Don't want to be in public - formula or ebm?

[fairgame84]

DD is only 9 days old at the moment and we haven't been out yet except to medical appointments.
I really don't want to breastfeed in public, I just don't feel comfortable about it. DD will take bottles as she's had top ups.

What's the best thing to do? I was thinking to give formula when out.
She drains my breasts at feeds so there is nothing to pump at the end of a feed to get a stash of ebm.
Should I pump the missed feed when I get home?

At 9 days old formula every time you go out could likely cause issue with establishing the latch and supply.
Could you feed in the car if you don't feel comfortable in public.
TBH a giant baggy jumper and a clip down vest its very easy to feed without anyone seeing if you're conscious OP.

Honestly, I wouldn't try to head out for extended periods of time for another week or two. Your baby is tiny, and introducing formula at this stage may well interfere with supply. Lots of women aren't confident with bf in public at such an early stage but become so with time (you may not of course, but it does make life much easier). I remember that bf in the first week needed me to be stripped to the waist and surrounded by seventeen pillows to get the optimum positioning: which is not readily achievable in Starbucks.

Go for a walk, or sit in a cafe or whatever, but just for an hour or so, immediately after a feed. If you want to visit friends or family then ask if you can feed privately in their bedroom. If you want a full day out (and TBH, most women probably wouldn't feel up to that anyway at 9 days) then check ahead to find places with parent and baby room where you can feed in privacy.

If you do want to get comfortable with the idea of feeding in public I highly recommend Watch With Baby daytime cinema screenings. In the dark, in a comfy seat, surrounded by other bf mothers, is the perfect training-wheels set-up.

As the pp said it could potentially mess your your supply so early on.

I was a bit like this at the start so to gain some confidence I started going out to less busy places first. As time went on I then just started breastfeeding anywhere although I do sometimes still feel uncomfortable and will feed in the car or take myself off to a more quieter place.

I could have easily talked my self out of breastfeeding in public and substituted with bottle when our and about but I threw myself in the deep-end and left the house with no bottles. That way if baby was hungry I had to feed them no matter where I was and tbh It really did help me get better and more confident!

I used to go up to the bedroom or ask to use a private room if at friend's/family, at that stage I wasn't comfortable with it. Conversely as time went on I felt more comfortable in a coffee shop BF than I did on the sofa opposite my dad! You don't need to go out for long stretches at this point, it's cold out anyway, use it as a reason to stay home and settle in

I'm supposed to be taking older DS to a hospital appointment on Friday. DD will be 12 days.
The hospital is a 30-40 minute drive each way. Then there's no knowing how long we will be there, especially if they are running late. There is no breastfeeding room as I rang and asked.
I don't want to feed in a packed waiting room when DD is difficult to latch and takes numerous attempts to get on the breast.
I'm debating whether to postpone the appointment for a few weeks until DD is older. It's not life or death or anything serious.

Ah, tricky. Can anyone else take older child to hospital?

Have you tried a BF cover? Might work. I’d be inclined to go with formula if you are topping up anyway I presume you are using formula. DS fed for years and had some formula at the start for various reasons.

Honestly, I'd just bite the bullet and feed the baby. It's really not that big a deal. No one will care.

Feed in the car when you arrive.

@CredibilityProblem no it has to be me as DH doesn't drive.

@Ohwellwhateverthen its a big deal to me. It's not about what other people think, it's about how I feel and I don't feel comfortable.

Op, if the main issue is the hospital appointment just bring formula with you. It will make precisely zero difference in the long run.

Maybe if you do it every single day it would mess with you supply but the odd day- don't worry about it. You can't be trapped in the house for weeks!

I 100% agree it is about your comfort and your baby being fed.

I remember hating feeding out and about in the early days too. I was so self conscious but I soon realised that honestly no one gave a damn and everyone preferred a fed baby to an upset baby. It gets easier and honestly having two FF babies before him I couldn’t get over how simple and convenient BF out and about was. If you would like to try feeding out before hand somewhere more comfortable that might give you a bit of confidence before the day of the appointment so if anything happens that the LO won’t take the bottle it will still all be fine.

You can absolutely give a one off bottle of formula so that your eldest’s hospital appointment doesn’t get delayed. You might find you get uncomfortably full though.
Ignore me if you’re absolutely set on never feeding in public, but a useful confidence boosting exercise is to try breastfeeding in front of a mirror. Then you can see how much people would see. Good for testing different outfits too. - I always found that a wide but fairly cropped tshirt or thin jumper made the best nursing cover - it won’t fall down and it’s not obviously anything other than an extra layer of clothing.

They might not have a specific breast feeding room but most will find you a quiet space to feed if needed.

Lots of shopping centres have feeding rooms. We have one in our local Boots, shopping mall, John Lewis and M&S (except the M&S one is a bit grim).

Plan ahead. Find your local feeding spaces and feed in a feeding room. If you go too long between feeds you'll get uncomfortable.

I hated feeding in pubic when my baby was newborn, but a couple of months later I was more accustomed to it and could latch a baby swiftly and stealthily and would feed anywhere.

Try different arrangements of clothing - I found a feeding vest under a loose shirt best as I could pull the shirt up and the top down, and no one could see any of my breast. I have BF on buses, trains, in the queue to see the Queen lying in state, in cafes, cinemas, restaurants, pubs, hospitals, churches, cathedrals, parks, beaches, castles, ferries. It's very liberating to be able to feed your baby any time anywhere and not need to take anything with you. Please give it a go or you'll miss out on some wonderful times on maternity leave.

I don’t understand why you can’t feed tge baby in the car? I’ve had 5 babies and hate feeding in public too. Your car is the easiest option. Sit in the back seat, older child in the front. Stick some telly on your phone, feed the baby, change it, go to appointment, come back to car, feed again if necessary and drive home.

I used a big muslin cloth and pegged it down with clothes pegs (pretty ones). One on each shoulder and sometimes an extra one by the waist or tuck the end in my back pocket.

I would set up everything, expose the breast under my clothes, put the child under the muslin cloth and then lift my clothes under the muslin cloth. All covered up

Btw, I BFd in public all the time in a very conservative country and noone batted an eyelid.

@Itisbetter
At the moment breastfeeds are taking from 20-60 minutes. She's a nightmare to latch so that takes a good 5 minutes then she's on and off like a yoyo then half the time she wants both breasts. She will only feed when she wants to so I can't persuade her to feed around the appointment. No doubt she'll want it just as DS is called in.
I'd rather bottle feed her in a warm waiting room than sit in the car in the cold for ages. It's freezing here today.

@motherofcrocodiles Thankyou, it should just be one feed as she settles longer on formula.

Go with dh. You drive, he then attends the appointment with dc1.

Take the buggy, and you and dc2 have a short walk for fresh air returning to the car for feeds.

What did you do for feeds with dc1?

I'm currently feeding twins and will happily feed one of them when out but I can't do both unless set up with my big pillow thing at home so if they both need a feed when out I feed one whilst DH gives the other some ready made formula, they are 9 weeks now and been doing this from the start and there's no bottle/nipple confusion

DS was bottle fed from birth.
DS isn't DH's child, he's mine from a previous relationship. If any consent forms need signing then it will have to be me that signs i think. But he could give me a quick call and I can go in and sign if needed.

I had a breastfeeding cover with my first (BF didn't work out for me so only used it for a short time), but that helped me massively with confidence, it allowed me to feed without showing everything to the world 😂 yes it was obvious I was feeding but as you couldn't see anything, I never got any comments or looks

@alfredo674
DD will feed off either breast or bottle as I had to bottle feed her on day 4 due to her trashing my nipples. Breastfeeding has been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. We have 1 or 2 really good days then it all goes tits up (pardon the pun) for a day. She has a really shallow latch which we can work around but since yesterday evening she's been really difficult to actually get on the breast and stay on. Last night she fed off both sides which took around an hour then had 60ml of formula because she was still hungry. Apparently I have loads of milk according to the midwife, it's just a growth spurt 😩

It's hard enough with one baby, you're an absolute hero feeding 2!

Have you had posterior tongue tie looked at. My DS was exactly as you describe. Midwives doctors missed it but eventually we went to a lactation expert paed who dealt with it in minutes.