Cluster feeding advice - at the end of my tether

[Armo24]

My daughter has just turned 7 weeks old - she’s been gaining weight well, has normal nappies and I just had my latch and her tongue checked by a breastfeeding counsellor and all seems ok. I’ve been mainly breastfeeding aside from the occasional emergency bottle. The issue is since last Friday night (so a week now) she has been feeding all evening non stop - one boob to the other, on and on, from around 6 til midnight, with my boobs feeling completely depleted. One day she did it in the afternoon around 3ish but it’s mainly evenings. I never get a break as if I hand her over she cries and starts wildly rooting again. I know she’s not actually hungry as last night at the end of my tether I handed her to my partner with a full bottle of breast milk and she drank none of it, screamed for ages and it took him two hours of endless jiggling and rocking to settle her just so I could get a bit of sleep before the night feeds kicked in. She’s not rejecting bottles as she took one when she was hungry this morning (I was too tired and stressed to feed her as she hadn’t settled all night). When will this feeding frenzy end? If it’s going to be much longer I just don’t feel breastfeeding is worth it as all I’m doing is feeding - watching endless tv, staring at my phone, chugging water and wolfing snacks like a zombie which can’t be great for bonding. I’ve tried and tried feeding lying down, loads of practise tweaking positions, etc, but just cannot get it right without my boobs (which are very big) smothering her nose and I’m too scared of falling asleep with that happening. She refuses a dummy though we try multiple times a day - covering it in breastmilk and swapping the nipple out for it, trying all the tricks. I’ve heard there’s a 6 week growth spurt but I’ve also heard cluster feeding should be 2-3 nights, not a week. Any advice would be welcome!

i know you already tried it and it didn’t work but I’d try a bottle at this time again if possible. I used to have a crying on the floor breakdown every night because I was so touched out from the cluster feeds so I just gave her bottles of formula instead, as much as she wanted. I switched to formula altogether after 2 months because the hours of feeding were getting to me (very inefficient feeder so it was like 16 hours a day) and she still drinks 1.5-2 normal sized bottles at bedtime. Like 300-350ml. Imagine how long itd take her to get that on a boob!

It's tough! I remember being glued to the sofa in those early weeks with both of mine.You have to do what is best for you- the main thing is you being mentally stable and not completely sleep deprived, but the cluster feeding does reduce!
Remember being close to you and suckling is incredibly comforting for a newborn, so it's not just the milk she is seeking.
Combination feeding sounds a good plan as much as you can do.xx

My DD was exactly the same. She would settle if she sucked my finger. You have to turn your index finger up so the underside pad is against the roof of her mouth. It used to give me a break of an hour or so.

DS used to get like this when he was overtired. Couldn't switch off and didn't know what he wanted.

DH would take him out for a 20 minute walk in the fresh air. When they got back he'd either fallen asleep from the motion or was ready for a proper feed.

In time we learned never to let him go more than 90 minutes to 2 hours awake as any longer he would be wired.

When you say the issue is.... I'm sorry to say there is no issue other than your expectations. This is completely normal. Please don't give up or substitute with a bottle of formula as your supply will reduce. She needs you to make more not less during growth spurts and leaps.

The witching hour is usually a few hours of fussing, on and off boob, crying for it crying to get it away etc between the hours 5-11pm and will gradually get shorter and shorter as your baby gets older.

Survival is the name of the game here. Self care. Being supported with food chopping and drinks that are accessible, partner to give you a break when it feels your nipples need it by baby wearing and tiger in the tree hold etc. Your local breastfeeding group will have hundreds of mums who've been here. Reach out to your new village.

i feel for you. Just to let you know you are not alone. you doing great and keep it up! My son is 12 week old and I m first time mum and been breastfeeding exclusively.

Yes I’ve been your stage and wonder when will it ends about the evening cluster feeding. While everyone around me so happy for my newborn saying I should treasure the wonderful moment , I had no clue what to treasure other than if I was lucky to get some sleep! 😂

I found changing the mindset help, if he want to feed just give and meet the demand if you can. Basically completely no agenda and just listen to what your baby needs. If it’s too much for you, ask for help, cry it out - just go with your emotion to reset yourself.

my son now go to sleep regularly around 9pm , giving me an hour to wind down for bed.

Thanks for this, that’s great about going down at 9pm, congrats! And yes I feel the same when people tell me to treasure this time - how when all I do is feed her. I watch my partner with her and wish I could have a nice playful relationship like he does but if she’s on me she just wants to feed. Do you remember how long it went on for in your case? Was it every night or did it come and go? Did it reduce gradually?

Thanks for this - we tried to go with the flow last night, partner chopping up food so I could eat one handed, back to back Friends on Netflix, etc. It was ok but I feel I can’t keep it up every night. When I handed her over for holding and wearing she’d start fussing and crying. Also if my partner takes her does it delay the process? Like will cluster feeding go on half an hour longer if he takes her for half an hour to give me a break?

Thanks for this! So when it began in the evening did you just stop the endless feeding and take him out? And it wouldn’t happen if he’d slept properly in the day?

Thank you! It’s reassuring to hear it’s a common experience. How did you combi feed? If we do a bottle in this time she either doesn’t drink it or wallops it down and goes straight back to demanding the boob like nothing ever happened?

Thank you! At what point in the evening would you give the formula? Would you go through any of the endless feeding or realise when it began and give a bottle? When we’ve tried similar she just wants to go straight back on the boob after like she’d never eaten before in her life!

So this is/can be normal and I know you said her weight was ok, but it might be worth getting her latch checked. I went with the flow and watched endless tv because i thought my baby was cluster feeding but actually he just kept going because he couldn't get enough milk out - was feeding ineffectively. If the weight gain is ok, it's unlikely to be the issue but not sure when baby was last weighed?

Don't let people tell you to keep going if it's not for you. Your mental health trumps anything else. You've done amazingly to get to 7 weeks! All 3 of mine were combi fed for various reasons (none of them latched so I pumped and then fully on formula from few months old). They're now 9, 6 and 1.5 and I NEVER think about how they were fed as babies! It seems huge now but becomes a total non-issue very quickly. Breastfeeding is not always best.

Oh really! So what happened at the end of each marathon session - was he just sleeping from exhaustion in the end? How did you discover he wasn’t getting enough? She was last weighed last Friday and had put on loads, but that was the morning before all this began. Something may have changed in the meantime. I’ll get her weighed next week to check. Thanks for the tip!

Thank you so much for this - when you talk about looking back that’s exactly what I’m worried about, I don’t want to look back and think all I did was sit there bored feeding my newborn watching tv for hours on end. I want to have nice fun times and cuddles with her like my partner gets to!

It will pass very soon! One or so more weeks and it gets into a much more lovely pattern. You've made it so far now and the best bit of short feeds and not having to faff when you go out is just around the corner!!! At 8 or 9ish weeks mine tapered down into nice 30 min feeds, it's just your boobs really getting into the swing of things.

(When I say about going out, you have to pre sterilise water, pack separate milk powder, find something or somewhere to heat the water, take dirty bottles home to sterilise - i much much preferred the ease of breastfeeding)

Oh and if you can pump or collect draw down from the other boob (loved a Hakaa with both of mine), it allows you to give the baby a really good feed now and again and give you a break, or better still outsource to your partner. If you haven't tried a bottle before it may take a few attempts for them to take it

I lasted nowhere near 7 weeks with the torture of cluster feeding. I had an over supply and he was making himself sick with it all. It would absolutely fly out of me.

I got him a dummy and he was absolutely fine. All the waffle about nipple confusion is nonsense with regard to dummies in my opinion. If he was offered the dummy but was genuinely hungry he would cry for milk. Some babies just need to suck to soothe.

You know your child and your body best. I would try a few different dummies and see if she takes to any. You'll know pretty quickly whether it works for you both or not.

I went on to breastfeed with no bottles until the age of two and never had any problems. The dummy was a godsend for soothing during illness and during night weaning.

In my experience, cluster feeding happened when my dc were tired but hadn't learned how to go to sleep. Constantly feeding them just made it worse because they didn't actually eat or sleep properly... so I stopped doing it and focused on the sleep part. There are various methods to help babies learn to self settle and people feel very strongly about them, what worked for us was a good daily routine with regular feeds and naps and slowly decreasing the amount of effort we put in to helping them get to sleep.

My eldest was like this and I remember vividly how exhausting it was. I'm sorry to say that in her case it only resolved once she went onto solids which in my day was at 3 months. (30 years ago)

I would be kind to myself. Give a bottle or two if you need to. You've done 7 weeks which is amazing. Don't be guilted into only breastfeeding. Your baby will be fine with the odd bottle or even with all formula.

Does baby have a dummy? Some babies just love to suck for comfort. Both of mine had them while tiny and took them away before a year with no issues.

Normal. Nobody tells you about the reality of breastfeeding. She’ll stop cluster feeding soon, just try to go with it until she’s ready. It’s a mental battle sometimes. She’s still only tiny and needs your comfort and wants to be basically on the breast all the time.

I think this a fairly normal phase. Babies at this age are often over tired by evening and want sleep but haven't learnt how to yet. My partner used to take them for an hour or so and they would suck on his finger (or a dummy for one of them) to give me a break. Often when they came back they were ready for a big feed and then nodded off. By 12 weeks we had more of a bedtime routine and the cluster feeding ended. It was really hard especially first time round as it felt like it would never end but really it was such a short time in their lives and I am pleased I powered on through. Breast feeding later on made life so much easier for things like travelling.

It sounds like it could be within the bounds of 'normal' cluster feeding. But there's a lot of people who'll cheer you on to keep going through it when it's a sign of something not quite right!
fedisbest.org/resources-for-parents/cluster-feeding-normal/

It can also mean baby is over-tired and can't get to sleep so isn't hungry just grumpy and tired. And sometimes things like silent reflux mean they feed a lot to try and soothe the pain but that's a vicious circle so they then feel worse.

I found cluster feeding played havoc with my PND and all the advice to sit on the sofa and watch a boxset or go to bed early was really unhelpful when what I really needed was a break and some adult company. In the end I decided I'd tolerate it for 2-3 hours, but after that she could go to DH and have a bottle. We also introduced a bedtime around 7pm a bit later than this (maybe 12 weeks) which helped no end. I started going out with friends in the evening once or twice a week leaving her with DH which made a big difference too as I wasn't 'on call' and could relax.

I BF to 3.5 years in the end which I'd never have managed if I hadn't prioritised my mental health. That was in combination with formula for the first year but all the stuff about nipple confusion isn't true anyway!

Hi there it's a midwife with 3 years of experience of working in breastfeeding support groups. I also exclusively breastfed my 2 children. Your baby sounds overtired from your description. I suggest once you know deep down she had enough food you stop feeding her. Put her on your shoulder and start patting her between shoulder blades. She will rooting like crazy but she will rooting for comfort not food. Eventually she will start screaming. Don't walk around, keep her on your shoulder, keep patting. Let her yell. This could take about 45 minutes. She will crying because she wants to drop off to sleep and she can't. She will know you are just there so it will cries of frustration. She will eventually fall asleep. Put her down in the cot on her her side, keep pattiing for 15-20 minutes, then turn her on her back, step away and hope for the best. If she wakes up, put her back on your shoulder and repeat. Eventually she will sleep for a few hours and she will wake up in a much better mood. You might have to repeat this strategy for a week. Also watch for signs of tiredness. Babies can only stay awake for 2-3 hours at this stage without feeling overtired. The best time to try this method as soon as you see the first yarn. You can't fix hunger problem with more sleep or sleep problem with more food, these are different problems. I hope it helps