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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

I hate myself

75 replies

thelady · 13/12/2007 22:58

Someone needs to reassure me, please.

I can't give up on breastfeeding, even though pumping doesn't work, and I've not been able to get anything out for days I keep wanting to try to latch dd on. She's forgotten how, due to being bottle fed for more than 2 of her 3 weeks.

Dh has taken her and is feeding her now as I'm going to probably do something stupid. Is it worth my keeping trying, or have I really gone crazy - think I probably have?

OP posts:

tiktok · 14/12/2007 09:31

twinklingfairy, you talked about giving formula first (or not).

there is no one size fits all for this.

Sometimes, if a baby's growth and health is a real cause for concern, it's appropriate to give the formula first to ensure the baby has enough energy to then feed at the breast. The amount may need to be fine-tuned to leave 'room' for breastmilk.

At other times, it's better to feed from the breast first, to ensure max. stim. for the milk supply, and to maintain the baby's interest in the breast - this would be the approach if the baby was considered to need 'topping up' but who was still basically ok and where there is still a reasonable milk supply (in most cases like that, of course, the need to top up is at least questionable).

5goldrings4MONKEYBIRDs · 14/12/2007 10:33

how are things this morning thelady? I hope you managed to at least get a bit of sleep and are armed and ready to call one of those BF experts.

Let us know if you need to vent, moan, ask questions, find out who else has relactated or wotever...

Monkeybird

Original poster

thelady · 14/12/2007 15:37

Thanks for asking. I spoke to a lovely Welsh lady this morning who basically agreed that pumps can lie and suggested spending as much time as we can manage skin-to-skin. I have a number for a local BFC but I think her answerphone is full.

It wasn't a great night last night - dd refused to settle anywhere except my arms/tummy after her 1am feed, and as DH needed to sleep, that's what we did. We stayed in bed together other than for feeds until this afternoon when she had a nappy bomb and covered both of us.

I'm going to keep trying to latch her on when she's calm - which at the moment is generally after a feed - and enjoy the close time even if she's not actually swallowing as far as I can tell.

OP posts:

Pixiefish · 14/12/2007 15:41

I also am going through a hard time at the moment. Hoepfully we have foiund something that will help- read this thread if you want to see the things I've tried here

basically I have very little milk due to poor health and dd2 wasn't gaining weight.

I am now on domperidone (helps milk production) and have also just started using a supplementer here

Sounds like this could help you

NineUnlovelyTinselDecorations · 14/12/2007 15:54

You might like to try these suggestions thelady:

Feed every bottle feed with your top off and Frances's mouth as close to your nipple as you can get it
Every time you feed Frances with the bottle, stoke her lips with the bottle as if you were BF and don't put the bottle in, let her bring it in to her mouth with her tongue out and gaping wide
Keep trying to BF whenever possible, thinking more about closeness and making the experience nice for both of you rather than nutrition at this stage

BF didn't work out for me for a number of reasons but I kept trying to get DS to latch on for weeks with no success, until I tried the above. After a week or so of trying the above he did latch on at 8 weeks and had a BF every day for a while. (Then I had to go back into hospital and it all fell apart but I am certain we would have got there in the end if not). At 3 weekS your DD can still learn to BF but you do need to keep your supply up somehow and you will will have to work hard.

Email me any time if it would help

XmasTimeIndigestionAndWhines · 14/12/2007 15:59

thelady, where in the borders are you?

Original poster

thelady · 14/12/2007 16:02

Jedburgh.

OP posts:

OhLittleTownOfBotlehem · 14/12/2007 16:04

Thelady, this is almost exactly what happened to me, so I have no advice but lots and lots of sympathy.

DD ended up bottle-fed and I still feel terrible about it occasionally now (she's 17 months). But I did the best I could, and keep trying to tell myself that.

XmasTimeIndigestionAndWhines · 14/12/2007 16:07

I know a fantstic lactation consultant, but she works in Northumberland, our of Wooler. She does see some people on the scottish side. I'm a bf peer supporter, but I think you need someone better qualified than me!!

XmasTimeIndigestionAndWhines · 14/12/2007 16:14

Sorry that post was a little random! What I meant was I can give you her contact details, if you think it'd be any help?

TheTwelveDAISYOfChristmas · 14/12/2007 16:31

thelady, I've just seen this, and so so sorry you are feeling so bad about things .....remember that you are fighting off a wound infection as well which is bound to be making you feel worse.

I'm glad things seem a little brighter today though and that you've spoken to someone helpful.

You've had lots of good advice from tiktok et al and i hope that you can turn things around with the right support. You and your DH sound like fantastic parents, coping with what I can only imagine is a difficult carreer at the best of times; never mind with a c-section and feeding difficulties as well.

I have been on the verge of tears reading how you feel your body has failed you; i was the same with a c-section after labour failed to progress and giving up on Bfing at five weeks, and those feelings are resurfacing now I've managed to feed my DD for 6mo. Please take care of yourself and make sure these feelings don't get worse. The last thing you need is PND on top of evrything else.

sending you some virtual {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} and hoping you can access some good support locally

twinklingfairy · 14/12/2007 22:18

Thanks tiktoc, I think I was speaking from my own experience and admit that I was wrong in this case.
Hope the skin to skin helps, I always thought I should have done it anyway, it would have been a nice thing to do just for itself, really hope it helps your situation though thelady.
Also glad to here you have spoken to some helpful people and that there are so many people on he o help you through.
good luck.

Dalrymps · 14/12/2007 22:56

XmasTimeIndegestionAndWhines - are you talking about Carolyn? just that she's been helping me and she is fantastic! If you're not talking about her just ignore me

welliemum · 15/12/2007 06:12

Morning, thelady, hope you've had a better night and some sleep

XmasTimeIndigestionAndWhines · 15/12/2007 10:46

Dalrymps - yes, she's bloody fantastic isn't she?!

PrisonerCellBlockAitch · 15/12/2007 12:44

how are you feeling today, thelady?

Dalrymps · 15/12/2007 14:49

XTIAW - sure is, she's so nice and she gave me a free electric pump! Think she's on hol over xmas but maybe she can help when she's back?

Original poster

thelady · 15/12/2007 15:01

Grieving, but less desperate, Aitch - thanks for asking.

I think the last breakdown was a combination of deep disappointment and PMT (timing!) at 3 weeks post-baby. I scared both DH and myself, but hopefully I'll get over it.

DD won't take a dummy, and the only thing that comforts her is allowing her to suck at me - particularly if she's got gripes. Not particularly comfortable, and the mw looked positively shocked, but I can't see that it's going to hurt dd...? If she's satisfied after a bottle feed she settles well in my (or someone else's) arms, but if she's struggling then I will let her try to latch on - still a battle - and suck for comfort. Maybe I'm warped, but that's what she and I need at the moment.

OP posts:

MommalovesHerSpanglyXmasName · 15/12/2007 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

XmasTimeIndigestionAndWhines · 15/12/2007 18:12

She gave me a free manual pump too! Honestly, thelady, Jed to Wooler may sound like a long way, but she is so great at getting people through awful problems (and is also fantastic at helping people come to terms with not being able to bfeed for whatever reason, if it comes to it). I'd be happy for you to meet at mine as a sort of halfway (nr coldstream) if you thought it'd be any help. Or give you her phone no, I'm sure she'd be happy to talk to you about how you're feeling. Just really hoping you don't feel there's no local help.

PrisonerCellBlockAitch · 15/12/2007 18:17

warped? i think that's a lovely idea, truly. glad you're feeling a bit calmer now, it is a grieving process, i think, the whole thing. my mother assures me it gets worse when they leave home.

welliemum · 15/12/2007 19:14

I agree, the comfort sucking sounds lovely, what a great idea!

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 15/12/2007 21:17

Sucking sounds lovely. May even help to stimulate supply.

PrisonerCellBlockAitch · 15/12/2007 21:32

by the way, you've probably seen this before but i found it really helpful just to see other people bfing. by that point i knew that all i could ever aspire to was mix feeding but i still appreciated the chance to see what happened when it is working. AND the woman on the film has the Ugliest Nipples in the UNIVERSE so it's worth a peek on that score.

Original poster

thelady · 18/12/2007 13:40

XmasTimeIndigestionAndWhines: unfortunately with the CS I can't drive, and DH can't take the time off to take me anywhere as we're running a hotel.

I'm really struggling to give up, as there are still tiny bits of milk in my breasts, but DD seems to have learned that you suck and suck and suck and nothing happens at the breast - she gets miserable and just gives up. The more I read about formula the worse I feel, but I have to be realistic about relactating and I don't think I have a hope in hell of managing the time input.

I don't want DD to associate me with more frustration....

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