Breastfeeding through gritted teeth

[Lakeside88]

I'm really looking for any help or advice as I feel like I've exhausted NHS help.

I've been exclusively breastfeeding my first baby and he's now nearly 16 weeks old. It has never ever been comfortable, each feed ranges from sore to excruciating . I have quite a severe cut on one nipple that has been there since week 2 and no amount of lanolin, silver cups or fucidin H provided by GP seems to heal it.

For 16 weeks I have gritted my teeth and got on with it but I'm tired and in quite alot of pain.
I gave birth on 20th December so initial support was really poor as lots of staff off for Christmas, when I finally saw a lactation consultant at week 3 a TT was diagnosed and treated, a second snip happened at week 6 due to reattachment and unfortunately that also reattached leaving us a bit stranded as no further treatment available. Baby has seen cranial osteopath specialising in breastfeeding several times which seemed to help a little with head tilting and mouth opening wide but I think we've exhausted that avenue now. He's also seen a physio for head turn preference and she is happy that he has improved so that's not helped either.

I just dont really know what to do to stop it hurting so much. I was so determined not to give up, baby looks so happy and healthy and weight is spot on but it's just not getting any easier. I'm just a bit down about it today

Well done for managing for as long as you have with it being so painful. In all honesty if I were you I would stop. Breastfeeding isn't supposed to be hard work. If you're not ready to stop maybe you could try adding a bottle or two to give your nipples a break?! It does sound like you have tried everything, don't be hard on yourself and think what a relief it will be not to have to clench your teeth each time a feed is coming up x x

Sounds like there is something wrong with his latch, which is causing the pain (maybe stating the obvious!). I had a similar problem with my eldest so you have my sympathies. I also sought lots of help and a tongue tie was diagnosed but it still hurts, a lot, for a long time.

I agree with the previous poster - give yourself a break. There are no prizes for soldering on in the face of daily pain. You've given your child a great start by breastfeeding fur almost 4 months, but there's nothing wrong with formula.

It also doesn't have to be one or the other. Despite being determined to breastfeed DC1, I ended up combination feeding primarily because I was in so much pain. Sometimes I just needed to give my nipples time to heal, sad though that is to say. I found breastfeeding got much better as time went on. By 6 months I think it was pain free, and it was definitely easier (though not pain free) with my other children.

You've done amazingly well to get this far, well done you.

It's ok to stop. Your baby will be fine.

But if you want to continue that's fine too. Just make sure you balance your own needs alongside those of your child.

I'm sure you've tried this but have you tried switching up breastfeeding positions? Currently breastfeeding my second baby and not long after she was born she didn't quite latch right on one of the feeds and I ended up with a cut on my left nipple which became really painful each time she latched on and despite plenty of lanolin wasn't healing. One day I changed feeding position from cradle hold to football hold on that side and because she was latching on from the opposite side she wasn't catching on the cut in the same way and it didn't hurt and it quickly healed.

Wow you are amazingly determined.

What support have you had other than TT practitioner?

Can you make it along to a local group? Give the breastfeding helpine a call to talk it through?

It sounds like moist wound healing is not working - have you tried dry wound healing? Breast shells can be worn between feeds to keep it dry and ensure nothing touches it

It's so unlucky that the TT reattached. Working on positioning could help (koala hold/flipple/side lying may be worth experimenting to deepen the latch)

Have you explored nipple shields?

I'm not surprised you're down! Breastfeeding is not supposed to hurt. Please reach out and find some face to face support❤

The council and La Leche league have support groups in most areas

NHS help should not be exhausted already for your situation - can you ask HV for a refereall to infant feeding specialist?

Does it hurt when baby first latches OP? I always remember having a cut on my nipple that had caused thrush and me and DD had to be treated for it. (Myself in tablet form) The pain was awful when she first latched and I would get shooting pains from the cut.

Thank you for taking the time to reply I didn't get a notification so assumed no one had!
It hurts through the whole feed and I hadn't really had much success with other holds (do not understamd where baby goes in That football hold!) but I will go to a support group this week and try and get some help with that.
I've text my HV today but seeing her next week, hoping she can suggest something, she did refer us to physio for torticollis which has resolved with treatment but didn't help with feeding!
I'd need support stopping breastfeeding now so will explore that but tbh it wasn't just about the feeding he seems to really enjoy the moments we have breastfeeding and despite the pain I feel sad losing that!
This is my last ditch attempt now to resolve the issues before I give up!

Have you considered pumping? It's hard work and not for everyone but I had very similar issues to you with my first DC. It was Covid times so no NHS help, and I ended up expressing for a year to avoid the stress of latching issues. I'm now doing the same with my second DC through choice as I find it easier on my body/nipples and removes engorgement issues. Second DC does latch quite well sometimes though so we switch between the two methods and still get those nice close moments and ease of breastfeeding during the night. But generally through the day I pump and find it less stressful. You need a good pump and dedication but I found it an easier way to make use of that precious supply.

OP you have done amazingly, you should be so proud of yourself. Please try not to feel down, this is such a tiny, tiny phase of your baby’s life. You would hate to look back and think you’d wasted it stressing over feeding. It is more than ok to stop. But if you don’t to that’s fine too. Just don’t continue because you feel you HAVE to.

My only practical advice would be nipple shields if you’ve not already tried them.

I thought this was going to be my solution, I have previously pumped when engorged and got loads out and frozen it but the last couple of times I've tried on 'normal' boobs I've got nothing! I wondered if my supply was running low which I've been warned could happen if he's not correctly draining milk effectively. In which case I'd have to stop.
Someone else mentioned thrush and my other worry is if this is diagnosed I'd probably have to chuck out all my frozen milk...

I had to use nipple shields in the first few weeks as I couldn't get a latch at all but I actually didn't find them all that comfortable and it was such a faff getting them to stay on/sterilising them however I will give them another go and see if they are less painful than without!

Well done for getting this far, you're very brave. I don't really have any practical advice except to say that I had terrible pain because of deep cracks in the nipples at the beginning of breastfeeding. Saw various lactation consultants who diagnosed a shallow latch and told me various ways of improving but my baby was having none of it - I eventually realised that she WANTED a shallow latch. She was a very chokey baby and I think my letdown was too strong for her. If I put the nipple further in she'd just wiggle her way to the end again. I had felt like a real failure because the lactation consultants were telling me I was doing it wrong because it was hurting (no shit it's hurting, there's a crack an inch deep in my nipple), but in the end she just wanted it a different way. So this is just to say that don't feel like you're having these issues because you're doing wrong! You sound really dedicated and caring, my pain resolved by about 8 weeks, I don't think I would have managed to keep it up to 16. Good luck.

Exactly this, I don't even know how I've got this far, if you'd told me 8 weeks ago I'd still be doing it I wouldn't of believed it! No regrets it just feels deeply unfair that it's not been easier,I keep hoping each week will get better but it's not happened yet

Hello, firstly, well done. Secondly, I was told that the amount you can get out with a pump doesn't necessarily bear any relation to how much you are producing, so don't assume you don't have enough. Thirdly, I don't have any solutions, because I had similar issues and I did a mixture of pumping and feeding directly- but just wanted to say it took until after 6 months for her mouth to grow enough for feeding not to be painful. And she didnt even have any tongue tie! Much longer than I thought it would. Somehow I'm still feeding her at nearly 2. So, if you want to continue, have hope that the things might be better at a later point than you thought, so don't feel like 'it'll never get better'. If you don't want to continue, that's OK! Also, if you want to do mixed feeding, that's also OK. It's not all or nothing. When I look back at my first 6 months, I tell myself that I really should have just let my husband do a few formula night feeds to help and gove my nipples a rest. And I would do that next time. Don't know if any of that will be helpful. Solidarity - it's so so hard.

This is what I was hoping to hear and your thr second to say that! An osteopath told me this change would happen at 12 weeks but it didn't and I was gutted but 6 months is not too far away. I'd dreamed of feeding beyond a year, thank you so much for sharing that it may well keep me going although I will continue to seek support if i can find it. I used a nipple shield again tonight and it actually wasn't as sore as without so it's something

Op contact o e of the breastfeeding support charities. BfN are very good LLL or NCT, they all have helplines and can talk through all your issues.

I would also think it's probably the TT if it didn't get sorted properly. I think you'd have to look at having this assessed privately if you wanted to. Note TT can cause other issues, such as problems weaning onto solids or speech issues soaybe still worth investing if you decided to stop breastfeeding. These charities will also give you help with stopping breastfeeding if that is what you decide.

Have a Google of Dr Jack Newman, he's an American pediatrician bit has some good you tube videos on breastfeeding.

Pumping is never an indication of supplyany women happily feed their babies but can pump.

I had lots of issues with feeding at the start, and none of the advice from HV, feeding teams etc made a difference. I did a bit of a makeshift mix of nipple shields, some expressing and some formula for quite a while. Feeds without nipple shields really hurt (and were hit and miss as to whether he would latch or not). Over time it actually got much easier to do more and more feeds without the shields but it was a gradual process. When it got too sore I would go back to the shields.

I did persevere and ended up with a really positive breastfeeding experience (actually still going now at 21 months- no one tells you how to stop 🙈😂). I did it all a weird way round- when my NCT friends were starting to introduce bottles I had just started to move to EBF!

BUT we are all different, and if it causes you pain/ distress then ultimately that isn’t ideal for either of you. So I am not saying that to put pressure on you to keep going, just wanted to give you hope if you do decide to push through for a bit longer.

It hurts through the whole feed and I hadn't really had much success with other holds (do not understamd where baby goes in That football hold!) but I will go to a support group this week and try and get some help with that.

Really hope you get some effective support at the group. I agree with PP it sounds like the tongue tie that's causing the painful latch.

Have you tried koala hold? Mums often find they can get a deeper latch with that one.

Have you ruled out Raynaud’s?

For the cut try weleda calendula ointment (has to be the ointment not just the cream). I'm very fair skinned and suffered badly with the first despite the stuff midwives recommended. Last two I used this between each feed and amazing. I still keep it in (despite them all being adults🤣) for cuts, works wonders, heals them up within a few hours. Won't be long and he'll be on solids and will give your breasts longer between feeds to heal💐

I think you've done well. As long as they get the important first week or so of their mother's milk, im not really as on board with the breast is best mantra as i used to be. I fed my second till about 16 weeks and stopped abruptly because he learned to bite! I did a quick switch to bottles, 50/50 at first so as not to upset him too much. My first I fed for much longer because it was just easier with that one. Honestly the health benefits of ebf for a prolonged time are over egged, the child who now has all the allergies and food intolerances is the one who had the extended breastfeeding.

I wouldn't see it as a bad thing to go onto the bottle if you want to and wouldn't see it as a big thing one way or the other. I breastfed for 3 weeks with a very hungry and nippy baby and it was taking all the joy out of it and proving really stressful, going onto the bottle helped him with his hunger, I got more sleep, everyone was happy. Do what is right for you and your baby and don't feel as if you have pre-set goals, you are doing a great job as a mum either way.

Using formula isn’t giving up - it’s an alternative and amazing. DT’s only ever had formula and they are 100% healthy with happy parents.

Why are you worried about stopping breastfeeding op? Is it guilt?

Honestly, i would just switch to formula. You matter too and this doesn’t sound worth it.

I had a horrible time trying to feed DC1. Pumping was double the work and couldn’t get enough supply, and nipple shields were useless after a while as DC1 would move his hands and knock it away.

My 4 month old DC2 was straight onto formula and no regrets.