Page 2 | Formula shaming

Angliski · 30/08/2021 22:46

Dee bell was my lactation consultant. She’s got a great in-line course. I do recommend seeing someone in person or live online if you can. X
www.birthbabyandyou.co.uk/breastfeeding-support/

Ps I mixed fed till 9 months when baby self weaned. DH fed both breast and formula to baby and this took 50% of feeds, happy days. Hope that helps x

Bitofachinwag · 30/08/2021 22:51

I don't think need to worry about what other mums are thinking. Most are formula feeding at that age.
Is your baby gaining weight?

41sunnydays · 30/08/2021 23:11

It's absolutely ok to formula or breast feed.

My baby was breastfeed but we had lots of problems including tied tongue and was almost completely bottle fed at 8-12 weeks, he slowly dropped bottles once I relaxed and eventually by 6 months was back to 100 breastfeeding

WithLargeTableMouse · 30/08/2021 23:59

Op there’s nothing wrong at all with formula. Breastfeeding is really really hard going even without the added complications of poorly babies, tongue ties and all the medical complications you had.
My MIL had 4 children, she breastfed the first 3 for 6 months minimum but had mastitis for number 4 so he only got 6 weeks. He’s the tallest, slimmest, healthiest and most normal of the lot of em.
There’s pros and cons to both breastfeeding and formula feeding but being well fed with a happy mother is best of all for your baby.

Newmum29 · 31/08/2021 00:06

I fully formula fed from 11 weeks, no one judged me as much as myself and most people didn’t even blink when they realised I wasn’t breastfeeding. We’re both happier as a result.

Cbd333 · 31/08/2021 00:22

@Newmum29

I fully formula fed from 11 weeks, no one judged me as much as myself and most people didn’t even blink when they realised I wasn’t breastfeeding. We’re both happier as a result.

100% this.

I beat myself up SO much with DD1. I cried so much when I used to express (no latch and no hospital / community support) and it was only when my mum said I was spending so much time expressing and feeling guilty that I could be spending with my daughter that a lightbulb went on and I moved to formula. I now have a happy and thriving 3.5yr old who looks no different to her breast-fed friends!

This time I'm combi-feeding formula and expressed milk and it works for us. I pump morning and night, one or two times during the day as and when I feel I need to. DH gets to feed DD2, to me it's the best of both worlds. I was desperate to exclusively breast-feed both it didn't work and what we've chosen to do does.

In short, Happy mum, Happy baby. You're doing brilliantly and if you want to keep the morning bf then do it. Your baby just wants to be fed and loved and it sounds like you're nailing it on both counts

tickledtiger · 31/08/2021 07:28

It’s ok to formula feed. Any good mum just wants to make sure her baby is FED.

I love breastfeeding but honestly don’t think anything negative about FF. You don’t need to justify your choice or reasons to anyone.

freshFortunes · 31/08/2021 07:44

I formula fed from the beginning because quite frankly I couldn't be arsed with the hassle of breast feeding.

Breast feeding advice from my midwives during pregnancy was non existent and I didn't realise I was supposed to wake the baby every 2 hours to try and feed so the first night we both slept through the night in hospital as I was pretty out of it on morphine. No one came to say anything or check she had fed until discharge. It was shocking. So, when they said she needed to feed before we could leave I just gave her a bottle and she has been FF ever since. I will not feel guilty about it.

It is quick, it is easy, it is convenient, her dad and grandparents can feed her. But above all else, she is happy and thriving. That is all that matters. Do not beat yourself up or let others shame you for formula feeding. Be grateful we are in a position where this is an option to help baby and you thrive

Greentomatoes21 · 31/08/2021 10:02

Hey! I breastfed initially and really struggled with similar issues to you. I switched to formula feeding and never looked back. More importantly, I never experienced any 'formula shaming' whatsoever. People were always great about it (not that it would have mattered if they weren't). My biggest critic was...myself! Go for it - feed baby however you want. Enjoy your babe! X

UUomo · 02/09/2021 13:28

You worked really hard to bf and I am sorry it did not work out as you wished. The benefits of bfeeding are rather marginal when clean water and proper hygiene is available, so it all boils down to preference and what works for you and your child.

Nobody has the right to judge you for feeding your baby with appropriate food! Enjoy your baby :)

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/09/2021 13:33

By the time they're teens it won't matter what you fed them, they'll be living off all sorts of crap from the corner shop on the way to school!

Ds was 8 weeks premature and pretty ill, he was formula fed after me expressing for the first 3 weeks. He is now an adult and 6 ft 4 and strong as an ox . I'd say formula is pretty good stuff

Itsbeen84yearss · 02/09/2021 13:43

I went through hell with my first. Tried everything including a lactation consultant and domperidone. Found out I had insufficient glandular tissue in the end. I had to give formula otherwise my baby would have died on the amount I was producing. That said I carried on until she refused the breast altogether which I think was about 3-4 months. I cried, I grieved, I felt ashamed in John Lewis feeding rooms, I envied other mums. It was really ridiculous now with hindsight and I was my own worst enemy. With my second, she got a bit of boob but mostly formula and I barely gave it a thought. I was much happier and able to enjoy my baby. Don’t let all that breastfeeding/ formula guilt ruin your time with your baby, it really is ok to ff

BeginningBridge · 02/09/2021 14:12

I really feel for you. I also had a retained placenta after ds1 was born and lots of problems with breast feeding. Eventually we moved to formula with me feeling a huge failure.

But ds1 thrived - he is now 6'4", he hasn't inherited my allergies, he is slim and just graduated with a first class degree. I'm not saying this to be boastful but because these are all the things I was worried about! Honestly looking back, I really regret fretting about breast feeding so much, just enjoy your little one. She will grow up very fast!

Original poster

mabel12345 · 02/09/2021 15:25

@Itsbeen84yearss How did you find out about insufficient glandular tissue ?
Maybe if I had a diagnosis I’d stop beating myself up!

OP posts:

HangingChads · 02/09/2021 15:29

Does it gave to be one or the other? Could you both breastfeed and offer formula too?

PumpingPauper · 02/09/2021 15:30

@mabel12345 I struggled. See if you can search for my posts on here. DD is now 17 weeks and I'm just breastfeeding at night, 5/10 mins per breast and she then chuggs down a whole 5oz bottle top up 😂 I do it because I want her to have the antibodies and I couldn't get over not breastfeeding. It turned out she had possible CMPA, and reflux rather than my milk supply but I guess it still could have been my supply but that's the thing with breastfeeding you never know. I know what your going through it's tough

Ozanj · 02/09/2021 15:34

@mabel12345

My breastfeeding journey was hard from the beginning, I couldn’t feed my baby after birth for at least an hour as I had to go to theatre to have a manual removal of placenta, she also had jaundice and was very sleepy, additionally a tongue tie so she wouldn’t feed effectively and wasn’t gaining any weight. Because of that my milk supply never reached high enough levels so now at 12 weeks I’m really struggling to get on the right tracks but it’s just not working out. I’ve tried everything - I’m pumping every 2 hours, drinking lactation hot chocolate and teas, putting baby on the breast constantly, hired hospital grade pump, considering medicine to increase my milk supply but I don’t think I will ever make enough milk for my baby 😢 we’re toping her up with formula but she cries every time she finished the bottle like she wants some more. I hate the idea of her being hungry, I’m considering moving on to formula 100% but I can’t imagine not breastfeeding her in the morning 😔 I’m also scared of other mums judging me and my baby not getting all the “good stuff”. I think I just want someone to tell me that it’s ok to formula feed which I know ! It’s just the transition that I’m scared off and the fact that my milk will totally dry up…

If you really want to bf then dm me. I managed to breastfeed through a tongue tie, growth issues, and lack of breast tissue. I received a lot of great advice from my lactation consultant about expressing schedules that I can fwd to you.

Ozanj · 02/09/2021 15:35

[quote mabel12345]@Itsbeen84yearss How did you find out about insufficient glandular tissue ?
Maybe if I had a diagnosis I’d stop beating myself up![/quote]
If one breast is bigger than the other or both are conical it’s more likely. Only a lactation consultant (who is a practising healthcare professional registed with the nhs) is trained to tell you for certain though.

EishetChayil · 04/09/2021 08:14

Throw out the pump, and just spend a few days with your baby constantly at your breast.

I was in the same position, after a c-section, and managed to wean DD off formula and up my supply by just devoting about four full days to having her suckling almost constantly. It was really hard emotionally and physically, but worth it.

Ididanamechange · 04/09/2021 08:23

Perhaps look into combi feeding? I've tried twice to ebf and its not worked out. Lasted 4 weeks with d1 and had to move on to formula. With dd I had a bit more milk but really struggled latching her in another other position than lieing down- mainly for the morning feed. I just gave her as much milk as I could produce by breast or from expressed and accepted shed need formula for the rest. Honestly, once I accepted thats how it would be I really enjoyed it. Best of both worlds for me- baby happy and full with some breast milk as well and I got a little bit of a break as dh could feed her sometimes

Itsbeen84yearss · 04/09/2021 09:05

[quote mabel12345]@Itsbeen84yearss How did you find out about insufficient glandular tissue ?
Maybe if I had a diagnosis I’d stop beating myself up![/quote]
My lactation consultant thought it was likely as I had very differently shaped breasts and one a lot bigger than the other. Later when I went to a surgeon looking for breast surgery a breast specialist also backed it up. Warning signs are breasts more than two sizes difference or sort of long tubular breasts. You can still feed with insufficient glandular tissue but it won’t be enough to exclusively feed

Parker231 · 07/09/2021 23:11

I never trying bf - used formula from day one. Formula gives babies an excellent start in life- it’s easy and convenient. DC’s turned out perfectly!
I never experienced any guilt or shamming. I was only interested in ensuring my babies were healthy and happy.