on the verge of giving up

[Corky]

my wife has been breastfeeding for 5 days and is suffering extreme painand some bleeding from the nipple. she has so little energy post birth that she's got the shakes. she wants to give up and i don't know what to say to her. has any one been here before and can someone offer any advice?

I have been very lucky and found it easy so i really can't offer any advice. How about contacting a breastfeeding counsellor -
this is the laleche league's 24 hour helpline
020 7242 1278
www.laleche.org.uk/
and this website has a lot of info too
www.breastfeeding.co.uk/

I really hope your wife gets some good help. It could be as simple as trying different feeding positions and making sure your baby is latched on properly.
good luck, I hope she carries on, happily!

Tracy
xx

I felt like this, pain (no bleeding though). Mears and tiktok and co will be able to offer you the best advice, but just to say that I got through it in the end. Nipple shields can help with the pain (although there are drawbacks).
Perhaps a breastfeeding counsellor, to check the positioning. Are you able to look after her totally, provide all meals, etc? Extra sleep will help, if you are able to look after the baby.
I'll try and think of something else, in the meantime, I hope someone else can offer advice. Let us know how you get on.

Corky, do you have some time to do a search on mumsnet over past threads as it packed full of useful info?
I can SO sympathise.
I felt exactly like this for about seven weeks with my first baby and eventually was so relieved to abandon breastfeeding in favour of formula .
Ditto number two, only sooner!
Now , with baby #3 I for some unknown reason (bloodymindedness plus support from midwives and mumsnet!) I persevered through the disconfort and after about ten weeks it stopped being painful and I discovered BF could indeed be the source of great joy! (I previously thought this wasa big dirty lie)
I am like a reformed smoker .
Despite all this I do not feel guilty about my lack of breastfeeding success with the first two
So I really understand what your wife is going through. If she gets decides enough is enough , so be it. She has given her baby a great start in life by breastfeeding for the first few days.
If she still wants to persevere there is loads of support out there . If she is experiencing pain and bleeding she probably needs some expert advice regards positioning of the baby on the nipple. People kept telling me bf is not supposed to hurt, but it bloody well did for the first ten weeks! Now it does not hurt at all, and yes, I even enjoy it
Good luck and keep posting.

I'm going to try giving my dd a bottle of SMA Gold, but what if she won't take it, I'm at my wits end and can't breastfeed as it is too painful and bleeding. She hasn't been fed since 8pm now.

ok thanks all - this is corky's husband again - we have used some SMA gold and our dd has calmed down now. Interestingly she has't fallen asleep like she used to on the breast but she is content never the less. How do we get her to sleep from there? We are seeing a mid wife tomorrow - but to be quite honest the releif I have seen in my wife and the fear I saw in her eyes before we tried this, I will be on her side if the mid wife puts too much pressure on us. Some things just are not meant to be I guess, and 10 weeks of pain like my wife has felt must have been like torture - surely she doesn't have to go through that.

I hope you've been able to speak to someone by now, Corky/Corky's DH, as there are lots of things that could help. I've been there as well and it is bl%dy agony, I agree. I got through by using nipple shields for a few days but as Droile says, they can have drawbacks.

NCT also has a breastfeeding line, 0870 444 8708 which costs you nothing except the price of the phone call. They will support you whatever your decision.

Have you tried drinking Complan to boost your own energy? It's fairly yukky but comes in different flavours and if you take it between meals can give you enough energy to keep going. Also, if it's possible to stay in bed and rest, then I think that's a must. Sometimes we expect far too much from new mums, I reckon. Do let us know how things are going. Best wishes.

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Am still hanging in there. She took most of the bottle and apart from a nappy change has slept since (meant I was also able to get 2 hours). Felt more comfortable and enjoyed giving her the bottle and think my husband would quite like to be able to help with feeding. Trouble is my breasts are now like rocks and agony - how do I ease this pain?

Corky, I sympathise totally. I found feeding both of my babies very painful initially. I had advice from a breastfeeding counsellor which really helped - I knew that ds (and later dd) was latching on correctly, so the pain wasn't caused by anything I was doing wrong. The books which say that, done correctly, breastfeeding shouldn't be painful are LYING. For some of us it just hurts - does improve later, though, I promise.

Have you expressed any milk? I used a Medela electric breastpump (recommended by my NCT teacher) and found pumping less painful than feeding the baby. With dd (my 2nd baby) I mixed feeding and giving a bottle of expressed milk for a while in the early days to try and give my nipples a chance to heal up a bit (and to give dh a chance to bond with his daughter ). It's not an ideal solution, but it worked for us, and meant that I was able to get through the initial painful weeks and carry on breastfeeding dd.

Having been through the early weeks of breastfeeding twice I wouldn't blame anyone who gave up because of the pain - I'm sure it's only because I'm so stubborn that I got through it with ds. It was worth it in the end, though, and it does get better.

Azzie, I've got the same pump but haven't used it yet, breasts are so sore (cracked and full of milk) now that am scared it will be agony. I did have a counsellor round to check my positioning for breastfeeding and I too thought I had it sussed particularly on one side (found right side very difficult to get her to latch on) so why the pain still?

SueW - ok will try the bath and the pump - was managing the tum-to-tum position and using a pillow to help my arms. Left side used to hurt less than right, but that has gone as bad as the other side now. I know I'll probably get stick from the midwife but feel deep down that breastfeeding may not have been for me - am not enjoying it or relaxing and this doesn't help with my sheer exhaustion.

Corky

Sometimes I used to express milk in the bath, as they start leaking themselves. You only need take off a little to relieve the pressure. It will be a lot less painful than a baby sucking on a bleeding nipple, and you only need to take off enough for you to feel better.

If it makes you feel better I am not breastfeeding DD, tiredness is the reason, and at w/e my husband can do feeds, thus letting me rest.

It sounds like you and your husband are united in your view of feeding, this is important, and I am glad he is backing you and being so concerned. He only wants the best for you.

Let us know how you get on, best of luck tackling your midwife!

Hi all, corky's DH here. We are now inthe situation where our dd has not woken up since 2am after the bottle feed. This is the longest she has ever slept. I'm not sure what to make of it - shall we wake her up for the next feed or let her wake naturally?

Personally, I'd let her wake naturally. Give yourselves a break.

I fought with bf with both my DSs - I know it shouldn't hurt but it b*** well did! Even 2nd time round when I was an Experienced Breastfeeder. I fed DS1 for 12 months, DS2 for 14. It does become easy peasy - far simpler than mixing milk, steralising bottles & teats, warming milk... Of course, it's not right for everyone.

My thoughts:
Don't give up! You (your DW) CAN get through this if it's what you really want to do. You do need a certain amount of stubbornness

Nipple shields are great for short term relief - the emphasis being on short term. It takes the edge of any pain but can cause problems with stimulation of milk supply (I think), doesn't correct any underlying positioning problems and the baby can grow to like them and refuse to feed without them. They're like litle silicon sombreros! Had to send my DH out for these - he was most embarrassed!

Breast shells are great for keeping your bra away from tender nipples and allowing some air to circulate.

Kamillosan Cream can help heal sore nipples and does not need to be wiped off before feeding (apply it after feeding). Expressing some milk onto the nipple and letting them "air dry" can help too.

Learn to feed lying down - I managed to go to sleep whilst feeding both my DSs. Put a towel underneath you both as I did, on occasion, wake up to a flood where DS2 had kept sucking enough to keep the flow going but wasn't actually feeding.

Expressing does relieve the rock hard feeling. If your DW can't bear the thought of a pump, draping a warm flannel over the breast and gently massaging it whilst bent over a bowl will help.

Do give the NCT number a call - they're all very helpful and very well trained.

Good luck - it does get better. I can remember a number of occasions I wanted to give up but I'm so glad I stuck with it. I think I only had realy bad pain for a couple of weeks at the most.

Corky (and DH)
Really do feel for you - I well remember the agony, but if you want to perservere, it does get better. But if you want to give up - don't feel guilty. A happy bottlefeeding mother is far better than a grumpy and in pain bf mother.
I found that expressing ( with a machine) was so much less painful than bf. For the first few days this was all I did. It meant that my supply kept up so I could bf when it stopped being agony. Don't worry about so called "nipple confusion" either IME in doesn't happen.

For the pain - Savoy cabbage leaves straight from the fridge inside your bra - one old wives tale that does work.
On sleeping - let her sleep for now. I am a big GF fan, but not straight away. I did wake dd up every three hours during the day for a feed, but let her sleep as much as she wanted at night.
Good luck with whatever choice you make. I promise that things will feel so much better soon.

I'll ad to this one as I remember those early days well. I was in such pain from cracked and bleeding nipples after just 3 days thatit was agony. A midwife suggested nipple shields and they really helped, it meant my dd was not 'chewing' on a cracked nipple!! I used these for a maximum of about 10 days in all, I used them every feed for a day or so, and then every other feed and slowly stopped. Also expressing did help remove some of the engorged agony. Savoy cabbage leaves (straight form teh fridge) also helped this pain.

You don't have to suffer for 10 weeks, I think by about 3 weeks things were OK. I do remember being so scared the baby would need feeding as I knew it would be painful! Sitting there trying to feed with tears running down my face was not a great early memory! As everyone says it does get better, eventually, but it is up to you how much you can take. I planned to mix feed anyway, so expressing milk was fine for me and I didn't have the thing about not introducing a bottle. I know the reason everyone says don't use nipple sheilds or give a bottle as it causes nipple confusion, I never found this, my dd would be happy with the breast and happy with the bottle or with a nipple sheild.

Please relax (have that bath, that really helps!) and decide how important breast feeding is to YOU. For me it was important as I hadn't been able to feed my first (she was prem) and so I wanted to give this a good shot. Then take it 1 day at a time. I told myself that if things hadn't got better by 2 weeks I would give up, then this extended to a month, and finally I fed until about 8 months!

Good luck, you'll get loads of great advice here, and do ask the midwife to visit and give you some help.

Prufrock I must have been writing as you were posting! Our thoughts seem to agree

I used Camillosan to ease the pain - smear it on after bfeeding (also good for nappy rash!) and put tea strainers in bra to protect healing flesh (Avent mercifully now do shells which do the same job without you having to poke your eye out with the teastrainer handle). I had mastitis 3 times as well as cracked/bleeding nipples, and went on to breastfeed dd for nearly 2 years. needless to say nipples are like leather now - but I'm very glad I persisted. good luck whatever you decide to do.

oh and eat lots of nice things like chocolate and kettle chips (if you're anything like me!)

I too had lots of pain in the first few weeks while feeding ds, cringing everytime he latched on. I used nipple spray from boots which worked and lots of sheer determination that I was going to do this. It only lasted a couple of weeks and all was ok again and went on to feed until ds was approaching two when I then started feeding our new dd. This time round I have only had a small amount of pain, but was ready for it all over again.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do but if you decide to keep bfing then you may just need to grit your teeth for a short while, then believe me it gets better and easier.

Kamillosan also sorted out my son's excema patches!

corky - i was in absolute agony around day 3 onwards, i had stabbing pains that would sometimes make me scream out loud! What i wanted you say to you is that it disappeared overnight (i think about 3 weeks) and i was so glad that i had poresisted because after that i had monbths of hassle free breast feeding. As people have already mentioned the 2 best tips i had were (1) using a pump just to get rid of some of the excess milk and take the pressure of your poor boobs! and (2) cabbage leaves - a big soother! let them get as cold as poss either in the fridge or freezer and swap over regularly. As i said i was glad i persisted but i don't think anyone should risk their own sanity / health or marriage for it!!! Good luck

p/s for what it's worth my opinion is - if your baby is having a good long sleep let him/her and use the time yourself for rest of a bit of time with your lovely sounding dh!

wow, Soupdragon, Kamillosan is obviously some kind of magic potion