am I really evil/bad person for asking a new Mum who has leaking sore boobs if she has considered breastfeeding?

[JingleyJen]

the answer was no - she hadn't even considered it. baby is 3 days old and her boobs hurt so I thought that perhaps if she thought about feeding the child that may help with being so engorged.

She didn't take offence at the question.

On her behalf someone else is cross..

Surely if a mum was breastfeeding and finding it hard people make suggestions about bottle feeding all the time, I didn't even suggest she should breast feed I was just asking if she had considered it. and once I knew that under no circumstances would she I said no more.. I am not going to try to change her mind, it was just a question.

Sorry ranting on here because have tried to rant at home at Dh and he has walked off.. (quite rightly I should stop ranting now)!!!

Dont expect replies, just feel better now I have got it off my chest.

what a silly cow your yoga teacher is, princess...

tik tok have been asked by surestart if i would like to join the bf peer support group it is a ten or sixteen week course and there is a qualification at the end. I would really like to do this as a profession. Any advice?

mehdismummy, were do you live? I know my local NCT is crying out for trainee BF counsellors.

mehdismummy - best to start a new thread on this. You'll reach more experiences that way

Sorry but I don't think suggesting cabbage leaves and breastfeeding as possible methods of relieving engorged breasts can be compared. I don't think it's my place to give bf or ff as a feeding option. I think it's incredibly unlikely someone will decide to bf just because their breasts are engorged as well.

flowery, by withholding the information you are

• making a decision for the mother
• assuming she knows breastfeeding is an option ( believe me, some people really don't....they know milk comes from breasts, but they really, really do not know they can change their minds on day 3)

Sorry I think that's ridiculous! I'm not making a decision for the mother just because I don't ask her if she's considered bf! In the same way as if someone's struggling with bf and I don't suggest formula I am not making a decision for her either.

I'm not sure why I got involved with this thread tbh. I've given my opinion, and I've said what I'd do, people can agree or disagree, up to you.

I agree with flowerybeanbag

Hi there
Sorry not been around for a while.

So the I know the lady reasonably well but not a close friend. Breastfeeding had not been considered, at all, she had never even thought about it, just thought it was a bit ugh. No medical emergency, uncomplicated pregnancy, uncomplicated birth, (these things I knew before I asked)as soon as I knew she had no interest in breastfeeding I left it.

I explained in my question to her that the reason I was asking is that when a child feeds off the breast that they will soon get used to how much milk they need to make and the pressure/pain she is feeling will calm down.

When she said she didn't want to feed I offered the cabbage leaves suggestion as although I have never experienced it personally I had heard that they help. and perhaps a couple of paracetamol.

The only reason I asked is because the baby was 3 days old and therefore there was still a good chance that if the mum tried that they could establish feeding,, as far as I understand it the longer you leave it the more difficult it can be.

I know breastfeeding is an emotive subject and I am always treading on eggshells to make sure I don't offend people, just seems to have stirred up emotion in other people (NOT in the lady I asked though!)

Thanks for your responses interesting reading.. sorry if it has stirred up difficult memories for some posters.

If you don't see it, you don't see it, flowery - but while we're talking about 'manners', saying 'sorry' before you tell someone what they have said is 'ridiculous' doesn't make it any less rude ...just a tip for you

Here's how it works:

A new mum you know is in pain, and may not know that breastfeeding her baby will resolve the pain, and in fact is likely not to know that breastfeeding is still an option for her at 3 days postnatal.

By not finding out if this is something she has considered (note - not telling her this is something she must do!), you are making pretty damn sure she has no option but to continue formula feeding.

Therefore you have ended up making the decision for her.

And for why? Because for some reason, you can't work out a polite and pleasant way of raising the question 'have you ever thought about....'

er, ok then thanks for the tip. As I said, you can agree with me or not, completely up to you. I still think that the claim that I would be making decisions for someone is ridiculous. I apologise if you think that's a rude thing to say, but it's what I think, and I think my opinion's just as valid as anyone elses.

Lord - was only being honest! Wouldn't have dreamt of saying anything to the woman but was only saying....I am judgemental of women who don't breastfeed. I didn't mean to say it was necessarily a good thing to be judgemental just that I am!

Most women who don't breastfeed, don't do it because of such serious issues about their LOs. I have every sympathy with women in that situation. However this group of non-breastfeeders are in the minority.

Didn't mean to offend anyone.

has anyone seen tik tok?

mehdismummy, If you need breastfeeding advice from Tiktok, start a new thread in this section. I think she reads practically all the threads on here, or add her name to the title if it is urgent.

Lyndyloo!

thanks be god no i dont need bf advice! We still going strong at two years. Good arguing on the gmtv site btw. Its about time extended bf was welcomed not frowned upon. No i was looking for a lady whos baby is refusing to feed. Go and have a look perhaps you can help?

youre not evil or bad its just none of your business

mehdismummy, Thanks I did come across that other thread, I posted a page from Kellymom (I love that site)

Hopefully Tiktok will see it and post.

i never needed to i was lucky with ds after a shaky start we got on really well with it. Until i read the threads i was gonna stop bf at two but after reading your threads i realised why the hell should i? We are both happy with it so will stop when we are ready. So thanks again.

mehdismummy, Awww, that is so sweet to hear that you are going to carry on nursing because you and your child are still happy to continue/ not ready to stop. Yeah for you two

I hope my 18 month old DD and Baby Bea (due August 08) and I continue to have / learn to develop a good nursing relationship

we love it. He just woken up and had some. He told me he loved me after i asked him if he liked mummys milk. God made our boobs for milk. If they were meant for men to fiddle with they would have the sun newspaper printed on them and could recieve radio four! All the people that think its wrong to extend bf are ill informed and obviously un educated. Congrats on baby bea

Thanks for the congrats TBH I think it is very difficult to understand extended feeding unless you have done it yourself. I certainly had issues with older babies nursing before I had my own baby, I have changed my opinion...I should add