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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

whats the longest anyone has bf for? anyone still doing it with lo's at school?

475 replies

prettylovebird · 24/01/2008 19:46

ok i know dd is only 7 months,but, i want to bf her forever, and just wondering what it will be like when shes at school or preschool

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 25/01/2008 14:33

lol Polar Bear - missed your 1st post.

pagwatch · 25/01/2008 14:36

My DD stopped at 3 or 4 ( can't quite remember).
She is now 5 and was having a brief hug after her bath recently when she playfully reached for my breast and said words to the effect of "aw mum, I want to feed again" in a suitably babyish voice ( convinced I am sure that she sound really cute).
DS1 was in the room and looked at her , tutted and said " good grief, she's all about the boobs isn't she"

duchesse · 25/01/2008 14:41

I'm still thinking of Lynette in Desperate Housewives taking that executive's kid over to the dark side of chocolate milk from a carton...

terramum · 25/01/2008 14:47

Fair enough it's your opinion PuppyMonkey....but you could have put it slightly more sensitively.

The world wide average weaning age is supposed to be 4 so I'd say a lot of children might disagree with you that "u don't need breast milk when you're six???" .

PuppyMonkey · 25/01/2008 14:51

Four not six?

duchesse · 25/01/2008 14:55

With 4 being an average and all, you would expect to see a fair amount of tapering off and stretching at each end of the bell curve as it were. Given that many women stop shortly after the first week, there must be quite a few still b/f just shy of 8. Unless the sampling was dodgy, or disregarded women who stopped early (say in the first 12 weeks), which wouldn't make it very reliable as a statistic.

terramum · 25/01/2008 14:55

average

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 25/01/2008 15:02

Hmm. Harpsi. I would beg to differ re "newborns don't need breastmilk." Surely they do. But in the absence of it, formula will do.

Puppy.. "ewwwwww" is very unconstructive and a bit of an empty headed comment and your explanation "..because 6 year oldsdon't need breast milk" (which is actually quite true from a physiological point of view) does not explain the rather insulting comment "ewwwww" which is a value judgement resulting from your own prejudices.

duchesse · 25/01/2008 15:16

Farmers and breeders of livestock, often so hooked on mechanisation and rationalising everything, wouldn't dream of letting a newborn creature go without its mother's milk, because they know darn well that the young would cark as soon as they stepped into the farmyard. You can even buy ewe's colostrum in freeze dried format to give to orphaned lambs. There has to be a reason for that... I wonder what it could be?

Of course newborns need mother's milk, preferably their own mother's- it's the immunity they need. Nutritionally there are some moderately adequate alternatives, although even there they are finding new things in bm all the time that seem to be there for a reason, not to mention the variety of tastes you get from a diet of bm, but mother's milk cannot actually be beaten as a first food. 10 million years of evolution cannot be replicated in a couple of decades lab work. Thankfully.

harpsichordcarrier · 25/01/2008 15:23

yes yes ladies I am the queen lactator, you don't need to convince me
I was just objecting to the idea that one should only bf if it is necessary.
the subtext being that you should stop as soon as it isn't necessary.
whatever necessary might mean in this context

PuppyMonkey · 25/01/2008 15:32

I'm not prejudiced against women who would breast feed a six yo. I think they're strange, though!

duchesse · 25/01/2008 15:52

I'm going to come right out and try to express the source of my unease regarding b/f a much older child- let's say beyond toddlerhood.

Nutritionally it is not necessary in the first world. I clearly see the case for extended feeding in places where the diet is somewhat inadequate, but a fine balancing act has to come into play between the mother's nutrition needs balanced against her need to be available to all her children, not just the feeding one.

From an antibody point of view, the point is maybe more relevant, with the difference that by 5, say, the child has probably been exposed to most of the same pathogens as its mother anyway, especially in less developed countries. So a moot point whether it is still useful as a disease prevention measure.

Emotionally, a child begins to grow beyond its immediate surroundings and take an active interest in the world at around 5-6 years of age. They come across upsetting things, both at school and at home as they try to push their boundaries. It is my perception that continually bringing the child back to its mother as a source of comfort prevents it from developing coping strategies of its own. Furthermore, and this may be purely Freudian, a bright child should be moving beyond the oral gratification phase by 5-6, so need neither mummy nor dummy as a comfort object by then. The dummy in gob thing at 7 shocking imo. (which does not even begin to cover my attitude to dummies per se, but hey...)

A fair proportion of the extended b/f children I've met had some kind of speech defect. IMO this as something to do with still using their tongues and mouths in a relatively infantile way. I do not see this as an advantage in any way, in fact quite the opposite.

As a parent, I see it as my job to help my children grow to independence. We live in a society where our children can and are independent intellectually at a fairly young age. They have a lot to learn, arguably far more than other apes, and have as humans to be very flexible intellectually. I do not see staying stuck in the infant stage as far as comfort goes as assisting that.

fwiw, I b/f mine for 14 months (stopped due to pregnancy and unbearably sore nips); he was not ready to stop on any level, but it was OK.
Second one b/f for 17 months. I selfishly wanted my body back after 3.5 years of continual pregnancy and b/f. She was not quite ready to stop. My third was a violent feeder (punching, poking, grabbing and twisting (wince)) and I longed to stop from about 12 months. We kept going anyway, to 24 months, and weaning was very easy and quick.

terramum · 25/01/2008 16:38

I don't see the difference in where a child lives in the world. The fact is it is biologically normal for a human being to be breastfed beyond infancy & that has implications for it's (& it's own children's if the child in question is a girl) long term health. Yes first world children don't have to breastfeed to get nutrients & calories...but that doesn't mean it isn't necessary. How many children do you know with perfect diets? By still offering BM to my DS I know I don't have to worry so much about what he eats because he gets a lot of goodness from his BM.

Yes a child of 5 probably has been exposed to most of the same pathogens as its mother, but it doesn't mean it's any better at fighting them than when he/she was 2 or 3. By breastfeeding, babies & children can pass on a bug to their mother allowing her to make some anitbodies & then pass them back to her child. This process doesn't stop just because the is older.

WRT comfort - would you advocate that after a certain age children don't need to be comforted? Of course not. BM is just as good as a hug, sometimes better. Why would any parents not want to give their child comfort? Especially if it works so well. Bfing is designed to be comforting as it releases calming hormones for both mother & child. I totally disagree that children won't learn coping strategies if they are close to their mother. If anything they learn to cope much better on their own because their are able to branch out on their own when they are ready, not when someone else thinks they should be ready.

Can you say for certain duchesse that these children you met have the speech problem as a result of being bf for long or were they bf for long to aid their development? AFAIK breastfeeding uses the same muscles that control chewing & speech so I don't see how your claim can be true. Otherwise that would surely mean that the vast majority of third world children would have speech issues; as would our ancestors.

The only reason people think it's a bit weird an older child is simply because you don't see it very often. Our society simply doesn't seem geared to allow/accept it atm. I'll admit I was a bit weirded out when I attended my first LLL meeting & saw a toddler of about 18months breastfeeding. I distinctly remember going home & thinking I was never going to do that. But then I had DS & started going to LLL regularly & got used to seeing toddlers & older children breastfeeding...and read a lot more about breastfeeding & here I am now breastfeeding a 3.5 year old & hoping he carries on for a long while yet as I know it is normal & doing us both good.

Anna8888 · 25/01/2008 16:54

duchesse - I agree with a lot of what you say on extended breastfeeding, and also extended use of dummies.

Also at the risk of sounding Freudian, I too know adults who, as children, used dummies for far too long and have very definite orality issues (overeating, chain smoking). However, the adults I know who used dummies for too long were very definitely neglected emotionally by their mothers (because they had to work very long hours, not because the mothers in question were lazy).

I don't actually know anyone who was breastfed for a very long time as a child. It wasn't "done" in the circles I grew up nor in the then circles of the friends I have now, in Paris.

However, I do know a few adults who as children were extended co-sleepers and they seem to have no problems at all as adults .

macdoodle · 25/01/2008 19:13

Please don't treat me like an idiot and explain BF until 5 as health benefits surely it is just for mummy benefits...otherwise find me some evidence that in a developed country there are any health benefits say after age 5 ....FWIW my DD age 6 was BF until 4 months she is SUPER healthy never goes to doc had never missed a day of school she did have chicken px but that is a good thing you don't want your daughters to get to child bearing age without being exposed!! Anecdotes are NOT evidence - surely this a personal preferenec I am quite happy for whoever wants to BF until teens if they want - its just personally I find it a bit odd after a certain age...same as I would dummies, being carries, blankies, bottles etc etc...kids grow up it is normal!!

PuppyMonkey · 25/01/2008 20:12

Sorry, just catching up on this thread. Been bfing my 11 year old before she goes off to bed...

hercules1 · 25/01/2008 20:27

See usual ignorant comments on this thread. Must be a record for the 'bitty' comment to get mentioned..

Had to lol at the independant comments - I'm also getting comments about how both my kids are very confidant and independant more so than their peers and this despite being bf for 4 years (ds) and 3 years (dd).

Dh was also bf till he was 4 and left home at the age of 11 (went to boarding school in another country and never went back home).

Sigh.

hercules1 · 25/01/2008 20:30

Must remember to link to this thread when people moan that breastfeeders never get riciculed...

matildax · 25/01/2008 20:32

well said macdoodle, but for gods sake dont mention bitty!!!!!!!!!!or u will be struck down by a huge lactating nipple!!!! [grin} to all the other mums on here, who have in my opinion belittled anyone who doesnt agree with your rather crap reasons for continuing to bf, do what you want but dont try to ram your opinions down someones throat... oh my god excuse the pun!!! lol.

matildax · 25/01/2008 20:33
Grin
hercules1 · 25/01/2008 20:36

nothing like supporting other peoples choices eh?...Imagine if I said a similar thing about people who bottlefed??

matildax · 25/01/2008 20:57

what do you mean hercules? please explain?

hercules1 · 25/01/2008 20:58

Your last post.

hercules1 · 25/01/2008 21:00

Let's see - crap reasons for bottlefeeding, ramming bottlefeeding down other peoples throats, being attacked by a huge bottle...and so on.

Have to say the reason I wouldnt say those things is because I dont agree with them.

frogs · 25/01/2008 21:01

herc, you are my bf hero. I remember you discussing this years ago, and fwiw I was always really impressed.

[hero-worshipping emoticon]