I need to stop breastfeeding my 3 month old.

[xocinot]

Hello! I'm new here!

I've come here in hope someone may be able to help and advise me on my current situation.

Background, skip if you wish -**

My little girl is 3 and a half months old and has been exclusively breastfed since the beginning - I've found it extremely difficult as she's had colic & reflux and is a very unsettled baby. I only have two friends who are Mums and one is so supportive but the other (who did and still is breastfeeding) makes me feel terrible. I've got to a point now after nearly 15 weeks where breastfeeding just isn't manageable. My little girl never - and I really am not exaggerating that - settles. I've been trying so hard to persevere with a nap routine (loosely speaking, I just would like her to have at least 2-3 naps a day for an hour or so a time) and a nighttime routine (bath, feed, bed around 8pm). Currently, my attempts are failing. Her day time naps are cat naps for 10-15 minutes, maybe 4 times a day. Trust me I've tried it all - dark room, white noise, swaddling, rocking, in the cot, laying across my arms on her front, sh'ing, stroking her face - she won't have it. She only falls asleep when feeding.

She's attached to me 24/7, I can't pump because I can't put her down without her screaming. She's in the baby bjorn all the time, my back is in pieces (and yes, making a rod for my own back, etc etc - but honestly, she doesn't stop crying). When I have managed to pump, I really can't get a lot (making me think I have a low milk supply and maybe this is where the issues lie).

I am going back to work at 7 months (WFH) and my Mum's just been diagnosed with a brain tumour so I'm basically a carer now too and constantly anxious over her. When WFH, I'll also need to look after my daughter (my work are very flexible but I'm under no illusion this will be so so difficult). I don't get much support from my partner at all (no point saying speak to him, it's in one ear and out the other).

Help please?

I can't breastfeed any longer. She takes a bottle fine as in the very very early days I did express when going out and since, I give her the occasional ready made Aptamil bottles. I've bought some Aptamil comfort formula and begun tonight. I wanted to know peoples experiences and advice with this transition. Do I go cold turkey and just remove the boob (baring in mind she suckles as comfort and uses my boob to get to sleep - which I would like to stop)? Do I do a bit of both for a while? Do I try and pump if I can when she's taken formula and mix it in? And how do I get her to stop using my boob as comfort?

I'd really really appreciate any help, experiences people have had and suggestions! Thanks in advance 🤍

Are you sure she’s getting enough and doesn’t have a tongue tie? They’re really common and so easy to fix. I’d get a lactation consultant - easy to find on your local Facebook group.
Sounds like you’re going through so much right now.

I stopped at 3 months but it takes a while. Mine was on 4 feeds a day plus 1 or 2 at night. We had always given her a bottle at around 11pm which my husband did so I could get a chunk of sleep from 8 till 2ish. We then replaced 1 breastfeed at a time. Started with lunch. Then dropped the afternoon. Then the bedtime and finally the morning. It took about a month.

@SeedsSeedsSeeds great advice. We live in such a bizarre world now with social media that it's very difficult to know what's true or not. So many things are smoke and mirrors nowadays!

[quote xocinot]@BumbleNova thanks for your tips! My childcare was my Mum but since she's now very unwell and will be in and out of hospital having chemo/stem cell/bone marrow, she can't be my childcare any longer. Sadly my outgoings are just far too high to even consider dropping a day a week and I don't have the disposable income to pay for a childminder/nursery, so it'll be a case of working when/if she does drop off for a nap and once partner gets home in the evening! [/quote]
It sounds like you are the one making all of the sacrifices OP. I get that your partner is physically out of the house at work, but it sounds like your work is going to disproportionately suffer, which shouldn’t be the case just because you are the one WFH. Does your partner support you/their baby financially? Any wiggle movement including their finances for 2 days of care?

@BendingSpoons I think he'd help during the day when he returns from work, so it'd still give some relief hopefully? Sadly no, everyone said about the pram but for example, I took her for a walk today for an hour in the pram hoping she'd drop off and she screamed the whole time. She'd been fed, burped, changed and was wrapped up warm enough but she just doesn't like it. I think I could just really do with some help but my only source of help was my Mum and with all that's going on, I can't really ask her for help any more.

@BiscuitLover3678 I don't have Facebook but I'll Google this because honestly, I'll take any help I can get! Thanks for your advice 😂

@BiscuitLover3678 sorry I didn't mean the laughing emoji, I meant a heart! Still very new here, this is my first post 🤦🏻‍♀️

Only you know when it's time to stop breast feeding and if that's now then absolutely do it. Like pps have said though definitely don't stop abruptly and make sure this is gradual. When changing DS from breast to formula I didn't really have a pattern in swapping a certain feed etc. It was how I was feeling at that particular point in the day whether I went for bottle or breast for that one. You'll also know yourself how your boobs are feeling as to whether you need to feed him yourself for some relief. You'll find it will come naturally that you've switched to bottle feeding without hopefully having to actually think about it too much. Good luck with everything and hope everything improves for you and your mum.

*feed her sorry not him

@Minniem2020 really appreciate that, thank you. Makes me feel like I can do this and it's not going to be as scary as I had thought 💪🏼

Darling, you are looking for permission to stop
I give you permission
You have done SO well and it’s SO hard.

Welcome to mum guilt and peer pressure, you weren’t expecting!

16 weeks is brilliant.

May I ask, have you thought about combination feeding? Formula AND breast? Just if you needed a break for a while and see how you felt?
The 4 month sleep regression will be on you soon, so you will be more tired and baby might cluster feed

I combi fed , and I didn’t want to ,but actually ,I was glad : as I can give a bottle of formula ( which baby sleeps a bit longer with) and when it’s 6am - I can just pop a boob in lol

Making up bottles in a hassle in its own right - so you must buy a tomee tippee prep machine. You can get them for about 15/20£ second hand everywhere.

Please join a Facebook group for support. There are a fair few dedicated to this sort of thing
Be fine with your HVisitor- you either want info on combi feeding or on how to stop and not get mastistis
Best of luck. Think of what you have achieved

@AliceW89 sorry what does OP mean? trying to figure out all the MumsNet lingo 🤦🏻‍♀️ he does pay a little extra into our household bills account than I do. I ended up a few years back in a bit of debt and I managed to sort it all without the need of anything like an IVA, it just meant I wouldn't really have much disposable income left at all for the next 2/3 years. Like everyone I'm sure, I could do with a small lottery win 😂

• also tell your pal to mind her business. As she sounds like the one who start to criticise your nappies/ burping technique/ Christ knows what else. Don’t open the door for that. Shut it now.

@TheRemotePart your comment has nearly reduced me to tears - so kind, I really appreciate your words 🤍 I think you are right, there is a small element of looking for permission. I think having seen all the comments on here, I'll be going with combination feeding anyway rather than cold turkey and seeing how we get on with that. If it's a case of there is some improvement with formula, then I may end up in the end just stopping breastfeeding altogether (once I regulate milk supply) or if it works well, I may continue combination feeding. Absolutely dreading the regression coming up 😭

I'm going to re read this properly but my DD was like this she had allergies.

Also after 5 months breastfeeding became much easier. Months 0-4 were hard hard work. At one point I was doing 20-25 feeds a day as she wouldn't settle and was a snacker.

My son was like this, and we had a very late diagnosis of CMPA, after many painful months of him being absolutely tormented by it.

@xocinot if you need childcare when working, then your partner should be contributing to the cost of it. He can only work at the moment because you are currently doing childcare, you are enabling him to do that. When you no longer are able to, then you both are liable for childcare costs, it's not just your cost to bear.

Speak to your GP about possibility of CMPA. My baby has CMPA and I tried all different formulas, colief, infacol, gripe water, I was tearing my hair out wondering why is my baby so unhappy ALL THE TIME! She also had terrible wind and eczema. But the main clue was that she was unhappy and getting more and more unhappy every day. GP started her on Alimentum when she was 4 1/2 months old and within 2 days she was transformed into a happy content baby. She still doesn't sleep all night, she has lots of little naps throughout the day so it hasn't created a perfect sleeping baby or anything but she's a mostly happy baby and it makes life so much better.

You've had great advice on the feeding but in all honesty you need to give some time to the work situation.

I was on my knees when I went back - still
not getting a full night, full on to get up mega early get us both ready and then the extra time after work to sort baby crap out as well as try to play / bath / bed keep house from falling apart.

On my day off it was an onslaught of childcare and related tasks whilst trying to have a shower / catch up from jobs not done on work days and tidying up after a destructive 1 year old.

I literally cannot imagine trying to look after a soon to be mobile baby all day on my own and then find enough time when they're in bed to actually do a day's work?!?!!!

You will burn out - it's a very dangerous plan for you and your baby. Please please reconsider childcare and / or taking a difficult decision that you can't go back yet and see if you are entitled to any benefits or help with childcare costs.

@FusionChefGeoff I know, I sound absolutely crazy. I probably should've noted at the start, 2 years ago I'd taken a significant step back with my career and moved from a very stressful, 70 hour week city job, to a much more calm, 35 hour a week job. I'd moved down quite a few pay grades, so pre-baby, I could get all of my work done in 3 hours. This is the only reason I have considered going back 'full time' as my company are fantastic and really flexible, they work off of output even if that means you can do your work in half a day!

I had a baby like this. It lead to PND. It's soul destroying.

Before you take any action, please look into:

3/4 months sleep regression- it's a killer (the 8/9 months one is worse)

Wearing the baby in a fabric sling- life saver (I had the Hana which I found so comfy after a bad back from a botched epidural)

Cosleeping.

You have my sympathies. Babies are bloody hard work.

Ignore your friends and do what's right for you.

You've done the really hard weeks, it does only get easy from here and bottles become so much faff. Obviously if you want to stop then do but I'm not sure its going to help you much. Is your partner going to help with washing, sterilising, night feeds etc? That's really the only benefit.

I think at 3.5months feeding every 2-3hrs is normal and so is only wanting contact naps. I think you're getting upset because you're comparing her to older babies or rare unicorn babies who sleep through from day 1. I did the same until I realised everyone I knew who had a sleeping baby had left them to cry.

If you want to stop breastfeeding obviously that's your decision but I think you need to be realistic about it as it's unlikely to change your baby's temperament. This sounds like normal baby behaviour and honestly I think you're having a laugh if you think you can WFH without any childcare.

You need to get together with your DH and make a real plan.

Cut out one feed every 3rd day and replace with a bottle.

I will say that 2-3 naps a day is no where near enough for a 3 month old. They need a nap after being awake for 90 minutes roughly so you start putting them down after 75 minutes awake. So a lot of this may be down to over tiredness. Approx 4 naps maybe 5 if they're not long.

So what I'm saying is that I don't think stopping breastfeeding will solve anything however it's entirely your choice