Feeling like I have failed my son

[Lemonsandlemonade]

My lovely son was weighed today by the health visitor. He is 13 weeks.

He has dropped to the 9th centile for weight and 2nd for height. He was on 25th centile for both.

He is EBF but is on Gavisgon for reflux. He does still sick up a fair bit but nothing like he was. Recently though he does appear to be in pain a bit more after a feed.

I feel like I’m failing as although he has gained it’s not good enough I have failed him.

HV said to wake him up for a night feed but want to avoid at all costs.

shoudistop first time I have felt like this since we first had him.

Do you feel any better today?

Hey OP, my son’s dr said his weight gain was a little low at around the 4 month mark. He was exclusively breastfed too. He suggested trying formula or expressed breastmilk top up after feed but it wasn’t the ´you must absolutely supplement now’ just a suggestion. I had been told in hospital to feed from one side per feed (not in UK) and only offer the 2nd breast if baby still seemed hungry after unlatching. (And swap breasts next feed) I think the logic is that the longer time spent sucking on each side helps to increase supply when they are newborns. So what I actually did when DSs weight gain slowed was start systematically offering the 2nd breast at every feed. You can also then go back to the 1st breast during the same feed. I organized an extra weighing with the HV and this solved the problem for us.

25th to 9th centile is fine - that's one centile.
Few babies are totally average - they move up and down by a couple of centiles.

If you are worried about weight gain, offer more feeds and offer more sides per feed - when he finishes the second side go back to the first.

Most 13 week olds need to feed twice in the night, so if you are trying to get him to go through the night without a feed I would start offering one. Definitely feed in the night if he wakes and roots or cries.

Breaks my heart you think you've failed

You are a strong mum, I know because I EBF and I know how hard it is. I was so worried about my daughters weight in the first three months because she dropped from the 50th percentile to the 9th but everyone thought I was worrying for nothing (Partner, mum, HV, GP) but then we ended up in hospital with what we now believe to have been a UTI. After two weeks of antibiotics she suddenly started gaining weight like crazy and she's back up to the 50th now at 6 months.

It could be a coincidence, but I don't think so.

You are NOT a failure. What you're doing for your child is bloody hard work.

Have you had a specialist look at your baby's latch? There is a lactation consultant I follow on Facebook called Lucy Ruddle, I know she does online consultations she could really help you. Or if you prefer face to face there will be lactation a consultants local to you.

My son went down centilles between 9-20 weeks. ( from 75th to 25th) He was always happy and active. I didn't really notice as he was such a happy baby until I suddenly thought he's not chubby any more. I think he was too busy to feed for long enough, and was not getting enough hind milk.
I started having to feed him in quiet places and consciously keep him feeding for longer. He then went back up to 50th and stayed there. It will be ok and you aren't a failure.

My 4 children generally went only 1.5 hours between feeds. Feed on demand when breastfeeding, not to a schedule. You can't overfeed a breastfed baby. I can't recommend kellymom.com enough for breastfeeding information. The trouble is there isn't enough folk knowledge in the UK about how breasfeeding works. It's not your fault at all!

He sounds like a contented chap and you are doing fine.

Thank you all for your kind words.

I am trying to feed more but in general he isn’t as keen.

He is such a busy bee that’s the problem he is constantly doing something.

Also HV said that the reason he is so small is coz he isn’t putting on enough weight.

This has made me feel bad.