is she chill enough to come along with you in a sling? And would you friendship group be ok with that?

My mates would be fine with a baby there (subject to the activity!), but I know that's not the case for everyone. But perhaps an option.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 23/01/2025 15:16

He needs to be giving the baby the bottle not you. You need to go out for 20mins and let him try without you there

GingerKombucha · 23/01/2025 15:18

I would go out for an afternoon, but somewhere you can get back if necessary and let him try. But he really has to try - let baby get hungry and cross and see if they eventually take it. If it gets too traumatic for him or baby then you can come back and know that either he follows you around London or you cancel.

Original poster
SuzyQ88 · 23/01/2025 15:19

Thanks all, all good advice!
Not sure about taking her, would be nervous of asking about taking her with as people would feel obliged to say yes even if they wanted to say no!

I'm going to persist for the next two weeks and just pray she gets the hang of it! Because the next hurdle is then the wedding!

If I had the money I'd hire a babysitter to follow me round with her but not sure I can afford that on top of the hen do expense!

Any tips for getting her to take the bottle are very welcome!

OP posts:
FeedMeBrunch · 23/01/2025 15:22

What bottles have you tried OP?

Original poster
SuzyQ88 · 23/01/2025 15:23

Tommy tipper, medela, and 2 diff types of Mam

OP posts:
JennyChawleigh · 23/01/2025 15:27

He could try giving her the milk in a cup rather than a bottle (less confusing). thttps://llli.org/news/cup-feeding/

And you should at least be out of the room when he tries, so she cant see or smell you.

Cup Feeding – La Leche League International

https://llli.org/news/cup-feeding

Nomnomnew · 23/01/2025 15:28

It’s so hard OP isn’t it when they won’t take a bottle. We had to try so many different types before we found an acceptable one - it was a mam one that our little one finally took, but I see you’ve tried those already. Can you try some others? I think warming the teat helped ours too, although tbh DH did it all as I had to be out of the house before he could even try!

Original poster
SuzyQ88 · 23/01/2025 15:31

I think I need to take your tips and be out the house. When he tries and she cries he gives in after a few mins and just gives her back to me to feed or settle because he knows she'll calm down with me!

I think it's both her learning the bottle and him gaining the confidence! I shall take the toddler to the park!

OP posts:
Original poster
SuzyQ88 · 23/01/2025 15:33

Great link re cup feeding, thank you, will deff try

OP posts:
PokerFriedDips · 23/01/2025 15:35

Have you tried holding the bottle in your armpit with the teat close to your nipple? Some of the baby's confusion comes from a completely different position and hold than she is used to.

JimHalpertsWife · 23/01/2025 15:36

Do you have a close friend or sister or mum who would be happy to mooch round London for the day with the baby? I can see how frustrating it would be trying to entertain a 3yo in the city whilst pacifying a 3mo you can't feed and have to drop and go every hour or two as you move from place to place.

Taking the 3yp out of the equation might actually be easier.

pinkyredrose · 23/01/2025 15:39

He hates dealing with her when she’s upset so any attempt at feeding her on a bottle from him or settling her and it doesn’t work he gives her straight back to me.

Fuck that shit. He 'hates' dealing with an upset baby? Well he needs to spend more time with her to get used to it.

Do not cancel your break!

TrumpWon2024 · 23/01/2025 15:40

I read that as 'breastfed 3 month old hen, do help'. And I thought, you really need help if you breastfed a hen. Just saying.

Florajane · 23/01/2025 15:40

A friend of mine had this issue but was going back to work (the US) so there was no choice. She left the house and her husband had to persevere. It would not have worked if she had stayed at home...

PhDPeppa · 23/01/2025 15:42

PercyFone · 23/01/2025 15:14

At 3 months, is she chill enough to come along with you in a sling? And would you friendship group be ok with that?

My mates would be fine with a baby there (subject to the activity!), but I know that's not the case for everyone. But perhaps an option.

That would completely change the vibe. Would you even be allowed to go into a bar and do cocktail making with a baby strapped to you? (Not suggesting that that's what the hen do activity is).

I say that because I went to a hen do where someone did the above and we weren't allowed in because of the baby. She refused to leave and kicked off massively. The bride was in a really awkward position because the hen kept insisting it was discrimination against her by the bar but it was their licensing agreement.

She eventually decided to go home and we managed to do the activity but we only had an hour rather than 2.5. Then she came back
Out with the baby for dinner and kept telling us we were drinking too much and asking us not to talk about sex or anything in front of her baby.

Original poster
SuzyQ88 · 23/01/2025 15:52

pinkyredrose · 23/01/2025 15:39

He hates dealing with her when she’s upset so any attempt at feeding her on a bottle from him or settling her and it doesn’t work he gives her straight back to me.

Fuck that shit. He 'hates' dealing with an upset baby? Well he needs to spend more time with her to get used to it.

Do not cancel your break!

I think this is the kick up the bum I was looking for, thank you!

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 23/01/2025 17:26

PhDPeppa · 23/01/2025 15:42

That would completely change the vibe. Would you even be allowed to go into a bar and do cocktail making with a baby strapped to you? (Not suggesting that that's what the hen do activity is).

I say that because I went to a hen do where someone did the above and we weren't allowed in because of the baby. She refused to leave and kicked off massively. The bride was in a really awkward position because the hen kept insisting it was discrimination against her by the bar but it was their licensing agreement.

She eventually decided to go home and we managed to do the activity but we only had an hour rather than 2.5. Then she came back
Out with the baby for dinner and kept telling us we were drinking too much and asking us not to talk about sex or anything in front of her baby.

Show quote history

Omg people like that exist!

PhDPeppa · 23/01/2025 19:59

@pinkyredrose it was excruciating!!

SeaToSki · 23/01/2025 20:18

Try a bottle nipple/teat with a faster flow. If you have a good let down and the bottle has a slow flow nipple then the baby will hate the bottle as it wont go fast enough