I know its very early days but I'm worrying already ....Breastfeeding 3rd baby ... : (

[Disenchanted]

This is probably going to long and a bit moany but I need to get it out and I know how much support people get here over BFing so Im going to start here.

I just found out I am pregnant a few days ago, very early days and I know alot of people would think I'm daft for bringing up breat feeding already but its been playing on my mind from when we were trying for this baby.

This is my 3rd child.

My first 2 were formula fed.

I did try breast feeding but never made it past 3 days in either case. Ive never even had my milk come in, always given up before that.

My mum and family members don't understand how I feel, they ALL FF, Im the only one to ever have tried breastfeeding.

I wanted to do it so much each time, i was really excited about it first time round. I bought loads of feeding tops, funny little tops for Ds saying 'a pink of mums milk' and stuff like that But it never happened.

Im terrified thsi time round, Im actully getting teary just writing this.

Right DS1 was a big baby, he was 9lbs. I had quite bad tearing and looking back I think I actully had some serious baby blues for a few weeks after he was born.

He latched straight away and fed well.

The first night I had to stay in hospital, I got no support from the midwives on duty, they were horrid to me. I felt stupid asking for help, I was made to feel I was 'bothering' them If I rung the bell.

I couldn't latch DS on and i was crying my eyes out...

the midwife told me to give him a bottle

told me where they were and i had to haobble to get one.

He had reflux and threw it up everywhere.

He wanted to feed constantly when I got home.

I was only just turned 20, i stopped BFing him.

All my mum and everyone was saying hes too big, you ahvent enough milk ... ect

DS ... I got prepared AGAIN, very excited, very DETYERMINED this time.

GREAT homebirth, no tears - felt on top of the world!

He latched straight away too!

Midwife said I was a natural,

but soon my nipples were in AGONY!! They were cracked, blleding, I was sobbing when he started to cry because I knew he wanted feeding but I was too sore!

I wore nipple shields, still hurt.
I called the midwives out (now this is something thats been on my mind ever since ...)

They said he was latched properly ... I told them my nipples were so so sore, they said well the only way that would happen is a bad latch ... but then they would say hes on properly!

They compeltely contradicted themselves!

I went out and bought a breastpump.

Nothing much came out, but this is only day 3 so my milk probably hadn't come in.

I had to stop.

Now I want to feed this baby, i really do with all my heart (am crying now)

but I feel like i will just FAIL again and part of me wants to just go staright to the bottle to avaois the failure and humiliation.

MY SIL had a lil boy a while back, she wanted to BF ... i thought 'lets see how long she lasts' not in a nasty way but i just thought she wouldn't be able to, but he is 14 months old now and still BF!

That makes me feel even worse.

What can I do differently??

Sorry its long. And probably full of mistakes but Im too tired to read it back Sorry.

You didn't fail - you were failed, in that you just didn't get the support you needed before.

This time, you are already mentally preparing, and the best thing you can do is to get as much information and support lined up as poss. So hang out with us here , find your local Baby Cafe/ BF support group, and talk to a BF counsellor to work through what happened to you before and know what people should have told you then.

And MN will always be there for you to ask anything

Wow I really feel for you. Feeding your baby is such an emotive topic. You have expressed yourself very well. I dont know what advice I can give you but I would say I would say everything you just said here (even if you have to write it down) to your midwife NOW and hopefully you can get some very early help. Dont give up and dont be down on yourself you sound like a really great mother! And congratulations on the new baby! I am trying for my second baby now.

""They said he was latched properly ... I told them my nipples were so so sore, they said well the only way that would happen is a bad latch ... but then they would say hes on properly!

They compeltely contradicted themselves!""

am responding to this bit in particular.....I also had the same issue, and the same response from the MW's too. I was told (and I know this may come under fire from experts with more knowledge than me, but I am speaking from MY experiance only), that women with fair colouring have aharder time as their nipples have less melonin and so are more sensitive. now, I repeat...this is what I was told, and it held true for me (and maybe you too, have no idea on your skin type), and it made it easier to understand and therefore get thro IYGWIM.

now, I think the fact that you are on MN (the best site in the world IMHO for breastfeeding support), will be the 'make or break' for you.......and am sure in fact it will be the 'make' of you into a successful reastfeeder.

you want to do this, which IMO means you will give it your all......just stick around and talk lots....you never know, by the time you come to have baby, you may have met up with someone uber fantastic who can help you completely succeed.....

Thanks, the day I found out I was pregnant I went to the library and got a breastfeeding book so I am trying to be prepared,

You had a shit time and were let down by people who sohuld have helped you.

Hunker's website is a valuable source of [[http://howbreastfeedingworks.com/tag/association-of-breastfeeding-mothers/ information. Take note of the numbers of all the b/feeding support lines on the right. Sadly, as you may already konw, a lot of mWs,HVs and GPs know next to nothing about breastfeeding and therefroe can't help (not that it stops them from holding forth with utter nonsense on occasion.)

Mumsnet also brill. Post about anythnig and everything and yuo will always get a gang of lovely people willing to help you out.

Very best of luck.

Hunker's website again

What an awful time you had - am very about your lack of support! The advice you have already been given is great and if you can find your breastfeeding groups and supporters before the birth so much the better - they'll be there when you want them.

You can feed big babies, your milk will be enough - you can do this and they will always be somebody here to cheer you on!

Thankyou

Hunkers website looks fabulous.

I agree with it being important to have someone to support you, but no-one at that point HAD breastfed, or noone in the family since, I sometimes feel a bit like the black sheep of the family

My SIL has done it now but shes not the type who would nip round to help me out if I called her IYKWIM.

You poor thing - what a terrible time you've had. And I'm very impressed you're going to have another go. I also had really bad cracked nipples with my DS and the MW told me the latch was fine. I rang the NCT and they were pretty helpful but what really made the difference was going to see a bf counsellor. She was absolutely brilliant and I know I would never have been able to carry on without her.

I would find out where one is before the birth and go and see them as soon as you feel able. My only regret is that I didn't go sooner.

Congralations on your pregnancy

I think it is much harder without family support Dis, but yuor sil might surprise you. Breastfeeding successfully leaves many women with a passionate urge to help others with the problems a lot of us experience in the early days.

Thankyou spice monster

Could I go before I give birth to see a BF counsellor? Not now obviosly, lol, but say at 36 weeks or something?

To share my fears and get advice?

i always find the first few weeks my nipples are a bit senstive and sore. i got a blister on one once, that was sore. latch was fine.

imagine having a hoover attached to your nipples for 20-40mins at a time, they are going to get a little bit sore arent they?

i know it sounds like i am putting you off, but i'm not. i fed dd1 for a few weeks, but ending up formula feeding her under pressure from hv and midwives. i lasted 8 weeks with dd2 (9lb, never lost weight, even in the first week), then switched to formula as i didnt think i could do it much longer.

however with lots of mumsnetters support, i fed dd3 to over 2years old. I dont think i would have achieved that without this amazing website

Thats why I want to give it another go, if I try and get the support ready before I have him/her then I can call upon that rather thatn just trying alone.

Well done BTW

I think you could see a bf counsellor beforehand surely?
By all means,give one of the helplines a ring. They would be happy to listen and help.

Thats definatly something I will look into.

I actully feel a little better already.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, disenchanted!

Just to echo what Moondog and others have said - you'll get loads of moral support on mumsnet, and you can find all the info you need on Hunker's blog. For real life support - eg someone to sit with you and watch you feed - you can ring the helplines.

I think that could go a long way to make up for a lack of midwife and family support.

Poor you, it sounds as if the pain was horrible (I had a very painful start too).

But don't forget, it could be completely different and easy this time. I think you're absolutely right to be thinking about where to get help etc and being prepared- but it's not guaranteed to be difficult this time - you never know your luck. Each baby is different.

Brill Dis!
Having a positive 'can do' mental attitude helps so much.

yes having a positive attitude does help. and being darned stubborn as well.

Lol, thankyou again

Hiya,

been thinking about this alot again so am going to ramble on with my musings.

Im thinking how the first 2 times when i tried to breastfeed I was so sad, sore and felt like a failure.

My boobs are killing me now, I can't even touch my nipples, and i gave them a squeeze last night an they were very painful.

Im thinking maybe my boobs just arent cut out for breastfeeding?

I cant imagine tryint o latch a baby onto them even now as they are so sore.

Oh I don't know

Maybe I should just go straight o bottle to save me the stress

I don't feel like i VOULD do it this time .

I mean I don't feel like i WOULD be able to do it this time round either, i think it would be just as painful

ANd Im no wuss!! I had both my babies with NO pain relief,not even G&A, so im not a wimp.

Maybe my nipples just arent breastfeeding nipples??

Disenchanted my nipples were agony when I started bf. I had cracks in both nipples. With dd1 it was due to the latch as well as sensitive nipple woth dd2 her latch was fine my nipples are just over senstive. The pain did last for a few weeks but once my nipples firmed up I bf dd2 for 2 1/2 years. It's worth persevering as it does get easier.

But I couldn't, thats the point, I wanted to breastfeed so much, it wasn't a flippant descision. It was something I HAD to do, I had to stop, it was making my life with my new babies miserable!

And Im not sure I want to go through that again, I think maybe I should just go straight to bottle because with both previous babies it was only when I switched to the bottle that I started to enoying my babies and feeding time!

You're still fairly early on in your pg aren't you ? Because in loads of women (even those who are bfing through pg) their nipples are very sensitive and sore at that point, and they then go onto bf with no problems.

Hiya

of course you can see a Counseloor before birth, a good idea imo as you can talk through the past.

my experiences-

ds1- nightmare pg, low birth weight, had been certain i would bf but gave up quickly as he didnt grow and no support

ds2- managed a few weeks more but basically the same

ds3- exclusive for four weeks, mixed thereafter but fed until 16 months

ds4- 3 weeks old, feeding wonderfully

the difference?

between ds2 and ds3 i did a bf training course that not only taught me loads of stuff about the mechanics and helped me understand past (ds1 caseion intolerant, ds2 i panicked) but made me feel empowered too.

so defibitely speak to a bf counsellor early on, visit the local support group and make friends, and most of all believe. because you can do it.

hats off to you for your dedication, btw.