why is you can't say a word about bf, without feeling paranoid people think your smug?

[feelinggutted]

name changed, MN regular.

yesterday went to a family "do", was asked are you still feeding dd? [5months btw]
i replied simply yes, one of my cousin turns around saying to another family member, something along the lines of people that bf are so smug,

i wouldnt mind if i had been "going on" or something i simply answered a question, with a very simple yes and smile.

fucking hell, is it rude to even answer questions these days

grrrrrrrr!!!!!!

hey hunker, why don't you post my question on your blog?

what would we say to the head of a mat hosp, a doctor with a good heart, a profound respect for what womens' bodies can do and a brain the size of a house, about what we wanted in terms of bfing support?

He sounds lovely, and if he's willing to listen to people's stories, I think Hunker's blog would be a great read for him.

I'm not sure if he could ever understand how important bf is to some women - I suspect no-one can understand it until they've been in that position - but it would be enough if he could accept that it's important, enormously important. So much so that there's little point in saying nice things to try and make someone feel better about it.

I wonder if it would help him to think of it a bit like talking to a bereaved person (I'm sure this is something he'll have experienced) - you can seek to comfort the person, but you wouldn't tell them to stop being sad, or point out that people die all the time and the world keeps turning. You have to respect their grief.

In the same way, people who are struggling to bf and desperate to do so need to have their feelings acknowledged and respected.

I also think that this deeply felt need to bf is no accident: there are really good biological reasons for it and I think that the instinct, too, deserves respect.

he is a love, but he is also the busiest man in the world so further reading would be a dead end, i fear. i like the idea of the grieving, that is a good explanation, ta.

I also think that women need guidance working out what they want to do, or at least in working out how they feel about breastfeeding and being able to communicate that to health professionals and families alike. It's a massive conflict: you want to do best by your baby, and the message 'breast is best' is loud and clear - and yet you also need to consider how much you can take with pain/discomfort/being told baby isn't gaining enough weight.

Someone I know who fitted into this category. Her baby wasn't marching neatly up the whatever centile but dropping through them - still gaining weight, but not enough for the health professionals' liking. She was also experiencing pain - trouble with latching on, leading to blocked ducts and two rounds of mastitis. In the end, she was such a wreck that her husband suggested they ditch breastfeeding for formula. A while after she confessed that had he pushed her to keep trying breastfeeding, she would have. And she bitterly regretted not putting her foot down. It wasn't her husband's fault - he was seeing his wife suffer and his baby not gain enough weight and he bowed to pressure from the health visitor/GP. Had the right support been in place, the outcome could have been different.

You're all quite right though - it is incredibly difficult to explain what it feels like. That's why the best thing chaps like your big-brained, big hearted hospital head can do, Aitch, is to employ the help of breastfeeding counsellors.

Keep up the good work. It's esp important for bolstering the confidence of shaky mums in those emotional first days.

thing is, though, there were two bfcs when i was there, neither of whom were able to find anything wrong with my latch. i was a 'natural' apparently. and yet the baby wasn't getting any milk for various reasons.
now, rather worryingly, he mentioned that it's volunteers who are doing the work. i must find out what EXACTLY that means. ta for your thougths, phloss.

feeling gutted, just to be annoyingly fair here (and my immediate reaction as a bf mum who has started now ds is 6months to become a bit paranoid by the 'are you STILL feeding?'comments) maybe your cousin didnt mean to offend you. putting myself in her shoes (and i find that hard coz my mum bf all 6 of us and ive grown up in a very pro bf family so had loads of support) i might have made similar comments to say(for arguments sake) someone with a nice figure along the lines of 'you bitch' or 'who are you to complain about your figure you size 8 barbie'!obviously joking coz i'm jealous but maybe ive offended someone without meaning to. Did you say anything to her? I'd have been tempted to punch herbut in retrospectcould have made a comment to make her realise she'd ofended you but at the same time impart some food for thought (scuse the pun!)eg'i'm not quite sure how my answering the question to how i feed my child makes me smug all of a sudden.each to their own'
hope she doesnt annoy you again! oh the joys of family!