Drop in milk supply, husband doesn't understand

[newmumma2000]

I am EF through pumping as BF hasn't worked for me due to birth trauma and c-section recovery. My husband knows that I am passionate about feeding our baby BM until six weeks at least. Please bare with as this may be long.

On Sunday, my breasts were leaking but I wasn't feeling well so I didn't pump as much. I woke up Monday and it was like my supply had dropped so after doing some research, I have been pumping every 1-2 hours, plus pumping when baby is feeding day and night. I have been at this for the last two days and I am starting to see an improvement so I am going to stick with it as its what I want to do.

My baby sleeps 9 to 1, feeds at 1, sleeps 130 ish until 430/5 wakss for a feed and then sleeps 530ish until 830/9. He occasionally stirs due to needing to be changed or comforted but he's really good and we have been sleeping in three hour blocks roughly so I feel like we have been managing good with sleep snd not feeling to sleep deprived.

On Monday, two days ago, my husband returned to work so I think my supply also dropped due to my anxiety and stress about being on my own for the 1st time as baby is only 3 weeks old.

Here comes the issue: Tonight I have been getting up every 1-2 hours and pumping in the bedroom for 10-15 minutes to increase my supply. This has woekn my husband more and he has just shouted at me ask me to leave the bedroom everytime I pump as he needs to sleep and it isn't fair that I am waking him up when he has to drive to work and work the full day. He has used the good old 'you can sleep in the day when the baby sleeps' which is currently untrue as I am pumping 1-2 hours day and night. I have only been doi this since Monday, so its not as if its been weeks and my husband has only had distrubed sleep for two nights including tonight which for having a three week old I think is pretty good.

I am quite hurtbthat he wants me to leave the bedroom when I need go pump so that he can sleep even though we have a spare room abd I've said to him he csn sleep in there as I understand where he is coming from. He refuses to leave the bedroom, because it's where he is comfortable and instead wants me to leave. Bare in mind, for me to leave I have to take the pump my water a night light etc. He told me I could sit on the carpet or the stairs. I did do this last night but it was super uncomfortable and I couldn't see how much I was pumping so I need to put on a night light. I am also struggling to go back to sleep so I like to sit in bed and watch netflix in the dark with headphones on. I feel like he doesn't understand that I am trying my best to increase my supply as it's important to me and that he feels his sleep is more important as he has to work. I feel like this is such a stereotypical argument.

AIBU - in wanting him to sleep separately for a few nights so that I can stay in the bedroom to pump to increase my supply?

Also you said that 5 hours of broken sleep isn't too sleep deprived. You've lost perspective my dear.

Your husband is an also who thinks his comfort
is more important than your baby being fed. He needs reminding that while he may act like it, he is not the baby in this relationship. Especially since exclusively pumping is very hard in the early stages and you’ll need all the support you can get.
Supply wise you must must must get yourself sized for flanges. Both nipples can be different. You can get sized online by an American pumping community if needs be. Also make sure you use coconut oil as a lube. If you’re trying to increase supply make 2 of your daily pumps power pumps. I’ve been pumping for 10 months now so probably know more than most.

My 2nd delivery was ELCS, then I had a post-partum haemorrhage and had to be taken back to theatre under GA. Newborn DS was then admitted to NICU within hours and was there for 6 days. I expressed exclusively for 3 weeks but couldn’t establish BF. It was so difficult expressing then feeding constantly with an energetic toddler wanting my attention too. My midwife was supportive, but also reassured me that my son had already had a good start and the immune boost from my milk. I transferred to formula over a week at around 5 weeks, my decision, and never looked back. I had EBF my first baby for 6 months and expected to do the same. I don’t regret my decsion.

Sometimes things don’t pan out how you expect and you have to adjust your plans. This flexibility is essential with a young family, when things go sideways often. Remember that your wellbeing is important for your baby’s wellbeing too and try not to punish yourself with “shoulds.”

I also think your husband should be the one to move rooms.

H should go in the spare room if he wants quiet.

given the circumstances he’s being shit!

Might be good to seek practical help to move from pumping to breast feeding - or to bottle feeding. Your recovery Is important, and your sleep is at least as important as your H’s!

I had a c section. My husband was up with me for every night feed for a while as he passed me the baby and changed them as I was still recovering. Even after I was able.to do it all, he still helped me for wakes that weren't for feeds later down the line when baby was older. He works full time. I'm sorry but his need for comfort is not more important than yours especially when you are up all night and have had major surgery. He sounds like he is being incredibly selfish and is lucky that you aren't asking him to be more involved to give you a break. An easy fix is for him to move to the spare room, it's really not difficult or unreasonable for him to do that. It also does not day he drives for work - he drives to work is how I read it. Many many people do this on broken sleep, including mothers taking their babies places in the day and mothers who have returned to work but are still up in the night. And fathers who share the load.

I would move to spare room and never go back tbh.

More solidarity and love from me, he's being a dick for what it's worth. I have been where you are and it was brutal.

Kellymom website, another vote for that, and I'd set yourself up in the spare room with the baby. Get it nice, get everything you need and get comfortable, that's now your room.

An ECS is no laughing matter, he's got zero empathy and that's not your fault. Find some support from a local group if you can get out and about, find some other mums who hear you and understand, even if he doesn't.

Yes he’s behaving like an arse and obviously he should be the one to move to the spare room but it’s probably the frustration and sleep deprivation talking in the middle of the night, which is no time for anyone to talk rationally about anything. Honestly it really does sounds like you’ve lost the plot with the pumping. Every 1-2 hours including when you’re feeding the baby and that frequently overnight is insane. Where is the time to enjoy and just cuddle your baby? When do you get to rest and recover? Being that sleep deprived cannot be good for your supply or mental health. Formula is fine, really, it’s fantastic stuff.

Um how about no? She has absolutely lost perspective if she thinks 5 hours of broken sleep isn't sleep deprivation.

@SutWytTi. Sorry if it feels unsupportive. I just can see a lot of stress here. Husband is clearly stressed and so is OP.
Recovering fully from a c section is important.
Baby needs calmness and so do parents. Hope it works out. Some women find breast feeding super easy. Others do not.

OP, I've been there, I used a pump after c-section and failure to establish breastfeeding. I agree with a PP that it was a mistake; in fact, I got mastitis twice and felt very ill. I was also pumping every couple of hours to increase supply, and it was utterly exhausting.

I would point out that the baby gets enormous benefit from colostrum, but that stage is over quite quickly. What you're doing (what I did!) is adding a huge stressor on top of an already difficult time. You sound like a great mum.

I can understand your husband's tiredness. Mine wore earplugs and just put up with it, but we did have a spare room he could go to if necessary. I would suggest your husband does the same.

‘Husband is clearly stressed and so is OP’

their situations are not equivalent! OP has had a C section and has been expressing milk and parenting. H has not. He is demanding uninterrupted rest for himself!

He is demanding uninterrupted rest for himself!
Is he though? I read it as if it’s the frequency of the pumping (every 1-2 hours!!) and the noise of the pump itself that he’s objecting too. Then OP is sat there afterwards watching stuff on Netflix which will admit light even if she’s using headphones for the sound. Possibly I missed something but I don’t think I read anything that implied he’s expecting a totally uninterrupted nights/that he objects to the baby waking for feeds every 3-4 hours. I still think he should be the one to decamp to the spare room but maybe OP’s posts aren’t the full story and he’s worried about her falling asleep feeding or something because of the extreme level of sleep deprivation and the worrying instance that she’s fine.

You can probably try and argue him into moving room. But at what cost to you and him. What do you actually win here? More time in your room exhausted.
And damaging your relationship.
Bigger picture is actually your exhaustion.

I agree he should go into the spare room. Milk supply is (negatively) affected by stress and sleep deprivation, so I'd advise you to pump less often (like every 3 hours) to get a bit more rest, it might actually improve your supply. I've been exclusively pumping for the past 9 months, here are some additional advice:

• Learn to pump while you feed. It saved my nights. I sat my baby in a bouncy chair, then hooked myself to my pumps then started pumping and feeding. It might be a bit more difficult after a C-section, though
• Make sure you ahve a hospital grade pump (medela symphony or spectra) with the right size flanges
• Do breast compressions while pumping to maximise output
• if your milk flow reduces, switch back to letdown/massage to have another letdown. That can increase you milk supply by 30ml
• If breastfeeding is important to you, consider buying wearable pumps. I wouldn't have lasted 9 months of EP without them. They are not as effective as regular pumps, so not the best to establish supply, but using them, even once a day can give you some freedom
• Most of all take care of yourself and your mental health and make sure you get support

As others have said, 3 weeks old is not too late to get support for latching/nursing if that is what you want. Lacation consultant might be able to give you help with exclusive pumping too. Also I highly recommend visiting the www.exclusivepumping.com website, there is plenty of education and tips about lactation and the emotional aspects of exclusive pumping, and plenty of tips to make your life easier. Good luck

This. Well said.

Why is everyone acting like he's a long distance lorry driver 🙈 that would be a different story... but everyone has to drive shattered when they have new kids!
How do new parents even drive their baby home from the hospital 😆 or mums in the first 1-2 years drive literally anywhere?
Most kids sleep is still shocking when mum goes back to work after 9-12 months. Nobody suggests she can't drive/isn't to be disturbed at night 🤷🏻‍♀️
Let's not all dance around these poor tired men. So surprised coming from a group of mostly women!

I do agree the pumping sounds no fun though and might end up being a regret. The pay off doesn't seem worth it. Could you try and revisit feeding direct from the breast? With support I feel like you could get there 🤗

Think people are trying to say that he's not unreasonable wanting to sleep.
The fact that he wants to be near her is actually good. He doesn't mind the disturbed sleep. It's just every 2 hours is too much.

Also pumping all day and night. O good for op.

How are you and LO doing now @newmumma2000?