This is probably going to long and a bit moany but I need to get it out and I know how much support people get here over BFing so Im going to start here.
I just found out I am pregnant a few days ago, very early days and I know alot of people would think I'm daft for bringing up breat feeding already but its been playing on my mind from when we were trying for this baby.
This is my 3rd child.
My first 2 were formula fed.
I did try breast feeding but never made it past 3 days in either case. Ive never even had my milk come in, always given up before that.
My mum and family members don't understand how I feel, they ALL FF, Im the only one to ever have tried breastfeeding.
I wanted to do it so much each time, i was really excited about it first time round. I bought loads of feeding tops, funny little tops for Ds saying 'a pink of mums milk' and stuff like that But it never happened.
Im terrified thsi time round, Im actully getting teary just writing this.
Right DS1 was a big baby, he was 9lbs. I had quite bad tearing and looking back I think I actully had some serious baby blues for a few weeks after he was born.
He latched straight away and fed well.
The first night I had to stay in hospital, I got no support from the midwives on duty, they were horrid to me. I felt stupid asking for help, I was made to feel I was 'bothering' them If I rung the bell.
I couldn't latch DS on and i was crying my eyes out...
the midwife told me to give him a bottle
told me where they were and i had to haobble to get one.
He had reflux and threw it up everywhere.
He wanted to feed constantly when I got home.
I was only just turned 20, i stopped BFing him.
All my mum and everyone was saying hes too big, you ahvent enough milk ... ect
DS ... I got prepared AGAIN, very excited, very DETYERMINED this time.
GREAT homebirth, no tears - felt on top of the world!
He latched straight away too!
Midwife said I was a natural,
but soon my nipples were in AGONY!! They were cracked, blleding, I was sobbing when he started to cry because I knew he wanted feeding but I was too sore!
I wore nipple shields, still hurt.
I called the midwives out (now this is something thats been on my mind ever since ...)
They said he was latched properly ... I told them my nipples were so so sore, they said well the only way that would happen is a bad latch ... but then they would say hes on properly!
They compeltely contradicted themselves!
I went out and bought a breastpump.
Nothing much came out, but this is only day 3 so my milk probably hadn't come in.
I had to stop.
Now I want to feed this baby, i really do with all my heart (am crying now)
but I feel like i will just FAIL again and part of me wants to just go staright to the bottle to avaois the failure and humiliation.
MY SIL had a lil boy a while back, she wanted to BF ... i thought 'lets see how long she lasts' not in a nasty way but i just thought she wouldn't be able to, but he is 14 months old now and still BF!
That makes me feel even worse.
What can I do differently??
Sorry its long. And probably full of mistakes but Im too tired to read it back Sorry.