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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Is there any way to go forwards from here?

78 replies

Summermeadowflowers · 22/08/2023 20:23

DD was a tricky feeder from the very start and I really did try to get support with feeding but things seemed to get worse rather than better and now she just won’t feed at all, she just cries hysterically if I try to breastfeed her.

Part of me feels I should just accept the inevitable of formula feeding but I really really want to breastfeed and I am just wondering if there’s anything I haven’t already thought of that might solve this? She is 5 weeks.

OP posts:
NotMadeOfStone · 22/08/2023 21:39

You might really want to breastfeed, but a hysterical crying hungry baby isn't ideal is it. You both could be happier than this right now - a fed baby is much better than a frustrated and hungry one.

I get how you feel - my first simply couldn't get it either, and I sobbed when I decided to switch to FF. It's only later you realise it may never have worked out and it probably wasn't worth all of the angst.

Original poster
Summermeadowflowers · 22/08/2023 21:41

I don’t want to sound irritable here and I’ve had a hard day but I really am not looking for lectures on what a crap job I’m doing.

OP posts:
ChiccoBanana · 22/08/2023 21:44

How old is she? Another thing that helped with really small ones for me was expressing a very small syringe feed and giving it to them before starting to try to feed. It gave them the energy to figure it out. I would hand express after the previous feed finished and then leave it on the side until the next feed (six hours on the side is fine)

Original poster
Summermeadowflowers · 22/08/2023 21:46

She’s five weeks. Everything seemed to indicate she would be able to latch and just needed some time but now she gets hysterical when anywhere near the breast, so I’m not really sure what to do about that!

OP posts:
NotMadeOfStone · 22/08/2023 21:48

Literally nobody said you're doing a crap job.

Original poster
Summermeadowflowers · 22/08/2023 21:52

I don’t want my baby to be unhappy but the point is that she shouldn’t be: feeding should be a positive experience however you choose to do it. Shrugging and saying that oh well, use formula isn’t really what I’m about here. It might be inevitable but I won’t be happy about it and I would like to see if there’s anything I haven’t yet tried.

OP posts:
Garman · 22/08/2023 21:55

Has she been checked for tongue tie, by an ibclc or tongue tie specialist? Has she had any osteopathy or physio?

How does she do if you try laid back feeding? Does the flipple technique help at all if you've already tried it?

FrancisSeaton · 22/08/2023 21:55

Sometimes baby will refuse to feed if they have had times where the milk wasn't flowing enough for them and they've had to work too hard for it. Have you tried expressing before a feed to get some milk on the nipple before trying to put baby near? Also some hand compressions to really get the milk flowing can help

NotMadeOfStone · 22/08/2023 21:55

Fine - I just thought I'd offer my own experience instead of the 50th post saying 'have you tried skin to skin' 🤷🏻‍♀️

FrancisSeaton · 22/08/2023 21:56

Summermeadowflowers · 22/08/2023 21:52

I don’t want my baby to be unhappy but the point is that she shouldn’t be: feeding should be a positive experience however you choose to do it. Shrugging and saying that oh well, use formula isn’t really what I’m about here. It might be inevitable but I won’t be happy about it and I would like to see if there’s anything I haven’t yet tried.

There's no need to be so aggressive to people who are trying to help

ChiccoBanana · 22/08/2023 21:56

You’re doing really well, it’s just really hard, especially around six weeks old! Can anyone help with your older one to give you a chance to work it all out? Did you see what I wrote about trying when she’s just waking from a sleep or when she’s nearly fallen asleep? It’s ok if you’ve tried and that didn’t work. If you really want to throw the kitchen sink at it then a cranial osteopath can sometimes help.

Is there any way to go forwards from here?
FrancisSeaton · 22/08/2023 21:58

I was wondering about cranial osteopathy but didn't want to sound woo. Sometimes their neck can be uncomfortable for them and it can make breastfeeding really difficult

luckbealadytonight · 22/08/2023 22:04

Oof I really went through this with my first baby.

The only thing that worked was pumping to maintain my supply, bottle feeding a small amount (60-90ml) to take the edge off the hunger and then putting baby to the breast. It was quite the slog.

Eventually, she got the hang of the latch (after shredding my nipples) and we shifted over to just breastfeeding.

FusionChefGeoff · 22/08/2023 22:11

DS took aaaages to get the hang of latching.

I used to use a manual pump for a couple of minutes before every feed to get the milk flowing and it also pulled my nipple out into a good shape for him to latch on.

mummybear247 · 22/08/2023 22:13

If she not feeding just give a bottle don't be so hard on ur self happy baby happy mum happy life

Raggeo · 22/08/2023 22:23

You could try a supplemented nursing system. It's a little tube that you attach next to your nipple and the other end is in a bottle of milk (formula or expressed breast milk). It means baby can get milk from ineffective latching and sucking. Not ideal long term because you want her to be able to latch properly but might help make breastfeeding positive and fulfilling as a first step I used one when my baby had lost too much weight in the first week. It was fiddley to use but did help when he was starving and too frustrated to try to latch properly.

Original poster
Summermeadowflowers · 23/08/2023 01:17

@ChiccoBanana I think the big problem was that initially at least she just wouldn’t wake up. Even if you did get her latched on she’d fall asleep moments later. Now she’s more alert but won’t latch.

I have tried taking the edge off her hunger but it just seems to frustrate her.

Bottle feeding her doesn’t make me happy, any more than a mum being forced to breastfeed if she didn’t want to would be happy.

The lactation consultant was very into cranial osteopathy but I don’t know - I tried it with DS and it made no difference and you end up spending a small fortune!

I think I’ve been sold a bit of a lie in that if you keep the milk coming and baby close you will be able to breastfeed: we’re getting worse, not better.

OP posts:
NotMadeOfStone · 23/08/2023 06:47

Bottle feeding her doesn't make you happy.

I'm really sorry but this isn't all about how you feel, it's your child's access to sustenance that's the main thing surely.

Would it help break the cycle of frustration for her to take the pressure off with an initial ounce of formula, so she's less frantic?

NotMadeOfStone · 23/08/2023 06:48

Oh sorry you said you'd tried to take the edge off already - it's early 😴

Original poster
Summermeadowflowers · 23/08/2023 06:50

@NotMadeOfStone it is comments like that that really aren’t helpful, to be honest. I’m not trying to be argumentative or unpleasant, but I am on the infant feeding board asking for advice on infant feeding. If someone posted who was breastfeeding and their child refused a bottle the responses wouldn’t be ‘well bottle feeding would make YOU happy but not your child so you need to carry on breastfeeding.’

OP posts:
Springbaby2023 · 23/08/2023 06:51

I mentioned it before but you didn’t reply, have you tried contacting the breastfeeding support network? If not contact them and your HV this morning. I think you really need in person support rather than just our tips, and if you don’t want to pay for another IBCLC or osteopath then those would be the people to contact.

People have offered lots of tips above, maybe you have tried them all already. Some will take longer to work than others (I.E the nine feeding skin to skin time) or different positions which you may need to practice and practice before you get the hang of, it doesn’t sound like a problem that can be solved overnight.

Absolutely no-one is saying you’re doing a crap job, you’re doing brilliantly persevering. But it is clearly making you both really unhappy at the moment. You don’t want to look back at this period as a sad time and although formula feeding might make you sad initially, that will soon pass and at least each feed won’t be a stressful upsetting experience for you both. I’m not saying to FF, I’m just saying that there would be positives to that too.

This is such a tiny period of time in their lives as you’ll know from having an older one. Before you know it, no matter what way you choose to feed, you’ll blink and be onto the ‘wiping them down after they’ve covered themselves from head to toe in mush’ phase and this will feel like a distant memory / much less of a big deal.

NotMadeOfStone · 23/08/2023 07:03

Fine, I'll leave you to it. Since BFing seems to be impossible for you and your baby, and you won't countenance any post which mentions the only and obvious alternative 🤷🏻‍♀️

dkedm15 · 23/08/2023 07:06

Summermeadowflowers · 22/08/2023 20:23

DD was a tricky feeder from the very start and I really did try to get support with feeding but things seemed to get worse rather than better and now she just won’t feed at all, she just cries hysterically if I try to breastfeed her.

Part of me feels I should just accept the inevitable of formula feeding but I really really want to breastfeed and I am just wondering if there’s anything I haven’t already thought of that might solve this? She is 5 weeks.

Has she been checked for tongue tie recently? Our daughter's was missed and it finally got resolved when she was nearly 7 weeks and helped massively (we were having to combi feed due to weight loss but BF picked up massively after the snip) x

apric0t · 23/08/2023 07:10

Join this fab support group has helped me loads over the years and is free advice

m.facebook.com/groups/BreastfeedingSuccess/?ref=share

And pretty sure they will start by saying spend loads of time skin to skin snuggled up cuddling your baby and that might help kick things off, put her in a nappy and you be topless and get into bed and just have her on your skin

Liveafr · 23/08/2023 07:50

Which bottle are you currently using? If she's used to a high flow of milk, she might get frustrated at the slow flow of the breast. So switching to a slow flow nipple might be the first step. Also some bottle nipples are more compatible with breastfeeding than others because they are closer to what a proper latch feels like: you might want to use a narrow long nipple (like Dr Brown) rather than large narrow (like Philips Avent) which unfortunately gets baby used to a shallow latch. It might not help much, but it can't hurt.