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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Feeling like I have failed my son

33 replies

Lemonsandlemonade · 01/09/2021 20:27

My lovely son was weighed today by the health visitor. He is 13 weeks.

He has dropped to the 9th centile for weight and 2nd for height. He was on 25th centile for both.

He is EBF but is on Gavisgon for reflux. He does still sick up a fair bit but nothing like he was. Recently though he does appear to be in pain a bit more after a feed.

I feel like I’m failing as although he has gained it’s not good enough I have failed him.

HV said to wake him up for a night feed but want to avoid at all costs.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 01/09/2021 20:29

You can probably feed him while he's sleeping when you go to bed.
Can you ask for omeprazole for the reflux?

shouldistop · 01/09/2021 20:30

You haven't failed him. You'll look back on this in a year and it won't matter anymore Thanks

Original poster
Lemonsandlemonade · 01/09/2021 20:30

Dr wouldn’t give omeprazole at all I did try.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 01/09/2021 20:31

Have you asked again since his latest weigh in?

Danikm151 · 01/09/2021 20:32

Have you tried carobel. That can help keep the milk down.
My Drs needed approval from paediatrician for omeprazole. Ask for a referral?

FishfingerFlinger · 01/09/2021 20:35

Oh you haven’t failed him! I beat myself up so much over the problems I had feeding my first DC, who was dropping centile after centile and had to be referred to hospital for ‘failure to thrive’. He’s now a very healthy happy 7 year old (still thin as a rake though!) and I wish I hadn’t given myself such a hard time.

shouldistop · 01/09/2021 20:36

@Danikm151 can carobel not only be used in a bottle?

Original poster
Lemonsandlemonade · 02/09/2021 03:03

My doctor is useless the only success I have ever had is with the locum. It’s a rural doctors so there is literally one FT Dr and one part time one. My doctor is rude and condescending and is known in the area as Dr Death.

I am feeling so so low tonight. I am such a failure

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 02/09/2021 03:08

His height and weight are on close percentiles. So he's just right!

He will grow at his own speed. If he was hungry you would know!

He's sleeping through at 13 weeks! That's very lucky!

Don't wake him! If he was hungry he would wake and cry and you would know about it.

He's growing, height weight in line. Assume cheerful etc.

Stop worrying!

NiceGerbil · 02/09/2021 03:09

You need health visitor not sure why seeing doc.

HV are the ones in the know.

NiceGerbil · 02/09/2021 03:11

Oh sorry misread!

Ignore second post.

Foxhasbigsocks · 02/09/2021 03:27

Op I’m sending you some Flowers and a virtual hug in case you want one.

I see a lovely mum who I’m sure is giving her son an amazing start, with plenty of love and trying really hard with ebf. I did it too and I know it isn’t always easy. You’ve done amazingly to ebf for this long already in my eyes.

I’m not a hcp but I would recommend getting some rl support with bf from a bf drop in if any are running near you or on the phone - the la leche league helpline is very good.

I know you say you don’t want to feed at night and completely understand why but I would follow hv advice on that. It doesn’t mean he won’t sleep through in future.

Have you been given any other help on increasing milk intake eg lots of time feeding skin to skin, offering even when baby doesn’t ask, doing breast compressions when you feed - iirc can increase milk transfer by up to a third? You might want to google them - I think Kellymom covers them and that’s a good evidence based site on bf run by a lactation consultant who is a la leche league leader

Original poster
Lemonsandlemonade · 02/09/2021 04:32

Thanks for the support and advice. Just feel like I’ve lost my confidence.

Ds is awake chirping away and laughing in his cot. I don’t believe he is hungry but now have no faith in my own ability.

He is now crying like mad

OP posts:
Clymene · 02/09/2021 05:15

If he's crying like mad, try feeding him?

Original poster
Lemonsandlemonade · 02/09/2021 05:51

@Clymene I put him on me ready to feed and he fell back to sleep until 5.50. He is now having a feed.

OP posts:
Clymene · 02/09/2021 06:09

[quote Lemonsandlemonade]@Clymene I put him on me ready to feed and he fell back to sleep until 5.50. He is now having a feed.[/quote]
Smile sounds like you're doing just fine

Amammai · 02/09/2021 06:15

They are funny creatures at this age too- feeding lots one day and litle the next. If he’s weeing fine, seems content and settled between feeds and you are feeding on demand then you’re doing the very best you can. Growth lines are all about averages. Lots of babies will dip from their line and lots will go above. Try not to worry and seek support from HV or friends to reassure you

FTEngineerM · 02/09/2021 06:17

Are there any other signs of an intolerance/allergy?

careerchangeperhaps · 02/09/2021 06:22

My DD was EBF. She was born on 50th centile (for weight - they didn't measure length) and had dropped to the 9th by the time she was around 8 weeks. She is now 10 years old and is just below the 9th for height and weight.
Some children are just meant to be small. In our case, we have several members of the family on both sides that are short (around 5'2" for the women and 5'6" for the men) so genetically there was a good chance she'd be small. She was a contented baby - she was quite sicky but was generally happy and slept through the night (10-6) by 14 weeks, which told me she was doing ok and wasn't starving!
You'll know if your baby is doing ok or is hungry and needs supplementing with extra or formula feeds. Trust your gut feeling and don't be bullied by the HV. There was a mum I used to see at baby clinic whose DD was tiny like mine and had dropped centiles since birth. Her HV persuaded her to stop BF and put the baby on formula by 4 months or so. She still stayed on the low centile line as she didn't take much milk as she just wasn't a hungry baby. The lady was so upset that she gave up BF for nothing really.

Joevanswell · 02/09/2021 06:22

Relax and well done on breastfeeding it’s not easy. I went through the same with my ds. He is now a teenager and taller than me. It’s really hard when they are so little and people don’t tell you that. He is happy so he may just not be a big eater. I tried a dream feed last thing at night on the suggestion of the hv. My little one was born on 75 per cent pike. And by one year was on 9, hv was worried and spent an day to see what I was doing wrong … nothing he was just too interested in world around him to eat much. He is the same now but will eat stacks when he is going through a growth spurt.

shouldistop · 02/09/2021 06:35

You are not a failure! How are you feeling most of the time op? Is this the first time you've felt down?

supersuds · 02/09/2021 06:44

Oh bless you ! I know the cycle of baby weighing hell. DD ended up seeing a consultant as she was on 9th percentile and would put weight on them loose it or stay the same. Consultant was very much "she's fine", HVs and midwifes are obsessed with weight - for good reason as it is an easy thing to measure - but as long as it's generally trending upward that's fine, and with reflux you have a really good reason why it's harder.

Can you weigh her less often my DD was weighed every week for a year, in hindsight this wasn't helpful. She is now 7 and whilst petite (like my side of the family) is totally fine. DC3 was weighed twice in a year.

Original poster
Lemonsandlemonade · 02/09/2021 19:12

Thanks for all your kind words.

I have swapped from 3 hourly feeds to 2.5 hourly to try and get weight up.

@shoudistop first time I have felt like this since we first had him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lemonsandlemonade · 02/09/2021 19:13

@supersuds usually weighed monthly I asked for this weigh in as I wasn’t wholly convinced that he was gaining.

OP posts:
Foxhasbigsocks · 02/09/2021 19:24

I know this will sound like weird advice but keep offering - at least every two hours will be really helpful if he needs to take on extra milk. A brilliant bf expert told me to think of it as offering a guest a cup of tea and a biscuit - you don’t need to wait for him to ask Flowers

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