BFing DD 15m and the worst thing has happenned

[callmeoverchristmas]

A good friend (or so I thought) said to me a few nights ago (at Dinner) - "are you still BFing - when will you stop?" I resisted the old line of "well I have, she went to bed at 7" and said that as I have said before she would be self weaning.

Friend then said - "If you are still BFing at 5 years I may have to shoot you"

We were with some other friends who all BF for as long as they could but long work hours and TTC no2 etc took it's toll. I could tell they were a bit shocked and one even touched my leg under the table as if to say "ignore her" but I have been festering about it and I can't let it go!
I have known this woman for years and she knows my feelings on BFing if possible and I even helped her when she was struggling to BF her DS.

Why is there a "glass ceiling" of a year on BFing? I even felt so bad I gave DD rice cakes instead of Milk in a cafe today. I was worried others would start judging me. I am usually so proud to still be BFing her. I am usually on here telling others to keep going!

Sorry just needed a rant - feel better now!

A "cut off point" madamez?

As in, cut off my norks to spite my face?

Cut off my norks to prevent them doing what nature intended?

"Right, Mrs E Bfeeder, it is the night before your sons first day at school. You MUST not breastfeed him after tonight. If he wants comfort, give him a bag of sweets. Tomorrow it will be WRONG WRONG WRONG"

Sorry to hear you've experienced such an ignorant comment, callme. I have to say, i'm quite good at anti-b/feeding retorts nowadays. I would have thrown it back at her (the easiest way) by saying "if you are still ignorant by the time he is 5 years old I will shoot you".

Silly bitch. (her, obv).

Bingcrosby: so how long do you think Bf should continue for? Ninebabies: dunno about this 'children lose the ability to latch at 7' thing - by the time they are 7 they would probably have worked out that you just suck on a willing nipple. It's not wildly unheard of for men to take a token suck on the nipples of their BF-in partners, so being able to do it is not rocket science.

I am genuinely interested in finding out at what point the pro-EBF people think it's either OK to stop or wierd not to stop.

keep going you know whats best for your lo

For as long as both mother and child are happy too.

As pointed out, the child will gradually wean itself. No need to 'force' anything.

madamez - 'dunno about this 'children lose the ability to latch at 7' thing' - no, obviously you don't know much about extended bf at all, so prob best to try not to offend those of us who do.

That's the kind of thing that one of my friends would say cmoc, but very much in jest, and she'd know that I'd take it that way from her. Insensitive of your friend to make this remark if she knew that you wouldn't take it as a joke. Like your later comment though - shame it went over her head!

I'm surprised tbh honest madamez. I didnt think you were one to find natural body functions and behaviours "weird". I thought you were quite liberal and open-minded.

,excuse me> having a wierd moment with this thread not letting me on to next page...

I'm not sure how natural it is to BF beyond, say, 3 years old. In a really 'natural' situation, women would probably stop BFing one child around about the 1-2 years mark simply because there would be another baby needing to BF.

Snort! You think a woman can't b/feed two children simultaneously? I think harpsi would beg to differ on that one!

I'm trying hard not to scoff, because it's not helpful, but, it is perfectly natural to b/feed a child for as long as they want to. Regular b/feeding is known to stave off ovulation. When a child slowly starts to wean itself off, or feed less - a woman can get pg again. Therefore, the demand on her milk from the older child isnt an issue, and in fact can be of some benefit for the infant that is also feeding.

It happens the world over, and has done for thousands and thousands of years.

BingCrosby, I think the very act of nursing an older baby/toddler makes you more open minded about extended breastfeeding and other women's choices.

This is the same difference between, thinking you understand parenting issues pre-baby and the real understanding of parenting issues post-children.

Your speculation is really quite wild I must say!

oh absolutely, I agree. And yes, it is quite a leap of the imagination to understand what it is like to feed a toddler/child.

That doesnt make it wrong, or unnatural, just difficult to imagine doing yourself just like giving birth and everything else involved in parenting really! How many of us thought we could squeeze something that big out of our fanjos?

No one wakes up one day and suddenly starts feeding a toddler, and I think it is important for people to recognise that before casting judgements about breastfeeding. (I'm reluctant to use the term "extended" because I really do feel that breastfeeding is breastfeeding - irrespective of how long it has been done for).

It is thought the natural age for weaning in humans is between 2 years and 7 years. I linked to this study on another recent breastfeeding thread.

On the same thread people were trying to decide is the average world age of weaning was either 4 or 6 years (either way definately older than 3 years though)

Madamez, there was a huge thread on extended breastfeeding a bit back, where common misperceptions (like your last one about only feeding 1 child at at time until the next baby comes along) were discussed and corrected. It's a really emotive topic and I don't think people realise how their incorrect assumptions - which are generally a product of our weird culture which has ishooos with bf in general - can be really offensive to extended bf-ers. I think "full term" breastfeeding is a better description. You'd be surprised how normal longer term breastfeeding is around the world. It's the UK which has screwy attitudes to it. Not very surprising, really.

I learned a great deal on that thread, and full term breastfeeding is now something that I admire and aspire to.

Agree, Bing. I'm tandem feeding, and the fact of ds1 (2.4 when ds2 was born) feeding made establishing bf for ds2 an absolute piece of piss.

I have to say I'm finding it increasingly tough as ds1 asks for milk a good 7 or 8 times a day (doesn't always get it - sometimes I distract or put him off - and I don't feed him at night any more, and he actually rarely asks at night). But I'm absolutely committed to self-weaning. Weaning him would break his little heart. I have to say I hope he's not still feeding at 5, and tbh I doubt he will be, but if he is, so be it.

I think the worldwide average is 4 years. But it may be under a wider band of 4 to 6.

I knew there was someone else, berolina

ah tandem feeding
fab in principle
fab for the children involved
tough on the nipplets
madamez you do understand that Little Britain isn't a documentary
It is just a matter of persepctive, I can see no reason to deny my children something good, that they enjoy, and that is good for them nutriionally and for their development. I especially see no reason to give it up just because of other people's messed up attitudes.
my babies, my breasts, my business.

ah yes good point bero about establishing bf, much easier if you have never stopped
fwiw I think you are doing a great thing bero and imo and ime self weaning is good for a child's self esteem, confidence and development.

my nipplets are fine, harpsi it's the emotional side that's difficult, the feeling on occasion positively beleagured, the sheer exhaustion. The endless repetition of 'can I have some mama milk please' although I've quite clearly said 'yes darling, just a moment, let me finish this first'. (I know, I should be - and am, goodness, I am) glad he#s saying please ).

x posts harpsi. Thank you that is good to hear, I need that atm, am finding it tough but so want to keep going.

Bero: if it's starting to wear you out, is that not perhaps a hint that it's time to stop?
ANd. to the rest of you EPF people, are you arguing that breastfeeding toddlers is a good supplement to a varied diet or arguing for delaying weaning onto solids? Apologies if this has been covered on some other thread 5 years ago but I don't know.