Am I being unreasonable?

[DChesh34]

When to introduce baby rice has been a topic of contention in our household. I know the older advice is to introduce from 3 months, but the new advice is 6. Whilst I completely appreciate some babies need it quicker, I don’t think my DS (5 months today) does.
I wanted to introduce more formula as my son has slowed down in weight gain and worried my milk isn’t doing it for him anymore.
My MiL and DH are constantly going on about baby rice and my husband jibes that I just have separation anxiety. I’ve stood my ground but I come down this morning and my DH has fed him half a pouch.
I’m fuming that he just made this decision. I’m also fuming he took that milestone and I wasn’t there to witness him eat “solids”! However, I also appreciate he misses out on a lot too (first roll over for one) so should I let him have this one?
Think he could tell my mood was off when he left for work. Do I let it go or not?!

Why do you get to be ultimate decision maker?

if your concerned about weight gain then personally I wokld have been talking to HV or similar about when was best to introduce solids.

i dont think he should have just done it but then i also dont think is the end of the world.

Yes it should be a joint decision.
Baby rice hasn't been advised in years... just fruit and vegetables from when they can sit up and not immediately push it out.

It never occurred to me that one should witness this 'milestone'. Often eating solids starts when they grab something that you are eating. So yes 'let' him have this one!
Not sure what separation anxiety has to do with food, but if you are worried about weight gain then why not start baby on solids? Your mil has no say in this however, your DH does.

I didn’t mean to sound like that. I just wanted to make that decision together.
Our HV was about as useful as a chocolate fire guard haha - I’ve been reading a lot about it though.

You’re right, it isn’t. Thanks for bringing me down to earth!

It's not exactly new- the guidance was 4 months at the absolute earliest but preferably 6 months when my dd was a baby 25 years ago. And I didn't think baby rice was recommended at all nowadays!

Well I would send him all the evidence that says early weaning leads to a lifetime of digestive issues. What an idiot. He put his feelings and jealousy of the baby (which is behind all the separation anxiety comments) above baby's welfare.

I'd be annoyed at that. Milk has more calories anyway, so baby rice won't help weight gain. It's very sneaky to do it behind your back. Plus the jibes about separation anxiety are annoying, he can give formula too!

Baby rice is not necessary at all and that is quite out dated advice. I would look up the different options (puree, traditional weaning or baby led weaning) and see which you would like to do then do that from 6 months. Up until then, milk is all they need in most cases unless medically advised to start weaning earlier. We did baby led weaning so baby was having things like omelette, fruit, toast, veg, meat etc from 6 months. Obviously just tastes mainly at first.

Incidentally- weight gain does slow as they get older. If you're worried, talk to your health visitor.

It’s nothing to go with your MIL at all so ignore what she thinks.

It sounds like he’s interested in undermining you because he’s jealous of your relationship with your baby so used this to do so. Baby rice is completely unnecessary, it’s just chaff with no nutrients in it and certainly won’t help with weight gain. He’s at work so he’s going to miss things, that’s what happens. He’s been really underhand and nasty. And you’re not precious for thinking things like this should be agreed by both parents, in line with the latest guidance, for the good of your child, and that introducing solids is quite a big deal, it is! I made sure DD was there the first time we gave the baby food and she was really excited.

Also have a 5m old! I've never heard of baby rice being recommended and I've been to several weaning sessions (I'm a planner!). The digestive system is
Not advanced enough to get any nutrients from anything other than milk until around 6m, and now they recommend baby led weaning which is basically normal food in soft sticks. Our DD has been interested in food for a couple of weeks now so if there's a baton of cucumber or something we let her hold and feel etc. she loves it 🤣. I'd be fuming if my DH gave her something without checking first (until she's 6m and can have anything), only because we're a partnership!

I would have been upset if DP had given DS his first solids without me. I can't imagine a world in which he would have done it! And I made sure we gave him his first solids on a Saturday so DP was home. I also think parents should be on the same page about this sort of thing.

It's definitely worth reading into the options around solids. No need for baby rice. Your MIL has old fashioned ideas.

What rhe heck. How do you make that huge leap? What a mad thing to write. 😂

op, I agree you don’t get to be sole decision maker. You need to learn to compromise, not dictate. Your son will be fine. He isn’t gaining much weight, so giving him rice will help keep him full. You can keep breast feeding, but try to remember it’s about your child. Not you.

Thanks for comments about baby rice! I never knew that it isn’t great. Shocked they still sell it. EVERY older family member has said they introduced it around 3/4 months!

He’s still gaining weight but it’s certainly slowed down (slightly under the line) - will call the children’s centre. My DH has been concerned our son isn’t getting full so has just taken it upon himself as he’s done what he’s thought is best. Don’t think he’s jealous as such - the jibes do have a jokey tone which I didn’t mention.

I think the milestone comment is a little bit ridiculous, you need to come right back down from that and stop articulating it so preciously. Lots of parents will miss milestones, its not the end of the world.

The rest of it is reasonable to be annoyed about. Nothing to do with MIL, should be a joint decision between you and your husband.

Your dh is a parent too. Perhaps he feels excluded.

I gave my ds baby rice mixed with mashed carrot or with apple puree when he seemed more hungry, at about 6 months. (2009) It wasn't a major milestone, it was just part of trying different, more solid foods to see what he liked. We tried omelette and scrambled eggs, little pieces of fruit & veg, pieces of white fish.

Perhaps you could compromise, maybe agreeing to start at 6 months and try a range of foods. I'd tell your MIL to mind her own business though. Not her child. She doesn't get a say.

You don’t really need to call anyone. Just start weaning, if it isn’t baby rice, try something else. It really doesn’t matter, as they are still breast fed, and as long as your baby is not hungry. Right now it’s about moving them forward as well and starting tnem on solids.

Baby ride is out of date. I haven't given it for decades

I start with veg. Not fruit as don't went a sweet tooth

But sweeter tasting veg

So parsnip. Carrot. Peas. Sweet potato bns

Rice is bland. No taste and no real benefit from it

"EVERY older family member has said they introduced it around 3/4 months!"

As I said earlier- weaning at that age has not been recommended for at least 20 years!

3 months is early.

she should at least be able to sit and keep her head up first. I still gave rice cereal from about 6 months just because its an easy option for one of his three meals an mixed it in with expressed breast milk.. like everyone else has said - the main nutrition should still come from your breast milk which works on a supply-demand basis.

Just keep feeding her and you will produce enough and she will get enough! Maybe suggest to DH that you look into latest recommendations for weaning.

Introduced food to both my children about the 4 month stage (both breast fed) and they were fine. Both really healthy children.
Don't think I used baby rice but certainly ground oats.
It's worth reading up on the 6 month exclusive milk 'rules' as the reasoning behind it is possibly questionable.

Says mum of one and done?

The only research to say it's not a problem is funded by companies trying to sell you products.

Mum of 2 - hence reference to 'both'!
Lots of assumptions made by you.
My mum is a trained breastfeeding counsellor, so info there and no I wasn't looking at info from people trying to sell products (mainly made home made food).
Scientific side of things was what I looked into. A baby's digestive system may be mature enough from about 4 months, enough to start taking solids, but because some baby's might be later, the 6 month rule came in. There are also other signs to take note of before 6 months ie milk is no longer sustaining them (for long periods of time) or they are very interested in food.
I was adding my experience to the question asked.

I disagree with the earlier posts, when I was BF food was MY domain, I knew how often and well he was feeding, how much he was putting on, I was the one on maternity leave and spending every minute with him to know if he was thriving. I had very strong feelings about early weaning, shit advice coming from everyone, which DH knew, if he'd have done that I would have been livid.

Why didn’t your husband know how much they were gaining or know if they were thriving?