Breastfeeding through gritted teeth

[Lakeside88]

I'm really looking for any help or advice as I feel like I've exhausted NHS help.

I've been exclusively breastfeeding my first baby and he's now nearly 16 weeks old. It has never ever been comfortable, each feed ranges from sore to excruciating . I have quite a severe cut on one nipple that has been there since week 2 and no amount of lanolin, silver cups or fucidin H provided by GP seems to heal it.

For 16 weeks I have gritted my teeth and got on with it but I'm tired and in quite alot of pain.
I gave birth on 20th December so initial support was really poor as lots of staff off for Christmas, when I finally saw a lactation consultant at week 3 a TT was diagnosed and treated, a second snip happened at week 6 due to reattachment and unfortunately that also reattached leaving us a bit stranded as no further treatment available. Baby has seen cranial osteopath specialising in breastfeeding several times which seemed to help a little with head tilting and mouth opening wide but I think we've exhausted that avenue now. He's also seen a physio for head turn preference and she is happy that he has improved so that's not helped either.

I just dont really know what to do to stop it hurting so much. I was so determined not to give up, baby looks so happy and healthy and weight is spot on but it's just not getting any easier. I'm just a bit down about it today

I think part of it is guilt yes, my mum is a midwife so I've heard breast is best all my life, no blame there it's just been conditioned into me. I also don't like getting things 'wrong' I tend to nail things first try and the fact this hasn't gone right whether it's my doing or not has really frustrated me!
I think combined feeding might be the way forward if I can't take anymore

A fed baby with. Happy mum is best. You've given her a good start. It's making you miserable, when you should be enjoying your little one. Now is the time to stop.

Of course it's great for OP to not beat herself up over switching to formula, it is a morally neutral choice. But, she's also expressed that's not what she actually wants - she dreams of breastfeeding until 1 year, so the best course of action seems to be achieving pain-free happy BF.

@Lakeside88 - you mentioned thrush? Have you and baby been swabbed for it? A cut that won't heal can be caused by thrush. It may also be worth ruling out a bacterial infection which can only be identified by a lab through a milk culture.

I have previously pumped when engorged and got loads out and frozen it but the last couple of times I've tried on 'normal' boobs I've got nothing! I wondered if my supply was running low which I've been warned could happen if he's not correctly draining milk effectively.

That is possible, but also most women's supply settles around 3/4 months and it is way harder to pump much. Pumping yield is not an accurate indication of supply.

I think part of it is guilt yes, my mum is a midwife so I've heard breast is best all my life, no blame there it's just been conditioned into me. I also don't like getting things 'wrong' I tend to nail things first try and the fact this hasn't gone right whether it's my doing or not has really frustrated me!
I think combined feeding might be the way forward if I can't take anymore

Oops sorry cross-post, only just seen this! Suffering due to guilt is definitely not the way! Only you can know what's right for you and your baby. Being in pain is definitely not any sort of mistake from you doing anything wrong! It's an unlucky fluke due to the random unpredictable nature of two human bodies

It’s all very well people spouting breast is best until they go through this themselves. My best friend is a midwife and was the same until her own baby had to have formula in neonatal. Please don’t feel guilty.

I hope your mum doesn’t tell all her patients’breast is best’ - some of us positively chose to only use formula. Thankfully I had zero guilt as I had healthy babies and an easy time feeding them - and lots of sleep as DH, friends and family were more than willing to help.

No I think this was an old saying that's outdated now so they wouldn't say it anymore.

I've managed to get us gp appointment on Thursday to see if I can get the cut swabbed and if any more support available but I have decided to give nipple shields another go and have formula ready in case I need a break.

Thank you everyone for your advice and personal experience it's just what I needed to reset my thinking and reassure

I used nipple shields for over 2 years OP - if it works then go with it!

I never fully sterilised every time either - just dropped them in boiling water. Once a few months old they are putting all sorts in their mouth anyway!

Good luck - you have done brilliantly

I would recommend the rugby ball hold, google it. After failing to get past three days with my first two it was a game changer for me, with my 3rd and 4th…I didn’t look back, no pain ever. It’s really worth a go.

good luck