please help me inform my dh and mil about bf!

[weasle]

my mother in law is driving me mad with unhelpful comments about me bf my 15 wk ds2.

today, she expressed horror that i am feeding him 'as much as 3hrly!'. i mean she gasped at it! i said i am not really clock watching but it is probably about that. she said he should be having 4 feeds a day only.i pointed out that ds1 was having 3hrly ff at this age (introduced mix feeding at 12 weeks due to poor wt gain and very heavy pressure from family and paed etc. after 3wks he was refusing breast totally. DO NOT want this to happen again!)

yesterday's comment was that he should be sleeping through the night by now. he has been sleeping for a 4hr spell in my bed, but this week i am trying to move him into his cot and now he is waking hourly and then wants to suck to sleep. i knew it was going to get worse before it gets better, but when i said i was tired, the solution (as always) is to give formula. 'Do you think you have enough milk? don't you think a bottle at night would help?'

so, can you helpful mners find a web page i can send her to educate her about feeding times, routine and night times? (and she is a gp, so i am doing this not just for my good!) Have looked on kellymom but seem to apply to newborns.

TIA

Buy her "the baby whisperer" book and remind her things have moved on from the days when babies were fed every 4 hours by the clock and put outside in a pram for 8 hours a day

Not sure - maybe try the la leche league website for info?

She is a GP

I think I would find myself saying something like "gosh you do surprise me with your advice it's not very...........hmm.....current, I thought you would be right up there with current thinking, you know in your position and all" followed by a great big fat juicy smile

blardy hell, I at first read that you were bfing a 15 mo old and was going to give you links for toddlers!

15wks is a newborn!

Oh dear. Quite apart from the ignorance, she sounds like an interfering and unsupportive cow-bag, which is the bigger problem from your perspective. Is your DH/DP supportive? If not, I'd concentrate on getting him to look at the information. You've got enough on your hands without having to educate your woefully silly MIL - you might have to try to tune her out. Smile and nod, say 'Thank you for your advice but I've decided that I want to feed him on demand; and it's important to me to exclusively breastfed him', then ignore... Easier said than done though.

kellymom is a great source of info (backed up with citations) if you feel you have the energy...

thanks for the support, very welcome and needed here!

in her defense she only does gp stuff for old people now. but lots of talk of her 'loosing my milk' when my sis i l was about this age. she did bf my dh until 7month despite returning to work at 6wks, but i suppose was giving him solids much earlier.

dh is quite supportive but also quick to suggest formula might help (whatever the problem is!).

i did say today to mil that the 1970s were full of rubbish unhelpful stuff about bf and evidence has changed. will trawl kellymom for it.

mrsB i know, but she doesn't seem to think so!

good article from an anthroplogist who knows a lot about bfing

this link might be useful weasle - 'How to deal with unwanted advice' - however, one of the suggested methods is 'quote a doctor'

kiskidee thanks! that is great. i am def going to send that to her. it made me slightly tearful reading it, i am still upset by my unsuccessful bf of ds1, blamed on my inadequate milk supply and huge expectation he would be feeding less often.

thanks again.

thanks policyw. i am loving reading the ncss, now delighted to see that website - will be on my favoutites.

twice, you said that she used the word "should"
It's the worst word in the world - who says what your baby "should" be doing?
please don't listen to sentences that start with "he should......."

This is a link to LLL about how to deal with criticism about BF. [[http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/bbreastfeed/0,,8n69dpmw,00.html This is a link explaining about normal BF 'routine'.

I think we need a 'How to deal with pressure from unhelpful people that undermines my efforts to EBF'.com.

weasle, a lot of what your mil is saying is poppycock for anyone - which human being only ever drinks/eats 4 x a day, let alone a young baby? Perhaps next time she comes to visit, tell her you won't make her a cup of coffee unless she can reassure you she has had nothing to eat or drink in the preceding four hours.

But as someone else says, what's it got to do with her anyway? Talk about interfering....if you can't take a stand, then it's a poor show if dh can't

OOPs. Second link here

i love kathy dettwyler. when you ahve the chance, it is worth browsing the rest of her articles on that site.

Ah Weasle,stay strong.It is so awful for new mothers to be put in this situation. Sad thing is,she probably really thinks she is doing and saying the right thing.It is truly shocing how little most health professionals know about breastfeeding. Have you seen Hunker's brilliant website??
How Breastfeeding works

Come on here for a bit of tlc if yuo are feeling wobbly.

XX

Thank her for her advice but say that you are going to go with your own feelings on the subject. God knows what she would have said to me, both my dds fed 2hourly until 17 weeks. I seem to remember some nights that they just fed - constantly!

thanks all for the info and confidence boost

have sent a couple of things to her, we will see

my dh said he will speak to her. it's difficult as she lives round the corner and helps with ds1 a lot and my family are abroad. she thinks she is helping, so i do not want to be confrontational, just educate her.

also, she is still emotional when speaking about her milk 'going' with her dd. no wonder if she was only feeding 4 times a day, but i feel pointing this out will really upset her.

agree about that website needed girlfrommars!

Just adding my support. My mil is quietly disapproving but just looks disdainfully, thankfully she doesn't comment.

I would second what others have said, listen to people that will back you up on this, you will get loads of support and common sense on here.

You are doing so well on so little sleep. I remember that stage - dd2 is 7 months now and sleeping a bit more, it does get easier.

I remember 15 weeks being difficult as sometimes people start commenting about weaning as well, not just about supply of b/milk.

My 27 week bf ds2 has only just started to sleep through the night.

How are you getting on Sparkly?
(I didn't expect my b/fed babies to sleep throuh before a year.If they did,i was amazed!)

Ah, I'm on the receiving end of similar comments from my MIL at the mo. DS2 is a frequent feeder, but only feeds for short spells (he's 4 weeks)

this weekend she said " oh god that would do my head in he needs one big bottle and that would be it"

I tried to be all light hearted and said "Oh god Who can be arsed with sterilising and making up feeds"

her response was "well you're just lazy then"

bitch!!

Oh my goodness ConnorTraceptive if my MIL ever said that to me I would have just leapt up and stabbed her...

What a monster!!

blimey connor! lazy?! that's not nice. feel for you. my mil thinks my milk is inadequate and every time i see her she has thought of a new way of saying it!