Help. Am I short changing my baby if I move to 100% formula?

[RandomCatGenerator]

Just as above really.

My baby is only 5 days old so this is really early days. He can’t latch without a nipple shield. Once I used shields, he latches really well. However I can feed for HOURS - literally hours - and still he’ll be hungry for more.

Tonight I breast fed for two 90 minute sessions. At the end of the second one, just finished, he still bawled until he got formula.

This was interspersed with a blissfully short 15 minute formula feed after which he went straight to sleep.

I am really tempted to move to formula. But is this short changing him for life when I could breast feed and give him the benefits of breast feeding?

I just don’t feel this can be sustainable.

@RandomCatGenerator

Oh, I should add - we had our paediatrician appointment today and the baby has actually put on weight. So he’s by no means starving. But bloody hell it’s such a lot of time and energy to get there. I’d rather spend time visually stimulating him and enjoying him, not just feeding all the time.

OP don't worry! At that age the best stimulation you can give them is being in your arms, snuggly, comfortable, smelling you, looking at you, listening to you. No need for fancy toys there's a babyhood+toddlerhood full of days in front of you for that

As a primary school teacher I’ve never once looked at a class of children and thought ‘hmmm, those ones were clearly formula fed’….

“Visually stimulating... not feeding all the time”

Honestly OP, I found that the first month my daughter just ate, slept, pooped and cried 😂 I think when they’re so small it’s normal to spend a lot of time feeding and contact napping. I thought my sofa was going to have a bum print on it by the end of the first fortnight. What you’re going through sounds pretty standard for breastfeeding I’d say, and for me it got a lot easier as time went on and baby got more efficient at eating. She can drain both breasts in 10-15 minutes tops now.

The above is not meant in ANY way to pressure you into continuing BF by the way, just reassurance that if you do want to continue, what you’re describing doesn’t sound abnormal.

You are absolutely not short changing you baby. As a previous poster said, nobody can tell the difference between a breast or bottle fed baby. Also any ‘agendas’ talked about here seem to be only from the bf camp, which I have also experienced in real life. I was very similar to you and I persevered with the combo feeding. It’s one thing I regret, I wish I had switched to full formula sooner. I feel like I missed out a lot on the newborn stage as I was feeding, bottle feeding, then pumping. I could not catch a break and felt I couldn’t properly enjoy my baby. I felt an invisible pressure to breastfeed as my closets friends and family didn’t care. I think it’s only forums like this when you get this underlying pressure to bf even when you know yourself it isn’t working. I wish I hadn’t caved in to that pressure. I’m now solely ff and it’s such a weight of my mind. I had a little grieve and carried on and feel so much better. I’m really enjoying spending time with my baby, cuddling and playing and they are super happy - and so am I! I wish I had done this sooner and I won’t make the same mistake with the next one! This is obviously a very personal preference and you only know what’s right for you, but never feel bad about feeding your baby. It honestly doesn’t matter which way you do it, they have such a caring mum to ask this question, so they will thrive no matter what.

What ever your choice is you are not short changing your baby. FF and BF babies both thrive and you need to do what works for you.

I'm a midwife and know all the benefits of BF and how tough it is (as is having a newborn regardless of feeding choice!) but I still found the first two weeks hellish with DC 1 & 2. Agony both times and bleeding nipples despite my own knowledge, tons of support, and nipple shields. I kept going with DC1 and it suddenly stopped hurting on day 8 and happily fed till 2 years old..although I tried to wean at 12 and 18 months but that's another thread.

DC2 is 3 months and the first 2 weeks were excruciating (vasospasm in the nipples during feeds felt like they were being ripped off and I sobbed!). BF is now easy and we have a good rhythm but I am so excited for weaning already just for the freedom. Honestly though I was 24 hrs from FF if the pain hadn't stopped. I was an anxious mess with DC1 and was determined to enjoy it this time. I feel the same now. If it suits me to switch to FF at any point I will without guilt because feeding us a two way relationship, we both need to be happy.

Whatever you choose it does get better. I second the National Breastfeeding network phone line, and also La Leche League. I've cried down the phone to both and they were amazing from the early days to the later months. Don't struggle alone.

I think what’s happening is normal for bf, the first couple of weeks are hard as you both need to learn the new skill. The more baby sucks the more milk you will make and you make more if they suck at night! If he howls after feeding for ages just stick him on the other side. Breast milk is a lot easier to digest than formula so babies do want feeding more often.
It does get easier and really quite quickly, in a few weeks time your baby will be able to empty both your breasts very quickly and then pass out milk drunk for a while.
I am bf my second, both times we had a tough start to bf and had to top up for various reasons but then went on to bf. Dd has just turned one and I still feed her, it’s really easy now as we are both experts. This time last year we were struggling too.

You do what's right for you, as long as baby is fed that's all that's important - has your milk come I get? Day 5 is still quite early.

I was heartbroken when I had to stop feeding DD at 3 weeks, I really beat myself up about it. I was lucky enough to to have loads of support around me.

Please don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself, just enjoy your new little bundle and be kind to yourself, whatever you decide to do x

There is one thing I need to mention. With BF it becames very easy to settle a child. It they are teething and in pain: boob. If they have a fever or are unwell: boob. If they are a little cranky, complaining: boob

If you need/want to compliment with bottle, that's perfectly cool. But I would suggest you don't drop completely the BF if you can avoid it. It's just so simple to get them to ...... let's be honest here, to shut up sometimes my mum says I'm being lazy but what's so horribly wrong about quickly settling my baby and making her happy? is it better to keep her stressed while trying other techniques that aren't working?!

@grey12

There is one thing I need to mention. With BF it becames very easy to settle a child. It they are teething and in pain: boob. If they have a fever or are unwell: boob. If they are a little cranky, complaining: boob

If you need/want to compliment with bottle, that's perfectly cool. But I would suggest you don't drop completely the BF if you can avoid it. It's just so simple to get them to ...... let's be honest here, to shut up sometimes my mum says I'm being lazy but what's so horribly wrong about quickly settling my baby and making her happy? is it better to keep her stressed while trying other techniques that aren't working?!

That doesn’t sound lazy, that sounds very practical!

I haven't read the thread but I moved both mine onto formula after a few days and we were all much happier and feeding wasn't a 'thing'. They drink what was in the bottle and that was it for a couple of hours. Good luck x

My mum got me a perfect prep machine wouldn't say that it was a strange gift tbh not everyone gets one in advance

Just updating that I have decided to combination feed. My baby will get the goodness of breast milk but for our family EBF just isn’t working. And it’s most important that he gets love and is fed - as some posters have so kindly and helpfully pointed out.

Many thanks for the excellent, thoughtful, kind advice from posters - Mumsnet at its best

Absolutely up to you. Babies thrive on both breast and formula. But if you want to breastfeed I would recommend getting good advice on the latch and ditching the nipple shields.
For context, my twin DC were only fully breastfed from day 7 (even up to day 6 they were on formula and one was tube fed). We had lots of issues with latch. From 7 days to 18 months they successfully breastfed.

@RandomCatGenerator - well done for sorting it out. Fed is always best.

I’m medically unable to breastfeed and mine both managed to survive and indeed thrive on formula from day 1 , I will also add that it’s just as easy for mums who don’t breastfeed to soothe / settle a baby , it’s really not essential to be able to stick a boob in their mouth to do that .

Fed is best OP! I also did combination feeding with my first because it didn't work out. By the time I started weaning we were able to get down to breast milk and food, and I was able to carry on nursing until he was 2. Good luck!

You are definitely not short changing him, both ff and bf are appropriate ways of feeding babies. The evidence on the long-term benefits is rather inflated to put mildly.

Breastfeeding with my first child was virtually impossible, I tried for 2 months and had a horrible experience. Now I have a 3 week old who could not effectively draw milk (latch was fine everyone assured) and I would top up with formula and still do (though gradually less). Only this week he started to become more secure in feeding and I feel we still got work to do. So far I find breastfeeding also not the wow experience people tell you it will be. I actually enjoy cuddling him and give him a bottle while looking into his eyes.

Okay, what I am trying to say with my rambling: I was where you were at only two weeks ago. I am still trying because I see it as something that needs practice and it has become gradually less exhausting for me. So it might be that I will actually prefer it once it becomes easier. I won't hesitate to quit though if I don't.

This said, both choices are absolutely equivalent and it boils down what you feel most comfortable with and suits you best.

Thank you everyone for all the great and empathetic advice and anecdotes ❤️