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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding in front of 5 year old stepson

63 replies

Hsolley0904 · 27/09/2024 06:56

I’ve got a 5 week old baby and she’s EBF. Throughout my pregnancy we told him how the baby gets milk from my breasts (he was very intrigued as to what she would eat, suggesting porridge etc 😂). He would mention that it was weird - we reiterated to him that it’s not and it’s very normal and lots of animals feed their babies this way.

Im very comfortable getting my breasts out to feed wherever and whenever as I don’t think women should ever feel like they can’t - I also have an incredibly hungry baby so she feeds A LOT. He makes me feel like I shouldn’t.

Since baby was born, he’s carried on saying it’s weird and recently asked me to do it in another room because he doesn’t want to watch. Again he is only 5. We’ve tried to explain again that it’s just the baby having her dinner etc but he’s making me feel awful. I enjoy breastfeeding and tbh it’s about the only thing I do at the moment. I suffer with PPD and isolating myself to a room all day to feed her is not going to work for me.

can anyone suggest how I might approach this with him?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 27/09/2024 06:58

Why can’t his father adequately manage this?

JaneAustenshandbag · 27/09/2024 07:00

Why can’t the 5 year old take himself to another room if he doesn’t want to watch? Why would he be watching anyway.

Original poster
Hsolley0904 · 27/09/2024 07:01

When we’ve discussed with my stepson, it’s always been both of us. My partner is very supportive and I’ve been very open with how he is making me feel.

We’re just both a bit unsure as to how to approach this now.

OP posts:
coffy11 · 27/09/2024 07:02

I think his dad needs to have a chat with him. Where does he even get the idea that it's weird?

BarbaraHoward · 27/09/2024 07:04

I would just go really really light touch on this and just say "don't be silly, she's just having her dinner! You don't have to watch though, you can just play. Would you like to play with your Lego in here or do some colouring in the kitchen?". Downplay it as much as you can.

One thing that always helped my eldest was explaining that I did the same with her when she was a baby, so you could try explaining that his mum spent lots of time breastfeeding him or giving him bottles when he was little too. Isn't it funny how babies need to eat all the time! Etc etc.

Is your DP making sure to spend some one on one time with his DS so he doesn't feel pushed out?

RachPelders · 27/09/2024 07:05

I don't think you need to do 'anything' particularly. You've already explained.

When he says he thinks it's weird just say something benign like 'well it's very natural, lots of babies bf' or something. If he asks you to move to another room just say oh no, I'm comfy here.

5 weeks is still early and he'll still be adjusting - it will probably wear off.

Original poster
Hsolley0904 · 27/09/2024 07:06

I don’t know where he gets the idea. We’re a very open family and it’s not like he hasn’t seen them before!
I’ve nothing to do with his bio mother, he spends a few days a week with her, so I’m not sure what goes on there.

OP posts:
MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 27/09/2024 07:06

Don't stop.

It's a shame he's already got very strange views about bf but you'll be doing him a favour by continuing to normalise bf.

JumpstartMondays · 27/09/2024 07:07

JaneAustenshandbag · 27/09/2024 07:00

Why can’t the 5 year old take himself to another room if he doesn’t want to watch? Why would he be watching anyway.

Because he's a child and children are curious.

OP, try to find out where this is coming from if you can? Ask him if he has any questions you can answer for him. Is DSS with you and his dad full time or part time? I'm wonder if new half sibling could be making him feel insecure.

TemuSpecialBuy · 27/09/2024 07:08

Since baby was born, he’s carried on saying it’s weird and recently asked me to do it in another room because he doesn’t want to watch.

Its might be coming for his mother or justa jealousy response. I'd give a beige response

You or your dh "It's not weird, its normal but its okay if you dont want to be in the same room. Do you want to play in your room or draw in the dining room? Or you can stay and watch spiderman or whatever"

Dss "Wah wah you need to leave. Its gross"

Your dh "Hsolley and the baby are in here. Like we said its normal. If you want to be in a different room thats fine. Which room do you want to go to? Want to play with your X or Y?"

Rinse repeat

Also try and find ways for the 2 to bond. I did a lot of. "Look! The baby likes you" " can you show the baby how you do X! Wow" and getting then to make baby laugh ( when older obvs)

turkeymuffin · 27/09/2024 07:08

Explain gently that this is what the baby needs to eat to be healthy & grow.

After that if he persists I'd tell him off for being bloody rude!! You wouldn't want him criticising a a stranger in a cafe.

Smartiepants79 · 27/09/2024 07:10

I don’t think you can ‘do’ anything about it except what you’re already doing.
Keep calm, keep telling him it’s normal and then just keep carrying on as normal. Distract him. Don’t make a fuss and definitely don’t give in and go somewhere else.

JaneAustenshandbag · 27/09/2024 07:11

It is a shame he has this view that it’s weird. I breastfed three dc to the age of 3 and it was just normal to them, they used to pretend to feed their dolls.

Original poster
Hsolley0904 · 27/09/2024 07:11

JumpstartMondays · 27/09/2024 07:07

Because he's a child and children are curious.

OP, try to find out where this is coming from if you can? Ask him if he has any questions you can answer for him. Is DSS with you and his dad full time or part time? I'm wonder if new half sibling could be making him feel insecure.

Show quote history

He spends half his time with us. He’s very excited to have a new sister, and tells everyone wherever we go.
I’ll try this :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Hsolley0904 · 27/09/2024 07:12

turkeymuffin · 27/09/2024 07:08

Explain gently that this is what the baby needs to eat to be healthy & grow.

After that if he persists I'd tell him off for being bloody rude!! You wouldn't want him criticising a a stranger in a cafe.

No, this is my worry 100%. It makes me feel awful and I would hate for it to make anyone else feel the same way!

OP posts:
SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 27/09/2024 07:13

If he isn't getting it from an adult, which still seems likely, it could be because your relationship has suddenly changed. New sibling comes along and does something only they can do with you and he feels left out. Did you do much spending time with just him beforehand? Agree with others to continue to normalise this and make him feel included in things he can be.

Original poster
Hsolley0904 · 27/09/2024 07:21

SprigatitoYouAndIKnow · 27/09/2024 07:13

If he isn't getting it from an adult, which still seems likely, it could be because your relationship has suddenly changed. New sibling comes along and does something only they can do with you and he feels left out. Did you do much spending time with just him beforehand? Agree with others to continue to normalise this and make him feel included in things he can be.

I’m actually spending more time with him now, as I was usually at work prior to baby.
If it’s from an adult, it’s not one I know (never met his bio mum or her family) so not one I could speak to

OP posts:
2Old2Tango · 27/09/2024 07:26

Have a look on Amazon. There are books you can get which are directed at young children, that explain in pictures and/or simple words what a new baby needs eg Babies Don't Eat Pizza.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 27/09/2024 07:29

It's probably just an attention seeking thing, he's been used to being an only child for so long and now he has to share. My older boys liked being read to while my babies were feeding, I put some books to one side just for feeding time and they would snuggle up with me and the baby.

Muthauckas · 27/09/2024 07:31

He gets the idea that it's weird from being a little kid! He's only 5, of course it's weird to him - anything different from what he's used to will be weird.

He probably finds it weird that babies have only milk especially when calling it 'having her dinner' - to him dinner is meat & potatoes (or whatever). And he thinks of it as 'eating' whereas that's not what the baby is doing.

He's probably watching to try and understand, but also probably a kind of morbid curiosity (to him) - this is something unusual and therefore unsettling to him.

He may also be feeling jealous/pushed out (perfectly normal and understandable when a new baby comes along) and may be seeing it as she is getting something he's not. You love her more etc.

He'll get over it, just keep it light - 'this is what babies do' 'it's perfectly normal' etc. and he'll get used to it and move on. Give him lots of attention in other ways. Maybe have a look for some children's books about babies.

Absolutely do not tell him off. He won't say it to a stranger in a cafe, he's 5 not 2. He's not saying it to be mean, he's confused and processing some big emotions. It's better to ensure home is a safe and nurturing place for him to speak out and ask questions etc.

Eggyleggy · 27/09/2024 07:35

I guess he's at the age at school where they can start to get a bit silly about 'boobies' and 'willlies' and 'kissing' (sooooo gross etc.). So maybe he's having difficulty slotting together the messing around talk at school with the perfectly natural feeding at home.

I'd maybe try to make him feel all clever for knowing better. Something along the lines of saying "isn't it funny that some people don't even realise that breasts make milk to feed babies."

Then just saying he doesn't need to look and here is something to play with etc.

mychilddeservesaneducation · 27/09/2024 08:47

It's very strange language for a 5 year old to come out with ('weird', 'can you do it somewhere else' etc). I suspect he's got this from his mum or another adult and is repeating their thoughts. A 5 year old might get a bit silly 'eww, that's yukky' or find it something but they're more likely to laugh at and be a bit embarrassed about in a funny way, than ask you to feed in another room!

Just play it down. 'Don't be silly it's not weird. Baby can't eat fish fingers like you do just yet so she has to drink her milk from her mummy like lots of babies do. Even baby dogs / cows / sheep / hedgehogs drink milk from their mummies when they're really little'.

Berlinlover · 27/09/2024 08:56

I expect to get flamed for this but anyway I would go to another room to breastfeed, there’s no need to make other people uncomfortable. My stepdaughter used breastfeed in front of her father in law, that’s insane.

Completelyjo · 27/09/2024 08:59

We’re a very open family and it’s not like he hasn’t seen them before!

Honestly it’s very weird that your 5 year old step son had seen your breasts before you were breastfeeding a baby.

PennyApril54 · 27/09/2024 09:02

I think make it boring. Brief pleasant answers when he asks but not much attention given. Assuming you are mostly covered up 🤣 I think he just needs to get used it to it.