BFing DD 15m and the worst thing has happenned

[callmeoverchristmas]

A good friend (or so I thought) said to me a few nights ago (at Dinner) - "are you still BFing - when will you stop?" I resisted the old line of "well I have, she went to bed at 7" and said that as I have said before she would be self weaning.

Friend then said - "If you are still BFing at 5 years I may have to shoot you"

We were with some other friends who all BF for as long as they could but long work hours and TTC no2 etc took it's toll. I could tell they were a bit shocked and one even touched my leg under the table as if to say "ignore her" but I have been festering about it and I can't let it go!
I have known this woman for years and she knows my feelings on BFing if possible and I even helped her when she was struggling to BF her DS.

Why is there a "glass ceiling" of a year on BFing? I even felt so bad I gave DD rice cakes instead of Milk in a cafe today. I was worried others would start judging me. I am usually so proud to still be BFing her. I am usually on here telling others to keep going!

Sorry just needed a rant - feel better now!

Oh no, no, madamez. It would be wrong for ds1 to be weaned now. And it's on the right side of bearable for me.

Another issue is that we had a huge struggle to get bf established. I renmember daily how hard-won it was. And it meant a lot to me to have the bond with him when I had to go back to work much earlier than I would have chosen.

I started solids with ds1 at 6.5 months. He's a fair eater, and has been since he was about one. Bf for him is not about nutrition in the sense of calories.

MHC - I don't know, I'll have to ponder that one. Tbh, bf is one (more or less the only) area in which I have a terribly thick skin wrt what the world at large thinks. I've also not had problems ebf ds1 - until now - and my reluctance to discuss that is more about my own feelings of guilt than anything else.

Oh, because it was so difficult to get it established and he loves it so much and I feel I should love it too, when tbh atm I wouldn't mind at all if he self-weaned. Bf is a very loaded issue in all sorts of ways for me. Suppose I have to wait for it to settle down - his brother is only 3 months - and when he asks less frequently I suspect I will enjoy it again.

I'm going to be completely honest (and risk attack) I watched the extended breastfeeding program and felt physically sick by it. I have a problem in that once the child can "ask" for it or start pulling your top up to show the world I think it should be stopped.

NOW that is not to say I don't respect the rest of you that can do it and with a child on the way I may well change my view but this is how I feel.

I don't want my view changed and i'm not here to annoy i'm just saying there are people out there that don't understand it and therefore feel threatened/sick/etc by it. AND little britain really does not help! lol

Anyway...that's my 2 cence

I think it's fine to be honest and admit that you are uncomfortable with something natural. However, once you realise that puts you in the same mindset as the people who think bf in public is wrong, or worse, that bf at all is weird, it's good to challenge oneself as to WHY it seems unpalatable, and whether we should be opening our minds to others' choices.

It's often just because we are entirely unfamiliar with something that we feel it is wrong. The more we are exposed to something, the more normal it seems.

And truly, bf-ing toddlers is completely normal around the world.

It really is just nations like ours that have bred such weird attitudes to something that is really no big deal elsewhere in the world. I'd love to see that change in my lifetime.

As i've said... baby is due in 2 weeks and I know I want to bf at the beginning at the very least... I know I have a problem with "extended" bfing and with bfing in public so we'll see what happens. For all I know I may turn into someone who can just plonk themselves on a bench in the middle of town with my 3yo and BF? We'll see! lol

"I have a problem in that once the child can "ask" for it or start pulling your top up to show the world I think it should be stopped.

What - because it makes you feel squeamish?

But you feel squeamish because culturally, naturally term breastfeeding is something you're unfamiliar with, not because bf an older child is intrinisically yuck!

Just be interested to know what your response would be if I said 'When I see a mum bottlefeeding a newborn I think - nope, that's unnatural and wrong and I think it's should just be stopped'.

Would you think I was a bit of a fascist for saying something like that?

I'm astonished how many people feel completely at ease with making these sorts of comments about feeding older babies but who have no problem with mums choosing not to breastfeed their newborns at all and are quite happy to support the idea of 'informed choice' in this instance.

I'm feeding my two and half year old still and I can't think of one good reason to stop doing it. It's good for me, it's good for him. I get the odd 'you still feeding that baby?' comment from family and I know my relatives don't approve (apart from my FIl who comes from Guyana) and I just make a joke of it. I never take offence because my conviction that what I'm doing for my little boy is good for him is rock solid.

naturally = natural

it's = it

whoops apologies for the typos

You dont want your view changed? You mean you dont want people to explain to you why it isnt weird, or, you arent going to change your view because of whatever....?

'I have a problem in that once the child can "ask" for it or start pulling your top up to show the world I think it should be stopped.'

So my dd1 who couldn't speak until she was two would be 'allowed' to bf until the age of two, but my dd2 only until the age of one when she could ask for milk?

That is rather arbitary.

On the same note, a friend told me she didn't think babies should bf once they could walk.

DD1 could walk at 10 months, dd2 13months, and plenty of children can't walk until the age of two.

another one with a 2yo who didn't talk much till she was nearly 2.6yo!

so funny.

anyway, here is a quote from a well respected and insightful Englishman on the culture of bf in England not so long ago.

On Lammas-eve at night shall she be fourteen;/ That shall she, marry: I remember it well.
'T is since the earthquake now eleven years;/ And she was wean'd, I never shall forget it,
Of all the days of the year, upon that day;
?Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet. Act I, Scene 3.
(Juliet was 3 years old when she was weaned)

Very good kiskidee

It is really upsetting isn't it. My best friend said to me (about dd2 asking for milk at 2.5 yrs) "she'll be doing that when she's 13 - you know bitty" and I was quite upset about it.

Jacanne - some people just make idiotic comments.

Does it count as asking if babies can sign for milk from months old?

Bing

Good post btw, Sabire

I have come across people who think that 'extended' BF is the same as delaying solids, too (again, confusion over the word 'weaning', I suppose).

DS is 10mo and I am just starting to get the occasional comment of 'Are you still feeding him' and 'When you plan to use bottles' (er, I don't!). Nobody I know in RL has BF this long so I am very glad to have the wisdom of MN for support

Can i hijack this thread a bit and ask about self weaning (or not). my dh is worried about extended bfing mainly because we watched that programme on extended bfing and saw what an awful time the woman with toddler twins has trying to wean them. he thinks it will be too hard on me and dd.

So really my question is, if you go for extended bfing and then you decide to wean yourself before they self wean is it much harder? is there a stage where it get more difficult to wean them yourself. e.g. if i weaned dd now (6mo) she wouldn't have much to say about it and tbh i don't think she'd be that bothered but if she was, say, 3yo, i can imagine i'd be more of a battle and i would fel even more guilty than perhaps i would now.

In theory (as I haven't weaned a child yet, DD is 15 months) if you leave the child to self wean in their own natural time, it should be easy. According to the books, true self weaning happens when an older child slowly drops one feed a time until they have finished.

I have heard of a lot of mums also using another gentle weaning tool called 'don't offer, don't refuse' Which the mother does just that, i.e. doesn't offer milk and just nurses on the childs request (couldn't see this working with my LO she started signing milk at 5 months old and hasn't stopped since)

But extended breastfeeding is one subject where you have to be either very open minded or have experience of a milk needing older baby and then you 'get it'. I personally don't always want to nurse, sometimes I feel too tired or unwell or whatever but I see how much nursing means to my toddler and that is what keeps us going. She needs the comfort and closeness of nursing.

Without breastfeeding we would not of weathered the horrible tummy bug she got recently (first illness at 14 months). This illness hospialized nearly all her little friends but due to keeping breastmilk down, she came home from A&E. We breastfeed exclusively for days, she clung to me nursing all around the clock. I was so grateful we were still nursing as I had been toying with all the 'you should wean' opinions I had been receiving from RL people. I'm so glad we ignored them.

We are now offically winging it, going day by day and we'll stop when it is right for us both, be that tomorrow or later.

I don't see someone having answered madamez's question. Breastfeeding toddlers is a good supplement to a varied diet; no one (well, no one I've ever encountered) argues for delaying weaning onto solids past 6-9 months.