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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Breastfeeding in public

32 replies

mumsbetsy · 27/12/2021 20:19

So I have been breastfeeding for 2 weeks and it's going surprisingly well so far. This is my second baby but first time feeding myself so I'm learning as I go.

I feel quite confident to feed in public and don't feel I should hide away while I feed eg go to a toilet to do it or upstairs in my house when we have visitors. But I will cover myself with a Muslin.

Midwife has congratulated me on how well I'm doing as my Lo has put on a good amount of weight & is thriving so far. I feel quite proud of myself as it's something I never thought I'd be able to do.

I'm quite shocked by the response I've had from my mum of all people. She has told me it makes other people feel very uncomfortable especially her partner and other men in the family. On another occasion when I was about to feed in front of family she asked 'are you going to go home then?' And one other occasion was looking at me very judgingly as I fed while everyone ate their dinner. As if it was disgusting to do such a thing. She's also suggested I put her on formula so I know it bothers her. I'm shocked because I didn't think it would.

I don't really know the best way to go about this. She makes me feel like I should not be feeding my baby if other people are around. I personally feel like if it bothers people they should leave the room - not me.

What are your opinions? I am considering changing her to formula because of this which will break my heart a little bit.

OP posts:

Thethingswedidanddidntdo · 27/12/2021 20:25

I wouldn't see her until she apologises to be honest. Say to her calmly but firmly' 'the way I feed my baby is not up for discussion. Neither is the topic of where, when and in front of whom I will be feeding. I hope you can support me but if you can't you will miss out on a relationship with your grandchild'.

User0ne · 27/12/2021 20:26

Hollie McNish has a great poem about this called "embarrassed".

You have it spot on that this is your mams issue not yours and if she's uncomfortable about your baby eating then she can go elsewhere. Maybe show her the poem.

Feed your baby how you want, don't change it because of what someone else thinks.

Toomanypeople · 27/12/2021 20:28

I would visit her less if she continues to make comments about needing to go home to feed. If she asks why you spend less time simply say you will not be made to feel uncomfortable about a perfectly natural normal thing. Do not give up bf for other people only when the time feels right for you. Congratulations on your baby

Bringonsummer19 · 27/12/2021 20:29

My mum was exactly the same. Was always embraced by it, wanting us to hide in a corner somewhere. I had to tell my mum to grow up in the end. Equally she’ll chat no end to her WI members about how her grandchildren were BF!!

Good in you OP

Charbead49 · 27/12/2021 20:32

Please don't give up! Breastfeeding my third at the moment and I have only ever had people come up to me to day well done.

If people don't like it's their problem.

TheDrWillSeeYouNow · 27/12/2021 20:34

Congratulations on your success!

Your mum is completely in the wrong here. What would I do about it? Keep feeding my baby whenever and wherever I want to, and I would not be covering myself either! If someone else is bothered, they can fuck off and leave.

sqirrelfriends · 27/12/2021 20:38

Your mum is in the wrong and she shouldn't make you feel this way.

Bitofachinwag · 27/12/2021 20:39

Keep breastfeeding. Ask her why they feel uncomfortable when you are using breasts for what they were made for.

Crunched · 27/12/2021 20:41

Sorry your Mother is ignorant. Please carry on breastfeeding, you deserve praise. Personally I would be seeing my Mother very rarely until my DC was much older.

buttercuplizzy · 27/12/2021 20:43

Congrats- you're doing great!

It sounds like your mum has a big problem and wants you to stop BFing for whatever reason. Those are her problems, not yours, and thats something she needs to come to terms with. She can either accept the way you have chosen to feed your baby, or if she doesn't accept the consequences I.e. feeding your baby comes above her level of comfort

2toastornot2toast · 27/12/2021 20:43

Completely understand, I was feeding my second at a meal out with a large group of my family, my mum literally turned her chair to me to shield 'the men' from the view!
Carry on as you are Nd well done

Changelingbutonlyforme · 27/12/2021 20:47

Don’t stop breastfeeding over this if you’re mostly enjoying it OP. In the end you get so quick at latching on the baby that people don’t even realize you’re feeding them unless they’ve breastfed their own kids and know what the positioning looks like AND they’re paying attention. Tell your mum her partner will get used to it and if he doesn’t you’ll just have you’ll just have to visit less.
And incidentally, don’t feel you must stay in the room if you’d sometimes like to go elsewhere. Sometimes it’s nice to be able to feed lying down, for instance. It doesn’t have to be always one thing or the other. When your baby is tiny and feeding constantly it’s nice to stay in the room with everyone and not feel like you’re being banished from the conversation. Later when your baby starts getting distracted by everything and coming on and off the breast it can be nice to disappear for 20 minutes and feed in peace with no distractions.

KatieKat88 · 27/12/2021 20:48

Either have it out with her or just ignore her, but don't let her stop you from doing something that's important to you. It's sad that she isn't supportive but PPs are completely right, she's the one with the issue, not you or your baby.

Redhotspicywine · 27/12/2021 20:48

She’s an arse

You’re doing the best for you and baby

It’s not breastfeeding in public, it’s a baby eating in public. Ask her if we should close restaurants.

Writing this while feeding my five month old in Leigh Delamere service station

Keep going and if she makes you uncomfortable tell her you won’t be seeing her until your baby weans

Fritilleries · 27/12/2021 20:51

Oh for God's sake. Roll your eyes, feed your baby. Job done. If anybody has a problem with you feeding your baby then they can fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck off a bit more.

WarmWinterSun · 27/12/2021 20:52

Times have changed and it’s now perfectly normal and acceptable to breastfeed in public, in front of men and anyone else. Your mum is stuck in the 1950s and this is 100 per cent her problem. I hope you continue just as you are. I have really fond memories of breastfeeding my babies- it was a special bonding experience and I am so proud that I was able to contribute to their health and development. I understand some women aren’t able to, and have no judgment for them at all, but for those of us who can it’s such a privilege and something special for you and your baby.

Harsharse · 27/12/2021 20:54

I had this quite a lot from older women worried about me feeding in front of their DH. My own Mum was like it to start with and my Dad used to leave the room. I told them in no uncertain terms that they’d need to get over it if they wanted to spend time with their granddaughter.

They managed to overcome it and my Mum even said to me quite recently that she had been totally wrong about breastfeeding and wished she had tried it herself. She had been exposed to the idea that bottle feeding was the norm and that breast feeding was a bit icky. That seems to be quite a popular opinion amongst the 60 something women I know. I don’t know what rates were like in the 70s/80s but I don’t personally know many of that generation that did it.

Carry on and gently tell them to get over their hang ups.

TopCatsTopHat · 27/12/2021 21:00

My dh's parents took this view, no one wise I came across did. I took no notice, I think it's hitting you more because it's your own mum.
I quite often got supportive smiles from other women when I was feeding in public
You're doing great, carry on with your plan and explain her opinion is out of step with what's best for your baby and as such if she continues to object you will have to keep away from her on those occasions which will mean she sees less of you both and she won't be able to join you on days out.

WildStallyn · 27/12/2021 21:02

It's very much your mum's issue, not yours.

I fed 2 DC for over 2 years each, whenever and wherever necessary , and in all that time I had ONE negative reaction - a random woman very obviously tutting at me in a pub.

If anyone doesn't like it they can look away.

JustWonderingIfYou · 27/12/2021 21:03

I would just not see her, she sounds awful.

What a nasty woman! Why doesn't she want the best for her grandchild?

Original poster

mumsbetsy · 28/12/2021 12:53

@JustWonderingIfYou well she's not awful or nasty at all, bit of an odd thing to say. My mum is amazing and my best friend. Which is why I'm finding some of her comments surprising. Just not sure how to approach it

OP posts:

Ozanj · 28/12/2021 13:01

Mum was the same way when I bf in public and private (she never did it) - I just reduced contact. Bf requires emotional support - surround yourself by people who support you not losers who can’t understand that breasts exist to feed a child.

SmallElephant · 28/12/2021 13:03

Your mum is in the wrong here. Ignore her.

ImmutableSexQueen · 28/12/2021 13:06

I breastfed my dd for four years. At first, my parents were like your mum OP but they got used to it over time. I knew I'd made my point when my dad asked my advice on dealing with one of his goats that had mastitis.

SuperSange · 28/12/2021 13:07

[quote mumsbetsy]@JustWonderingIfYou well she's not awful or nasty at all, bit of an odd thing to say. My mum is amazing and my best friend. Which is why I'm finding some of her comments surprising. Just not sure how to approach it[/quote]
She's not your best friend, she's your mum. And a friend wouldn't make you feel like that.

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