I need to stop breastfeeding my 3 month old.

[xocinot]

Hello! I'm new here!

I've come here in hope someone may be able to help and advise me on my current situation.

Background, skip if you wish -**

My little girl is 3 and a half months old and has been exclusively breastfed since the beginning - I've found it extremely difficult as she's had colic & reflux and is a very unsettled baby. I only have two friends who are Mums and one is so supportive but the other (who did and still is breastfeeding) makes me feel terrible. I've got to a point now after nearly 15 weeks where breastfeeding just isn't manageable. My little girl never - and I really am not exaggerating that - settles. I've been trying so hard to persevere with a nap routine (loosely speaking, I just would like her to have at least 2-3 naps a day for an hour or so a time) and a nighttime routine (bath, feed, bed around 8pm). Currently, my attempts are failing. Her day time naps are cat naps for 10-15 minutes, maybe 4 times a day. Trust me I've tried it all - dark room, white noise, swaddling, rocking, in the cot, laying across my arms on her front, sh'ing, stroking her face - she won't have it. She only falls asleep when feeding.

She's attached to me 24/7, I can't pump because I can't put her down without her screaming. She's in the baby bjorn all the time, my back is in pieces (and yes, making a rod for my own back, etc etc - but honestly, she doesn't stop crying). When I have managed to pump, I really can't get a lot (making me think I have a low milk supply and maybe this is where the issues lie).

I am going back to work at 7 months (WFH) and my Mum's just been diagnosed with a brain tumour so I'm basically a carer now too and constantly anxious over her. When WFH, I'll also need to look after my daughter (my work are very flexible but I'm under no illusion this will be so so difficult). I don't get much support from my partner at all (no point saying speak to him, it's in one ear and out the other).

Help please?

I can't breastfeed any longer. She takes a bottle fine as in the very very early days I did express when going out and since, I give her the occasional ready made Aptamil bottles. I've bought some Aptamil comfort formula and begun tonight. I wanted to know peoples experiences and advice with this transition. Do I go cold turkey and just remove the boob (baring in mind she suckles as comfort and uses my boob to get to sleep - which I would like to stop)? Do I do a bit of both for a while? Do I try and pump if I can when she's taken formula and mix it in? And how do I get her to stop using my boob as comfort?

I'd really really appreciate any help, experiences people have had and suggestions! Thanks in advance 🤍

I should also note sorry that during the night, she's still waking every 2 and a half hours for a feed too. I've never seen any change to her nighttime routine where she's gone longer stretches etc, so I don't think it's relating to leaps/regression.

Does she take a dummy? I hate to be that person but it all sounds within the range of normal. Have you got a baby swing? Try that for a nap to give you a breather?

Can you get some help? Maybe a post natal doula?

If colic and reflux are an issue, have you ruled out tongue tie? Cow's milk protein allergy?

My youngest DS was exactly like this. He had a tongue tie and milk allergy. It improved once I addressed both.

Can I ask why you won't have any childcare when you are back at work?

It does all sound normal I'm afraid but of course you can stop feeding for whatever reasons you like. Just be aware that bottle feeding won't necessarily change all your problems - she might still wake a lot at night, only gave short naps in the day etc

Don't stop cold turkey! You will give yourself mastitus. I think its recommended to drop 1 feed every few days to allow your supply to adjust. Remember every feed essentially puts an order in for the next day.

Definitely 2nd a dummy, their purpose is a fake nipple for babies to suck on for comfort.

You never get as much when pumping as a baby managea to get, if she is putting weight on your milk supply is fine.

Most important thing is fed baby and happy mum!

There's a lot to unpack here. Firstly, I wouldn't stop breastfeeding abruptly, you risk getting mastitis, blocked ducts etc. I would pick a feed to switch to formula, and then every few days swap one more feed to formula until you are 100% formula feeding. If your breasts feel uncomfortably engorged or are hard/lumpy between feeds then express a little until you are comfortable, but not too much. You could use any breastmilk you express, mixing it with formula if you like.

There's no need for the "comfort" formula, unless you've been given medical advice to use it.

I would try to introduce a dummy for comfort sucking in between formula feeds. If you give a formula feed before a sleep then you could use another settling technique like pick up put down, gradual retreat or similar rather than feed to sleep.

Realistically you cannot work from home and be caring for your baby. You will need childcare for them when you are working, so I would look into finding a suitable nursery or childminder asap.

another thinking it all sounds normal. it is so very hard though. my DS had 5 or even 6 cat naps a day to begin with, we just used to put him in his pram and rock to sleep, or feed to sleep and lay him down or hold him for nap. Will she feed lying down? and if so, once she's asleep can you roll away? at least then you could pop to the toilet or for a snack etc.

pumping isn't reflective of your milk supply at all so I wouldn't worry about your supply if there are no other signs of low supply. its a really common worry though.

I found we only really settled into a routine with anything really from maybe 5 or 6 months. I found things got quite a lot easier then.

there's various IBCLCs who have weaning advice on Instagram, I think Emma Pickett is one. she is an advocate of mums being able to wean from breastfeeding when they want and for any reason. I'd consider though that stopping breastfeeding might not make things easier, especially if there isn't anyone to do much of the feeds or nights.

I wouldn’t assume swapping to bottle feeding will solve your problems, it may just add making up and washing bottles to your list of jobs.
I would rule out cmpa. Easy when bf as stop eating anything with dairy in it. They say it takes a fortnight to see a difference but with both of mine i saw a difference in days.
You can never pump as much as baby can extract so it’s not a good guide to how much you are making.
A dummy can help with the naps. Often they sleep well in the pram if you push them out.
At 7 months you will have started weaning so she won’t be feeding from you as much.
To be honest what you need is some help. It doesn’t get magically easier at any point it just changes. I did go back to work with my first early with no childcare as I’m self employed and I basically worked with him strapped to me in the baby carrier.
Maybe you need help with housework or looking after your mum.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. Sounds like a lot right now.

If you want to stop breastfeeding, that is the only reason you need to do that. It's alright to stop immediately and go cold turkey. You can swap straight to formula, no need to express unless you want to. Using a dummy might help to make the transition at night. The NUK ones are great.

Yes this is all totally normal and healthy behavior. I have no advice except the only thing that helped me was to lower my expectations and just let it all go. Read up on 4th trimester and some breastfeeding info on kellymom. I would feed at least every hour, for naps, to sleep. Deleted the huckleberry app as it was stressing me out. For daytime naps I would cosleep with her and she'd just feed. Don't listen to all the making a rod rubbish. My baby is now 9 months and I went back work full time at 7 months. It all got so much easier after 4 months. Put her in her own room at 6 months after co-sleeping pretty much til then. She was fine and sleeps through most of the time. Once I let it all go I started actually enjoying it. Of course up to you if you want to stop but it won't make everything easier necessarily. Just don't stop suddenly incase of mastitis. You are doing an amazing job 👏

My DS is also 3.5 months and very unsettled so you have my sympathy. He’s still waking every 1-2 hours overnight, it’s really hard. I’m in the process of switching from breastfeeding to formula for a variety of reasons. I breastfed my daughter until she was a toddler and it was great for us, but its not the right choice for every mother/child. If you want to stop breastfeeding you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone. If you aren’t sure whether you want to stop, there is lots of support out there to help you consider ways to continue (happy to provide some links if needed).

I know how hard it can be to make the decision to stop, but if you think it’s the best thing for you and your baby then do it. There is so much pressure and guilt wrapped around breastfeeding, but it really isn’t the right choice for everyone.

I am on day 10 of switching. I have gradually dropped one feed each day. The last breastfeed was 2am last night. My breasts are a bit engorged now so I’ll probably need to do another feed tonight and then I’m hoping that will be the last one.

I would just warn you that it’s not necessarily going to fix the sleep. DS is still waking hourly. But it does mean that my husband can take some of the night shifts, which was one of the main reasons for us switching to formula.

www.laleche.org.uk/breastfeeding-ends-suddenly/ Go down to the section called ‘Slow Milk Production Gradually’. Don’t just stop, you risk serious infection.

As someone who went through a supremely unsettled, colicy, refluxy, none sleeping baby, my heart really goes out to you. Gently…I’m not sure stopping breastfeeding is going to be your magic bullet. Some babies are just really unsettled because that’s who they are. Some have a medical condition such as CMPA or tongue tie. I would implore you to consider all of this before stopping. Not because ‘breast is best’ or any of that bollocks. If you want to stop that is fine…just taking away your only soothing tool might backfire, big time.

I would say you need to rethink your working plans. I can promise you that babies don’t really get easier, especially unsettled ones. It just changes from one phase to a next. Caring for her and your mother and working sounds like a recipe for disaster.

It doesn't sound very normal to me, I would carry on with formula, see if things improve. So sorry to hear about your Mum.

I'm sorry to hear you are having a bad time, especially with your Mum so ill which is very hard.

I agree above, I have much older children and they never did the nap/routine thing. They sleep just fine and we're very happy to leave me when the time came. I found it very hard as so many people seemed to have this amazing routine thing going on.

You need to be happy, and I can only offer coping tips:
Feed lying down and roll away (or even go to sleep!).
When they are about 4 months they can go in an on the back position in a sling, much better for your back. That said, humans are not marsupials, you do not need to carry all the time (I got back ache too!).
Use the buggy/pram for naps. Good for you to walk and do you have a housing situation where you can wheel them into the garden on return from walk?
Do ask Granny if she is well enough to help, you would not believe how easily they go to sleep for someone else.

I went back to work at 8 months and because I am a push over, I was still bring. Childminder manager just fine and baby went to sleep in buggy after only a couple of rocks. Amazing, wouldn't do that for me!

Don't feel pressured to continue breastfeeding, you've done amazing and should be very proud of yourself.

I was formula feeding my first but I only started getting into a routine at 12 weeks - it was carnage before then, basically survival mode with sleeps for me and him. His issue was either being held to sleep or in the buggy to sleep. But we kind of fell into a routine where we'd do the same things everyday and it went from there.

Definitely introduce a bottle at a time. My dh the 10.30pm first and then we went from there

Drop a breast feed daily until you stop. Bottle feed every four hours and put her down after winding Leave her for a bit and give her time to settle herself. Stop with the sling your back will be broken. No harm ever came from putting a baby down she will be fine. Good luck and try not to worry about her too much babies do cry a lot

100% get her checked for tongue tie and get some good peer support. X

Your having such a hard time right now, there's nothing wrong with doing whatever make your life easier, so if that's formula, go for it. I would be very careful about going cold turkey though, your boots will be like rocks by the end of the day, and it could lead to mastitis. You either need to pump to relieve the pressure (difficult to find time) or cut down gradually, maybe alternating b-feed/bottle, then add more bottles.

I'd also look for a better sling, the weight of a 3 month old shouldn't be causing you back pain. At that age I used a strechy wrap, it take a while to get use to tieing, but spreads the weight wonderfully (my second was pretty much raised as a baby kangaroo for the first year).

@BumbleNova thanks for your tips! My childcare was my Mum but since she's now very unwell and will be in and out of hospital having chemo/stem cell/bone marrow, she can't be my childcare any longer. Sadly my outgoings are just far too high to even consider dropping a day a week and I don't have the disposable income to pay for a childminder/nursery, so it'll be a case of working when/if she does drop off for a nap and once partner gets home in the evening!

3.5 months is still so very tiny. There will be big changes between now and when you go back to work, especially once she starts on food. Feed your child however works for you, but don't assume that it will change her sleep. Some babies only ever cat nap on you and some nap for 2 hours. Please don't compare to other people, especially as half of them probably aren't telling the truth!

@TheFishWillSeeYouNow thank you for your understanding and support, it's appreciated.

@StruggleStreet Really appreciate your comment and sounds like you get it. It's just so exhausting isn't it? I'll definitely take on board the advice of dropping a feed and gradually pulling back that way. I'm going to keep persevering with a dummy but currently she doesn't just spit it out 24/7 but I'll keep trying!

@user1493494961 thank you, I appreciate that.

I would worry that stopping breastfeeding will make your life harder. Several PPs talk about a benefit of formula being partners can help. Is your partner going to? Otherwise removing your main method to get your DD to sleep, needing to sort bottles every 2.5 hours at night and still not getting any help may nor be any better.

I can understand you desperately need a break from having your baby on you. Do you have anyone who will give you a break? Dies anything like a walk in the pram distract your DD?

@espresso14 such kind words, thank you so much. It's just a lot right now. I'm definitely not under any illusion that formula will suddenly give me a happy, sleepy baby, I just thought if she isn't feeding until she's full that the formula may help with that 😣 I don't know, all trial and error I guess!