Cluster feeding advice - at the end of my tether

[Armo24]

My daughter has just turned 7 weeks old - she’s been gaining weight well, has normal nappies and I just had my latch and her tongue checked by a breastfeeding counsellor and all seems ok. I’ve been mainly breastfeeding aside from the occasional emergency bottle. The issue is since last Friday night (so a week now) she has been feeding all evening non stop - one boob to the other, on and on, from around 6 til midnight, with my boobs feeling completely depleted. One day she did it in the afternoon around 3ish but it’s mainly evenings. I never get a break as if I hand her over she cries and starts wildly rooting again. I know she’s not actually hungry as last night at the end of my tether I handed her to my partner with a full bottle of breast milk and she drank none of it, screamed for ages and it took him two hours of endless jiggling and rocking to settle her just so I could get a bit of sleep before the night feeds kicked in. She’s not rejecting bottles as she took one when she was hungry this morning (I was too tired and stressed to feed her as she hadn’t settled all night). When will this feeding frenzy end? If it’s going to be much longer I just don’t feel breastfeeding is worth it as all I’m doing is feeding - watching endless tv, staring at my phone, chugging water and wolfing snacks like a zombie which can’t be great for bonding. I’ve tried and tried feeding lying down, loads of practise tweaking positions, etc, but just cannot get it right without my boobs (which are very big) smothering her nose and I’m too scared of falling asleep with that happening. She refuses a dummy though we try multiple times a day - covering it in breastmilk and swapping the nipple out for it, trying all the tricks. I’ve heard there’s a 6 week growth spurt but I’ve also heard cluster feeding should be 2-3 nights, not a week. Any advice would be welcome!

Agree with every word! Once we realised it was over-tiredness that was causing the constant feeding and comfort seeking, we adopted a bed time routine and stopped the cluster feeding ( focused on sticking to a 1.5 hour space between feeds, even if she was searching, this was actually advised by my HV as I had an oversupply and DD would vomit from over indulging) and focused on making sure she was getting all the naps in throughout the day. Then we started focusing on self settling at night with putting her down awake, hand on tummy and shushing very loudly with white noise on, then we were able to eventually remove the hand on her tummy and just shush, then we no longer had to shush and we could just put the white noise on and leave the room while she settled herself. Never allowed any crying or upset, just gently allowed her to learn for herself.

I have no advice. My DD cluster fed about 4 times in 6 months and my DS cluster fed, what seemed like, 4 times per day.

I sympathise with your exhaustion and frustration. And your body being constantly touched and used. You are doing an excellent job. Keep going, if that feels right. Stop if it doesn’t. Combination feed if you want.

You, as Mum, know what is best.

Thanks but I can't access it to read it and I can't see who the authors are or who funded the research. I'd like to see the substance of it.

Thanks, what’s the name of the book?

Gosh this takes me back! I remember constantly trying to feed my son whenever he cried. He was actually tired. You live and learn I guess but the lack of sleep for mum is absolutely debilitating.

It was called The baby book: how to enjoy year one by Rachel Waddilove.

I saw it in passing in a shop and I was really hating year one and had severe PND so I bought it! With hindsight, the contents isn't ground-breaking or anything but it was just so incredibly reassuring and written by someone who'd had her own and looked after countless other babies.

All I can think is your sabotaging your supply by giving her bottles and a dummy. You're meant to wait until your supply has regulated around 6 weeks before cautiously introducing these.

If it were me I'd forget about the bottles, forget about the dummy and just go with the cluster feeding.

I can easily access the articles by Googling The Lancet Breastfeeding Series 2023 from my phone. The authors are at the front of the articles, the conflict of interest should be at the bottom as per custom. It's a peer reviewed medical journal, the oldest medical journal in the world. The Lancet also published The Breastfeeding Series in 2016. The 2016 articles are free to read, registration required to log in but the registration is free

Haha. Yes yes I saw my husband play with baby so much fun. In fact it’s also in my ideal world thinking once have baby I could play with baby in the living room. All about playing. Reality no way close to it and by the time baby is settles I am exhausted. I want to have my me time.

for me, I think on a monthly basis there was a notable turning point. First month, was the first time my baby slept through the night & I’ve got some of clicked that just understand my baby needs. Second month, because I understand my baby needs better, he slept easier…. So it’s first time I went out alone with him or my husband back to work , first time I am at home with him full day. I remembered I was anxious about it and when I could do it I felt was quite an achievement. Then third month, baby slept nightly regularly and I introduced expressed milk bottle and pacifier today. All went well - so my husband can step up on helping the feeding.
I would say everything happen gradually, more like if you look back you realise things are getting better. But sure during the moment, you won’t see that coming at all!

I had several days really down, thinking I am alone - feeling I was trapped and no one love me. All the negatives thoughts, but embrace the emotion and next day is a great day! Probably is the hormones going up and down.

keep us posted !

Thank you, I’m definitely checking that book out - it used to be that she’d just zonk out after a feed and we’d put her down. Not anymore!

I think the method I described is around p. 181. That book used to be my lifeline. You need 2nd edition with the yellow cover. Ignore her breastfeeding advice, it's not so good. Times were different. The rest of the book is excellent

Thank you so much, really appreciate this kind message x

I was told it was ok to start using bottles from 4 weeks - but anyway she’s only had 3 or 4 in her life and I expressed - and won’t take a dummy. I always feed on demand but I want if I can to find an alternative to her suckling on my nipples for 5 hours straight each night (and try and translate that into say two normal evening feeds) as that’s what would cause me to give up breastfeeding!

@Armo24 it's what needs to happen if you want to meet the demand, those bottles will have made a difference.

It's probably one of the hardest things I've done and I'll be doing it again in the near future, I do sympathise with you, but it's just something to get through it will come to an end and things do get easier. We don't do it because it's easy we do it because it's the best thing for our child. Or we give up, lots of people do so you won't be alone in it.

Thank you so much, I definitely know what you mean about good days following bad days! And sorry to hear about feeling alone - I’ve certainly felt like that when stuck feeding her in the dark for what feels like the whole night. Amazed he slept through in the first month! Did you just go with the evening feeding marathons then?

OP please don't worry about using bottles. Some people want to EBF without expressing etc, which is fine, their choice (assuming they have the supply for it!).

But it's also fine to need a break and to take care of your own mental health. Using bottles won't stop you BFIng if you choose to. And waiting to six weeks or longer to introduce one can mean you're more likely to end up with a bottle refusing baby.

I was bullied by another woman at BFing support group because I was using formula as well as BFing. I got loads of nasty comments about how she really loved her baby so had tried really hard to make EBF work... The irony is that I ended up BFing for three years longer than she did because she ended up stopping at six months as she was sick of the intensity of EBF. Whereas combi-feeding meant I got a break and the pressure wasn't all on me for feeds, so I could BF longterm.

Ok thanks, I had thought all week this was what she was doing and that’s what the breastfeeding counsellor told me, and have tried going with it. But even though she won’t take a bottle after hours of evening feeding to the point of being sick and falling asleep after every go on the boob that still means I keep feeding her? Instinctively doesn’t feel right to me but I am a complete novice!

Thank you for this and sorry to hear about the bullying, that’s really awful! I know loads of people at my stage from my antenatal group who are expressing and using formula etc and breastfeeding happily. Did you just make sure you expressed the same number of times you gave formula?

And OP, I found my instincts were correct, even though they were at odds with all the people cheering me on through cluster feeding! I wish I'd followed my instincts earlier.

It's often not as simple as just riding it out - as many have posted above it can be a sign that baby is over-tired rather than hungry. Or that something else is up.

Are you on any breastfeeding groups?

I joined one on Facebook with my daughter and seeing lots and lots of women post about things I was experiencing made me feel a lot less alone. It was during covid though, maybe you have a local group at the library you could join for some support and camaraderie.

I also follow a lovely lady on Instagram called Olivia Hinge, she gives lots of great feeding advice not just boob but bottle too.

It depends whether you want to maintain EBF level of supply - in which case you need to express when the formula is given. Or if you want to combi-feed longterm in which case no need to express as your supply will adjust around it.

I limited BFs to 3-4 a day from 12 weeks (it was really bad for my MH - it was that thought of waking in the early hours and knowing I'd have to BF multiple times over the next 24 hours that I couldn't stand!) and my baby naturally dropped to 2 BFs a day from nine months then one BF a day from about 18mo. Then a few times a week from 2.5 years.

Yes I’ve tried but she won’t take one - I’m planning on keeping trying and buying a few different types to see if there’s one she prefers!

Yes I go to a drop in group round the corner from me on Monday mornings! A really nice atmosphere with an expert on hand to answer questions, check the latch, etc. completely free too! I always come away reassured!

I just wanted to update and say thanks for the advice - I’m learning the difference between hungry and tired which is helping hugely! The marathon evening sessions were her trying to get to sleep it seems - they seem to have tapered off for now!

Thank you for the update! Can you share what worked for you in the end?