Drop in milk supply, husband doesn't understand

[newmumma2000]

I am EF through pumping as BF hasn't worked for me due to birth trauma and c-section recovery. My husband knows that I am passionate about feeding our baby BM until six weeks at least. Please bare with as this may be long.

On Sunday, my breasts were leaking but I wasn't feeling well so I didn't pump as much. I woke up Monday and it was like my supply had dropped so after doing some research, I have been pumping every 1-2 hours, plus pumping when baby is feeding day and night. I have been at this for the last two days and I am starting to see an improvement so I am going to stick with it as its what I want to do.

My baby sleeps 9 to 1, feeds at 1, sleeps 130 ish until 430/5 wakss for a feed and then sleeps 530ish until 830/9. He occasionally stirs due to needing to be changed or comforted but he's really good and we have been sleeping in three hour blocks roughly so I feel like we have been managing good with sleep snd not feeling to sleep deprived.

On Monday, two days ago, my husband returned to work so I think my supply also dropped due to my anxiety and stress about being on my own for the 1st time as baby is only 3 weeks old.

Here comes the issue: Tonight I have been getting up every 1-2 hours and pumping in the bedroom for 10-15 minutes to increase my supply. This has woekn my husband more and he has just shouted at me ask me to leave the bedroom everytime I pump as he needs to sleep and it isn't fair that I am waking him up when he has to drive to work and work the full day. He has used the good old 'you can sleep in the day when the baby sleeps' which is currently untrue as I am pumping 1-2 hours day and night. I have only been doi this since Monday, so its not as if its been weeks and my husband has only had distrubed sleep for two nights including tonight which for having a three week old I think is pretty good.

I am quite hurtbthat he wants me to leave the bedroom when I need go pump so that he can sleep even though we have a spare room abd I've said to him he csn sleep in there as I understand where he is coming from. He refuses to leave the bedroom, because it's where he is comfortable and instead wants me to leave. Bare in mind, for me to leave I have to take the pump my water a night light etc. He told me I could sit on the carpet or the stairs. I did do this last night but it was super uncomfortable and I couldn't see how much I was pumping so I need to put on a night light. I am also struggling to go back to sleep so I like to sit in bed and watch netflix in the dark with headphones on. I feel like he doesn't understand that I am trying my best to increase my supply as it's important to me and that he feels his sleep is more important as he has to work. I feel like this is such a stereotypical argument.

AIBU - in wanting him to sleep separately for a few nights so that I can stay in the bedroom to pump to increase my supply?

Yeah DH is an arse and should just move to the spare room.

But also echo others. 3 weeks in is not too late to get more support with feeding if you want to get help from a lactation specialist

Op, could you try mixed feeding.?I mixed fed all my three dcs.

Your dh needs to go to the spare room.

This is something I resonate with although I persevered for over 4months. It was so important at the time but even I remember struggling so much and not being able to articulate when it was important.

Very dimly if driving for work he does need a block of sleep - so your DH needs ear plugs and/or to sleep in spare room.

i would really recommend a couple of longer blocks between pumping so you can sleep. If you keep on with the 1-2 hour thing you’ll be a wreck within 72hours. I used to do a 4-5 block once a day 7/8pm - midnight and DH had the baby when he came home then swapped and I would do 12-6/7 so he got a block. At one point I was pumping and BFing about 8-10 hours a day - utter madness

If he wants to sleep then he can go to the spare room, what kind of father and husband thinks his recovering wife should be displaced whilst she is trying her hardest to feed their baby?

He is a piece of shit shouting at you like that.

He should go in the spare room. He sounds really unreasonable. Shouting at you is beyond awful.

But if he won't, I think you should decamp to the spare room.

Can you let the baby try to feed as well as pumping? It would help encourage supply.

Why the bloody hell should she?

If he can move 🙄

I think you are heading for severe stress. It's too much. You need to bottle feed and cuddle your baby. And enjoy baby with husband. I can relationship strain, mental health issues and an anxious baby. It's your choice. But somethings going to give and probably it's your mental health.
Have at least one bottle at night. Good luck. The way it's going you and husband will split. And you need him to help you. Be with you. In 15 years your teen will out all the time. And your life is your husband again. Cherish this time. Cuddles and kisses. Not pumping milk all the time.

Op if your day is taken up pumping is it really giving you chance to enjoy your newborn?

This is a rather unsupportive and negative post.

Women should be supported to feed the way they want to.

@newmumma2000 You could still get BF-ing support.

If you think about babies in ICU they are tube/bottle fed with expressed milk then go on to BF. So if you want to you could get some proper BF advice to see if you can switch to regular feeding rather than pumping.

You're not battling a lost cause at all. You're already seeing an increase and pretty soon (days) you'll be able to just feed directly if you want to. Do you have a feeding peer support group or lactation consultant helping you?

Personally I think there's no need to shout at a new mum and he should sleep next door in order to be supportive. He doesn't sound like a good egg to me.

He should go in the spare room and be grateful you are still offering to do all the night feeds! He should be covering at least one of them if it's in a bottle anyway, I can understand he doesn't want to be woken every 2 hours but he should never have expected to get a full uninterrupted night's sleep with a 3 week old baby. You don't get that with a 3 year old child (not every night anyway!).

Depends on how much stress is being put on the baby because someone has decided they know best

Your husband is awful, selfish man.

He can move but it appears he won't.
Personally, I couldn't be arsed with the argument, so would move myself and make the spare room as my sanctuary.

After the drip feed of having a CS, I would definitely move and make myself more comfortable.

1/ you're husband is an arse

2/ the pumping is hellish. I think you need to see a lactation consultant, check for tongue tie etc. And try shields, they are honestly amazing for difficult babies who won't latch.

Hi there, I am going to offer a different point of view. I used to volunteer in a breastfeeding support groups 3 hours for almost 3 years alongside infant feeding midwives. (I could go as a private infant feeding midwife any time but it's a different story). Firstly, it's amazing that you managed to EF after a CS - it's a massive achievement. Secondly I haven't seen pumping and exclusively feeding breast milk beyond 6-8 weeks- for all sorts of practical reasons. I am sure it's been done by someone somewhere however I have personally never come across such a person. Thirdly, it might be possible to get your baby on the breast if you are lucky enough to live near a breastfeeding support groups or have in the region of £150-200 for a private lactation consultant (if successful this would work a lot cheaper than formula for the 1st year). If the baby takes the breast (quite likely with specialist knowledge) then you very likely to breastfeed for as long as you wish to. Exclusive breastfeeding generally gets a lot easier after 2 months (but not pumping and feeding). The disadvantage- baby will probably go off his routine and starts waking up 2-3 times a night of his own accord. As for where your husband needs to sleep - I personally think he should move the spare room. However from the respective of 24 years marriage- it will create a lot of resentment on his part (not that you don't have the reason to be resentful). I suggest a better option might be finding specialist support and getting your baby take the breast. I hope it helps

He has choices.

If he wants to stay in the room with you and the baby then he will be woken up by you pumping, he has the option of the spare room.

IF you swap to formula then he can take the night feeds, you will have done all the day feeds.

And as well as having water to drink you might consider a flask so you can have a warm drink in the night.

Also you have just had major surgery. YOu need to recover from that.

In the nicest possible way, just stop pumping. I did exactly this, and looking back it was utter madness. Just enjoy your baby and get rest at night. Pumping is never going to keep up with baby demand, and it will start to limit what you can do when you're ready to get out the house more. Your baby will thrive on formula.

Your husband is an arse and should obviously move, you need all the support and comfort you can get.

I did 6 months of pumping and EBF with a premature baby who could never latch - it's utterly brutal and I feel your pain. I did longer 'power pump' sessions every 3 hours (20mins pump, 5 mins break, 10 mins pump, 5 mins break and 10 mins pump) as my supply was always awful. I would suggest a medela hospital grade pump for night and an Elvie portable one you put in your bra for day so you can have some semblance of a life though it's an expensive combo. Good luck and you're doing amazingly.

I can understand why your DH was annoyed, constantly being woken throughout the night. Most people would be annoyed - especially if you were also watching TV! However, that’s not helpful to you. You both need to sit down calmly and decide the best way forward. If you’re insistent on continuing to pump 24/7, then you have to work out the practicalities of doing so. Clearly one of you needs to go in the spare room. Whoever it is, make sure it’s as comfortable as your main bedroom so that you sleep ok.
I also agree with others that what you’re choosing to do sounds so impractical, especially after the birth you’ve had. You actually need some quality sleep, but you’re not really getting any. The lack of quality sleep will catch up with you and may impact on your time with your baby.

@cryinglaughing
"After the drip feed of having a CS, I would definitely move and make myself more comfortable" wasn't a "drip feed" she mentions it in the first sentence of her original post. ☝🏻

I think no one is bu here. Being sleep deprived is a killer, and you both must be tired. Unfortunately I do think his sleep needs to be catered for more than yours during the week. I know you can't sleep during the day but it's easier for you to sit around and zone out when tired, or have a cuppa, he has to drive and perform at work. Even just getting up, dressed and out the house is difficult when tired, at least you can stand in your dressing gown.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him to move rooms, but I do think it's unreasonable to pump in the same room whilst he's asleep. Can you set up the spare room so it's comfy and you can pump in comfort. Or set it up for you and baby?

This is one of those situations where no one is being unreasonable but you're both tired and tempers do get frayed

Look after yourself first and foremost @newmumma2000 . After an emergency C-Section I triple fed my baby for the first 4 months (on the boob, formula then pumping for each feed) it was hell, and very physically draining. However, he had his tongue tie cut at 6 weeks, and I had advice from the council funded feeding service near me, I also had Domperidone prescribed to increase my supply. After the four month period my supply had increased and I fed him directly with an extra pump in the night for an evening top up feed. I’m still breast feeding my son now at 15 months. It was a tough road, and honestly now I’m not sure it was worth it, but I know exactly what you mean about feeling like your body has betrayed you, and needing some control.

One thing that did really help me was having a birth debrief at the hospital to review what went wrong. I highly recommend you look in to this when you are ready.

PS. Ask your husband to move bedrooms!

Yes he's out of order and should sleep in the spare room BUT you're going to destroy yourself having no sleep and pumping all the hours with a rapidly dripping supply (your supply is probably dropping because pumping is really difficult rather than any external factor) and I know you want to feed your baby yourself but you really need to rethink. I did very similar and it was utterly soul destroying. When I gave up and switched to formula life became so much easier and no harm was done to my baby. Please be proud of what you've done so far but also realise what you're doing is totally unsustainable for your own well-being.