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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Formula shaming

47 replies

mabel12345 · 30/08/2021 14:17

My breastfeeding journey was hard from the beginning, I couldn’t feed my baby after birth for at least an hour as I had to go to theatre to have a manual removal of placenta, she also had jaundice and was very sleepy, additionally a tongue tie so she wouldn’t feed effectively and wasn’t gaining any weight. Because of that my milk supply never reached high enough levels so now at 12 weeks I’m really struggling to get on the right tracks but it’s just not working out. I’ve tried everything - I’m pumping every 2 hours, drinking lactation hot chocolate and teas, putting baby on the breast constantly, hired hospital grade pump, considering medicine to increase my milk supply but I don’t think I will ever make enough milk for my baby 😢 we’re toping her up with formula but she cries every time she finished the bottle like she wants some more. I hate the idea of her being hungry, I’m considering moving on to formula 100% but I can’t imagine not breastfeeding her in the morning 😔 I’m also scared of other mums judging me and my baby not getting all the “good stuff”. I think I just want someone to tell me that it’s ok to formula feed which I know ! It’s just the transition that I’m scared off and the fact that my milk will totally dry up…

OP posts:

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 30/08/2021 14:29

I breastfed DS2 for more than 2 years. He’s 28 now and it’s Not.A.Thing.
Feed your baby formula and don’t look back x

SukonthaM · 30/08/2021 14:34

I’d move onto formula if I were you. You’ve given it a good go and you’ve made it to 3 months. It sounds like it’s just causing you a lot of stress. I bf my first 2 and ff my second due to a tongue tie, there’s no difference between them

GiantCheeseMonster · 30/08/2021 14:36

Moving on to formula is absolutely fine. It really is. However, if bf is important to you, have you had real-life input from a lactation consultant? Have they watched you feed?

anotherexhaustedpigeon · 30/08/2021 14:37

Hi @mabel12345 I really, really sympathise. I went through very similar with my first born. I gave her formula at 6 months, but we combi-fed until 15 months. You don't have to switch completely, you don't have to keep breastfeeding at all. You might find that once you are able to relax a bit (and not be pumping/feeding/thinking about feeding 24/7) that your supply picks up and doesn't drop off at all as you feared. By 12 weeks it's pretty well established.

You could (if you haven't already) try offering the breast again after she's finished her bottle and just keep alternating.

Whatever you decide, there's no shame AT ALL in doing your best

Florasteddy · 30/08/2021 14:38

It's OK to formula feed

Asiama · 30/08/2021 14:38

OP, you can move to formula, your baby will be absolutely fine!

If you genuinely don't want to stop bf (rather wanting to carry on because you feel obliged to) you could also have a look into combination feeding.

vodkaredbullgirl · 30/08/2021 14:41

Nothing wrong with FF, you have done well to get to 12 weeks. I did the same with my 2nd dd, change on to ff at 12 weeks.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/08/2021 14:43

If you want to stop then it’s absolutely okay to stop

If you like breastfeeding and want to carry on doing a feed or more a day then do that.

Whatever works for you is okay. Pumping is a right royal faff, have you tried a hands free hakaa? You might get a bit from one breast while feeding from the other. I had a huge supply but after the first few weeks could barely pump a drop and found the hakaa much more useful.

Was also going to ask if you’ve had someone watch you feed. I think support is even patchier at the moment than it used to but a friend has had face to face support from a lactation consultant recently so it is there if you can access it.

You’re doing an amazing job. If breastfeeding is something you’re not ready to end yet then get her on as often as you like and top up with formula as you need.

On the one hand it doesn’t matter what your baby is on as long as she’s thriving but on the other, many women regret stopping bf before they were ready to because they didn’t get the support they needed so it’s worth exploring all available avenues - if that’s watt you want to do.

GintyMcGinty · 30/08/2021 14:45

The vast majority of mums use formula either as a mix with breastfeeding or just give formula.

By 6 weeks old 75% are using some formula
By 6 months 99% are using some formula

You are not going to be shamed by doing something that nearly everyone else does.

But if you like breastfeeding why not carry on combi feeding. You said you liked breastfeeding in the mornings? You can do that and give formula the rest of the day.

Or you can move to formula. There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving formula.

Megan2018 · 30/08/2021 14:45

What makes you think you can’t make enough milk?
I couldn’t express a drop (didn’t leak a drop either, no pads needed) but could still feed my baby.

But there’s more to life than how you feed your baby. It really isn’t important in the grand scheme of things. No-one will care. Most babies in this country are FF.
I’m the one getting judgement for still BF at 2 as people seem to think it’s weird.

Duploisthebest · 30/08/2021 14:48

First off, well done you for making it to 12 weeks, particularly as it's been such a difficult journey.
If you want to keep breastfeeding then it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Lots of people manage to mix feed really successfully if that's something you want to do but if not then moving fully to formula is fine. Lucy Ruddle IBCLC has just released a book on mixed feeding. I've not read it but I've heard it's good.
Some mums also use at breast supplemental nursing systems which can help because baby is still getting the formula but it's also helping your milk supply as baby is still suckling at the breast.
Have you had input from a lactation consultant at all?

Crazycatlady83 · 30/08/2021 14:49

It's ok to formula feed!

I understand the worry about being judged, when feeding mine, I did find people would often explain to me why they didn't breastfeed. But honestly, it's absolutely no one else's business! I was just trying to survive to worry about what anyone else was doing!!

Good luck - do what is right for you!

Kylereese · 30/08/2021 14:50

12 weeks is an amazing achievement with those issue you describe. My journey was typical I lasted 3 days I couldn’t stand the feeling of her on me! Move to formula and don’t worry about it I never felt judged.

RussianSpy101 · 30/08/2021 14:51

You have done so well to get this far and you’ve tried so hard. The most important thing is that your baby is fed so please don’t beat yourself up about it.
You could still offer her a breastfeed in a morning and give her a bottle after. Or, start with a breastfeed, then give her to dad while you have a shower and breakfast ready to start your day.
Youve done amazing. Formula is absolutely fine.

dannydyerismydad · 30/08/2021 14:54

Congratulations! It sounds like you've had a difficult birth and recovery, but it's time to enjoy your baby now.

Being a mum is all about supporting your child with their decisions and following your instincts. You don't need anyone's permission to feed your baby with breast or bottle. You can make the switch to formula or you can combi feed if you wish.

If switching to formula though, try to do this gradually to let your supply adjust down so that you avoid mastitis.

In feeding, as in all things you'll find what works for you. It doesn't matter how other people parent - parent your way and do your best. You're doing better than you think.

PepsiHoover · 30/08/2021 14:55

One of the hardest things about parenting is that there is no one there beside you telling you what a good job you're doing (apart from DH who is as equally clueless!). But there are plenty of people who want to tell you what they would do (usually differently!). It took me until I had my second baby to get my confidence as a mother in doing what I thought was best.

Formula feeding is fine. I formula fed both of mine.

Willthewashingeverend · 30/08/2021 15:22

Well done for making it this far OP! You have done an amazing job keeping going through all of the hurdles you've had. Of course its ok to formula feed! I think from the amount of effort you have put in and from what you have written in your post, its not what you want to do though. Why don't you mix feed? Offer breastmilk first thing in the morning and whenever convenient but regular formula? You then get the best of both worlds. But if you want to stop completely then do so!

Justgettingbye · 30/08/2021 15:46

With mine I stopped after 3 days. With my first I felt tremendous guilt and sadness but worked through it. My second I felt no guilt whatsoever.

Formula is absolutely fine, this is such a small part of childhood

mistermagpie · 30/08/2021 15:54

I've bottle fed three babies for the most part and never experienced any shaming at all, ever.

Now, people may have been judging me on the inside or slagging me off behind my back or whatever but nobody ever said anything to my face. And who really cares what strangers say behind your back?

Formula feeding is pretty normal to be honest, nobody bats an eyelid. Also, with my first I mainly expressed and the therefore what was in his bottle was breastmilk anyway, and that could be the case for any bottle.

Do what's best for you and your baby, not what makes other people feel better.

FloatOn · 30/08/2021 15:59

There is no shame in bottle feeding, my ds was two weeks early and a very traumatic birth, I was in hospital for a week after he was born and the MW pressured me into trying to breastfeed but he was just too sleepy and I was exhausted, it was awful, eventually an auxiliary sneaked me some formula and my ds perked up.
I had a dd 2 years later and was ready to argue about my choice to bottle feed, but after a planned cs she came out ready to munch! And was bf up to 6 mths with occasional formula.

Parenting is bloody difficult, ignore anyone who judges your choices, if mixed feeding or formula works better for you and your family do it, its your choice.

Ducksurprise · 30/08/2021 16:03

If you don't want to give up the morning one don't, even if it's just suckling for bonding and comfort, if you want to give a bottle then offer a boob that's fine as well. If you don't want to for any reason that is also completely fine as well. Having a baby is overwhelming, it's only looking back you realise that the things you agonised over really weren't an issue. This can only be done OK hindsight so just trust us, you just need to do what works for you.

ShowOfHands · 30/08/2021 16:13

@GintyMcGinty is that true about 99% of mothers having given formula at 6 months? I've had a quick Google but can't find anything definitive.

I know only 1% exclusively bfeed at 6 months but I assumed that was because many people have introduced some food at that point. I hadn't read it as 1% have never given formula.

Sorry to derail op. You've done a BRILLIANT job. I promise. Do what is best for your family, there is no right or wrong. Any judgement is at the fault of others.

Original poster

mabel12345 · 30/08/2021 17:08

Thank you for your support everyone ! It means a world to me !
To answer some questions, I’ve seen a tongue tie expert and lactation consultant (Lucy Webber - only online as she’s down south and I’m north where we don’t have that many IBCLC). I was also in touch with La Leche League leaders and obviously infant feeding team and HV. They all seem to say “great job, keep doing what your doing” which I appreciate but want to see the light in the tunnel.
@Duploisthebest i’ve tried supplementary nursing system and I’m still occasionally using it - it’s brilliant! (Although very fiddly).

Some days I feel like “I don’t care” and I’m happy to put her on the formula but then she’s on my breast and I feel like I’m going to do everything to keep that going !
The life of mother 🙃

OP posts:

GintyMcGinty · 30/08/2021 17:17

[quote ShowOfHands]@GintyMcGinty is that true about 99% of mothers having given formula at 6 months? I've had a quick Google but can't find anything definitive.

I know only 1% exclusively bfeed at 6 months but I assumed that was because many people have introduced some food at that point. I hadn't read it as 1% have never given formula.

Sorry to derail op. You've done a BRILLIANT job. I promise. Do what is best for your family, there is no right or wrong. Any judgement is at the fault of others.[/quote]
@ShowOfHands

This report from from UNICEF uses statistics that are 10 years old for England, NI and Wales and 3 years old for Scotland. The stats aren't current but there is nothing to suggest the
www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/

It has exclusive breastfeeding at 1% after 6 months. 34% are still doing some breastfeeding at 6 months. Therefore 99% have introduced formula and 64% are doing exclusive formula.

This story from the BBC which is based on a report in the Lancet in 2016 suggests things have not improved.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-35438049

ShowOfHands · 30/08/2021 17:54

@GintyMcGinty I've just trawled through the 2005 report for clarification and it confirms that the 1% of people exclusively bfing are those who have given only breastmilk and the 99% comprises all other feeding choices including those who have introduced formula and those who have never given formula but have introduced solids. It states that 92% of mothers give formula at some point and, obviously, 8% never give formula. I was just curious as I couldn't remember it being 1% but did know I'd heard the figure during some training I did a zillion years ago.

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